What's happening :(

[Hurtingguy]

So I'm back again looking for some insight people. Recent news

Ex and I broke up in April she ended it. I'm 35 she's 33.

backstory here> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...-but-broken-up

 

Since April we have kept in contact see each other at least once a week and we still help each other with our lives.

 

So here's what's going on...

 

We have been in contact everyday since April breakup.

We are still intimate with each other there's still I love you's and I miss yous from both ends. We spend nights together go out and do things to have fun

 

So she was gone away with family for the pst week. She decides she wanted to FaceTime everyday which was good with me. Saturday comes around and u go pick up her and her parents from the airport drop off her parents and we head back to our house where she is living alone at the moment. We had a decent night we where both tired so had an early night.

 

So yesterday rolls around and we went out to a few patios with her gf and her bf. Note this gf of hers doesn't like me very much. But we all had a great day together going into the late night.. we were all pretty drunk and decided I call it a night. That's when **** hits the fan my ex said she going to the bathroom then we will go home.

 

Well her gf followed her there they where one for about 10 min and when they come back the friend tells me my ex is going home alone and if I wanted I could stay at there place knowing I live 45 min away and couldn't drive.

 

So I told her to just go stay at her friends so I can stay in our house which was fine. This was around 12am. Now

Comes 230 am and she shows up with her friends but doesn't come in the house the friends do asking me to leave and that I'm not allowed at the house . I laughed and went back to bed next thing I know there 3 cops in front of my house cause the friend called them to try and get me to leave .

 

The officers said that they can't make any of us leave but one of should.

She leaves even tho she didn't want to she was arguing with her friend to get into the cab but the police forces her to go.

 

I haven't heard from her all day her phone is dead I don't know what's going on.

 

I contacted her friends she was with just asking if she is ok no response.km just worried about her.

 

Now I'm still very close with the parents and spoke to her dad today and he wants to meet me to to talk which I agreed upon.

Just don't k ow what's going on or what to do anymore

Edited August 21, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

What in the heck? The police were called to remove you from your own house?

 

I'm sorry OP, but unless you're leaving a lot out here, these people are not your friends. And this ex of yours is someone you should cut all ties with and move on.

 

I don't know what her dad wants, but I would be very careful going to see him. You have no idea how your words or actions could be completely misconstrued and used against you later.

[Blanco]

Biggest problem I see is that you've not gone a day without talking to her since the split. In your other thread, people suggested again and again that you make a clean break. You have not listened.

 

I agree with Expat that something just isn't jiving unless you are leaving out key information. But I will say that maybe this is a taste of what's to come if you continue to insist you remain in contact with her.

[Hurtingguy]

It wasn't my exs doing and they are her friends not mine I've never really gotten along with them but I tried to yesterday for my ex.

I'm not leaving out any info here my ex didn't cal the police she didn't even want them called it was her friend that did it and when the police showed up my ex started balling her eyes out get forced to go with her friends I can tell by the look in her eyes she wanted to stay home. And for the dad I called him up today asking if we could talk he's like a father to me better then my dad has ever been to me and he knows everything that is going on with us so I thought I could go to him just for someone to talk to and he is fine with that and thought t was a good idea if we got together

[ExpatInItaly]

I have a hard time believing she was so opposed to her friends calling the police. If that were true, why wouldn't she have entered the house herself and warned you the police were on their way? You also haven't heard from her since. Something doesn't add up there.

 

In any case, it really sounds like you two need to stay away from each other. This includes her dad. He can't help you here, as he wasn't there and he isn't your ex. At some point, you have to let go of him too.

 

Why not sort out the logistics of who is going to keep the house, and finally truly separate? This is quickly deteriorating into a toxic manure-storm.

[Hurtingguy]

She didn't know they where called.

[Blanco]

Something doesn't add up. I think you would've heard from her by now if she truly had nothing to do with what happened.

[ExpatInItaly]

Something doesn't add up. I think you would've heard from her by now if she truly had nothing to do with what happened.

 

I agree.

 

Ex or not, I would have been offering a sincere apology if my friends involved the police, without my consent.

[clam]

Sounds like everyone had too much to drink, and the drama escalated in direct proportion to the amount of alcohol consumed.

 

Cops usually aren't called (in the absence of violence or a real threat) unless one drunk friend is egging another on, as in the case of your drunk gf and her drunk friends. It sounds like the friends riled up your girlfriend about you staying at the house and it spiraled out of control. To the point that someone suggested calling the cops (very bad idea) to "get you out."

 

Lay off the booze and put some space between you. Way too much interaction between two people who are broken up.

[Hurtingguy]

Ok so here's an update and some more info..

 

There was no violence what so ever between any of us.

I agree with the part we all had too. Much to drink cause we did.

I agree with the fact that she should have called me today and apologized the problem is she's still with her friend from last night and her gf is an alcoholic and as bad as it sound makes my ex drink heavy when they are together.

I also know that the friend where pushing her about me staying at the house if u ask me a good friend would want what makes there friend happy and support them but this friend does the opposite.

My ex can be very easily influenced by this girl and is letting her friend dictate her life which is bs ( I feel like this is a high school break up).

 

So for the new stuff...

 

Her Reims messaged me asking if I was still st the house this evening I was already gone at this point and responded with a simple no I left .

 

About 2 hours later the friend starts sending nasty text messages ( obviously drunk again) telling me if I try to contact my ex or go back to my house she will call the cops on me again. I don't respond.

I get another text sayin and I quote

"You are not a person I need in my life, and I believe your "ex" feels the same way" this makes me feel like my ex doesn't even know she's messaging me.

 

" stop contacting her security camera will be installed and alarm on house will be installed this week" all this did was make feel more like she didn't m ow the friend was sending these cause I had a security camers installed around the house and an alarm so my ex would feel safe being home alone

 

I did not respond to any of these texts that were all sent from her gf.

 

So I decided to go see dad ( her dad) we had a long talk and I told him everything that is going on and he was sooo shocked. He couldn't believe his daughter was acting this way and stringing me along.

 

I informed him about my ex drinking problem which he said he already suspected it was getting bad since the breakup.

His advice like everyone on here says cut her off stop helping her stop paying bills for her stop doing everything for her let her realize what she gave up she needs time away from you with nc so she can realize what she's lost.

 

He also wants to have an intervention with his daughter cause of the drinking and informed me that she hasn't been going to work for weeks ( he's her boss)

He wants me to stay I. Contact with him but to lose all contact with the ex so she can learn the hard way and he said if she doesn't come back she never deserved a man as good as you.

 

I know she's gonna hate me for this but I'm ok with that asking as it helps get over this drinking problem and try and be happy again.

 

As miserable as it's gonna make me I'm going nc starting. Ow . No more helping her calling her texting her nothing I'm gonna ghost her. I've deleted her of all social media and sent a text to family and mutual friends asking to do the same and if they don't I would block them if my social media...

 

Everyone one of them has already blocked her which makes me happy.

I should have listened 4 months ago to everyone but I guess hearing it from her dad who I look st as my dad too made me realize that I really need to do this .

 

It's gonna be a rough ride for me so I hope I can count on all you great friends on LS for the support and help

[Blanco]

This is such a mess.

 

Who actually owns the house? If it's you, this woman needs to be out. Like, now. All of her stuff. You two have been split for four months. There's no reason why she should still be living with you, regardless of whether or not she has no other living options. You aren't her caretaker.

 

Speaking of that, this revelation that she has a drinking problem only reinforces my original thought that you need to be finished with this woman romantically. Love and all of that means nothing in the face of addiction.

 

Don't piss away the rest of your thirties and beyond staying enmeshed with someone who sounds like they're unraveling with no light in sight.

[Hurtingguy]

This is such a mess.

 

Who actually owns the house? If it's you, this woman needs to be out. Like, now. All of her stuff. You two have been split for four months. There's no reason why she should still be living with you, regardless of whether or not she has no other living options. You aren't her caretaker.

 

Speaking of that, this revelation that she has a drinking problem only reinforces my original thought that you need to be finished with this woman romantically. Love and all of that means nothing in the face of addiction.

 

Don't piss away the rest of your thirties and beyond staying enmeshed with someone who sounds like they're unraveling with no light in sight.

 

We have a 5 year lease on the house in both of our names. She can't afford the house so I still pay for stuff so she has a nice house to live in while I'm at nydads( fair huh) my hearts to big for this girl.

 

Yes the alcoholism started a lot more during the breakup it's like she's hiding from reality either way I'm done supporting her she needs to learn how hard life is gonna be without me in it..

We'll see how good of a friend her drinking buddy is. Is when she has no one there for her anymore

[Popsicle]

In your original post, you keep calling it "our house" yet you said she lives alone.

 

You're intimate, you talk everyday, say ILY and even live together but you're not together?

 

This is a very strange story and suspect there is more to it than what's been said.

 

I think you both WANT this drama in your lives and your GF is playing her friend like a puppet.

[Hurtingguy]

In your original post, you keep calling it "our house" yet you said she lives alone.

 

You're intimate, you talk everyday, say ILY and even live together but you're not together?

 

This is a very strange story and suspect there is more to it than what's been said.

 

I think you both WANT this drama in your lives and your GF is playing her friend like a puppet.

I say our house because I was still pretty much loving there pt throughout the break up. Im not living there I be been at my dads or moms and even spend some nights at her parents house . So at the moment yes she's living alone and I don't think I have left anything

G out

[Popsicle]

I say our house because I was still pretty much loving there pt throughout the break up. Im not living there I be been at my dads or moms and even spend some nights at her parents house . So at the moment yes she's living alone and I don't think I have left anything

G out

 

Ever seen the movie "Casino"? You want her too badly. She's going to come back and you're going to take her back.

[rushed]

I say our house because I was still pretty much loving there pt throughout the break up. Im not living there I be been at my dads or moms and even spend some nights at her parents house . So at the moment yes she's living alone and I don't think I have left anything

G out

 

So she's been living there alone recently, yet the night in question you decided that you get to sleep there despite you not having any belongings there? Then I can see why she and her friend were upset that night and called the cops on you.

 

Stop paying rent on that house. Suck it up, break the lease and pay whatever fees are associated with it. And move on. You two are just dysfunctional together.

[ExpatInItaly]

Agree with the above; you two need to look at breaking that lease so you can move on.

 

There is far too much drama and toxicity for this to ever be a healthy, functioning relationship again.

[Hurtingguy]

Let's makes this clear...all my furniture is there for her to use most of my Belongings clothes and all personal stuff are at the house.. we where working on reconciling and her friends destroyed that.. been 2 days now no contact it's hurts a lot and it's strong but I need to move on with my life.

 

I saw my doctor today to get some meds so I can sleep again and help with my anxiety I've been depressed since the break up. I joined a swimming team that meets every night to do lap swimming and I'm starting hot yoga next week.

 

She did send me a msg today apologizing about the friends and the police and saying she didn't know they were coming till they showed up and she didn't wanna leave with them.

 

I did not respond to this I blocked her on all social media yesterday as did my fam and friends.

 

I won't block her from my phone just I. Case for some reason she needs something important. But told her not be in contact with me unless it's an emergency.

 

I start my therapy on Friday and hoping all This is a step in the right direction

[ExpatInItaly]

I understand you have furniture and belongings there, but that should not stop you from speaking to the property-owner regarding breaking the lease. You two need to actually separate.

 

And if she is that easily influenced by her friends that they could ruin reconciliation, she is not mature enough for an adult relationship. Her friends can't destroy anything without her participation. I'm sorry, but I still don't believe she had no idea the police were coming. I call absolute bull on that. I know you don't want to believe that, but it's very unlikely that she played zero role in that.

 

Good for you for taking steps to improve your own life. This has become too toxic and you need to cut yourself free from it all, for good.

[Hurtingguy]

So I called the landlord yesterday and my name is coming off the lease. I think it was one of the hardest things I had to do cause it's just another thing showing me that our relationship is truely over . It's been another day with nc and it's killing me inside.

 

All I've been doing is sitting in a dark room for days crying thinking about all the good times we had all the love I have for her. I just want this pain to go away.

 

I wish I could get her back still I really do I lost my lover my best friend my true love.

Never been this depressed in my life the anxiety is almost uncontrollable.

 

Have my first therapy appt tomorrow afternoon and just hoping the doc can help me or prescribe me something to help with this pain.

I miss her soo much.

 

Worst thing is j still have the engagement ring for her that should be on her finger right now