subversive Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 I'm a grown woman, and I swear I'm not dumb. Just need help figuring this out. Met a guy online a few months back via a larger group of gamers. Close group that talks/plays games together every day. He was flirtatious over voice in a group setting. That eventually led to friendly private chats. He would randomly message all day long and got antsy if I didn't reply. Would ask me to get into voice chat so he could hear my voice...got flirty...asked if i was just toying with his emotions..joked "Will you marry me?" "Where did a girl like you come from?"......all with a playful edge to it.I responded back in the same manner. I didn't take any of it seriously. Some men are just flirty...and we're both adults in our 30's. He's mentioned a couple of problems in his life, and I've mentioned a couple in mine - but our chat has been lighthearted for the most part. As I knew would eventually happen, our chats turned into sexting. I won't send him nudes, but he told me that was fine. He has no such qualms and has sent me some interesting videos...lol. This started last week. Without being too graphic, we basically are masturbating together almost daily and sometimes twice a day - not just texts but over the phone with videos/pics being sent. (Nothing too revealing being sent from my end). Ok, clear cut case of random dude online wanting some cyber fun and potential pics, right? Except I'm not sure that it is. You tell me. He texts me or calls me in the mornings. I've noticed usage of the word "we" - in a few texts to me as well as overhearing him talking about game-related stuff in group voice (we're still part of the gaming group and playing together almost daily - the secret is part of the thrill I think). He always seems to want to sext, but sometimes it's more, like this morning, for example, he sent me a picture of his breakfast and told me a little bit about his plans for the day without any mention of sex. Or he'll call on his way home from work. I keep our phone conversations brief because I get nervous - I always tell him I have to go first. Only been a few - this is all pretty new. Our brief conversations are a mix of day-to-day "whatcha doing?" and innuendo. Before the sexting started, he had mentioned flying me up to him next month as part of a group meeting - but I am unable to do so at the moment. It was basically "Hey, you should come to the group meetup. I can get you a one way ticket cheap if you figure out your ticket home. I'll pick you up at the airport and you can stay in my guest room". And one thing I keep thinking about - during the prelude to the sexting, during a very sexual conversation (which is why I blew it off), he texted "I think I might be in love with you" followed by "lol". So.......what does this guy want from me? Is it really just about the potential for nude pics? Or is he falling for me (which I realize is not quite the same as if it were happening in the real world - fantasy vs. reality and all that). It's the morning messaging that throws me off. Our interactions in the group are largely unchanged - and have always been flirty. And he told me he was putting one of the pictures I sent him as his background. But again...everything is so playful. He's definitely on my mind, and if he were closer...I'd date him. But as it is, there are a lot of logical barriers to us being together in a real way. I don't want to end up hurt over an online thing or screwing up the gaming group, but neither do I want to stop our "thing".
d0nnivain Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 If it's not plausible for you to meet, he wants what he can get. Now mutual masturbation but he's probably going to press for nudes / naked skype etc. How far you go is up to you but what happens when one of you meets somebody IRL?
Author subversive Posted August 21, 2017 Author Posted August 21, 2017 I guess I just need someone to either slap some sense into me and tell me it's just about sex and nudes....... Or that this guy, if meeting were possible, has a serious interest in me/feelings. (Let me worry about the actual logistics). I realize sexting can only go so far...and I'm sure this could fizzle out on its own any time. He just has a lot of real estate in my head right now that he probably should not.
Versacehottie Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 The thing I can say that will probably help you the most is to take yourself out of a passive stance. You will probably feel the best by DECIDING what you want and then seeing if it can be obtained rather than speculating about his intentions and what he is thinking/will do and waiting. Decide what you want and then ask for it--even all you can come up with at the moment is "something more" and then express it. It will almost 100% of the time make you feel better to take your life into your own hands. Good luck 3
smackie9 Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 I guess I just need someone to either slap some sense into me and tell me it's just about sex and nudes....... Or that this guy, if meeting were possible, has a serious interest in me/feelings. (Let me worry about the actual logistics). I realize sexting can only go so far...and I'm sure this could fizzle out on its own any time. He just has a lot of real estate in my head right now that he probably should not. You are starting off on the wrong foot. People are perfectly cloaked behind a computer screen. You just living a fantasy. It's exciting at first, filling you up with all kinds of intense emotions BUT after the cloud clears, you will feel empty and foolish. Stop while you are somewhat ahead. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 People have met and fallen in love in stranger ways. I personally think he does sound interested in you (I mean, you said you'd be interested in HIM, so why not the other way around?). Only way to know for sure is to visit each other. But don't stay in his guest room.
Author subversive Posted August 21, 2017 Author Posted August 21, 2017 If I were to randomly blurt out loud to myself what I wanted without any real consideration for X, Y, or Z - I know what that is. I want to meet in person. But then what? I'd undoubtedly end up sleeping with him, assuming there wasn't some huge difference in chemistry between pics/videos/voice and in person. And I'd become very attached. This guy is already in my head as it is. Thousands of miles and circumstances in the real world = some scary stuff. Reality is not always what we wish it to be - X, Y, and Z do exist - though the advice is sound about not being so passive. I guess I just need a place to talk this through, even if nothing changes, so I'm doing it through this forum.
Author subversive Posted August 21, 2017 Author Posted August 21, 2017 You are starting off on the wrong foot. People are perfectly cloaked behind a computer screen. You just living a fantasy. It's exciting at first, filling you up with all kinds of intense emotions BUT after the cloud clears, you will feel empty and foolish. Stop while you are somewhat ahead. I met a guy online 9 years ago. I am aware of the differences and the sense of intensity you get online. This is what I keep telling myself, but I keep indulging the fantasy anyway.
d0nnivain Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 If you really want to meet him, start saving for a plane ticket. I suspect that as soon as you become real you will find out he has little interest beyond the fantasy. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 Some years ago, I met a guy playing WOW. We became close, within a few weeks he tried to buy a ticket for me to come out( I said hell no). A lot of gamer guys are lonely. Lonely and horny. I'd start to take this seriously if he makes plans to see you in person, and even then, you've got a LONG road ahead. I think it's mostly fantasy. 3
smackie9 Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 True story: I introduced my friend to WOW and me, her and her BF played together. I would say a few months later I noticed she had this new "friend" she met in the game and they were playing together all the time. It's a social game so I didn't think much about it. It turned into an affair, she left her BF and did long distance with this guy. To keep this short, they are living together, bought a place together and they are expecting a baby. So ya something could come out of this. 2
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