Going well but anxious, should I be?

[Sbla22]

Back story: met a girl on POF 3 months ago.

Me: 26

Her: 26

 

Initially we dated once a week and it took a while to get close but now we are very close; sexually compatible, she gave me a key to her place and last week we went on a trip and she told me she loves me for the first time. I said it back as I do love her too.

 

Only problems I've ever had is the times we aren't together. Her texting has always been quite dull, she doesn't flirt over it, gives quite blunt responses and it's difficult to keep a conversation going over text. However I have overlooked that as when we are together it's great. We see each other 2/3 times a week at the moment. She's a doctor so has long shifts sometimes but always fits some time in for me. I stay at hers or she stays at mine on those occasions mostly.

 

All sounds pretty good right?

 

Well on the occasions she doesn't see me she goes climbing with friends which is her hobby and I have no issues with that. Only I found out this week one of the guys that goes is her ex boyfriend. Bit of background about this ex:

 

. She's told me about him a few times - they met at uni and went out for several years but she told me it ended 5 years ago.

 

.She told me they went away together and he ended it on the first day of the holiday so she was really angry. However she suffered a bereavement to a close family member that year and said she can see how her behaviour towards her ex would have put a strain on their relationship.

 

I've seen her whatsapping him quite a lot. I don't see the messages too much but they text a lot and she sees him nearly every week during climbing.

 

So I've not said anything to her about it before as I trust her and I know she does love me but yesterday we were watching telly together and she got a whatsapp message from her climbing group and I saw her ex was in the group.

 

So it made me feel a bit anxious and jokingly I said "hope you aren't flirting with the guys from climbing"

 

She said "I'm always a bit flirty"

 

I then questioned her about a gift she got when we went on our trip; it was a bottle of beer for a climbing friend. I asked her was it for her ex and she said yes as it was the beer they used to drink at uni a lot.

 

I then said it was unusual to be so close to an ex - she said they're just good friends but she said their relationship never and has called him the most arrogant person she has ever met.

 

She asked me if it bothered me and I said no, Just that it seemed unusual to talk to him so much and see him every week when I cut contact with my exs a long time ago.

 

We moved on and everything was fine but I can't help feeling anxious. I think it's because she doesn't seem that bothered to text me (she always will reply, sometimes initiates but it's never long or flirty) however she's texting her ex and other friends a lot...

 

She has asked me to come climbing but it's not my thing so I don't suspect anything is going on as she wouldn't ask me to go if there was. But I cant help feeling bugged about it all. I didn't really like her "I'm always flirty" comment and IMO it's strange to be this close to an ex, especially one that hurt her a lot by how he ended it.

 

Have I got a right to be anxious? I don't really want to bring it up again for fear of coming across insecure but I also couldn't stay silent if something really begins to annoy me.

[d0nnivain]

If they were friends for 5 years before you came into the picture, I think there is less to worry about then an EX she just broke up with.

 

Understanding it's not your thing, go climbing once just to see them interact. Then you can decide where to go.

 

Although you didn't ask, I do think you two exchanging keys 90 days in is a bit fast, especially since you have concerns & she's still in regular communication with her EX.

[Sbla22]

If they were friends for 5 years before you came into the picture, I think there is less to worry about then an EX she just broke up with.

 

Understanding it's not your thing, go climbing once just to see them interact. Then you can decide where to go.

 

Although you didn't ask, I do think you two exchanging keys 90 days in is a bit fast, especially since you have concerns & she's still in regular communication with her EX.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

I was pretty shocked when she gave me a spare key but very happy too as it shows she trusts me and it does feel really right even though it's been pretty quick in a sense.

 

I don't think I'd be any good at climbing and kind of don't want to get in the way of something she's obviously enjoyed for a while.

 

I think my concern is mostly me being paranoid. I'm a fairly insecure and anxious person based on previous dating/girl experiences in the past but this is my most serious relationship in over 4 years - she asked for exclusivity, she said she loved me first (though I was planning on anyway) and she gave me the key....I can feel her affection whenever I'm with her.

 

But I'm just wondering how normal it is to text and see your ex every week? I can't imagine it's too common and I'm wondering how people on here would feel about it. I think if she was more flirty and said more in her texts to me I wouldn't be bothered at all. I've not seen her messages to her ex so they might be similar - but I kind of feel like if you love someone then you should be excited and make them a texting priority whereas I feel like just one of many she texts and amongst them is her ex boyfriend.

 

I really don't want to let this manifest into me being insecure and ruining this relationship.

[d0nnivain]

In my opinion texting & seeing an EX every week is abnormal unless they share kids.

 

If he was just a friend, with no romantic history, would you feel the same? Have her interactions with him decreased since you have been on the scene?

 

I know one of my good buddies faded out of my life when he got serious with his now wife. We went from daily contact to weekly to monthly. Now it's a lot if we talk 2-3 times per year. It's OK. That is the natural order of things.

[Sbla22]

In my opinion texting & seeing an EX every week is abnormal unless they share kids.

 

If he was just a friend, with no romantic history, would you feel the same? Have her interactions with him decreased since you have been on the scene?

 

I know one of my good buddies faded out of my life when he got serious with his now wife. We went from daily contact to weekly to monthly. Now it's a lot if we talk 2-3 times per year. It's OK. That is the natural order of things.

 

No romantic history then it wouldn't bother me. She has a group of close uni friends on whatsapp - they all live in different cities mostly and they chat loads. Never bothers me.

 

The pros is she's never lied or tried to hide the fact she talks to her ex. However I didn't know his name until he liked a picture on Facebook I posted of me and her a few weeks back. I clicked his name and he has posts from a few years back with her so it clicked he was her ex at that point. When we went on our trip she didn't text anyone that much however occasionally I could see she was messaging him telling him where we were as we went on a trip to the place she went to Uni at (and obviously so did he)...didn't mind too much.

 

Then the last week or 2 I've seen her whatsapping him a few times. But she's always mostly attentive with me - if we do anything she's never on her phone. If we're just watching tv she might occasionally text someone. But I don't know if he initiates or she does or they both do. If he was always initiating I wouldn't care but if she is then that would bother me considering she initiates with me maybe twice a week and the rest I will initiate.

 

My options now I guess are to just let it go and appreciate she had a life before me, has been friends with him for years (they have the same job as well) and that he's a part of her life and I can't change that or to bring it up again if I feel she is neglecting me in favour of friends/him on a consistent basis.

 

I feel like if I bring it up again she's going to react negatively.

[Sbla22]

Ok update on this:

 

So my dad has been quite poorly and has gone into hospital; it's not majorly serious but I was quite upset. Anyway, my girlfriend was great and came round last night to stay with me and was really supportive and loving. However she put her phone on charge next to where I sleep so I woke up at around 5 a.m and checked the time on her phone but saw a Whatsapp at the top of her phone from her ex boyfriend saying 'ring me if you need me cheeky'

 

So I felt sick. Really anxious. Her phone has a lock so I couldn't see any more (not that I'd snoop through her phone) so I was shaking with anxiousness and my girlfriend woke up and started to cuddle me as she thought I was upset about my dad.

 

I decided to just be honest and told her what I saw on her phone.

 

I asked why would he want her to ring him and she said 'because he's worried about me being worried about you because of what happened with my dad'

 

Now her dad passed away sadly a few years ago and obviously she was with this ex at the time. Now I really do appreciate they obviously shared some majorly tough moments together during this phase and I can't begin to understand what she went through.

 

I said I wasn't accusing her of anything and I trust her but I feel a bit uncomfortable that she seems to be telling her ex things she can't share with me. She said she understood but they were good friends and he 'knows little things about her' from when they went through that tragedy together.

 

Now obviously, 3 months in we are getting closer but no way near the level they had as they were together for many years. But it still bothers me. I told her I wanted her to be in the present with me rather than in the past with him and she said she was in the present and loves me lots and that there's nothing to worry about.

 

Now here's the bad part (for me) I did something I shouldn't have done the other morning.

 

After my girlfriend woke up and went to work she left her laptop on logged into Facebook. I know this was really wrong of me but I couldn't take it and looked at her facebook messages - just until I found her conversation with him. Now there's good and bad - good is that the last message they sent between them on that was in January 2017.

 

However she told me they ended 5 years ago yet there's messages from 2015 where they discuss coming over for sex and that they 'love each other'...ok so that's 2 and a half years ago but it makes me uncomfortable as he lives close to her now, they seem to be in constant conctact and she sees him at climbing at least once every 2 weeks or more....

 

But she assures me there's nothing now but friendship....

 

I just don't know what to think. I do believe that whatever they had is now just friendship and I really don't think since we've been together she's been unfaithful or anything like that but I feel like the key to the truth would be in her Whatsapp messages to this guy. But that would be a huge invasion of privacy and pretty impossible to actually do anyway. I still feel bad from the facebook thing, I know it was wrong.

 

I really love this girl and she's been so great to me when I'm with her but I can't help but feel this ex boyfriend thing is always there under the surface. What can I do?

[Sbla22]

Please anyone? Thoughts? Much appreciated!

[CoolJoe]

First of all, SB, you seem like a really good dude. Cheers to you, man. I read your post and it felt like something I might have written about one of my previous ex's.

 

I'm sorry to hear the anxiety you are feeling, but I believe given the circumstances that is to be expected. The ex and her seem to be in way too close contact and she seems like she may be largely invested in you (95% let's say) but he has him to cover that last 5% (the flirty messages, the past history, etc.)

 

It sucks. You're in a tough bind. I think being honest at the hospital and saying you saw his text flash on her phone was good, but you definitely don't want to say you snooped through her FB. So you can't do much other than tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable (get ready for worst scenario in this case -- she'll likely push you away) or eat it and hope things improve. Neither situation is ideal but at least with asking her about it, you have some form of control. However, I highly DO NOT recommend it as rarely does such things go well. No matter how you phrase it, the girl tends to be on the defensive.

 

But maybe word it like "Just wanted to state for the record I trust and love you, but yes, you talking to him so much does make me feel a little uncomfortable. I can't and don't want to tell you what you can do or can't do, but I wanted to explain my feelings and let you know that yes, it does make me comfortable how close you and him are as good friends. I've just never known two ex's to be so close and that makes me feel uncomfortable."

 

Communication is good and healthy, but you never know how the other side may receive it.

 

Wishing you the best.

[Mike B.]

First, never, ever tell her that you looked through her Facebook page. I promise you that things will speed downhill at 200 miles per hour after that and it will end in a wreck. No matter how heated things get, you have to resist the urge to bring up the Facebook page snooping when she is winning the argument that is waiting in the distance. You will not win the argument with the Facebook reveal. I really want you to know this well.

 

As a 40 something who has never been married, I have done a lot of dating to occupy my time instead. I don't profess to have all of the answers. All I know is what my experience has taught me and I have found it most helpful to establish in the beginning that I am uncomfortable with friendships with ex boyfriends. Either the person I am dating can respect that or they don't but that is ok if they don't. It just means that me and that person is not compatible. Of course, ex husbands is a different thing. Ex husbands are more complicated especially if children are involved. Anyway, you are already past this point so lets deal with the situation you are in now.

 

First, from here on and going forward, you are going to have to decide if you are going to be able to trust this woman or not. Trusting her means never looking into her personal messages anywhere ever again. If you do not think you will be able to do this then you are about to watch the slow death of this relationship.

 

If you can trust her going forward, tell her that you didn't want to seem like a jealous prick in the beginning but the relationship between her and her ex really makes you feel uncomfortable, especially as you are developing deeper feelings for her. If it was me, I would hope she would decide to place more importance on your feelings and understand what you are going through. I usually don't keep ex girlfriends around because I place a lot of importance on my current relationship including the feelings of being secure with me. That would be more important to me than hanging on to the past.

[Sbla22]

Ok update on this:

 

So my dad has been quite poorly and has gone into hospital; it's not majorly serious but I was quite upset. Anyway, my girlfriend was great and came round last night to stay with me and was really supportive and loving. However she put her phone on charge next to where I sleep so I woke up at around 5 a.m and checked the time on her phone but saw a Whatsapp at the top of her phone from her ex boyfriend saying 'ring me if you need me cheeky'

 

So I felt sick. Really anxious. Her phone has a lock so I couldn't see any more (not that I'd snoop through her phone) so I was shaking with anxiousness and my girlfriend woke up and started to cuddle me as she thought I was upset about my dad.

 

I decided to just be honest and told her what I saw on her phone.

 

I asked why would he want her to ring him and she said 'because he's worried about me being worried about you because of what happened with my dad'

 

Now her dad passed away sadly a few years ago and obviously she was with this ex at the time. Now I really do appreciate they obviously shared some majorly tough moments together during this phase and I can't begin to understand what she went through.

 

I said I wasn't accusing her of anything and I trust her but I feel a bit uncomfortable that she seems to be telling her ex things she can't share with me. She said she understood but they were good friends and he 'knows little things about her' from when they went through that tragedy together.

 

Now obviously, 3 months in we are getting closer but no way near the level they had as they were together for many years. But it still bothers me. I told her I wanted her to be in the present with me rather than in the past with him and she said she was in the present and loves me lots and that there's nothing to worry about.

 

Now here's the bad part (for me) I did something I shouldn't have done the other morning.

 

After my girlfriend woke up and went to work she left her laptop on logged into Facebook. I know this was really wrong of me but I couldn't take it and looked at her facebook messages - just until I found her conversation with him. Now there's good and bad - good is that the last message they sent between them on that was in January 2017.

 

However she told me they ended 5 years ago yet there's messages from 2015 where they discuss coming over for sex and that they 'love each other'...ok so that's 2 and a half years ago but it makes me uncomfortable as he lives close to her now, they seem to be in constant conctact and she sees him at climbing at least once every 2 weeks or more....

 

But she assures me there's nothing now but friendship....

 

I just don't know what to think. I do believe that whatever they had is now just friendship and I really don't think since we've been together she's been unfaithful or anything like that but I feel like the key to the truth would be in her Whatsapp messages to this guy. But that would be a huge invasion of privacy and pretty impossible to actually do anyway. I still feel bad from the facebook thing, I know it was wrong.

 

I really love this girl and she's been so great to me when I'm with her but I can't help but feel this ex boyfriend thing is always there under the surface. What can I do?

 

Another update:

 

So we spent most of the weekend together and it was amazing. I can sense so much love from her for me and from me back to her. We laughed a lot, smiled a lot. She told me her face hurts from smiling so much when she's with me and told me she feels so comfortable with me.

 

But then I did something silly again.

 

She went to shower this morning and her phone was in front of me unlocked. I looked through it. I went to her Whatsapp messages with her ex.

 

Now I'm torn between whether it was good or bad.

 

Good:

 

.not as much flirting/kisses as I thought there would be

. A few messages every few days between them whereas I had anticipated every day and more.

.she seems to only see him at climbing and a lot of messages are organising the climbing times etc

. She's helped him a few times with girls he's been dating (though now he's single)

 

Bad:

 

. She told him that I was in a foul mood with her because of the 'call me if you need me' text I saw the other night (see previous post) and that her ex had 'got her in trouble ' with the winky face. So she obviously sensed it upset me and is basically going to him to ask for his advice...

 

.there was a message from a few days ago where she told him I had been 'twitchy' about her and her ex and that she thought it was because I was upset about my dad in hospital but that she 'doesn't know how to take it'

 

. Her ex said I was being 'daft'

 

.there was a message from a couple of weeks ago where she asked him if he wanted her to bring shopping to his before they went climbing...

 

.her ex has made sexual jokes about me and her

 

.I looked at her messages to him from when me and her went to York on a trip a few weeks ago - mostly saying how nice it was going but she also said 'it's strange to be on a trip with another boy' and 'it's strange that he (me) doesn't share the uni experiences we had here' we went on a trip to where she went to uni and she met her ex there.

 

--------------

 

I'm really angry that he seems to be someone for her to go and let off steam to, sometimes about me and that he's calling me daft for telling her I felt uncomfortable with the text I saw he sent her the other night (previous post)

 

But I feel like if I say anything again it will push her away and she'll know I read her messages which was wrong and unforgivable really.

 

I'm very much in love with her but I don't know what to do now. I feel like they are too close for my liking but I don't think she's cheating on me?

 

She is honest about it, not hiding her phone etc and has said she wants me to meet him and him me at some point. Plus she really wants me to go climbing where she knows he is?...

Edited August 28, 2017 by Sbla22

[Sbla22]

I'm going crazy over this! Any advice people? What do you think about those Whatsapp messages?

[olivetree]

You've now got a relationship where you check up on her.

You have already gone down the slippery slope... you do it once and it's that much easier to keep going.

Basically now you don't have trust, which is not a good relationship.

 

Her bringing up the past with him does indicate there are still feelings there.

Or at the very least, she wants him to want her.

 

It's totally inappropriate to go to an ex for advice on a current bf.

She needs better boundaries.

 

Also, just because their last sexual message exchange was from 2015 on FB, doesn't mean they haven't had similar sexual convos since on other messengers.

Not saying this is still an ongoing thing, but they may have been more recently involved than you think.

 

Personally, I don't get involved with people who are still involved with exes.

It's just not my mentality and it's nice to date someone with the same.

 

At the very least, I think you need to stop snooping.

It's not going to do you any good.

You either have to trust or walk away from people.

[smackie9]

They have chosen to be friends and that is her choice, it is what it is. You two have only been together for 3 months, that isn't really long enough for an established relationship...you both are in the trial stage.

 

I think you two are investing way too much too soon, and expecting way too much. It's going to burnout faster you can shake a stick at it.

 

You want to fix this? Let it go, stop snooping in her stuff, and trust her. That's your answer.

 

I get it when you are in love, you get jealous of everything, it's normal. You need to see it for what it is, and just simply enjoy the relationship.

Edited August 28, 2017 by smackie9

[coolheadal]

I'm going crazy over this! Any advice people? What do you think about those Whatsapp messages?

 

I've read your story up to this point. You need to relax and stop reading her private messages. Whatever you do, you best not say a word to her about them. Okay you don't have a much of a leg to stand on with you and him. This is the reason why:

 

1. She knows her ex 5 years

2. She only knows you 3 months.

3. You and her for some odd reason do breakup she'll turn to him because of the length of time she has know him!

 

So who would she go to for help with your situations with her. Him because she feels more comfortable with him and his reasoning for you and her. She's helping him with dating. He's helping her with dating..

 

Go meet with him but she's holding your hand when you do. Shows him she's really serious about you. Ego boost for you and Ego let down for the Ex. The Ex is her best friend she needs a friend to talk to about you. Just have to let this go and understand their relationship. She only has him. You are a new love and very special friend. She gave you the key to her place remember that she did that.

 

Your are new man, he's the ex but she made him her buddy her best friend. You know she's not cheating on you with him. 2015 you wasn't with her so what she did with him sexually has nothing to do with you. Remember that one also.

 

Now be strong and be a man with confidence. Do not show weakness around her when he text her you can make a joke about it when he does. That's you best friend she wants to have him as her friend. Your ego has to accept this if you don't you might loose her over him. 5 years vs 3 months do the math. In time you will gain more reasoning with her so she doesn't have to get answers from her ex about you. She's trying to learn how to date you from him. That's how I see all what you said about her and the Whatapp messages.

 

Just have to let this go.. Enjoy your friendship with her. But if she starts to go out with him for dinner and movies then you should be concern. She should only go out with you, as you are her man. He's just a friend to her now. That is where you need to say to her. Listen you and him are friends but you and him shouldn't be going out with each other, unless you are invited too. She needs to understand that reasoning also.

Edited August 28, 2017 by coolheadal

[d0nnivain]

You & this woman are NOT compatible. She's not doing anything wrong per se but you are making yourself crazy. She is never going to stop talking to this other guy, especially if you demand that she do so. You do not have the ability or the desire to make peace with this friendship, so stop trying. Date a different woman who doesn't have an EX in the mix.

 

 

If your response is she's so wonderful & you love her so much, blah, blah, blah, trust in that & never give this other guy a 2nd thought. If you can't do that, you have to walk away before your paranoia causes her to dump you because that is where this is headed if you keep looking in her phone.

[Sbla22]

Update on this. Please offer some advice.

 

So now we are 3 and a half months into our relationship but I can't decide if my anxiety and insecurity is kicking in and I'm being stupid or my girlfriend isn't treating me in the way I'd like at this stage.

 

So last week my girlfriend told me she was going climbing that night and that she was asking her ex for a lift there so she could drink at the pub afterwards as she was off work the next day. I rang her that day and I told her I'd come round after work quickly to grab some clothes and things I'd left at her house the night before. I went round about 6 as I know she usually leaves for climbing at 7ish. So when I got there she hugged me and stuff but I felt like she was rushing me a bit as she had dinner in the oven and said she needed to get changed as well before climbing. So I'm packing my clothes up and she says 'just a warning, you're about to meet Jack." Jack is her ex boyfriend.

 

So I said, oh I thought you usually go at 7 and she said, 'I've put dinner in for us as a thank you for giving me a lift later"...at this point I got angry. Jack rang the bell and we said Hi but I said I was just leaving and slammed the door etc. I was angry because although my girlfriend had told me she was getting a lift from him, she didn't mention anything about the dinner part and I felt like she was keeping it from me.

 

Anyway she sent me a long text on her way to climbing that night saying she didn't mean to hurt me and that there's nothing to worry about, it was just a quick dinner with a friend before climbing and that it doesn't change the fact that she loves me lots.

 

We spoke on the phone even later and I explained that I didn't like that she hadn't told me the whole truth and that I didn't feel comfortable with the closeness with her and her ex. She said she can understand my feelings but had been climbing for a year now and that he often goes and she wouldn't stop doing something she enjoys when there's absolutely nothing going on...

 

So the next couple of nights I stayed at hers, we had great sex, we had a lovely couple of nights.

 

This week she came round to have dinner with my family which was lovely but afterwards said she had stomach pains and temperature (she did look ill) so obviously there was no sex which is fine.

 

Then the next day she went climbing so I assumed she was better but then yesterday she was in work on a long shift. I made her dinner for when she got in and she was grateful but very tired and then said her stomach was playing up again, so again no sex...

 

So today she has been in work on another long shift but hasn't text me at all. I have initiated texting every day for the last 5 days. I know she's busy in work so I don't expect much but she used to send me at least one message checking up on me. I've seen she's logged in to Facebook and Whatsapp a few times today as well so not like she's not had a few minutes to text me.

 

She's got a horrible work week coming up where she's on long days a lot and then night shifts so I'm not going to see much of her this week. She said on her day off on Thursday she will cook for me when I get home from work though.

 

I'm just wondering if this is normal 3 and a half months in? I feel like she should be making more of an effort to communicate as she knows we wont see each other much this week. I cooked her a nice dinner and looked after her when she was poorly and didn't make any deal over the no sex thing. I haven't mentioned her ex again, I haven't been clingy or needy. Yet I feel like I'm getting the minimum in return now.

 

I don't know if it's because of her work schedule mixed with illness or if she's being a bit off? What do you think?

[fred123]

Update on this. Please offer some advice.

 

So now we are 3 and a half months into our relationship but I can't decide if my anxiety and insecurity is kicking in and I'm being stupid or my girlfriend isn't treating me in the way I'd like at this stage.

 

So last week my girlfriend told me she was going climbing that night and that she was asking her ex for a lift there so she could drink at the pub afterwards as she was off work the next day. I rang her that day and I told her I'd come round after work quickly to grab some clothes and things I'd left at her house the night before. I went round about 6 as I know she usually leaves for climbing at 7ish. So when I got there she hugged me and stuff but I felt like she was rushing me a bit as she had dinner in the oven and said she needed to get changed as well before climbing. So I'm packing my clothes up and she says 'just a warning, you're about to meet Jack." Jack is her ex boyfriend.

 

So I said, oh I thought you usually go at 7 and she said, 'I've put dinner in for us as a thank you for giving me a lift later"...at this point I got angry. Jack rang the bell and we said Hi but I said I was just leaving and slammed the door etc. I was angry because although my girlfriend had told me she was getting a lift from him, she didn't mention anything about the dinner part and I felt like she was keeping it from me.

 

Anyway she sent me a long text on her way to climbing that night saying she didn't mean to hurt me and that there's nothing to worry about, it was just a quick dinner with a friend before climbing and that it doesn't change the fact that she loves me lots.

 

We spoke on the phone even later and I explained that I didn't like that she hadn't told me the whole truth and that I didn't feel comfortable with the closeness with her and her ex. She said she can understand my feelings but had been climbing for a year now and that he often goes and she wouldn't stop doing something she enjoys when there's absolutely nothing going on...

 

So the next couple of nights I stayed at hers, we had great sex, we had a lovely couple of nights.

 

This week she came round to have dinner with my family which was lovely but afterwards said she had stomach pains and temperature (she did look ill) so obviously there was no sex which is fine.

 

Then the next day she went climbing so I assumed she was better but then yesterday she was in work on a long shift. I made her dinner for when she got in and she was grateful but very tired and then said her stomach was playing up again, so again no sex...

 

So today she has been in work on another long shift but hasn't text me at all. I have initiated texting every day for the last 5 days. I know she's busy in work so I don't expect much but she used to send me at least one message checking up on me. I've seen she's logged in to Facebook and Whatsapp a few times today as well so not like she's not had a few minutes to text me.

 

She's got a horrible work week coming up where she's on long days a lot and then night shifts so I'm not going to see much of her this week. She said on her day off on Thursday she will cook for me when I get home from work though.

 

I'm just wondering if this is normal 3 and a half months in? I feel like she should be making more of an effort to communicate as she knows we wont see each other much this week. I cooked her a nice dinner and looked after her when she was poorly and didn't make any deal over the no sex thing. I haven't mentioned her ex again, I haven't been clingy or needy. Yet I feel like I'm getting the minimum in return now.

 

I don't know if it's because of her work schedule mixed with illness or if she's being a bit off? What do you think?

 

Start cooking dinner for your ex. Man cannot believe you are involved in this and people on here think her behaviour is acceptable. Find a girl without the baggage. I would never in a million years tolerate his now. Demote her to fwb

[CoolJoe]

OP,

You seem to be doing things expecting to get something back in return (i.e. sex, text messages, etc.) I know we all do things in order to get something back (even if only subconsciously) but you seem fixated on it, and that's when things can hit the fan IMHO.

 

Do it out of care and don't expect something back. But maybe that's just me.