The Most strange night Ever

[Versacehottie]

Impulse control--neither of you have it. Not going to build your case for having a good relationship with her or anyone else if you can't take care of her end, i.e. two wrongs don't make a right. And anyway, maybe she is serious this time. You can only work on your behavior and then hope that your preparation meets opportunity with her or a different girl.

 

*your end. Oops sorry.

 

Anyway, I'm not sure about the birthday contact. I guess I could be ok with it if you really do it measured. About her, no expectations, just a message.

 

spiderowl has some great points

[Despacito]

You got angry with her. Anger is very destructive in relationships, especially early in a relationship. If someone blows up at you, what will they do next time? I was with a guy who got angry with me and pushed me. He didn't push me hard but it was a physical act when he was angry. That was it for me, I wasn't going to wait to see what he did next time he was angry. There was also little reason for him to be angry so it was already an overreaction.

 

You have mentioned arguments. What were they about? It sounds quite a tense relationship. Why would she willingly stick with a tense relationship unless it were to change? It is up to you to do some thinking about what underlying feelings on your part triggered these arguments. Obviously you cannot see what her underlying feelings were but you can work on your own half of this.

 

When someone is upset, usually they need love, comfort and tenderness, not anger. Because you were assuming she had gone off you or was seeing someone else, you were not able to offer her this. She will be more wary now. I think leave her alone for a while and then, if you do get in touch with her again, make it a nice, simple gesture, with warmth and affection. You could tell her you are aware your behaviour was not very mature and you plan to change that. Then, leave her to think about whether she wants to be in touch with you or not. She may want to mull it over. Do not chase or bother her if she does not reach out after your contact gesture.

 

It is a scary situation to find yourself falling for someone. It feels like it suddenly gives them a lot of power over you, power to hurt. It is not surprising that it can generate strong feelings of worry, fear and insecurity. Try to recognise when this is happening and trust and go with the flow. What else can you do? Either it is going to work out or not. Panicking and trying to possess her is not going to improve matters. I think you'll work your way through this and find yourself better able to be positive next time.

 

The past couple of weeks became tense because she had begun to drift a bit. She had begun a new job, and they had actually wanted to relocate her. She didn't end up relocating but it did end up screwing up plans we had for her birthday. But for the most part the energy on her end died down significantly because she said she had begun to feel like the person she was knowing was no longer the one she met (with me). So the thing I should've done was given her space. But I didn't. That was the argument.

 

It was a bit of a tense relationship if I'm being 100% honest. The past few weeks. The last "date" we had was about a week ago (which was average for us - weekly). We went out to a nice restaurant after her work. She enjoyed the restaurant. I was not in a good mood that night. She noted that I wasn't myself that night.

[Despacito]

The other thing was...and maybe someone can correct me if I'm wrong. Whenever we would argue it would never be a full argument from her. She'd be over it so fast. She wouldn't want to talk about things or wallow in it and would always complain about me never wanting stuff to end. I took that as she didn't care about the relationship. Maybe I've ****ed this one up to the point of NNO return. She needed someone strong and stable and I brought her nothing but drama basically.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Despacito
Didn't finish my point

[Moslem]

To be honest you sound like you may have gone too far. She sounds understanding but everyone has a limit. If you're accusing her of being with someone else without ANY evidence I can see the problem she would have with you.

 

see what happens. I would try to write her again if you truly have feelings. Seems like you can't make things any worse anyway.

[Despacito]

To be honest you sound like you may have gone too far. She sounds understanding but everyone has a limit. If you're accusing her of being with someone else without ANY evidence I can see the problem she would have with you.

 

see what happens. I would try to write her again if you truly have feelings. Seems like you can't make things any worse anyway.

 

Yeah that's true but it's not about "not making things worse". I want her back. I want to make things better. Really. I don't know though because my friends are telling me no contact for a relationship that was shaky and only was two months shouldn't be more than a week. This is my dilemma. How long to not reach out?

[Versacehottie]

Yeah that's true but it's not about "not making things worse". I want her back. I want to make things better. Really. I don't know though because my friends are telling me no contact for a relationship that was shaky and only was two months shouldn't be more than a week. This is my dilemma. How long to not reach out?

 

um, I can't even imagine why you are arguing this much in a two month old relationship. If you only saw each other once a week approximately, that's like 8 times? What is there to argue about? And to this level? Idk where your friends are getting their info that just a week is right time frame to get in touch. It's not a set thing like that. You have to take all the factors into consideration. The top one I would be taking into consideration is that she said don't contact me, i.e. i need space. Any contact you are planning now is just to keep pushing to get what you want--again, not taking her into consideration, your insecurity.

 

I realize that you don't want too much time to pass where you lose her. But again: you push, she pulls away. If you want to finalize a break up for good, start pushing her again (this applies if she is normal and mature; if she's dramatic, which is very possible, she may take you back and the fighting and break ups will continue for a few more months). The ONLY thing i would somewhat recommend that involves contact from you to her is a simple birthday message where you do not expect a reply or want to discuss your relationship or how you will change. You show her you will change by managing your interactions with her very well and over time. Since you have no legit reason to contact her per her wishes, you have very little opportunity to SHOW that you have changed at this point. I can guarantee you haven't changed in the course of a few days. You can minorly show her with a birthday message (which may still annoy her; it would be just as good or better to do nothing).

 

One of the "things" that getting better with issues of possession and insecurity and all your stuff is learning how to ACCEPT things. One step in this scenario would be to simply ACCEPT that the ball is in her court and if there is enough there between you she will be back in touch if it is meant to be. I tend to think when things end in an argument like they did with you, people usually aren't finished so I think she will be back in touch--provided you show you can control yourself, which the only way you can show that is by following her wishes and showing you ACCEPT them, i.e. no contact from you to her. You can't really lose her if she is already OUT and it needs to be her decision to come back or this story will keep replaying itself through whatever time you are "with" her. Lastly, taking HER into consideration, a week is not believable enough time for YOU to change, NOR for her to have felt better for the issues going on in her life.

 

There is no real shortcut to get what you want, sorry. Like cautiously said, it takes significant work, introspection and time in which to practice the new skills. On this thread we may have given you a couple of things to think of which is the tip of the iceberg toward a start. There is a long way to go. I know you are feeling like you are in a crisis and very unsettled right now but even reading between the lines of your responses since you said you get it now, i can see that you mildly get it AND are still looking for a way back in to keep pushing her for what you want. Possessive, it won't work for you, my friend.

[Despacito]

um, I can't even imagine why you are arguing this much in a two month old relationship. If you only saw each other once a week approximately, that's like 8 times? What is there to argue about? And to this level? Idk where your friends are getting their info that just a week is right time frame to get in touch. It's not a set thing like that. You have to take all the factors into consideration. The top one I would be taking into consideration is that she said don't contact me, i.e. i need space. Any contact you are planning now is just to keep pushing to get what you want--again, not taking her into consideration, your insecurity.

 

I realize that you don't want too much time to pass where you lose her. But again: you push, she pulls away. If you want to finalize a break up for good, start pushing her again (this applies if she is normal and mature; if she's dramatic, which is very possible, she may take you back and the fighting and break ups will continue for a few more months). The ONLY thing i would somewhat recommend that involves contact from you to her is a simple birthday message where you do not expect a reply or want to discuss your relationship or how you will change. You show her you will change by managing your interactions with her very well and over time. Since you have no legit reason to contact her per her wishes, you have very little opportunity to SHOW that you have changed at this point. I can guarantee you haven't changed in the course of a few days. You can minorly show her with a birthday message (which may still annoy her; it would be just as good or better to do nothing).

 

One of the "things" that getting better with issues of possession and insecurity and all your stuff is learning how to ACCEPT things. One step in this scenario would be to simply ACCEPT that the ball is in her court and if there is enough there between you she will be back in touch if it is meant to be. I tend to think when things end in an argument like they did with you, people usually aren't finished so I think she will be back in touch--provided you show you can control yourself, which the only way you can show that is by following her wishes and showing you ACCEPT them, i.e. no contact from you to her. You can't really lose her if she is already OUT and it needs to be her decision to come back or this story will keep replaying itself through whatever time you are "with" her. Lastly, taking HER into consideration, a week is not believable enough time for YOU to change, NOR for her to have felt better for the issues going on in her life.

 

There is no real shortcut to get what you want, sorry. Like cautiously said, it takes significant work, introspection and time in which to practice the new skills. On this thread we may have given you a couple of things to think of which is the tip of the iceberg toward a start. There is a long way to go. I know you are feeling like you are in a crisis and very unsettled right now but even reading between the lines of your responses since you said you get it now, i can see that you mildly get it AND are still looking for a way back in to keep pushing her for what you want. Possessive, it won't work for you, my friend.

 

 

We shall see. I may do the birthday wish on Sunday and then just let it be. I don't know. I'm just at a loss. Like I said, I'm away until September. When I return to London maybe I'll contact her and check in.

[Confusion2]

If I were you I'd contact her ASAP before she hardens more towards you.

[Robratory]

but she's not gonna wanna be laying her life's crap all over someone she's just met.

 

True, but in that case, why mention you have problems and dissolve into a crying mess? You don't say, "Oh, I have huge problems but I can't talk about them because I don't know you." If you can't talk about your problems, then don't tell me about your problems.

 

That's what normal people do, but drama queens (male or female) love to do the "Oh, I can't talk about it" routine because then they get to extend the drama with the other person trying to coax what the problems are out of them.

[Confusion2]

um, I can't even imagine why you are arguing this much in a two month old relationship. If you only saw each other once a week approximately, that's like 8 times? What is there to argue about? And to this level? Idk where your friends are getting their info that just a week is right time frame to get in touch. It's not a set thing like that. You have to take all the factors into consideration. The top one I would be taking into consideration is that she said don't contact me, i.e. i need space. Any contact you are planning now is just to keep pushing to get what you want--again, not taking her into consideration, your insecurity.

 

I realize that you don't want too much time to pass where you lose her. But again: you push, she pulls away. If you want to finalize a break up for good, start pushing her again (this applies if she is normal and mature; if she's dramatic, which is very possible, she may take you back and the fighting and break ups will continue for a few more months). The ONLY thing i would somewhat recommend that involves contact from you to her is a simple birthday message where you do not expect a reply or want to discuss your relationship or how you will change. You show her you will change by managing your interactions with her very well and over time. Since you have no legit reason to contact her per her wishes, you have very little opportunity to SHOW that you have changed at this point. I can guarantee you haven't changed in the course of a few days. You can minorly show her with a birthday message (which may still annoy her; it would be just as good or better to do nothing).

 

One of the "things" that getting better with issues of possession and insecurity and all your stuff is learning how to ACCEPT things. One step in this scenario would be to simply ACCEPT that the ball is in her court and if there is enough there between you she will be back in touch if it is meant to be. I tend to think when things end in an argument like they did with you, people usually aren't finished so I think she will be back in touch--provided you show you can control yourself, which the only way you can show that is by following her wishes and showing you ACCEPT them, i.e. no contact from you to her. You can't really lose her if she is already OUT and it needs to be her decision to come back or this story will keep replaying itself through whatever time you are "with" her. Lastly, taking HER into consideration, a week is not believable enough time for YOU to change, NOR for her to have felt better for the issues going on in her life.

 

There is no real shortcut to get what you want, sorry. Like cautiously said, it takes significant work, introspection and time in which to practice the new skills. On this thread we may have given you a couple of things to think of which is the tip of the iceberg toward a start. There is a long way to go. I know you are feeling like you are in a crisis and very unsettled right now but even reading between the lines of your responses since you said you get it now, i can see that you mildly get it AND are still looking for a way back in to keep pushing her for what you want. Possessive, it won't work for you, my friend.

 

That's great advice

[Despacito]

True, but in that case, why mention you have problems and dissolve into a crying mess? You don't say, "Oh, I have huge problems but I can't talk about them because I don't know you." If you can't talk about your problems, then don't tell me about your problems.

 

That's what normal people do, but drama queens (male or female) love to do the "Oh, I can't talk about it" routine because then they get to extend the drama with the other person trying to coax what the problems are out of them.

 

I don't know what the issues are. I know she has had a hard life.

[Confusion2]

Write to her on her birthday dude...you'd be a fool not to if you love her.

[Despacito]

Write to her on her birthday dude...you'd be a fool not to if you love her.

 

 

 

Well it's tomorrow. Still hvent heard from her. Starting to feel hopeless

[Hathor]

She sounds pretty unstable. Are you in love with her?

[Despacito]

She sounds pretty unstable. Are you in love with her?

 

 

 

Yes I am...