The Most strange night Ever

August 21, 2017

I moved to a new country for work in June. About 5 days after I met this girl on Tinder. The first few weeks we chatted on there and on other messaging. We got along great so we decided to meet up. The date was great. We had a great amount of chemistry and both wanted to continue seeing each other. So we did. A month into it, we hit a bit of a roadblock. However, we got over it fast and we're more or less back to normal.

At first she wanted me to meet her friends and such but I thought it was to early. So she wasn't thrilled but she understood. So the past week she had been very distant. Texts were going unanswered for hours, she was just distant like she hadn't been. So I decided to confront her on it, and say that I'm curious too about why I've been sidelined from her friends. I texted her and she basically told me that she has a great deal of personal issues going on right now and maybe it would be easier for me to leave her alone for a while because she just isn't sure what she wants at the moment.

I snapped. Big time snapped. I told her that it's fine, we didn't ever have to speak again and I hope she enjoyed whoever she found in place of me. So, she did something unlike she's ever done before and blocked me off of Messenger (where we mostly texted), Instagram and everything. Total shutdown. Twenty minutes later, she unlocked me on Messenger and called me. She was in tears. She said "You bother me about this all day, and I just can't take it. You need to just understand that this isn't about you, it's about the problems I'm having and I don't want to talk about it right now." she then, through tears just said "Okay, goodbye. I can't talk about this anymore."

Of course, I called back because I was so confused. Her roommate, who I've never met or spoke to before said "Sorry, you'll have to call back later. She's crying and doesn't want to speak to you right now."

So here's my question -- this girl is extremely sweet and up to now has seemed like a good match. I am trying to pursue a relationship with her. Her birthday is coming up and we had originally had plans. What do I do? I'm still, oddly enough, unblocked on Messenger and technically could call her there if I wanted to. Do I let it cool down until two days or so pass and try to talk to her? Do I walk away? My instinct says walk away but I have true feelings for her.

August 21, 2017

For a start , why did you even snap in the first place, she was being honest with you.

And why did you call her back after when she went to all the trouble to call you and explain more and made it clear she couldn't talk more right now and was upset.

How old are ya your acting like a kid and if you bug her much more she'll check out on you properly if she hasn't already.

Give her her some space and maybe call her up in a wk or so , and ask how all of her stuff is going , be concerned, but don't pester her just keep light and easy.

lf she even talks to ya again that is, if not ya blew it , big time as you say.

Edited August 21, 2017 by Chilli

August 21, 2017

Seriously you want to date someone who ignores you and doesnt share their problems with you and deals with issues like this? Lol il.be like see you later!

August 21, 2017

Yeah ,dunno about that, They'd only just met and it sounds like she has stuff going on well before that

l know l'd normally agree with fred on something like that if it was an actual full on relationship but she's not gonna wanna be laying her life's crap all over someone she's just met.

l wouldn't either and a lot of people opt out of a relationship thing to sort their crap out or wait for better times later.

August 21, 2017

Twenty minutes later, she unlocked me on Messenger and called me. She was in tears. She said "You bother me about this all day, and I just can't take it. You need to just understand that this isn't about you, it's about the problems I'm having and I don't want to talk about it right now." she then, through tears just said "Okay, goodbye. I can't talk about this anymore."

Looking back over the years, I always wound up regretting the times this happened to me and I didn't just walk away.

This is just crazy-girl drama. You just don't understand. My life is full of problems, but I can't talk about it. Oh, boo-hoo-hoo!

Don't ride the roller-coaster with her. Find yourself a sane girl.

August 21, 2017

She told you to leave her alone and yet you persisted anyway. Drop it and move on.

August 21, 2017

I wrote her this message this AM:

"About last night I apologize for upsetting you really. You're friend told me you were crying and really upset, I didn't mean to do any of that to you. I'm not sure what it really was to make you feel this way. I understand you have a lot going on, so as you wish I will leave you alone. If you want to remain as friends, I'd like that, but it's your decision. I think I'm going to go away tomorrow for a few days to think about life and everything. I hope you have a happy birthday & celebration. Wish I could be there, but I respect your wishes. Enjoy & hope to speak to you again in the future. Thank you for the fun memories. I hope we can be friends someday in the Future"

She read it, but didn't respond. So, I figure in a couple of weeks I'll reach out and see how she's doing. My honest feeling is she found someone else but won't tell me.

August 21, 2017

Looking back over the years, I always wound up regretting the times this happened to me and I didn't just walk away.

This is just crazy-girl drama. You just don't understand. My life is full of problems, but I can't talk about it. Oh, boo-hoo-hoo!

Don't ride the roller-coaster with her. Find yourself a sane girl.

Yeah. Problems like: My cat got run over, or my dad's dying of cancer. Or, problems like, I snapped a nail, or someone caught me picking food from between my teeth at the restaurant. The problem with problems is that they never go away. They just get replaced by other problems so your plate's always going to be full. I'd stop communicating with her. If she can't handle her own life, she will never be able to handle yours as well...

August 21, 2017

My instinct is she found another guy but can't admit that to me.

August 21, 2017

If you really think that then leave her alone.

August 21, 2017

YOU need to leave her alone.

I don't know why she went distant could be anything but she told you she wanted to be alone, so you needed to respect that, but no you got angry and she had to shut you down and then she had to get her friend to deal with you...

Anger like that so early on in a relationship is often a deal-breaker.

YOU don't get to come back from that as if it never happened.

It did and she won't forget it in a hurry either.

August 21, 2017

YOU need to leave her alone.
I don't know why she went distant could be anything but she told you she wanted to be alone, so you needed to respect that, but no you got angry and she had to shut you down and then she had to get her friend to deal with you...
Anger like that so early on in a relationship is often a deal-breaker.
YOU don't get to come back from that as if it never happened.
It did and she won't forget it in a hurry either.

So don't even reach out in a couple of weeks or on her birthday?

August 21, 2017

So don't even reach out in a couple of weeks or on her birthday?

No. Leave her alone.

August 21, 2017

So don't even reach out in a couple of weeks or on her birthday?

NO, leave her alone.

It is up to her now.

You made your pitch, she made it clear she was not interested in talking to you.

If she changes her mind, she will reach out to you.

August 21, 2017

I think you're both cray cray.

August 21, 2017

My instinct is she found another guy but can't admit that to me.

You keep saying that and to be honest that was the most cringe worthy part of your freak out toward her. You know how insecure that sounds to immediately jump to "she found another guy" when she tells you she is going through some problems. It shouts that you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop, you don't trust her inherently and indicates that she is at risk every time she shares something with you. It also indicates that you don't think you are worthy of her if you think she's always going to be looking for the next guy. Why you believe it is so hard to believe she is going through something is any less believable than jumping to the conclusion that she has another guy speaks volumes about you. If she was on the fence about you because of being stressed out in general, this kind of stuff seals the deal that it's just not good to be with you. TOO NEEDY! and then I thought you were ok with what you said to her this morning. But you really don't mean it. You mean that you are going to get back in touch with her in a few days (not respect her wishes as you said). Just let her sit with it and reach out to you if she feels like it. You can't keep pushing and acting impatient and expect a good result.

August 21, 2017

You keep saying that and to be honest that was the most cringe worthy part of your freak out toward her. You know how insecure that sounds to immediately jump to "she found another guy" when she tells you she is going through some problems. It shouts that you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop, you don't trust her inherently and indicates that she is at risk every time she shares something with you. It also indicates that you don't think you are worthy of her if you think she's always going to be looking for the next guy. Why you believe it is so hard to believe she is going through something is any less believable than jumping to the conclusion that she has another guy speaks volumes about you. If she was on the fence about you because of being stressed out in general, this kind of stuff seals the deal that it's just not good to be with you. TOO NEEDY! and then I thought you were ok with what you said to her this morning. But you really don't mean it. You mean that you are going to get back in touch with her in a few days (not respect her wishes as you said). Just let her sit with it and reach out to you if she feels like it. You can't keep pushing and acting impatient and expect a good result.

Yup Yup Yup!!!

August 21, 2017

I moved to a new country for work in June. About 5 days after I met this girl on Tinder. The first few weeks we chatted on there and on other messaging. We got along great so we decided to meet up. The date was great. We had a great amount of chemistry and both wanted to continue seeing each other. So we did. A month into it, we hit a bit of a roadblock. However, we got over it fast and we're more or less back to normal.

At first she wanted me to meet her friends and such but I thought it was to early. So she wasn't thrilled but she understood. So the past week she had been very distant. Texts were going unanswered for hours, she was just distant like she hadn't been. So I decided to confront her on it, and say that I'm curious too about why I've been sidelined from her friends. I texted her and she basically told me that she has a great deal of personal issues going on right now and maybe it would be easier for me to leave her alone for a while because she just isn't sure what she wants at the moment.

I snapped. Big time snapped. I told her that it's fine, we didn't ever have to speak again and I hope she enjoyed whoever she found in place of me. So, she did something unlike she's ever done before and blocked me off of Messenger (where we mostly texted), Instagram and everything. Total shutdown. Twenty minutes later, she unlocked me on Messenger and called me. She was in tears. She said "You bother me about this all day, and I just can't take it. You need to just understand that this isn't about you, it's about the problems I'm having and I don't want to talk about it right now." she then, through tears just said "Okay, goodbye. I can't talk about this anymore."

Of course, I called back because I was so confused. Her roommate, who I've never met or spoke to before said "Sorry, you'll have to call back later. She's crying and doesn't want to speak to you right now."

So here's my question -- this girl is extremely sweet and up to now has seemed like a good match. I am trying to pursue a relationship with her. Her birthday is coming up and we had originally had plans. What do I do? I'm still, oddly enough, unblocked on Messenger and technically could call her there if I wanted to. Do I let it cool down until two days or so pass and try to talk to her? Do I walk away? My instinct says walk away but I have true feelings for her.

Send her flowers (plenty of them) She still in love with you, even though you snap and she block you to death she called you up and told you what's the problem. Wow she's totally in love with you. But now you have to give her space even go past her birthday but on that date send gifts and flower via messenger, not you. If you calls you back on her BD then you got to here and give her a huge kiss and hug and tell how sorry you are and now much your in love with her.

I don't know why everyone else didn't see what she did called him back after she block him in rage then unblock in him with love.. You both have to work on your issues if you going to try to make this work. Good luck! Your going to need it!

August 21, 2017

Send her flowers (plenty of them) She still in love with you, even though you snap and she block you to death she called you up and told you what's the problem. Wow she's totally in love with you. But now you have to give her space even go past her birthday but on that date send gifts and flower via messenger, not you. If you calls you back on her BD then you got to here and give her a huge kiss and hug and tell how sorry you are and now much your in love with her.

I don't know why everyone else didn't see what she did called him back after she block him in rage then unblock in him with love.. You both have to work on your issues if you going to try to make this work. Good luck! Your going to need it!

I saw it. Actually it made me think that she was a drama queen as much as he was being an emo mess. I thought that maybe there was some truth to whoever said she had some insignificant drama that she was over-dramatizing. Still doesn't excuse his behavior or not right thing to do to tell him to keep being pushy is the right thing, IMO. Also if she IS being over-dramatic, playing into it, by chasing after her, sending her flowers will just teach her to keep doing dramatics whenever she has an issue. And set them both up for dysfunction. If OP wants a real chance with her, best solution is to believe her words and act in mature accordance with them, not ignore them due to his own neediness and desire to lock this relationship down.

It's could be like crying wolf for both of them (or one or the other)--bad to encourage it. I could maybe deal with flowers or something sent on the birthday though honestly I think the OP couldn't do it without wanting a reaction from her. If he can send it from a pure heart and no expectations then fine. To me, he doesn't strike me at all as someone in that headspace who would be able to do that.

August 21, 2017

I saw it. Actually it made me think that she was a drama queen as much as he was being an emo mess. I thought that maybe there was some truth to whoever said she had some insignificant drama that she was over-dramatizing. Still doesn't excuse his behavior or not right thing to do to tell him to keep being pushy is the right thing, IMO. Also if she IS being over-dramatic, playing into it, by chasing after her, sending her flowers will just teach her to keep doing dramatics whenever she has an issue. And set them both up for dysfunction. If OP wants a real chance with her, best solution is to believe her words and act in mature accordance with them, not ignore them due to his own neediness and desire to lock this relationship down.

It's could be like crying wolf for both of them (or one or the other)--bad to encourage it. I could maybe deal with flowers or something sent on the birthday though honestly I think the OP couldn't do it without wanting a reaction from her. If he can send it from a pure heart and no expectations then fine. To me, he doesn't strike me at all as someone in that headspace who would be able to do that.

Well they're both unstable to be around with. She won't talk to him now and he was confused by her crying over him. She's in love with him and I guess he is too in his own confused way. He hurt her when he snapped at her she block him in that rage too. She felt a lost without when she did block him so she quickly unblock her love. Then calls him up crying to him. He so confused doesn't know what to do as a man. What he should have done is told her how sorry he was and he will give her the space for her to think clearly but no what does he do keeps calling her back! Not the best move or smart move here. They both need help with reasoning she's has some emotional/mental issues and he's no better than her. But in she's really in love with him so he does have hope!

August 21, 2017

Well they're both unstable to be around with. She won't talk to him now and he was confused by her crying over him. She's in love with him and I guess he is too in his own confused way. He hurt her when he snapped at her she block him in that rage too. She felt a lost without when she did block him so she quickly unblock her love. Then calls him up crying to him. He so confused doesn't know what to do as a man. What he should have done is told her how sorry he was and he will give her the space for her to think clearly but no what does he do keeps calling her back! Not the best move or smart move here. They both need help with reasoning she's has some emotional/mental issues and he's no better than her. But in she's really in love with him so he does have hope!

Agreed with the above, except bolded i don't know that she is "in love" with him due to only one fact that she unblocked him and tried to call. It could just be more dramatics and taking him along on her roller coaster of her emotions. More immaturity. It's pretty much only a sign that at that one moment she was open to talking to him. She now hasn't responded to his last message so is thinking differently now. (which also doesn't mean she doesn't like/love him). There are many people in this world who love the dramatics and the person is just an auxiliary/replaceable thing. Time will tell what is going on here.

If i was in her shoes and had told him to leave me alone. I would have more respect for him if he was able to do it. And more respect for him if I was being dramatic was reason I said "don't talk to me" and he didn't fall for my games. Him holding his ground would be best thing to draw me back to him. That's me. Especially his last message was fine, sounded very grown up. Now, big question is if he can stick to it. He already indicated he really is already trying to come up with a plan to get in touch in a few days--opposite of what his last message said. That kind of clinginess would have me lose respect for him most likely, especially in light of how emo and irrational his response was to her first telling him she was going through something. he made it all about him/them. Thought it was a threat to the relationship :roll eyes: He's threatened easily--that's not attractive.

Ignore thumbs down--it was for body of my response not in response to you. Sorry!

Edited August 21, 2017 by Versacehottie

August 21, 2017

Agreed with the above, except bolded i don't know that she is "in love" with him due to only one fact that she unblocked him and tried to call. It could just be more dramatics and taking him along on her roller coaster of her emotions. More immaturity. It's pretty much only a sign that at that one moment she was open to talking to him. She now hasn't responded to his last message so is thinking differently now. (which also doesn't mean she doesn't like/love him). There are many people in this world who love the dramatics and the person is just an auxiliary/replaceable thing. Time will tell what is going on here.

If i was in her shoes and had told him to leave me alone. I would have more respect for him if he was able to do it. And more respect for him if I was being dramatic was reason I said "don't talk to me" and he didn't fall for my games. Him holding his ground would be best thing to draw me back to him. That's me. Especially his last message was fine, sounded very grown up. Now, big question is if he can stick to it. He already indicated he really is already trying to come up with a plan to get in touch in a few days--opposite of what his last message said. That kind of clinginess would have me lose respect for him most likely, especially in light of how emo and irrational his response was to her first telling him she was going through something. he made it all about him/them. Thought it was a threat to the relationship :roll eyes: He's threatened easily--that's not attractive.

Ignore thumbs down--it was for body of my response not in response to you. Sorry!

Yes honestly I am really threatened because this girl is totally out of my league. I messed it up but she had her own games going too. I wanted to lock her down because I knew if she's still dating no way she'd choose me. She had never told me she loved me. There was just a significant drift going on from the beginning to now. By the way, my plan is not contact in a few days but maybe like a week or two.

August 21, 2017

Yes and honestly her crying, as cruel as this sounds, actually was a bit reassuring because she is not exactly the most open person emotionally so at least I saw that she had some emotion (when before when we were arguing she had told me she doesn't care anymore about me)

August 21, 2017

Okay now, please, calm down. First off, before snapping in the future, just rethink it, breathe and instead of spiting the acid, take it calmly.

Next. She definitely havent found another guy, she called you back. It's probably her own personal problems, dont bug her too much asking about it. I cant believe how many strange men are here telling you she's a drama queen, emo and so on just because she was crying? "Find a sane girl" woah guys, thats a sick advice to give! To me it sounds like you both are still young and very emotional.

Definitely dont ignore her birthday. Dont go overboard, but do something really honest and sweet. DONT bring the issue up on that day, if you end up meeting. Dont text her, its always better to converse eye to eye, leaving less space for misunderstandings. Really, just go to her and tell her how you feel about this, that you regret snapping at her. Ask her if she wishes to elaborate on her issues, support her. An honest conversation is probably the best healer.

It's far from losing her if she was honest with you.

August 21, 2017

Yes honestly I am really threatened because this girl is totally out of my league. I messed it up but she had her own games going too. I wanted to lock her down because I knew if she's still dating no way she'd choose me. She had never told me she loved me. There was just a significant drift going on from the beginning to now. By the way, my plan is not contact in a few days but maybe like a week or two.

None of these comments are signs of a healthy perspective on a relationship. You are way too insecure to be compatible with her.

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The Most strange night Ever

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