mysticalstar Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Hey everyone. I'll keep this short. I just have a quick question. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year. He has his moments of being a crab (but dont we all.) Lately he has just been a lot more short with me and plain and simple crabby. I'll ask him whats wrong when he is being short or quiet or crabby and he blaims it on being tired from work. He isn't crabby all the time but it sort of hurts my feelings. I feel that if he does not want to be in a relationship with me anymore and is being crabby because of that than he should just brake it off. Also We haven't seen much of each other this summer because he went home to work...(we go to college together) and I stayed up at school to work. I went and traveled and visited him last weekend and met his whole family for the first time and everything went great. That was the second time in about 2 months that we have seen each other and he is coming back either this Sat. or this Sunday. I dont know if i am just over-reacting or what. He acted pretty good all weekend and said he had a real good time and was very happy that his family really liked me. I guess I just dont know. Does anyone have anything they could fill me in on?? Should I say something to him or should I let it go for a bit and see what happens? I would love to hear from you! Guys what do you think? Thanks so much.
country gal Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 tough one... every situation is different. i agree that recurrent crabbiness around you is potentially cause for concern, although not necessarily. i could use a little more information, like have you really talked to him about what he's doing and how it makes you feel? if so how did he react? i think i would do one of two things... 1) i'm assuming you'll both be back at school together relatively soon so you can see how he acts when you are around moreoften and take it from there .... or (what i would do) 2) just calmly communicate what you've noticed and how it makes you feel. if it is just his work causing him to feel this way then let him know that you dont want to feel like an additional burden on top of that. irritability is fine ... just ask him how he prefers someone deal with him when he's feeling that way. but remember that behavior is a much better predictor of whats really going on. people can say anything, but its what they do that matters. good luck.
lvgrly Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Just give it time..He might just be going through a faze.. And if it doesnt pass, or get any better then just talk to him about what you are feeling with the relationship situation. You might be suprised that it might not have anything to do with you at all. You never know..Only time will tell..Good luck hun.
alphamale Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 u may want to ask him if he is interested and/or seeing some other woman...
Author mysticalstar Posted August 12, 2005 Author Posted August 12, 2005 Hey everyone! Thanks so much for your advice. Well Country Gal I haven't really talked to him much about this because I guess it hasen't gotten to me until now. I mean he isn't to the point where I can't take it anymore because it comes and goes. I really do love him so I am trying my hardest. The past few nights on the phone he has been really great and not crabby at all. His job requires long hours and I know that can be a bit draining on a person so maybe it does have to do with his job...however I dont want to be making excuses. As for the whole cheating thing...I definately do not think he is cheating on me. And if he does want to be in an open relationship or if he does want to call it quits...Don't you guys think that after almost a year of committment he would have enough guts and balls to call it quits if he wanted too?? I would hope so!! I am going to not mention anything to him and see how things go once we get back up to school with each other. Like I said he isn't to the point where he is mean or anything...he just goes through some crabby spells. And maybe that is just the type of person he is. I love him I just hope that it doesn't have anything to do with not wanting to be in a relationship with me. But if that is the case...like i said before...I would hope he would call it off if he was having doubts. Thanks so much.
country gal Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 not to be the bearer of bad news (and not that this is what is happening) ... but i think what people are trying to say is that crabbiness toward you and around you can be a sign that he's thinking about leaving (or thinking about someone else) ... and even after a year or more, dont count on any person to be "good at" letting another person know they dont want to be with them anymore. on the flip side, just keep feeling it out ... and dont "try" so hard. this is all him and exerting a lot of energy to fix something you dont have control over will only make things worse. he needs to know this is something bothering you ... and then both of you need to be interested in trying.
SoftDrink Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 maybe he's crabby because he misses you and doesn't like being apart all summer--and since he's a guy, he won't just come out and say it. it could be anything. i wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet.
Jolene Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Nobody should have to toelrate a crabby, nasty bastard for more than, oh, 30 seconds. That's the grace period. There are mature people in the world who reserve such things as crabbiness for excrutiating circumstances like the death of a loved one...and still, there's a definite end time to all of it. Because when you love somebody, you learn to forgive and resolve the minor differences however you can. Usually, talking about it is the key. I know a woman stuck in a rutt of a marriage who says, "I just can't be around him for more than two hours in any given day", because he is so cranky. She blames it on his arthritis pain, but nobody needs to put up with it. Just think...if he's like this now, what is your life going to be like every time he isn't getting what he wants. And what would that be like for your kids if you had them? Just a thought. Give him space. If he flies away, it was not meant to be and you will move on and eventually forget it. But it sounds like he needs space, and lots of it. Any man who is really into you and hasn't seen you very much recently, is going to be all over you and taking you out and doing the quality time thing, which does not include being cranky.
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