weeble78 Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 Ok. Dilemma here. And probably one I can solve myself if I was being a little more sensible about it. I met a guy 6 months ago. Off of Tinder. Long distance. He said he didn't want a relationship. I said I did. We chatted some then went our separate ways. 2 weeks later he got back in touch with me. We chatted A LOT. It would go on sometimes 24/7. It got heated, then cooled down as we started cooking together on video chat, drinking tea, watching tv together. Lol. That kind of silly thing. It got to the point where he said we should meet up, as there was a connection there. I agreed. We arranged to meet up. The day before he panicked and said he couldn't make it, then apologised and blew up my phone saying he couldn't decide. I said fine let's leave it. The next day he changed his mind and I went down to meet him. He did ask me to stay the night but I declined. He blew up my phone from the minute I got back to my friend's where I was staying, saying meeting had solidified things for him and he didn't know what to do. A couple days later he went quiet, explained that he didn't know whether we should give things a go regardless of everything else. Anyway. We decided to give it a go. The sticking point for me was him travelling down to stay with me. He chickened out at the last minute saying he'd forgotten he was moving house. I got annoyed and he said I was pressuring him. I gave him a couple weeks to decide and he didn't so I said he basically had to decide or get off the pot. Long story short, he got off the pot saying he was too busy with work, I deserved more than being the one to make more effort (he doesn't drive) and the long distance thing would make it too hard. After a week of no chatting I texted him to say I missed him. He said he missed me too and wanted to stay in touch and meet up again as friends. But no change. I went NC for a month. I texted him a hey, we had a brief convo and he asked me to stay in touch and message back again when he had more time so we could catch up properly. I texted him a week later and we chatted for quite a while, I mentioned a date I'd been on and he went quiet. When I said I was going he asked me to stay in touch and said it had been great chatting properly again. Then a week later he texted me about a picture I'd posted on Facebook saying I looked great. I said thanks then didn't reply. A week again I told him I'm going to be around on holiday and asked if hew anted to meet up for coffee. He said it was wonderful hearing from me and he didn't know if he'd be around but he'd get back to me. Several days later he messaged me and said he'll be around, and then asked me if I was still single and said he couldn't believe I hadn't found a Mr yet, daaaaamn. We joked around and I said goodbye. So if anyone made it this far, I am now in the position of wanting to see this guy as nobody else has gotten my attention like him in the few months since. I'd like to try and be friends, but my friends think I have too many feelings for him and should be upfront with him before I go and ask if there's a chance of us having a relationship to make htings clear. What do you guys think I should do? I can't decide whether this guy is just a player or genuine. I love how he gets me but feel if there's definitely nothing there for him or no hope then it would be easier not to stay in touch. Any answers please to help my frazzled brain?
Author weeble78 Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 Can anyone help with some advice please?
Author weeble78 Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 I guess the real question is do I go and meet this guy or not..
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 You want a relationship. He doesn't. Why do you want to be the kid whose nose is pressed up against the bakery window longing for what you can't have? It will only make you sad. If you do go, tell him it's a relationship or nothing but assure him that the fun of your interactions don't disappear just because the label changes. Explain that dating is just friendship but with kissing although it does lead to not kissing anybody else. Part of me wonders if he's scared & if you can ease him into a relationship. That can work with a high anxiety person but it won't work for somebody who wants to casually multidate lots of people. From your description I'm not sure which he is. 1
Robratory Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 I guess the real question is do I go and meet this guy or not.. The fact that he's so angsty and indecisive should be a deal-breaker, plus he lives three hours away, and he doesn't drive. I hope you have better options! 1
Miss Spider Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 Strong pass. Talk to guys who live closer 1
Author weeble78 Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 Thank you people ☺ Yes he is incredibly indecisive and a little flaky, but he is also high anxiety which we had talked about a lot. I don't know if he is dating others as I don't ask him but he knows I'm dating. Some friends said to me to be upfront before I go and ask if there is the chance of us getting together. He's always said I soothe his anxiety and make the world less complicated and I guess I'm hoping to go remind him what he's missing, with my awesome sense of humour and warm personality ha ha. I kind of figure it's worth a shot as he hasn't been off my mind since, but don't want to be a d1ckh3ad about it (scuse my language)
Author weeble78 Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 Btw it was a coincidental meeting as I'd never deliberately meet someone so far away. We met on the social part of tinder and he happened to be in town for the night.
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 You don't have to be mean about it. Politely discuss your expectations & desires. 1
Author weeble78 Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 You don't have to be mean about it. Politely discuss your expectations & desires. Ha sorry I meant be a romantic idiot and get carried away. He's got this much of my attention (I've met several nice guys since but always return to how I feel about him annoyingly) I feel it would be silly not to give it one shot. He always said it would be stupid of us not to try and for us to let the connection go without trying, I feel like I deliberately pushed him away to stop myself possibly getting hurt. I could be wrong and he's just a great player - I'm terrible at judging these things. I do know, however, I hate regrets or what ifs.
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 You won't regret going even if it turns out that you don't get the guy. You will have peace because you tried. You will regret not going. So go. See what happens. Best case -- you get what you want. Second best case you learn he's a player, you get angry, that anger fuels your recovery. Still at least you will know. 1
Author weeble78 Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 Thanks for your insight, it's nice to feel like I'm not crazy. Things like this don't happen very often. Thankfully!
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