MiaRebelde Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 I am 20 years old and my boyfriend are 21 year, we love eachother but lately my past has been “catching up to me”. Before I met my current boyfriend, there was other mans in my life. This “time before him” plays on his mind a lot and he’s having a difficult time letting it go. I had 3 boyfriends before him. I had first boyfriend when I was 15 year old. My current boyfriend says that it was to early and that is not ok beacuse I was little girl (child) when I was 15 year old. I, on the other hand, feel that it’s in the past and not something that should be brought into our future. We totally disagree about it! My previous ‘sexual partners" is a topic that is always brought up whenever we are arguing or are having a deep conversation. He’s always said “There are choices and then there are consequences of these choices.” I just don’t think it’s fair that I should lose him because of my past and because he’s jealous. He believes that it’s compromising his values that we stay together because of “how I was before him”. He turns on me like that whenever he has any “bad” thoughts about me. It’s frustrating and the fact that he’s so stuck in the past is ruining our relationship. I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me in our relationship and the distrust he has towards me is completely unnecessary and all in his mind. There are so many things in our*arguments/deep talks*I want to say and share my point of view of but it’s as if my head just freezes, when I finally have the opportunity to speak. My boyfriend is a man who’s very good with words (more than the usual guy) and he’s pretty much the one running the show in all of our talks. I guess I let him because I feel like it’s my fault and I’m the reason he has these “bad” thoughts about me. He loves me but sometimes – and too often – these “bad” thoughts come between us.
preraph Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 Okay, well, your mistake was telling him your past conquests! It's none of his business. You should never get into details of a past relationship with a man because most of them are too insecure to handle it, plus it's none of their business. All you should say when the subject comes up is "I had a couple of boyfriends, nothing too serious." They ask details, that's a red flag that they are judgmental and controlling and jealous, so if they persist, get rid of them. You don't want someone like that for a life partner. Also, you were very young and you are still very young. Did you know that the part of our brain that makes us able to predict consequences isn't even fully formed until we are in our mid-20s? This is why teens get in so much trouble. It's not fair for him to judge you. He is not a good guy. In the future, just give vague answers and say "I don't dwell on the past" and reassure a man you think you might love that no one was important to you as him. But don't do it on this guy because he's not worth it. Save it for one who is more mature and reasonable.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 Meh, find a guy who is not immature and insecure like your current one. Believe me, this boyfriend of yours will continue to find fault with you and degrade you. There is nothing wrong with your past. Your boyfriend is the problem here, not you. He will keep picking away at you and holding this over your head, which is ridiculous. I wouldn't waste more time with this. He is not mature enough for a respectful, healthy relationship. 1
Author MiaRebelde Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 Most of his complaints is about me start daiting boys when I was 15 year old. He says that I was child and little girl and it is not appropriate. He also says that girls how started that early in most cases become whores and change lot of partners. I love him and I dont want to lose him. I feel guilty...Should I ask him for forgiveness?
caveman621 Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 Aww jeez! Dump this idiot!!!! It's YOUR past and YOUR business. I think it's OK to discuss past relationships, but only after you are established. And if he judges you and can't stop bringing up what you did five years ago it's never going to stop! I wish there was some way you could help him if you love him but, unfortunately, there's not. This is his to deal with. It might be painful for him and you can be understanding. But if he's of the opinion that girls who have their first "relationship" at 15 are sluts or whores I think it's hopeless. You can't change your past. Quite impossible! This is his problem, not yours, but if he is going to continue to use this "flaw" against you, there is no future with him.
stillafool Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 Dump his stupid ass as soon as possible. You would be a fool to have only dated one guy and then settle down. Tell him to go to a convent and find a gf.
Author MiaRebelde Posted August 27, 2017 Author Posted August 27, 2017 We talked today and he says that he cant stop thinking how I sleep with my ex boyfriend and what did they do to me in bad. Especially what am I doing with my boyfriend when I was 15 years old,he can not belive that I was with men that early. He don't want insult me,he dont yeel at me but he became very depressed when he found out about my past.
Sara1989 Posted August 27, 2017 Posted August 27, 2017 This is crazy. He sounds controlling and abusive, yes abusive. I would tell you to dump him but it sounds like he has you right under the thumb. All i can say is he is a very sad, insecure little boy. Remember you have nothing to be ashamed about, this is his problem.
Author MiaRebelde Posted August 27, 2017 Author Posted August 27, 2017 He says that it is ok in all world when man change girls but it is never been good when girl change mans and that kind of girls are not material for relationship or mariage.
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