Swan89 Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 I'm 28M student working part time and living with my mother, single for over 3 years. I've been through some rough heartbreak. Had a few dates in the last year but they didn't go anywhere. I'm wasting myself by refusing to put myself out there. I'm so comfortable being alone, its such a simple way of living but admittedly, I'd like to have a girl in my life. Sometimes I wonder if people wonder what my deal is, always being complimented on my looks, and I'm a good guy with a sense of humour. I went out last night and within 5 minutes of arriving at the bar, I got approached by a woman who had two beautiful friends interested in me and my friend, and I had to explain to her I had just got out of work and wasn't up to chatting up her friend, I was tired, needed a drink and felt shy. I can't believe I walked away from that situation! I just never, ever have the courage to approach someone. It feels forced and unnatural to me. I don't understand myself: I half heartedly use dating apps, give up on women far too easily If I sense I have to 'work' for her, I'm far too picky and have an issue with being judgemental or suspicious of their temperament. I don't know how to change this, I want to, but I don't have the willpower to.
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 If you are a student, consider taking a speech com class to improve your verbal communication skills. Also consider where you chose to go for your chill out / relax after work drink. A bar on a Saturday night signals that you are seeking interaction with others. A six pack in your backyard is leave me alone. As a student, you should have opportunities on campus.
Author Swan89 Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 If you are a student, consider taking a speech com class to improve your verbal communication skills. Also consider where you chose to go for your chill out / relax after work drink. A bar on a Saturday night signals that you are seeking interaction with others. A six pack in your backyard is leave me alone. As a student, you should have opportunities on campus. The speech class is an interesting idea, I'm not sure of anything in my area but I could look it up. Most the girls in uni are either taken or close to ten years younger than me :-/
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 There is usually some on campus group for returning adult students. Or try hanging out with the grad students; they are a little older.
Chilli Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 (edited) Seems so many people out there in the singles world trying to be something they're not. Reading all the crap. But if you ask me , your just not the dating chat up type, so what , that's cool. l never dated in my life or chat up women, wouldn't even know how or giva fk. But l've always had gf's or was married . Your probably just the type that'll just meet someone you like one day and it'll go form there. No use dating 50 women you not even into anyways my modo. As far as the rest , well, we're all a work in progress right through life yknow, if ya don't like certain things about yourself you just keep working on them, you'd be amazed at the man you might be in 20yrs time as apposed to now. Edited August 20, 2017 by Chilli
Miss Spider Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 (edited) I'm 28M student working part time and living with my mother, single for over 3 years. I've been through some rough heartbreak. Had a few dates in the last year but they didn't go anywhere. I'm wasting myself by refusing to put myself out there. I'm so comfortable being alone, its such a simple way of living but admittedly, I'd like to have a girl in my life. Sometimes I wonder if people wonder what my deal is, always being complimented on my looks, and I'm a good guy with a sense of humour. I went out last night and within 5 minutes of arriving at the bar, I got approached by a woman who had two beautiful friends interested in me and my friend, and I had to explain to her I had just got out of work and wasn't up to chatting up her friend, I was tired, needed a drink and felt shy. I can't believe I walked away from that situation! I just never, ever have the courage to approach someone. It feels forced and unnatural to me. I don't understand myself: I half heartedly use dating apps, give up on women far too easily If I sense I have to 'work' for her, I'm far too picky and have an issue with being judgemental or suspicious of their temperament. I don't know how to change this, I want to, but I don't have the willpower to. I'm a woman who feels similar in that I am comfy being alone so dating is hard to will myself to do. It's like I think there's something great that I'm missing but there's not that much incentive to get it because I don't know if it's all that great or at the very least better than where I'm at now. Girls you really want are prob not gonna fall into your lap, though. Even a woman has to put in some effort. I suspect nothing much will change if you don't. So things probably will not change if you're not motivated to: 1. Work on your confidence/self esteem in approaching strangers 2. Challenge your beliefs talking to women as romantic prospects is "unnatural" 3. Put a little more effort in 4. Drop some things on your list that aren't as fundamental to you and give people the benefit of the doubt Edited August 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2
Author Swan89 Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 I'm a woman who feels similar in that I am comfy being alone so dating is hard to will myself to do. It's like I think there's something great that I'm missing but there's not that much incentive to get it because I don't know if it's all that great or at the very least better than where I'm at now. Girls you really want are prob not gonna fall into your lap, though. Even a woman has to put in some effort. I suspect nothing much will change if you don't. So things probably will not change if you're not motivated to: 1. Work on your confidence/self esteem in approaching strangers 2. Challenge your beliefs talking to women as romantic prospects is "unnatural" 3. Put a little more effort in 4. Drop some things on your list that aren't as fundamental to you and give people the benefit of the doubt That's the hard truth but you're right. Its like a need to see a hypnotherapist to disable my belief that I'll make a fool of myself If I talk to an attractive stranger. I'm not comfortable with it and I can't stand making small talk. I guess I just freeze up because I know I'll have to be funny and witty and interesting to get anywhere.
alphamale Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 I went out last night and within 5 minutes of arriving at the bar, I got approached by a woman who had two beautiful friends interested in me and my friend, and I had to explain to her I had just got out of work and wasn't up to chatting up her friend, I was tired, needed a drink and felt shy. you had a chance, why didn't you take it?? you have no one to blame but yourself. I suspect there are other issues you didn't mention.
Author Swan89 Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 (edited) you had a chance, why didn't you take it?? you have no one to blame but yourself. I suspect there are other issues you didn't mention. Well, as I mentioned above, I had just arrived and didn't feel prepared and couldn't deal with the hassle of trying to make a good impression. She apologised if I was uncomfortable and said come back and say hi later. So I just went to get a drink and avoided them, because by that time, why would they be interested when I couldn't hack it first time around? Edited August 20, 2017 by Swan89
Chilli Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 (edited) suddenly every guy thinks he has to be funny, oh man, surreal. Think if l ever did the dating thing l'd be serious just to be sure l'm different. Just thinking about the longest married guys l know, 20, 30 yrs, actually aren't funny at all, matter of fact of 3 or 4 just of the top of my head they're actually quite serious types. Thinking about one of my brothers he can walk into any pub or venue anywhere anytime and walk out with a women 20mins later, doesn't even have a sense of humor. Matter of fact he's about as funny as a migraine and he ain't witty , quite slow actually. Known a few guys like that and actually they'd probably be the exact opposite of all this net stuff . Edited August 21, 2017 by Chilli
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