Fight with boyfriend over an event

[hippychick3]

Maybe some will get drunk and say or do more crazy stuff...

 

I really don't think so. We were all pretty drunk at the party. All the girls there have significant others, and I'm really not worried about him doing anything especially after being around them all at the party.

[darkmoon]

if you over-react and you do not like him leaving you alone, unless you calm down about everything, just for a day, so sorry, but I see trouble ahead

 

look, you do not even like beer

[hippychick3]

if you over-react and you do not like him leaving you alone, unless you calm down about everything, just for a day, so sorry, but I see trouble ahead

 

look, you do not even like beer

 

Omg are you serious?

 

I actually love beer but have a health issue that precludes me from drinking it.

[darkmoon]

Omg are you serious?

 

I actually love beer but have a health issue that precludes me from drinking it.

 

I'm sorry you have an illness, but it's his 4th July, and your relationship is ok, he loves you, but he is already watching his words around you, mmm, not great

[kendahke]

He did tell me at one point on the trip that he was always aware I was there and didn't want to do or say anything that could make me upset. Ugh. When I type that it sounds like I'm always mad at him. I possibly do overreact.

 

Can you give an example of what he could possibly do that would cause you to over react and make a scene?

 

And how much of this is about the fact that you've got a long distance relationship and that is getting old for you?

[rushed]

I had a boyfriend who thought all my friends should be our friends. He wanted our lives to be so intermingled. I brought him out, introduced him to my friends, and brought him when I went out with my friends sometimes. But geez, when I went out without him? This guy would fight/pout/throw a fit. And I wasn't interested in meeting or flirting with other guys. I just wanted time alone with my friends sometimes. Needless to say, this guy is now my ex-boyfriend.

[JuneL]

I really don't think so. We were all pretty drunk at the party. All the girls there have significant others, and I'm really not worried about him doing anything especially after being around them all at the party.

 

I didn't mean he might do things that cross boundaries. But some guys may have to be a little cautious (e.g., not saying certain things) in front of their SO.

[hippychick3]

I had a boyfriend who thought all my friends should be our friends. He wanted our lives to be so intermingled. I brought him out, introduced him to my friends, and brought him when I went out with my friends sometimes. But geez, when I went out without him? This guy would fight/pout/throw a fit. And I wasn't interested in meeting or flirting with other guys. I just wanted time alone with my friends sometimes. Needless to say, this guy is now my ex-boyfriend.

 

This was my ex-husband, and I couldn't stand it. So I chose someone who was the OPPOSITE of him. That's where I am now. Sigh

[hippychick3]

Can you give an example of what he could possibly do that would cause you to over react and make a scene?

 

And how much of this is about the fact that you've got a long distance relationship and that is getting old for you?

 

I have never made a scene. Any time I overreacted, it was in private. I can't think of an example offhand.

 

The long distance has a factor in that we already have that time apart. So why does he want more? I'm still okay with the long distance part of things. I like my alone time with my kids and also my alone time with just myself. I was in a suffocating marriage for many years. So I enjoy my space.

[Shining One]

I understand his reasoning. He feels a sense of responsibility for you when you go somewhere together. He prefers to not have that feeling of responsibility at this one event. If he made a habit of doing this, I would say you should be concerned. If it's a once-a-year thing, you shouldn't worry about it.

[smackie9]

Yes, but you are not in an long distance relationship and I guess that you are not telling your husband he can't come to events with you that he wants to go to either.

We have an understanding that there are certain things we like to do on our own and we respect that of each other. Long distance in this matter means jack.

[smackie9]

He did not say I can't go. He just would have rather gone alone. At this point he's telling me to come so I won't be upset.

 

We are long distance but to be fair, he revolves his life around my schedule and turns down and misses a lot of stuff because he's here with me so often.

Well then give the guy a break and give this one thing to him if he has done so much to spend time with you.

[Ami1uwant]

Not really problems, but I've been on a lot of trips and to other events or get togethers with him where I didn't know anyone and he felt obligated to stay close to me. He's very independent and I know he enjoys hopping around and socializing with everyone.

 

I'm a guy so I get his point.

 

He just wants to have fun and not worry about you. If this occurs just once a year it isn't something to fight over.

 

How is this any different than a guys night out ???

[hippychick3]

I understand his reasoning. He feels a sense of responsibility for you when you go somewhere together. He prefers to not have that feeling of responsibility at this one event. If he made a habit of doing this, I would say you should be concerned. If it's a once-a-year thing, you shouldn't worry about it.

 

That's pretty much what he said.

 

It's a twice a year thing...the spring event and this, not that it matters. I just thought after 4 years, his feelings about it would change.

[hippychick3]

I'm a guy so I get his point.

 

He just wants to have fun and not worry about you. If this occurs just once a year it isn't something to fight over.

 

How is this any different than a guys night out ???

 

It's different in that there are girls there too (not that I'm worried he'd do anything with them), and his friends probably expect me to be there since I was at the party a couple months ago. His friend actually invited me last year. It's all over social media during the event, and I know I will hate seeing it all play out without me there again.

[smackie9]

It's different in that there are girls there too (not that I'm worried he'd do anything with them), and his friends probably expect me to be there since I was at the party a couple months ago. His friend actually invited me last year. It's all over social media during the event, and I know I will hate seeing it all play out without me there again.

I'm sure this will change eventually.... either more pressure from his friends to invite you along or when you are married. I doubt this will go on forever like this.

[coolheadal]

There are some details your leaving out on purpose why OP? You should tells us what exactly is going on between you and him. So I take it he has never taken you and the kids to this event as it's not just you.

 

When he said he couldn't pay attention to you at the event as much, (red flag).

 

Picturing this event with you there and him with his friends, your just siting there watching him try to have fun with you who has force him to take you along. Hmmm something is not right here at all. Doesn't he love you enough? Doesn't he want to be with you 100% even in public or around his friends? Does he require me time, away time from you without you being around him. When you have the kids he is not around you, or is he around you with the kids are with you. So when you don't have the kids and he has event you can't go because of him and not you? If you have no interest in an event you won't ask to go? Odd so you don't want to go if you have no interest but you have interest in him so you don't think it would be mean not to go if the event interest him. Some selfishness on your part there.

 

Are you sure after all these years of this 3 hour distance relationship you and him feel okay about each other. 3 hour drive each way is tough. I use to do that in 2015 for a woman I was into with. I live on East Coast of South Florida she was on the West Coast of Central Florida. I did all the driving some 12,000 miles before that came to end. I had gone to all her events even with her child she always had the child with her. She told me she told the child services that the child happen after she had gone to event party and didn't know who was the father. That was lie she knows the father it didn't have at event party he came down to be with her from Mich state.

 

So I did most of the driving to her. Do you drive 3 hrs when he has the event or does he drive to you pick you up when you force him to take you to this event. See there is something odd about all of this because he doesn't want you to be at this event. You say you know all the people at this event how about the ones you don't know. You and him aren't married just together just 3 hrs or 6 hrs total around trip.

 

How do you know what he really does with is time when you have your kids. Does your kids get along with him. So the kids dad has them on the days your free to be with this guy..

 

So you been seeing every other weekend or some weekends back to back. Funny I got to her every weekend back to back or tried to stay longer. Have you tried to stay longer with him or has he tried to stay longer with you. How long are you together when you see each other just for 2 days or less or is it 3 days. Short time in 3 years. No longer trips of stay. Do you ever do more with him.

 

Everything else alright with you and him (likes, love, sex, expressing his love for you and you for him) What are you plans anything marriage in the works or just going to keep this back and forth relationship You can't be with him 100% you have kids and I take it he doesn't have any kids of his own since you said he was single. What is your status you are single after a divorce? How many kids you have and their ages?

 

Your fight with this guy how many times you fight? Right now all you care about is to attend this event because you feel you should go when you don't have your kids with you.

 

He telling you he want time away from you when he has his friends. He doesn't have the time to be with you. How does that feel to you? That's now how it suppose to be my dear. Don't you see something is odd about him and you.

 

First you shouldn't be upset if you can't go that's his time away from you. When you have the kids you don't have him over right or wrong?

 

This one is tough case why in the world would you tolerate this sort of behavior with him and you just accept it because your are so use to this sort of deal you have with him. Now your sad about not being able to go. Why because he doesn't want you there. So you see you should be with a man who's closer who has kids can understand what you want and etc. The way you have it with him is so confusing and your not getting the most of his other free time he doesn't want to spend with you.

 

The final outcome is what you want from this? He told you already and your not listening. You can't force your way or just fight about it, your never going to accept you that way. Just there when he needs you and your just their when he wants you along or not. Not right and you know it.. Think about this one. I can't only assume your not really happy with him at these times he goes to these events without you.

[hippychick3]

There are some details your leaving out on purpose why OP? You should tells us what exactly is going on between you and him. So I take it he has never taken you and the kids to this event as it's not just you.

 

When he said he couldn't pay attention to you at the event as much, (red flag).

 

Picturing this event with you there and him with his friends, your just siting there watching him try to have fun with you who has force him to take you along. Hmmm something is not right here at all. Doesn't he love you enough? Doesn't he want to be with you 100% even in public or around his friends? Does he require me time, away time from you without you being around him. When you have the kids he is not around you, or is he around you with the kids are with you. So when you don't have the kids and he has event you can't go because of him and not you? If you have no interest in an event you won't ask to go? Odd so you don't want to go if you have no interest but you have interest in him so you don't think it would be mean not to go if the event interest him. Some selfishness on your part there.

 

Are you sure after all these years of this 3 hour distance relationship you and him feel okay about each other. 3 hour drive each way is tough. I use to do that in 2015 for a woman I was into with. I live on East Coast of South Florida she was on the West Coast of Central Florida. I did all the driving some 12,000 miles before that came to end. I had gone to all her events even with her child she always had the child with her. She told me she told the child services that the child happen after she had gone to event party and didn't know who was the father. That was lie she knows the father it didn't have at event party he came down to be with her from Mich state.

 

So I did most of the driving to her. Do you drive 3 hrs when he has the event or does he drive to you pick you up when you force him to take you to this event. See there is something odd about all of this because he doesn't want you to be at this event. You say you know all the people at this event how about the ones you don't know. You and him aren't married just together just 3 hrs or 6 hrs total around trip.

 

How do you know what he really does with is time when you have your kids. Does your kids get along with him. So the kids dad has them on the days your free to be with this guy..

 

So you been seeing every other weekend or some weekends back to back. Funny I got to her every weekend back to back or tried to stay longer. Have you tried to stay longer with him or has he tried to stay longer with you. How long are you together when you see each other just for 2 days or less or is it 3 days. Short time in 3 years. No longer trips of stay. Do you ever do more with him.

 

Everything else alright with you and him (likes, love, sex, expressing his love for you and you for him) What are you plans anything marriage in the works or just going to keep this back and forth relationship You can't be with him 100% you have kids and I take it he doesn't have any kids of his own since you said he was single. What is your status you are single after a divorce? How many kids you have and their ages?

 

Your fight with this guy how many times you fight? Right now all you care about is to attend this event because you feel you should go when you don't have your kids with you.

 

He telling you he want time away from you when he has his friends. He doesn't have the time to be with you. How does that feel to you? That's now how it suppose to be my dear. Don't you see something is odd about him and you.

 

First you shouldn't be upset if you can't go that's his time away from you. When you have the kids you don't have him over right or wrong?

 

This one is tough case why in the world would you tolerate this sort of behavior with him and you just accept it because your are so use to this sort of deal you have with him. Now your sad about not being able to go. Why because he doesn't want you there. So you see you should be with a man who's closer who has kids can understand what you want and etc. The way you have it with him is so confusing and your not getting the most of his other free time he doesn't want to spend with you.

 

The final outcome is what you want from this? He told you already and your not listening. You can't force your way or just fight about it, your never going to accept you that way. Just there when he needs you and your just their when he wants you along or not. Not right and you know it.. Think about this one. I can't only assume your not really happy with him at these times he goes to these events without you.

 

I had a difficult time understanding parts of your post but will answer as many questions as I can without getting into too many personal details.

 

This event is an ADULTS ONLY event. It's partying and drinking. It's not a place for kids.

 

Saying he couldn't talk to me the whole time was his way of saying that he wanted to talk to everyone there and not be offended if we separated at times.

 

When I have my kids, he typically does not come visit me. However, he has many times come when they're here, and I have brought them there many times. We have all gone to events together and have taken vacations together. We are actually going on a week vacation again right before the tailgate party. We are taking my daughter with us as we did last year. I don't understand what you're saying about events he goes to that I don't want to go to and don't ask? There is one event in the spring I have no interest in. It's not an issue at all.

 

I haven't forced him to do anything. He doesn't want me to be upset so told me that I am coming. I would drive there if I do decide to go (still not sure if I will). I an aware of every single person who will be at the event. It's the same group every year.

 

I know what he's doing at all times we are apart. We communicate frequently. He doesn't hide anything from me, and I have no reason not to trust him. He typically plays golf on the weekends and stays home in the evenings when we are not together. There is no issue here. My kids like him a lot and get along with him.

 

We usually spend more than the weekend together. I have my summers off and many breaks throughout the year that I spend with him for up to a week at a time. He will usually spend 4 days with me when he comes. We have taken many extended trips together.

 

The plan is for me to move there when my youngest graduates hs in 4 years. However, he is looking into other job opportunities here so he could possibly move back. Then we will get married.

 

He does not normally want time away from me when he has his friends. He rarely excludes me from anything. This is the only event that he wants to let loose and relax with no responsibilities at all.

 

He spends all his free time with me when I am available. There are no other events he goes to without me. Every wedding, baby shower, gender reveal, bday parties, etc., he takes me. He asks me to adjust my schedule to go if I have my kids.

[clia]

He does not normally want time away from me when he has his friends. He rarely excludes me from anything. This is the only event that he wants to let loose and relax with no responsibilities at all.

 

He spends all his free time with me when I am available. There are no other events he goes to without me. Every wedding, baby shower, gender reveal, bday parties, etc., he takes me. He asks me to adjust my schedule to go if I have my kids.

 

If this is indeed the case, then I don't see why you can't let him have this one weekend to hang out with his friends without you. To be honest, I think you are being a little unreasonable about this. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you have to bring your significant other to every single event. It sounds like other than this perceived issue, he is a great boyfriend. Sometimes a person just wants to hang out with their friends without having their significant other around, or having to worry about whether their significant other is having a good time.

[hippychick3]

If this is indeed the case, then I don't see why you can't let him have this one weekend to hang out with his friends without you. To be honest, I think you are being a little unreasonable about this. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you have to bring your significant other to every single event. It sounds like other than this perceived issue, he is a great boyfriend. Sometimes a person just wants to hang out with their friends without having their significant other around, or having to worry about whether their significant other is having a good time.

 

I still feel pretty hurt about it but am leaning towards this. Thanks.

[bachdude]

I think this whole post is pretty interesting. I can understand both sides here.

 

In all honesty, OP, going by your own word, and I hope it isn't taken the wrong way, but you sound a bit high maintenance, OK? You admit you can overreact and it sounds to me he bends over backwards to accommodate you. Not good in the long term!

 

Also, you admit you can't drink beer.

 

So basically you would be there while he and his friends drank a bunch of beer and payed beer games while you would not be able to participate.

 

Yeah, it makes sense OP. Imagine the situation for him and you. He wants to engage in the drinking games but he would be torn. He feels a certain reponsibility towards you in social situations, which is good. So he would not be able to really let loose.

 

BUT

 

My other side kicks in as well, my more conservative side, which says deliberately excluding a SO from a party of mixed company where there is admittedly a lot of drinking going on doesn't sound right to me. Call me Mike Pense if you want, I don't care, but I would be loath to exclude my SO from a party like that, unless is it strictly a guys event.

 

So in this case, my conservative side is a bit stronger and I fall on the side of the OP here.

 

But OP, do look at yourself and your tendencies here. Don't wear the poor guy out with being a PITA. OK? Sorry, that sounded a bit harsh!

 

Good luck, OP!

[preraph]

I think it boils down to the fact that I want more togetherness in a long term relationship. I'm totally for girls and guys weekends separately with friends. But I'd like to know that when an event comes up that is not specifically a "guys thing" and I'm able to go, that he will want me there with him every time.

 

But it is a guy thing.

[preraph]

I think it boils down to the fact that I want more togetherness in a long term relationship. I'm totally for girls and guys weekends separately with friends. But I'd like to know that when an event comes up that is not specifically a "guys thing" and I'm able to go, that he will want me there with him every time.

 

But it is a guy thing. And one thing to remember is you may think, Oh, I don't care if they talk like guys, but no one wants their woman acting like one of the guys or being that okay with it either.

[preraph]

I really don't think he's hiding anything. He does act more reserved around his friends when I'm with him according to his friends. He did tell me at one point on the trip that he was always aware I was there and didn't want to do or say anything that could make me upset. Ugh. When I type that it sounds like I'm always mad at him. I possibly do overreact. But even if I didn't, I'm not sure that would change whether or not he'd want me there.

 

He doesn't want you to "fit in" with the guys. So this is a no win situation for him. He and the guys can't act normal if you come and then if you decide to be a good sport and fit in, then you're acting like a guy, not his wife. Some things are better left separated -- as long as it's not just an organized cheating outing and it doesn't sound like it is. He wants you only around his friends when they're not doing guy night and being more civilized!

[ExpatInItaly]

But it is a guy thing.

 

OP said this particular event is not a guy thing. Men and women will be there.