The Problem with Dating today

[The Urbanyst]

Why is dating so hard for a lot of people? This is why:

 

1. Insincerity

2. Selfishness

3. Games

 

Likeable vs. Lovable

 

This is about insincerity. The insincere person is usually very likeable but not lovable. As humans we naturally find people we cannot really trust unappealing when it comes to close relationships. But we appreciate their breezy attitude for casual relationships because there might be less drama to deal with.

 

The sincere person is more lovable because you know how they feel and where they stand. They are less likeable because they will not always tell you what you want to hear.

 

If you are insincere most of the time.. that might be why you can't find love.

 

Nice vs. Good

 

Selfishness is another problem. People who lack integrity will only be nice because they have a motive. But once its clear a person has nothing to offer them they have no problem being cruel, mean, dismissive, etc.

 

If you cannot be generous with others in a relationship and give without expectation of getting something back.. that might be why you can't find love.

 

Direct vs. Indirect

 

Games are about control. Its closely related to being insincere, but it takes it further to trying to control others. Rather than putting the facts in front of others and letting them draw their own conclusions, the game player tries to control how others perceive a situation.

 

The game player often says things like: " I don't want to look desperate" or "I don't want them to think XYZ.."

 

Better not to try controlling what others think. Just be direct about your feelings and intentions and let the other person decide how to deal with it.

 

If you cannot be straight with people... that might be why you can't find love.

Edited August 19, 2017 by The Urbanyst

[coolheadal]

Interesting key points, but there are other factors here. If I may add some of my own experiences;

 

Can someone express their love to you?

Show it, Tell it/Say it, Live it!

There is where most people can't even do right.

 

You haven't spoken to your GF lately and you let her call you up when she can. She'll be the first one to say "Good morning" If she doesn't see you text back then she'll follow-up with a direct call to you. On this call to you does she say she misses you or do you say it first. Even you say it first does she say anything to that fact back to you? Again how can they express the love for you if they can't Tell it or Say it to you..

 

Cuddling

If you on the sofa or couch, and you want to cuddle with your GF and she said no she's not into that what do you do? Try it anyway? If you do does she still does not want you to touch her? Some might allow you too. Some are so cold heart that they don't know what to do just sit there and stare at the TV.

 

 

Active/Dull

Active person is away's positive and smiling saying great things. Dull person doesn't do nothing just bored to death or another word for depression.

 

Again there is a lot of this going around also.

 

Touchy/Feelings

One more key area is when they had all the touchy feelings when they were in high school now as adult they don't want that. That's really sad if a person feels like that today. If they never felt emotional affection just the simple touch of the chin/cheek showing them how much you love them. Once they experience that love they're never say no again..

[CoolJoe]

Everyone who is dating should read The 5 Love Languages. If you and your partner communicate and understand how each one gives and receives love, relationships would be so much healthier in general.

[smackie9]

It's all a dance. You feel each other out to figure out what their criteria is. Sometimes it changes if the attraction is strong, or turns weak. That's why dating is a minefield. It's unpredictable and there are no guarantees. It was just as bad when I was dating over 25 years ago. Same old trash, players, flakes, losers, ghosting, hump and dump, etc. Things are just at a faster pace because of the internet, so it seems like it's more trash when it's really not. You are just going through it quicker. Suck it up it is what it is.

[Miss Spider]

That's true