fiskadoro Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 Men who use prostitutes at a young age don't necessarily stop doing it as they get older, they just get better at hiding it, or do it with less frequency. But it is gross and problematic in many ways. Besides the disease aspect - everyone has talked about that well already, I won't - there is the need for a healthy sex life. If he sees sex as a convenience to be bought, he won't want it with you, and I imagine that would cause serious problems in your relationship, right? My ex was divorced from a guy who saw prostitutes. It devastated her when she found out.... I always got the idea that she felt very undesired and cast-off because he, despite her attempts to build a loving marriage, would sneak off to pay women to do what she was willing to do (with much affection) for free. You don't want to find yourself in the position (pardon the pun) of worrying that you had to be an Olympian in the bedroom or your bf might go pay for it elsewhere. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 I have realized that no matter what I do or say or try I cannot be with him. As his shady and disgusting past of absolute abuse and self destructive behavior has tainted me. I cannot get over it. It's repulsive. My issue is his past is making everything jaded and I can't continue in this relationship because of it, as there is always that level of trust. Do woman agree with me? Or am I being over sensitive about his past that really doesn't have anything to do with me? You have repeatedly said there is no middle ground for you, that you draw the line at prostitution & you find his behavior repulsive. OK fine. But then you write: Anyway we are seeing a shrink this week, I am Going to use the words I have used and let my bf hear them as well as a professional doctor who will be able determine if I am too far gone!! So torn!! Head over heart!!! Thank you kind friends for your help I will keep you posted!! What is there to see a shrink about? Why are you trying to talk yourself into accept behavior that you find so reprehensible? By flip flopping on this issue you are essentially giving him permission to continue. You said there is no way you can accept this behavior & it's over. Now you are saying you are willing to talk to a shrink about it. In essence you are admitting that you lied when you said it's over. So now you are going to subject yourself to being browbeaten into forgiving him. He's going to think, she didn't dump me before; she won't dump me now. He's going to conclude he can still engage in the behavior -- especially the on line stuff -- & that you will get over it with another expensive trip to the shrink. If you can accept it, fine. It's your relationship. But for you to come on here so forcefully against his behavior but now meekly back slide into the possibility that you two can work this out tells me you are not as principled as you claim. You are willing to quickly abandon your own morals. You need to be true to yourself before you can have a healthy relationship. 1
Hathor Posted August 25, 2017 Posted August 25, 2017 Do you believe he is still having intercourse with prostitutes?
Author Littlemary Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 No I don't. Unless I am very stupid and naive, which I don't think I am. But I do think he thinks about it and has a problem, due to liking the Facebook page recently. I am going with him on Monday for a two hour session to a shrink. Where I will tell the shrink how I am feeling and also explain that my feelings are so intensely negative about his past that I am not sure I can carry on. My bf has said he understands my feelings but has asked me to give it one more try, saying that perhaps we can get tools for these 'muddy waters' and carry on with our relationship. I feel I should try. One more chance. For myself and my future. If I see or hear or feel that anything is wrong it's over. And he knows that. I will keep you updated. I know most of you are thinking I'm crazy and weak! But I'm giving this my best shot!
Author Littlemary Posted August 26, 2017 Author Posted August 26, 2017 (edited) Double posting sorry Edited August 26, 2017 by Littlemary Double posting
MJJean Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Umm, you mentioned when you were first dating he had an "incident", brought you a negative HIV test, apologized, and hopped a plane to work out of town. You do know HIV has an incubation period and the test he showed you was meaningless. I could literally knowingly have sex with someone with HIV and test negative the next day. Frankly, everything you've said he's said is straight out of the cheaters handbook. Yes, he's still using prostitutes. Yes, he's gotten better at hiding it. No, you aren't overreacting. Yes, I think the shrink is a waste of time and funds. If you stay with this man, you're going to have to cling like grim death to turning a blind eye and simply accept that he will occasionally visit hookers. 1
elaine567 Posted August 26, 2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Umm, you mentioned when you were first dating he had an "incident", brought you a negative HIV test, apologized, and hopped a plane to work out of town. You do know HIV has an incubation period and the test he showed you was meaningless. I could literally knowingly have sex with someone with HIV and test negative the next day. Frankly, everything you've said he's said is straight out of the cheaters handbook. Yes, he's still using prostitutes. Yes, he's gotten better at hiding it. No, you aren't overreacting. Yes, I think the shrink is a waste of time and funds. If you stay with this man, you're going to have to cling like grim death to turning a blind eye and simply accept that he will occasionally visit hookers. Agreed and the next crisis point I guess will come when you are pregnant or you have one or two kids and another on the way and he is spending oodles of cash on prostitutes. and introducing sleaze into you and your kids lives Then you will be stuck, upset and sad for yourself and also for your kids, and wonder why you never walked away in 2017, when it was so easy to do so...
Author Littlemary Posted August 30, 2017 Author Posted August 30, 2017 Plans are being made. I am leaving him. Saw the shrink. I don't have to throw my morals and values away because of his bad past. There are many pure men out there!! I'm not asking for a saint, but rather someone who doesn't have a problem of exploiting prostitution. So soon to be single, alone and no matter how cliche it is booked a month holiday in India. I'm a photographer so I'm going to emmerse myself into rich culture and madness!!! Thanks all xx 2
SmartDude Posted August 30, 2017 Posted August 30, 2017 Plans are being made. I am leaving him. Saw the shrink. I don't have to throw my morals and values away because of his bad past. There are many pure men out there!! I'm not asking for a saint, but rather someone who doesn't have a problem of exploiting prostitution. So soon to be single, alone and no matter how cliche it is booked a month holiday in India. I'm a photographer so I'm going to emmerse myself into rich culture and madness!!! Thanks all xx Im sorry no. You don't just get to cast your judgment on a whole group of people. Then start using words like "morals, values, pure, dirty". Sex workers, seen in another light, are angels who take away men's suffering and lonlyness. Including situations were a wife has traped her husband with pitty sex, and he can never leave the marraige. It sounds like you are a die-hard monogamist with some pretty bad rectroavtive jelousy. You encouraged another human being to be vulnerable and share their past. And what did you do? You cast your judgment on them for this. That is shady behavior right there in my eyes. If I was him and experienced this kind of reaction, I would be the one breaking up. The reason for the breakup would be sexual incompatablility. I can empathize with this guy because I often use the services of sex workers when I don't want to go out and try to encourage a woman to have sex with me that night. It is much less of a mess than FWB at times. This is because it is a very clear relationship. There is no chance to fall in love, the rules are against it..in this way it is "safe". I would encourage any one reading this to really question yourself: "What exactly is so wrong with one person paying another for sex"? You will find that the core issue is that most humans are not evolved enough to simply walk up to a stranger and have sex with them, without causing emotional damage to themselves via their own sexual guilt. Those who are in the play for pay world have broken through these barriers. I am not taking about the street walkers who are addicted to drugs, this is a subgroup that I don't visit ever. Having experienced many of the most beautifull woman on earth, what happens after that? Well if your like me you still seek something more substantial at some point. You kind of get the "been there done that feeling" which could be great actually. Its a nice feeling knowing that you don't have to chase after that beautifull woman anymore, That you can just focus on some one you actually want to be with. That is what removing sexual scarcity does. But if someone was truly a sex addict, they would be following a different pattern.
Author Littlemary Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 Wow! Huge statements in your reply. You sound angry. I have no issue with sex workers, they are everywhere and men are able to use them for whatever they need. It's their choice. No issue with that. I am far from jealous at men that pay for sex in shady cheap hotel rooms. It's their choice. Good luck to both of them. The risk is massive and not only do they share STDs their are other problems such as abuse, men do things that their wives don't want to do. I am not conservative in bed and know I am very confident about my body. I am a beautiful woman and feel no jealousy or insecurity about myself. I don't need to keep my man satisfied to make sure he doesn't need pay a woman for sex. That mentality ruins marriages and relationships. It takes two to tango. The fact that a man has the 'choice' to get sex so easy and pay for it is a cop out! If you have a heathly sex life this doesn't even come into the head! He did it before me, I received red flags and don't necessarily want to be with a man that I cannot trust nor allow him to put my life in his jeopardy. For his issues. Picking a prostitute from the side of the road is dangerous for him and for me. It's self destructive and it's not man I wish to build a life a life with. I want to be with a man that does share my moral and feelings about this subject and I do honestly believe their are many men out there. I'm not standing on a soap box in judgement I'm standing up for myself. Which is great, should of done this years ago. I feel positive about it and am happy to start a new relationship making sure I find a man that is the same as me. Yes we all come with baggage but their is certain baggage I will not tolerate. Peace to all 2
Author Littlemary Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 Btw??? What is pity sex? Have you had pity sex?? Never heard of that??
kendahke Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 Btw??? What is pity sex? Have you had pity sex?? Never heard of that?? It's exactly that. Having sex with someone because you feel sorry for them. Urban Dictionary has 4 entries on this.
SmartDude Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 Btw??? What is pity sex? Have you had pity sex?? Never heard of that?? Its when a women thinks she is all in love but then notices that the sex has never been that good. She gets maried and has children with the guy thinking that will make it better. After the baby she is disgusted by the thought of being touched by her husband. She then gives him sex just to keep him from divorcing or causing trouble at home. He is now getting pity sex. I have never married nor will I ever ,so I don't have to worry about this.
Miss Spider Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 Guy has major issues and should just stick with prostitutes.
newyork82 Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 SO i have to post on this because this was exactly me 6 years ago. He was doing all sorts on fb and liking prostitutes. Finally he told me he was changed and wanted to get married. What i didnt know was that he went fully undercover and started it in a big way. I caught him 6 years later. that week he slept with 5 prostitutes in 7days. Here i am now 2 kids later wondering why i ever got married. Run Run Run RUn Run and dont look back. please.
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