Littlemary Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 My boyfriend used to order woman online and go to shady hotels to have sex with them, he also used to literally pick them up on the side of the road. He was obsessed. Yet says he has changed completely since meeting me. In the three years we have been together I got two random emails saying : 1. while he is enjoying you, he is F**cking other woman, 2. He still uses prositutes. Then two days ago I caught him liking a prostitution Facebook page, where you can order and meet up with them. I have realized that no matter what I do or say or try I cannot be with him. As his shady and disgusting past of absolute abuse and self destructive behavior has tainted me. I cannot get over it. It's repulsive. I don't come from a home where that was ever even discussed or accepted. I'm not religious and I certainly don't judge anyone. But I do judge the man I sleep with every night because of his past. I have lost respect, love, understanding and the ability to look at him without wanting to run away. I'm at an age where I cannot waste years with a man who cannot be trusted and honest. He needs to go seek help and move along. I need to lick my wounds and find s man that first do that type of stuff, trust me there are many!! Thoughts???
CoolJoe Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Who were these emailers? And it sounds like you got your answer. Sorry! That must suck. Did you tell him you're ending it yet?
Author Littlemary Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 He said they were from a ex girlfriend at the time, she was giving us a hard time. But they were a year apart? So I'm not sure anymore, plus the liked online escort agency happened Thursday! I have told him. But he has begged me to seek help, saying that we should go see a shrink and hash it out and work to find tools to make it better. I'm just extremely exhausted and am not sure what to do anymore? I mean does a leopard change his spots ever? And the thought of it still makes me want to vomit!
Raena Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 To be honest, I don't think it matters if he can change his ways or not. You seem really disgusted by his past and that isn't going to change. The emails and the fb likes are very good reasons to be concerned about what he is doing when he's not with you. That's no way to be in a relationship. If you can't trust in and believe him 100% then what is the point in staying in a relationship with him? Do you need absolute proof that he's cheating on you with prostitutes? I'd say go with your gut. If you feel like something is off then it probably is. 4
mikeylo Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 The past does affect the future as it's an ongoing issue. He isn't clean yet. He needs to get therapy , not you duh ! You have used strong words -- repulsive, disgusted , lost respect etc. These are your true feelings , don't ignore them. Him begging and pleading means nothing. Cut the cord. 2
elaine567 Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 The problem with a prostitute "habit" is that prostitutes are everywhere. YOU will never rest knowing he can relapse at any time and you may know nothing about it... He is not only most likely cheating on you, he is risking your health and fertility too. Get yourself tested for STIs TODAY. Raena is correct You seem really disgusted by his past and that isn't going to changeYOU wrote I have lost respect, love, understanding and the ability to look at him without wanting to run away. Then run, this is no basis for a real relationship. YOU can't fix this without compromising yourself and your core values. He is not worth risking your own mental health for. Staying and dealing with this will send you crazy - literally.
BaileyB Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Get tested for STD's. You have to leave the relationship. Good luck. 4
CptInsano Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Get tested for STD's. That was my first thought. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 You have a certain set of values & standards. He can't or won't meet them. Good for you for being true to your own beliefs but do get tested ASAP 1
OnlyHonesty Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 I have realized that no matter what I do or say or try I cannot be with him. As his shady and disgusting past of absolute abuse and self destructive behavior has tainted me. I cannot get over it. It's repulsive. Thoughts??? Thoughts? You need to break up with him. But you should also be mindful of the seduction of labeling others in the way you just did. Believe it or not, without us realizing, doing so can be detrimental to us because it can make us feel superior, and inflate our ego. Think about it, where did that language come from? repulsive, disgusting, shady? Why did you feel the need to use it? After all it won't change anything... 2
Author Littlemary Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 I have tested myself. And it's all clear! STDs are the last worry in my life is is HIV this is a death sentence. I do feel disgusted, repulsive and have very little respect for any man that uses prostitutes. I don't respect any man that uses and pays for sex in shady escort agencies or on the side of the road. It is a shady world. Bottom line. I'm sorry if these words offend anyone. It's my personal oppion. I wish that all prostitution could be like Pretty Woman like the movies! But it isn't. I also agree that he has a problem and he should seek help. But not on my watch. I'd prefer to find a partner that thinks like me and be in a healthy relationship. I'd rather be on my feet than on my knees! Time to start a new day, a new life. Learn from my lessons and always live through my gut as this never fails me. Thank you for everyone valuable input. 4
Author Littlemary Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 I have tested myself. And it's all clear! STDs are the last worry in my love GE. HIV is a death sentence. I do feel disgusted, repulsive and have very little respect for any man that using prostitutes. I don't respect any man that uses and pays for sex in shady escort agencies or on the side of the road. It is a shady world. Bottom line. I'm sorry if these words offend anyone. It's my personal oppion. I wish that all prostitution could be like Pretty Woman like the movies! But it isn't. I also agree that he has a problem and he should seek help. But not on my watch. I'd prefer to find a partner that thinks like me and be in a healthy relationship. A like mined person. I'd rather be on my feet than on my knees! Time to start a new day, a new life. Learn from my lessons and always live through my gut as this never fails me. Thank you for everyone valuable input.
coolheadal Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 I have tested myself. And it's all clear! STDs are the last worry in my love GE. HIV is a death sentence. I do feel disgusted, repulsive and have very little respect for any man that using prostitutes. I don't respect any man that uses and pays for sex in shady escort agencies or on the side of the road. It is a shady world. Bottom line. I'm sorry if these words offend anyone. It's my personal oppion. I wish that all prostitution could be like Pretty Woman like the movies! But it isn't. I also agree that he has a problem and he should seek help. But not on my watch. I'd prefer to find a partner that thinks like me and be in a healthy relationship. A like mined person. I'd rather be on my feet than on my knees! Time to start a new day, a new life. Learn from my lessons and always live through my gut as this never fails me. Thank you for everyone valuable input. Very good but there is no cure for STDs Aids/HIV HVP Warts worst of the bunch.. Make sure your tested correctly. Forget him he's pervert! Sex Addict that's his life those hoes and pros.. He doesn't even know what you are or how to make a life with you. That's why he still after his sex fantasies his hoes and pros.. You cut contact with the pervert and look for a real man, he's not a real man, just fool not in love with you a fool who love dirty woman.. Yuck!
Miss Spider Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 I'm sorry to hear that. He sounds like he has a serious problem. Glad your tests came back negative
kendahke Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 He said they were from a ex girlfriend at the time, she was giving us a hard time. But they were a year apart? So I'm not sure anymore, plus the liked online escort agency happened Thursday! I have told him. But he has begged me to seek help, saying that we should go see a shrink and hash it out and work to find tools to make it better. I'm just extremely exhausted and am not sure what to do anymore? I mean does a leopard change his spots ever? And the thought of it still makes me want to vomit! What's this "we" mess? You're not the one sneaking behind his back, sniffing in behind pros. HE is the one who has the problem; HE is the one who needs to go straighten himself out. Perhaps he's a sex addict? Maybe there's an aspect of sex he can have with them that he dare not bring to your bed and he can't give that up. At any rate, I think you need to cut him loose. Let him work on his issues in his own time--the first on his list is getting his ex straightened out. Why is she still causing problems if they've been split apart all this time? 2
emsx0x Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 Ew sounds like a classic misogynist who feels he is entitled to women's bodies by paying them to be treated as a non-human. I wouldn't even look twice at such a disgusting person.
Author Littlemary Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 I don't have any evidence that he is still doing it. Besides the two emails and his latest search in Facebook. My issue is his past is making everything jaded and I can't continue in this relationship because of it, as there is always that level of trust. I have expressed to him that he has a problem and he has said that's it's over because he met me. So even if he had to walk in water and play Mozart in an orchestra I would still be carrying the uncertainty and feelings of anxiety. And that is no way to live! I know there is a better man for me. I am not scared to be alone, I'd rather have nothing than have something that is troubling me. Do woman agree with me? Or am I being over sensitive about his past that really doesn't have anything to do with me?
HarmonyDriven Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 Thoughts??? I agree with most posters - time to move on and get out of this relationship. Just curious, you have been in a relationship with this guy for three years, did you have any idea about his past? When did he come clean so to speak? IMO, a past is one thing....but, it sounds like this guy is still somewhat active in his past as it is showing in his present behavior (ie. likes on facebook/prostitute.....)
Author Littlemary Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 We have been together for four years, living together for more than a year and a half. He had an incident one night really early in the beginning of our courting where he came in with his HIV status on a paper saying that he had made a mistake the night before. Then went overseas on business. I was devastated but though I was overreacting as he was being honest. We chatted briefly about it and what had happen etc. when he told me about his past I was trying to be mature and compassionate by allowing him to have had a past and to build a new future with me! But all of the data he shared swirled around my head, turning it into huge anxiety and I just can't go in anymore knowing what type of man he was before. The worst part is he is smart, funny, sweet and great guy. Whom I'm very in love with. I have only spoken to my mother about this situation also not giving her details and she said I should torture him for his mistakes in the past. And I don't. I just have come to realize I cannot get rid of my feelings and racing thoughts about the vile nature of it all. There is a site called sexysa . Co . Za. Go on there and see what I mean. I am a beautiful woman, I am curvy and I'm proud of my looks, I'm sexy but classy. As hard as this will be as we have invested so much together I can't fight monsters in my head daily over something I never did. I also cannot get married to him either. So why waste another minute of my precious life. Sorry rambling!! You have no idea how helpful this is as I am extremely embarrassed to tell anyone about this!! Does Loveshack have a phone app? I only post using iPhone so difficult!!
2much4 Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 I think you're lucky he told you. I know several guys who have seen prostitutes, but they would never ever tell their girlfriend/wife. Now you can decide what you want to do with this information. 1
HarmonyDriven Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 I'd prefer to find a partner that thinks like me and be in a healthy relationship. I'd rather be on my feet than on my knees! Time to start a new day, a new life. Learn from my lessons and always live through my gut as this never fails me. Sounds like you have a positive attitude about change and ready to go forward, this is a great thing. Good luck and YOU will find the right person for you.
caveman621 Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 If you are disgusted by his past and can't be with someone with his past, he can't change his past. I don't understand the question. You need to dump him. Even if you MIGHT be OK with someone who used prostitutes in his PAST, it sounds like this isn't even his PAST, it's his PRESENT. No question. You gotta get away from him.
Author Littlemary Posted August 21, 2017 Author Posted August 21, 2017 You are right! I need to make be on. A lot easier said than done. So confused! So angry at myself for getting myself in this position in the first place. Anyway we are seeing a shrink this week, I am Going to use the words I have used and let my bf hear them as well as a professional doctor who will be able determine if I am too far gone!! So torn!! Head over heart!!! Thank you kind friends for your help I will keep you posted!!
elaine567 Posted August 21, 2017 Posted August 21, 2017 I don't understand why you don't just dump him. He has persuaded her that "she" needs help from a psychiatrist to get over this and that with therapy, she can learn how to accept his seedy past/present. She can learn to stop wanting to vomit... She can thus help "save" him from those "nasty" prostitutes who are obviously determined to ruin his life and won't leave him alone... and no doubt they will continue to do so. 2
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