Popsicle Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 (edited) I need some armchair psychologist help. So, I broke up with my ex-bf 5 months ago and it was kind of a bad break up and we haven't spoken a word to each other since. Since then, his mother, who I never texted with while we were together (although she tried) texts me about once a month asking to meet up to catch up. I do not text this woman first, she texts me and she's always real nice but I must admit that it confuses me. I wonder why is she still in contact with me and wants to see me when it's over between her son and I and more importantly, he does not know that her and I still talk. She is scared to tell him because he will get mad at her. I have agreed to see her when she asks (we have breakfast or lunch together) and responded to her texts up to this point because for the first few months, I figured either he or she was secretly trying to get us back together, which I at least wanted to know about, but that is NOT the case. She's not doing that. I am completely baffled as to why she wants to keep talking. She has texted me again today. It always shocks me when I receive these because I convince myself that she's done. I truly think she's just needy. Any insights? Edited August 19, 2017 by Popsicle
Nowty V Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 That's weird. Whatever her motivation is, if her overtures are not to your liking, there does not seem to be an easy way to the nearest exit. She may want you as a friend. 1
Whodatdog Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Maybe she's just lonely. If you consider it weird, just make excuses that you cant go. Hopefully she will stop contacting you. 1
preraph Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 As you must know, a whole lot of mothers these days are trying to live through their kids and their friends and be friends with their kids' friends because somewhere along the line they abandoned all their old friends and have no one left. If you don't want to go, then just don't. It's improper for her to do this. 2
Author Popsicle Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 Yeah I think she's bored, lonely and needy. The funny thing is, she has tons of friends, not sure why she needs me, and is super extroverted. She always has people around her, including her 2 sons who she sees every single day.
preraph Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 Because she likes to believe she is still young and hip. It's validation for her. 1
coolheadal Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 I need some armchair psychologist help. So, I broke up with my ex-bf 5 months ago and it was kind of a bad break up and we haven't spoken a word to each other since. Since then, his mother, who I never texted with while we were together (although she tried) texts me about once a month asking to meet up to catch up. I do not text this woman first, she texts me and she's always real nice but I must admit that it confuses me. I wonder why is she still in contact with me and wants to see me when it's over between her son and I and more importantly, he does not know that her and I still talk. She is scared to tell him because he will get mad at her. I have agreed to see her when she asks (we have breakfast or lunch together) and responded to her texts up to this point because for the first few months, I figured either he or she was secretly trying to get us back together, which I at least wanted to know about, but that is NOT the case. She's not doing that. I am completely baffled as to why she wants to keep talking. She has texted me again today. It always shocks me when I receive these because I convince myself that she's done. I truly think she's just needy. Any insights? Tell me about the relationship you had with the BF and his mom. You must have left a positive impression with her and him. Though you have not spoken to him about what? What happen to you two? Why did his mom try to communicate with you still? Is her son still waiting on your return? What is his status? Do you talk about him with his mom? Something your doing is causing her to text you. What does her text say? I take it you haven't found another guy yet? Do you have any kids with him Pop? Or are their from a prior relationship? 2
Author Popsicle Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 I do not have kids with him, we only dated for 1 year. I do not initiate texts with her but when we have met up, she brings him up (briefly) to tell me that he's doing good and is not dating. After discussing this with my wise old friend, this is what I think is happening. I think he is NOT doing good and his mom knows it but she is so needy, she is not strong enough to be tough with him. He's not really happy with his place in life and has made mistakes and I think his mom sees me as the best thing that's ever happened to him and she sort of holds onto me as a life vest for him. She is co-dependent and it's just weird and I wanted out of the whole thing. Admittedly I do miss him in certain ways (something she must know) but I know it could never work. My friend said she only texts me because she wants me back with her son. Well, I say talk to your son, not me, and straighten him out.
bluefeather Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 I would have told her that we couldn't talk anymore the first time she texted after the breakup... Unless you are keeping in contact with her because there is a chance you still might be interested in reconciliation. he does not know that her and I still talk. If a parent of mine was talking to one of my exes behind my back, that would be very upsetting. 1
Author Popsicle Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 I would have told her that we couldn't talk anymore the first time she texted after the breakup... Unless you are keeping in contact with her because there is a chance you still might be interested in reconciliation. Maybe. If he gets better. If a parent of mine was talking to one of my exes behind my back, that would be very upsetting. I know, and she is scared. She has lied to him and told him that she's meeting up with an old friend when he asks where she's going. She keeps inviting me to family dinners and telling me to just show up like "oh look who just popped in!". I'm like no way I'm not doing that. It's all so weird. 1
preraph Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 She's just wanting you to take him off her hands, pure and simple. You need to block her. This is not her just being friends with you. She's thinking of herself and so should you. 1
Author Popsicle Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 She's just wanting you to take him off her hands, pure and simple. You need to block her. This is not her just being friends with you. She's thinking of herself and so should you. I think you're right. I remember her once complaining to me about him, "I just wish I had some help" (with him). But at the same time, she can't be without him! She would die.
Author Popsicle Posted December 18, 2017 Author Posted December 18, 2017 Just a little update: Mom still texts me. Ex-bf still doesn't know. She informed me that he dated someone else for a month this past summer, but she didn't like the girl and didn't want to know her. It's over between them and mom is still texting me. I still don't get it. Very strange family.
Author Popsicle Posted March 6, 2018 Author Posted March 6, 2018 Holy F.... His mom just texted me again! Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyy????
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 Holy F.... His mom just texted me again! Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyy???? lol wow! 3 months after the last one? Is she a drinker? I miss my ex MIL but we are not in touch (except that one time she called me because she thought I called her and we spent two minutes of awkward small talk before we realized that neither one of us actually needed to talk to the other). I'm friends on FB and Instagram with the mother of the last guy I dated. I really liked her too and she always comments on my photos of my dog because she really loved him and she misses him . I think social media is a lot different than texting, though. What did her text today say? 1
Author Popsicle Posted March 6, 2018 Author Posted March 6, 2018 lol wow! 3 months after the last one? Is she a drinker? I miss my ex MIL but we are not in touch (except that one time she called me because she thought I called her and we spent two minutes of awkward small talk before we realized that neither one of us actually needed to talk to the other). I'm friends on FB and Instagram with the mother of the last guy I dated. I really liked her too and she always comments on my photos of my dog because she really loved him and she misses him . I think social media is a lot different than texting, though. What did her text today say? Well I blocked him on FB a month or so ago. Her text just said "Hi Popsicle, are you still in the area?". Last we spoke I told her I will be moving. She and I are not friends on FB and no she's not a drinker.
bathtub-row Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 My son dated someone for about 3 or 4 yrs. I liked her and came to know her family, all that. They were in their last year of high school when she and my son met, they went through a few years of college together, and now she's an attorney. I admire her a lot but she was far too driven for my son's taste and she didn't want kids. This was too much for my son. Then things turned ugly between them and they broke up. I admit that I miss her to some degree but my son has been dating someone for several years who's much more suited for him. I love her a lot. But I also liked the other girl. Her and her family are still on my facebook. I think that sometimes when we make connections with people, it's not important how those connections happened. I keep a respectful distance with the ex and her family but I still like knowing what's going on with them. I'll always care about them. I think a couple of things might be going on with your ex's mom. I think she hopes that you and her son will get back together, she really likes you, and she came to care about you. I think what's she's doing is somewhat inappropriate but I think if you decline every now and then, it'll eventually fizzle on its own. 2
Author Popsicle Posted March 6, 2018 Author Posted March 6, 2018 I don’t know. Like Cautious said, social media is different than texting. I have not responded.
bathtub-row Posted March 6, 2018 Posted March 6, 2018 I don’t know. Like Cautious said, social media is different than texting. I have not responded. Yeah. I was just rambling about how we sometimes get attached to people. But even in my situation, I cut ties with the ex. My son wouldn't have liked me being buddies with her and it would've felt disrespectful to him and his new gf. I just think your ex's mom doesn't really get it, and probably has hopes that you'll get back together with her son. 1
Author Popsicle Posted March 6, 2018 Author Posted March 6, 2018 I just think your ex's mom doesn't really get it, and probably has hopes that you'll get back together with her son. See that’s the part that pisses me off with her. She puts the burden of that on me but won’t say a word to him?
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