Texting has changed, I'm worried? [UPDATE: time limit to get rid of ex's stuff]

[BaileyB]

I did contact him myself, he wants to see me. Idk if there was time change, but he didn't fly or drive.

 

 

Did you ask him to get together? Did you try to make any specific plans to see each other?

 

And yeah, how long have you been dating?

 

I'm also curious... How far did he go on this vacation if he didn't fly or drive? And, he probably isn't too tired if he didn't actually travel very far.

[ExpatInItaly]

I did contact him myself, he wants to see me. Idk if there was time change, but he didn't fly or drive.

 

This strikes me as a little odd - do you not know where he was? How did he travel?

[act00]

It would bother me too if there wasn't some mention of when to see each other, but try not to worry too much and give him a little time. Travel can be exhausting and he has to unpack and get back to reality. If it was long trip and he lives alone or independent of his parents, he probably has to deal with groceries and other errands. He has more stuff going on.

 

You on the other hand have the same old daily stuff. For you, it was business as usual, and during times you would normally see him or talk to him, he was gone. You missed him. You have had more free time. It's always harder on the person who isn't busy because you're all ready to go and they're tired or have other obligations. You need to be a bit patient.

 

It's not the demise of your relationship just yet.

[Seriousperson]

I have posted a couple questions about my bf, a lot of my insecurity comes from the fact that he still has his long term ex's stuff that she wants back. After dealing w/guy's exes and that never ending well for me, I put my foot down on this one. Its been awhile since they broke up and I'm suspecting she isn't taking her stuff just to be able to pop up at any time in his life. I always dump my baggage when w/a new guy, I expect my partner to do the same.

 

I told him that a controlling guy I used to date randomly messaged me. I told him just in case something happens and this guy tries to get involved (he wasn't mentally stable). My bf got concerned about the messages. I ended w/the guy saying I don't want to stay in contact, that was that. I gave my bf and ultimatum: her stuff goes, or I go (by this time). In the past I have been sympathetic towards my guy's situation w/their ex and have been trampled on. Did I do the right thing?

[SevenCity]

No. No you did not.

 

Giving someone an ultimatum is the worst thing you can do. It comes off as controlling and pretty much forces someone to do the opposite.

 

If you want to keep him around I would apologize and tell him how it makes you feel in a loving manner and hope he does the right thing.

 

Your insecurities will drive him back to her faster than her stuff.

[olivetree]

It's good to have boundaries, but I wouldn't dole out ultimatums, probably about anything.

It's always better to stay how you feel and what YOU are going to do about it.

[Seriousperson]

No. No you did not.

 

Giving someone an ultimatum is the worst thing you can do. It comes off as controlling and pretty much forces someone to do the opposite.

 

If you want to keep him around I would apologize and tell him how it makes you feel in a loving manner and hope he does the right thing.

 

Your insecurities will drive him back to her faster than her stuff.

 

I understand that, but I feel as though if I don't something, that stuff will never disappear (been a year since their break up).

 

My 1st ex lived w/his ex (yeah I know, stupid move on my end). Anyways I never pressured him to move or kick her out and he was living w/her even after we broke up! I tried to help him find a new place and encouraged him to get another roommate.

[Seriousperson]

It's good to have boundaries, but I wouldn't dole out ultimatums, probably about anything.

It's always better to stay how you feel and what YOU are going to do about it.

 

Why do I need to do anything about it? My bf hasn't had to deal w/any of my exes and I don't want anything to do w/his.