girlinNYC Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 My aunt and her husband (ex uncle) split a couple of years ago. They had been married for my whole life up until that point, they remain super civil and the best of friends but could no longer make their marriage work. They don't have kids. He was always like a second father to me and I've always had so much respect for him. However lately he has slightly changed his tune. He's always been an extremely funny guy but not on a flirtatious level, maybe because back then I was younger. Apart from telling me I have grown up to be a beautiful woman (normal compliment), I bumped into him in the street a few weeks ago and he hugged me etc and passers by obviously noticed as you do. He jokingly said that they're probably thinking we should get a room and asking if I wanted too. The most notable exchange. Although he'll always be important to me based on all the fond childhood memories, I feel slightly awkward at the moment if I was to see him? Obviously it's a boundary I would never cross out of respect of my aunt, goes without saying. But I am not sure why he'd make the above statements especially if he's still in my aunts life as a friend.
CptInsano Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 [...] Apart from telling me I have grown up to be a beautiful woman (normal compliment), I bumped into him in the street a few weeks ago and he hugged me etc and passers by obviously noticed as you do. He jokingly said that they're probably thinking we should get a room and asking if I wanted too. The most notable exchange. [...] It reads like a very poor attempt at an ego boost to me, somewhat on the borderline of awkward and creepy. Unfortunately, nothing much you can do about at this point, except making sure he doesn't try to take it further. I think he'd try to pass it off as just a joke if you confronted him about it. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 (edited) If my (ex) uncle made that "should we get a room" comment to me, that'd probably be the last I'd be seeing of him if I could help it. Too creepy. Esp if he was like 2nd dad figure to me... Edited August 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2
Zahara Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 He jokingly said that they're probably thinking we should get a room and asking if I wanted too. That would be the last time I'd be seeing him or having anything to do with him. 4
preraph Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 Because he has the decorum of a bloodsucking leech. Tell someone in your family about this. Like your father or your brother. Someone should know what he's up to who is around when he is. 2
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 Whatever his intentions were, innocent or not, over all it was inappropriate because it DID make you uncomfortable. Just mention it to your auntie and she will take care of it. 3
Robratory Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 But I am not sure why he'd make the above statements especially if he's still in my aunts life as a friend. He's not your blood relative but his behavior was still completely inappropriate. Not only is there a big age difference but, additionally, you already have a familiar relationship. His behavior was completely inappropriate. I shouldn't make this about me, but frankly, this kind of female passivity in the face of unacceptable male behavior triggers me a bit. It really makes me mad. None of this was your fault, but you should learn to react with furious outrage when someone trespasses boundaries like this. You would have been 100% in the right had you broken free from your uncle's lover's embrace with a loud "What the hell do you think you're doing?" This can't be dismissed with "I was just joking." You don't come out of the blue and make a joke about "getting a room" with the little girl you watched growing up. That's just wrong. 7
elaine567 Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 I do think some men can be highly inappropriate and I guess he is now thinking the OP is not my blood so she is fair game. "I am now a single man and she is hot, maybe she will give me a chance as we already know each other..." 2
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 I do think some men can be highly inappropriate and I guess he is now thinking the OP is not my blood so she is fair game. "I am now a single man and she is hot, maybe she will give me a chance as we already know each other..." Ewwww just ewwwww.:sick: 2
kendahke Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 You need to tell which ever of your parents is her sibling. I don't think this should come from you alone. You need to know that your parents back you up first in this because he will certainly start calling you the liar and you don't know your aunt and ex-uncle's relationship as well as her sibling might. They may still be having sex for all you know. But I agree with Robratory--you needed to wax indignant on the spot when this happened. You not making your disgust known may cause him to ramp up his advances next time he sees you---and it might be an unexpected visit to your house because he took your absence of indignance as a green light to go further. 1
bachdude Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 You say he has always been "extremely funny" but his comment goes beyond this. You just don't joke about getting a room with your (former) niece. It's not funny at all. My guess is he is saying these sorts of things jokingly to see your reaction. That way, if he is called out on it, he can say, "I was just joking!". If he jokes about it again, walk away. 1
Popsicle Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 I can't tell if you feel attracted to him too but regardless this is a NO-GO.
Author girlinNYC Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 It reads like a very poor attempt at an ego boost to me, somewhat on the borderline of awkward and creepy. Unfortunately, nothing much you can do about at this point, except making sure he doesn't try to take it further. I think he'd try to pass it off as just a joke if you confronted him about it. Yes, that is what I think too. He would never openly admit to flirting with me even if he was so all I can do is keep my distance and hope it would subside any attraction he may have.
Author girlinNYC Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 If my (ex) uncle made that "should we get a room" comment to me, that'd probably be the last I'd be seeing of him if I could help it. Too creepy. Esp if he was like 2nd dad figure to me... Preaching to the choir. I immediately felt ill at the thought.
Author girlinNYC Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 Because he has the decorum of a bloodsucking leech. Tell someone in your family about this. Like your father or your brother. Someone should know what he's up to who is around when he is. The last thing I want is my aunt to find out. He betrayed her when they were married and now they're back to being good friends I'd hate to set that back over some comments that meant absolutely nothing to me. If it happens again I'll put him in his place but I think the more people I involve the worse it would be taken.
Author girlinNYC Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 I can't tell if you feel attracted to him too but regardless this is a NO-GO. Not in a million years would I be attracted!
Author girlinNYC Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 He's not your blood relative but his behavior was still completely inappropriate. Not only is there a big age difference but, additionally, you already have a familiar relationship. His behavior was completely inappropriate. I shouldn't make this about me, but frankly, this kind of female passivity in the face of unacceptable male behavior triggers me a bit. It really makes me mad. None of this was your fault, but you should learn to react with furious outrage when someone trespasses boundaries like this. You would have been 100% in the right had you broken free from your uncle's lover's embrace with a loud "What the hell do you think you're doing?" This can't be dismissed with "I was just joking." You don't come out of the blue and make a joke about "getting a room" with the little girl you watched growing up. That's just wrong. I completely agree with you. Initially when he called me beautiful I thought he was just being friendly because even the beautiful compliment wasn't a sleazy one. But as soon as he hugged me he whispered the room comment in my ear and I internally cringed. If it happens again believe me I won't be as blase.
Author girlinNYC Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 I do think some men can be highly inappropriate and I guess he is now thinking the OP is not my blood so she is fair game. "I am now a single man and she is hot, maybe she will give me a chance as we already know each other..." I think you're right. As blantantly wrong as that is given he's known me since I was an infant.
Author girlinNYC Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 You need to tell which ever of your parents is her sibling. I don't think this should come from you alone. You need to know that your parents back you up first in this because he will certainly start calling you the liar and you don't know your aunt and ex-uncle's relationship as well as her sibling might. They may still be having sex for all you know. But I agree with Robratory--you needed to wax indignant on the spot when this happened. You not making your disgust known may cause him to ramp up his advances next time he sees you---and it might be an unexpected visit to your house because he took your absence of indignance as a green light to go further. Absolutely. I don't want to make a huge song and dance about it if it's only happened this one time (more chaos than what it's worth) however if it happens again I'll definitely say something to him first and foremost. I already feel slightly uncomfortable and a repeat performance will only amp up that up more so.
Author girlinNYC Posted August 19, 2017 Author Posted August 19, 2017 Pretty much this. You might be surprised how many young women develop a crush on guys they should not have a crush on. This creepy uncle was just hoping OP was one of those ladies. He isn't my type haha. I know what you're saying but a crush would never happen here. Even if he was the most handsome man on the planet it's just an unwritten rule that you don't even entertain that thought.
kendahke Posted August 20, 2017 Posted August 20, 2017 Absolutely. I don't want to make a huge song and dance about it if it's only happened this one time (more chaos than what it's worth) however if it happens again I'll definitely say something to him first and foremost. I already feel slightly uncomfortable and a repeat performance will only amp up that up more so. You're not making a huge song and dance about anything, unless this is all a lie and you're only after attention. What you said he did is highly inappropriate and unwarranted. I still believe that you should say something to the parent who is your aunt's sibling. This reluctance to say something is what causes men like your uncle to escalate. They count on you believing that no one will believe you. If he was an upstanding kind of guy, he would never have formed his lips and drew the breath to say to you what he said to you. That's not what decent men do. For all you know, he's been thinking about getting you alone in a hotel room since you hit puberty. I'll bet before he said that, you thought you knew him well. His actions showed you that you don't.
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