chip Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Right! my girlfriend broke up with me a week ago today after a year long relationship... full details HERE i would just like to say that there is a happy outcome......without me winning her back! i miss her like crazy and wish we hadn't broke up but today i feel so positive. i realize i've been the a**h*** over the past week and all my comments/decisions have been made in panic and have been rash and stupid! The signs i ignored & denied have been there for so long...the dramatic drop in our sex life, the lack of physical touch, the snappiness, bad moods etc, Hell we even slept and did most stuff with underwear on in the last few weeks! i wish i had acted on them instead of being a jerk and putting them aside and i might not have lost my girl but that is a mistake i will learn from and hopefully won't make again! She told me that she couldn't lose me entirely as she classes me as her best friend, and that she would lose it all together if she lost me in that way. At first i heard this as "can i use you as a crutch till i get a new boyfriend?" but now i feel entirely different. I was going to use the NC method but it was too hard as i do think i would miss her far too much as a friend..and to be honest in the last 2/3 months we have just been good friends who occasionally got physical. That physical touch got less and less till our breakup and after reading someone else's post on here i realized that she was no longer attracted to me in the same way, i think she felt she was secure and safe with me but the relationship had lost it's spark. i need her as a friend too, it may be hard some times but as I'm part of a close knit scene in a small rural area there really aren't a lot of people who i can relate with and share my tastes. I realized too that as she is only 18 i have a 5 year head start on her as far as living goes....i don't want to stop her from living her life, she needs to get out there and experience it for herself and who knows...maybe she'll miss the safeness and come back...but i'm not going to hold on to that hope, so basically if she does come back in the future it'll be a nice surprise! I feel now i can go back to being the guy i was before she stablised me a year ago and hopefully that will open some new doors for me. i think i pushed a few of my friends away as i wanted to spend more and more time with my girl and i missed out on a lot of great stuff. so to end off my story...NC ISN'T ALWAYS THE ANSWER! maybe i'll regret that when i see my ex with other guys but for now i am hopeful we can be best friends and still get on with our lives as normal. thanks for the advice folks.
Author chip Posted August 11, 2005 Author Posted August 11, 2005 i do have relationship feelings for her.....very much so. I met her tonight, and we chatted on the phone too, and iam confident it will work. When we spoke she also told me that she doesn't want to go out with anyone else, she still has feelings for me but doesn't want a relationship. That settles me, but even if she did want to go with another guy, iam confident i would be ok about it......sure i miss her like crazy but these things all happen for a reason! i cant genuinely say i'd be ok i suppose till it actually happens but iam looking forward.
cosis Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by chip i do have relationship feelings for her.....very much so. I met her tonight, and we chatted on the phone too, and iam confident it will work. When we spoke she also told me that she doesn't want to go out with anyone else, she still has feelings for me but doesn't want a relationship. That settles me, but even if she did want to go with another guy, iam confident i would be ok about it......sure i miss her like crazy but these things all happen for a reason! i cant genuinely say i'd be ok i suppose till it actually happens but iam looking forward.
Author chip Posted August 11, 2005 Author Posted August 11, 2005 probably...but for now...it feels good..... i just got off the phone with her and she seems more upset about the whole thing than me, i truely don't beleive she has it in her to hurt me by going with another guy, its not the type of person she is.
C Mee Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by chip probably...but for now...it feels good..... i just got off the phone with her and she seems more upset about the whole thing than me, i truely don't beleive she has it in her to hurt me by going with another guy, its not the type of person she is. Not that type of person? What, she's not human? You think you are the only guy she could ever see herself with? I wish you the best of luck, but you are setting yourself up for a long, long hard fall.
Author chip Posted August 11, 2005 Author Posted August 11, 2005 no i don't think that at all.... i know she will eventually go with other guys...i know she wouldn't do it to rub my face in it and i know she'll give me time to adjust to being just friends before anything happens....hell i wanna move on myself with other girls at some point but i wanna get used to the whole just being friends thing with her first. iam getting there...maybe iam in denial but iam feeling better and better everyday.
pippen_2k Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 The only reason your feeling better is because you still think you have a chance. She is tellin you the things you wanna hear, and thats why you think this so called friendship will work.... cause you think in the long run it will get you 2 closer together... Hell, maybe your right, and you will get back with her... but from all the experiences ive encountered in this forum... you are a 1 in 20 chance! Dont mean to damper your spirits, but there aint many happy endings at the love shack!
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by chip no i don't think that at all.... i know she will eventually go with other guys...i know she wouldn't do it to rub my face in it and i know she'll give me time to adjust to being just friends before anything happens Just her dating other guys is rubbing it in your face..There isn't enough time for you to adjust.. In fact if you have to adjust then you aren't ready for a friendship... You.. my friend are in for a world of heartache and pain.. Strap yourself in 'cuz it's gonna hurt... Keep posting.. as the pain starts we will be here for you ..
celticguy Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Man , sounds like your in the same frikkin boat as me, Look at my post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t68620/ I think that guy was right ..... im really really going to try and be friends with her.. but at worst it won't work out. Better to keep a friend than lose one Only difference between you and me is my ex is 1200 miles away
Author chip Posted August 11, 2005 Author Posted August 11, 2005 I was freinds with this girl, like really good friends before we went out....am i supposed to just thow that away? yeah...sounds like were in the same boat.....i'll risk the heartache to be friends with her though.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by chip i'll risk the heartache to be friends with her though. If you do this.. The friendship will self destruct My advice is to move on .. At least gain some self respect back Other wise you as just being a pus*y She will tell you to leave her alone with the new guy because you will it always show thru that you have feelings for her and can't be friends
cosis Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall If you do this.. The friendship will self destruct My advice is to move on .. At least gain some self respect back Other wise you as just being a pus*y She will tell you to leave her alone with the new guy because you will it always show thru that you have feelings for her and can't be friends Good advice
westernxer Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall Other wise you as just being a pus*y Yep. A pussy indeed. You only befriended her so you could progress to the next level, and you succeeded. Then she dumped you. Don't kid yourself... it's time to move on.
alphamale Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Yep. A pussy indeed. 95% of males are chumps.
Author chip Posted August 11, 2005 Author Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Yep. A pussy indeed. You only befriended her so you could progress to the next level, and you succeeded. Then she dumped you. Don't kid yourself... it's time to move on. what?? i befriended her years before i even considered moving anything to the next level....in all honesty i wasn't attracted to her when we first started hanging out. it wasn't a physical attraction that drew me to her (although she is pretty beautiful) it was her personality (how cheesey). After really getting to know her, thats when i thought...wow! things could happen here...i really like this girl, it was never a case of...wow this girl is pretty, i'll make friends with her and things might go a bit further!
westernxer Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by chip it wasn't a physical attraction that drew me to her (although she is pretty beautiful)... You'd have never befriended her if she wasn't beautiful (the parentheses gave you away)... Beautiful people can bewitch us into thinking they're a lot cooler than they actually are, mostly because we're infatuated. We try to justify it by claiming to fall for their personalities, even though their beauty is what sparked our interest in the first place. Stop trying to excuse yourself. Just admit you're as shallow as the rest of us and I'll leave you alone. Nothing wrong with it, unless you're ashamed to admit you're a guy.
cosis Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 i would never stay friends with my ex, best thing to do is move on.... when she called i made fun of her just like the good ol day's before I came whipped. It won't happen again.... learn and move on.
pearlsasinger Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Chip, I was in your shoes a few months ago. I was confident my ex and I could pull off being friends and no one could convince me otherwise. I knew it would take longer for my heart to heal, but I was prepared for that. Let me tell you it was HARD. At first I was pretty good at telling myself that I was okay. Then I began to realize how much I missed him....and even though I still saw him sometimes, it sank in that I didn't really have him anymore and I was back to crying everyday. It was so painful to hear about him hanging out with new girls. Do you want to put yourself through that? All I'm saying is just please be prepared. I know how you feel but most often these circumstances usually end in one of two ways...fighting or hooking up. I was out to prove that wrong but to make my long story short, we ended up hooking up.
Author chip Posted August 12, 2005 Author Posted August 12, 2005 ok. i've deided your probably all right and i've jumped the gun a bit on this one. i met her last night and we went shopping for a while, she acted as if nothing had happened, all happy and normal....i was fine until we went back to hers and i sat in her room...to be honest it was the weirdest feeling i've had in my life! i just wanted to run. i think i just realised everything i will be missing! we did talk though and i got more of a reason for her ending it....now she's told me it's because she thought it wasn't going anywhere, and everything was just the same old same old. i don't think iam going to try and keep a great friendship here which is a loss i'll just have to deal with...i think i've been kidding myself over the last few days and yeah....maybe it was in the vain hope i'd win her back. i realise now that thats not going to happen anytime soon and iam not holding my breath for the future. i can't help seeing the girl when iam out with other friends and iam going to be civil and stuff....i can't ignore her completely! so yes....i am admitting YOU WERE ALL RIGHT AND I AM AN IDIOT! thanks for the advice... chip x
celticguy Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Im thinking the same thing now, but ... i dunno .. like i think the problem people had was they were going out of their way to contact the person who broke up with them, and a friendship is like a half relationship, maybe we take that because its all we can get. In my case though, i just wish she was honest about the whole thing, its the lies and feeling that they didn't consider your feelings. but guess what.. I MET SOMEONE ELSE .. YESTERDAY .. of all the ff*cking luck .. gahhh .. I wish i met her a few months down the line ... i met her 3-4 weeks ago (before the breakup) .. and shes soooo lovely .. i mean .. jesus i never thought a girl like that would ever even be interested shes the most beautiful woman i have ever seen, i mean like .. woah! and shes really nice as well .. theres something wrong there I found myself attracted to her and didn't contact her because i didn't want to take it any further because i was going out with someone. I don't know whether i should persue something with her or ... not .. but .. i liked her before anyway .. and if i had taken it further .. man .. im totally confused them ... I texted her the other day and met up with her yesterday , we were talking for ages, i felt that awkward kind of nervousness that i haven't felt in a long time ..... i even took 15 minutes to pick out what to wear .. again .. haven't done that in a long time either. I don't want a fling though .. i don't really believe in them and i don't know if i want a relationship with someone else either fecking women messing with your brain !!!
westernxer Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Originally posted by chip so yes....i am admitting YOU WERE ALL RIGHT AND I AM AN IDIOT! Ha ha. It's okay. We've all been there before and don't want to see you suffer more than you have to. A break up is hard enough, but much harder when you're still hanging around the person, hoping for a reconciliation. That is a slow death.
NightsEcho Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Dude, the first thing you need to do is really listen to the advice on this forum. We all come here searching far answers to why we hve been dumped. We all browse the "second chances" forum looking in vain for a story like ours that will give us hope. Everyone on here thinks his/her own story will be different. Take comfort in knowing you are not the 1st or last person to have a sore heart. We are all here to help. Chin up bro
cosis Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 Don't let any women get you down man......... just move on and learn from it..... there are plenty of fish in the sea
Author chip Posted August 16, 2005 Author Posted August 16, 2005 Damn this is so hard! iam trying my best to avoid contact cuz i know now when i see her it drags all my feelings back up but she seems to be everywhere i go. she turned up with some of my/her friends to a bar the other night that i was at and we talked, i left without saying goodbye properly and she sent me a text saying that "it's obvous how i feel about her now" meaning she thinks i hate her or summin? she also contacts me and asks me if i want to do stuff....i have to tell her all the time that i feel awkward and maybe sometime in the future. part of me is desperate to go do stuff with her just as a friend and part of me thinks its just cuz i hope she will take me back! she keeps telling me how jealous she feels everytime she see's me too. i asked her what she was jealous of but she keeps saying she doesn't know?? is this just to make sure i don't find someone else? also i tried to tell her i wanted to move on the other night and said it was inevitable we'd end up with other people and she burst into tears and hung up the phone?!!? Again last night she asked how i was doing, i said i was making progress and i told her a girl jokingly asked for my number yesterday which was true but she was just messing about with me....my ex went all cold with me? why are girls such mind****s! it's like she doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me either!! i really am stuck what to do with her now and its bringing me down immensley! i don't think i've ever felt so confused and depressed in my life!
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