are some people destined to be alone?

[despairingbuttrying]

I guess it's not a question single people want to ask ourselves too often but I can't help but feel this sense of fear and anxiety over the future. Some say "those who obsess over something, never find it" "it happens when you're not expecting it etc" Sure I wish I could be like one of those people and live life like it doesn't bother me but it's almost impossible. We are designed to be in relationship and not to be alone. Yet that is the reality for me or has been for so long now and I just wish I could settle down and finally share my life with someone.

 

As I approach my mid 30s now I have had relationships but never a true long term relationship (like over a year), never been engaged and never been in love. I believe that luck plays a part. Some people are fortunate and others simply aren't.

 

I do what I can; dating sites and apps, church, ask friends for introductions but just hasn't worked out. I'm not exactly old, I know, but by this stage I didn't think I'd still be waiting to meet the right person.

[Popsicle]

I believe that luck plays a part. Some people are fortunate and others simply aren't.

 

 

Luck is HUGE.

 

It might even be 90% of it.

 

I've had some really good luck in my life.

 

I can't be lucky forever though so I'm thinking that I'll probably be alone now.

[The Urbanyst]

Lower your standards.

[darkbloom]

I do not believe we are destined to be in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with being single. Happiness isn't found inside a relationship.

[Arieswoman]

The urbanyst;

 

Lower your standards.

 

I don't agree with that advice at all.

 

So the OP should date just anyone to to get in a relationship? I don't think so. Anyway, no-one know what their standards are, so to say they are too high is rather silly.

 

deaspairing,

I believe that there's "a lid for every pot".

 

I can't say much more as you haven't said much about your situation.

[kazen]

The urbanyst;

 

 

 

I don't agree with that advice at all.

 

So the OP should date just anyone to to get in a relationship? I don't think so. Anyway, no-one know what their standards are, so to say they are too high is rather silly.

 

Are you saying some girls who are not attractive enough should be forever alone because no one should lower their standard to date them?

[AriesDude]

Lower your standards.

 

Best advice ever. Im 27 and live in Africa and im not exactly good looking yet i've been married once, engaged twice, in a relationship more than I can count(not over a year though same) but yeah im doing pretty good just by giving compliments and talking to lots of girls. Your standards must be poop high if you are really doing that bad.

[basil67]

I don't believe in pre-ordained destiny.

[kazen]

I don't believe in pre-ordained destiny.

 

You're destine to die. There's no escaping that fate.

[Tribble]

Are you saying some girls who are not attractive enough should be forever alone because no one should lower their standard to date them?

 

You're assuming that everyone's standards revolve around looks, which is certainly not the case.

 

We have no idea what his standards are. I'm very unlucky too but I don't think my standards are too high. My main 'standard' is that we have a connection and I feel comfortable with them. This quite rarely happens sadly. I could probably date a lot if I wasn't bothered about connecting with them but that would be a waste of time, for me and them.

 

If the OP is only interested in dating 10/10 in looks, personality and success, sure they should give someone a chance but we don't know if that's the case here at all.

[kazen]

You're assuming that everyone's standards revolve around looks, which is certainly not the case.

 

 

"Standards" is guy talk for looks.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think it's a combination of luck and personality. If you compare looks of married vs perma-single people, I find single people are often more attractive. So it's not really about looks.

 

Luck is necesseary for the very first step: being in the right place at the right time and meeting that person. Everything else is pointless if the first step doesn't happen. Unfortunately that first step keeps screwing me over. You can go out more to increase the odds but in the end you can't make it happpen. Call it fate, luck, whatever. If the first step happens but you are unable to keep the relationship then you have to look into your personality more.

 

I have never been in a relationship with someone I was strongly into. All my relationships involved pushing myself into them to varying degrees. Those situations made me way unhappier than being single does so I now prefer to stay single

[No_Go]

I have never been in a relationship with someone I was strongly into. All my relationships involved pushing myself into them to varying degrees. Those situations made me way unhappier than being single does so I now prefer to stay single

 

Same - and I remember I thought that's normal (like I'd tell people the best dates that I have were with myself.... I think because I was selecting/selected by men with completely different interests than me but played it cool and rolled with them).

 

But finding a relationship (not necessarily a good one) is easy. Now with OLD is actually super easy - IME it never takes more than a week. It absolutely has NOTHING to do with attractiveness or personality, moreso exposure and/or availability.

 

So no - nobody is destined to be single, the same way nobody is destined to be unemployed. If you want it - you apply (for date/job) and you get it sooner than later. [Finding a perfect match date/job - it is a whole other story....]

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I've just come out of a really difficult break up. Sometimes it's okay and I'm relieved and sometimes I find it agonizing and scary.

 

But before then I was single for 13 and a half years and had a really tough time with it. I understand two sides of the coin and understand your dilemma.

 

You say your a church goer, there was this awesome thing by T.D. Jakes about living your life full as a single person ( it's on YouTube) and that has helped me. I really noticed how much that God was NOT on the throne of my life and heart by obsessing about NOT being in a relationship and then BEING in one.

 

I don't think you'll remain single all your life, but you may end up remaining miserable all your life though if you don't change your perspective.

 

Some people wait a long time, but miracles do happen and it may happen for you!

[basil67]

You're destine to die. There's no escaping that fate.

 

Death and taxes. Yes, I will give you that.

[Chilli]

l've always thought church goers have it made.

Not many other things you can do that have that many people your all close to and familiar with and have the opportunity to talk to or chat up every Sunday.

 

Destiny though , dunno tbh, But at not even 30 anything on this earth could happen for you yet and plenty of late bloomers eventually fall into something real but just a bit later than others that's all.

It's a long way to the panic stations yet , hang in there.

[Lorenza]

Blaming destiny is a fancy way to make up excuses for yourself. Most likely, you're alone because you're not making the right choices, not having the right mindset.

 

I've never been in a happy relationship and it's not destiny. It's me. And if I never find the right partner, it's also because I don't know what's good for me. Or because I don't expose myself enough. Or because I'm afraid.

[d0nnivain]

desperatebuttrying

 

Think about all of your past relationships. See if you can identify any commonalities or patterns. If those patterns weren't working change them.

 

When I was younger, I was very aggressive toward men. I baited them & wanted them to challenge me. I loved alpha male cocky bad boy players. That was my commonality. It certainly wasn't very healthy but it was fun.

 

As I got older I realized "my type" did make for the life of the party but there was rarely much substance the morning after so I made a choice to find confident guys that were steadfast but not players. I also toned down my need to be alpha.

 

I'm married to a classic alpha -- a United States Marine -- but he's super low key & he's my steadfast rock.

 

Try not to define yourself by your romantic relationships. Do things that make you happy & make you feel fulfilled. When you find that peace, love will be easier to find because you will already love yourself.

[coolheadal]

Heck no! I am not going to be on my own an alone period! I am just not settling for anyone just the right gal for me. OP you'll find that right person for you. Just happens in any situation just happens. I looking back I am stare right back and more. I want to see what's happen. I even go as far to hand woman shopping carts that are tangled up. I say here take this one. When the right woman comes along I set for life!

[Redhead14]

I guess it's not a question single people want to ask ourselves too often but I can't help but feel this sense of fear and anxiety over the future. Some say "those who obsess over something, never find it" "it happens when you're not expecting it etc" Sure I wish I could be like one of those people and live life like it doesn't bother me but it's almost impossible. We are designed to be in relationship and not to be alone. Yet that is the reality for me or has been for so long now and I just wish I could settle down and finally share my life with someone.

 

As I approach my mid 30s now I have had relationships but never a true long term relationship (like over a year), never been engaged and never been in love. I believe that luck plays a part. Some people are fortunate and others simply aren't.

 

I do what I can; dating sites and apps, church, ask friends for introductions but just hasn't worked out. I'm not exactly old, I know, but by this stage I didn't think I'd still be waiting to meet the right person.

 

Being alone is not the worst thing that could happen. The worst thing that could happen is being in a relationship and feeling lonely . . . and that happens all the time because they decide that being alone is so bad and they settle.

[amaysngrace]

get a dog....best relationship in the world!

[Ieris]

Are some people destined to be alone?

 

With that mindset, then most probably...

[Chilli]

l was thinking about this one and nope not at all l don't think it's ever too late.

 

The divorce forum l was in for awhile after mine, there were people in of every age even 70s, and many of them right across the board had met somebody.

And then l remembered even a mate of my dads met his wife in his 70s , so she would've been around that age too .

So there ya go , anything can happen.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't think you'll remain single all your life, but you may end up remaining miserable all your life though if you don't change your perspective.

 

 

Love this!

[Robert]

Concurrent thread on the same topic: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/632382-single-bald-feeling-lost

 

~6