clw Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 Hi all My bf of 6 years broke off with me 3 weeks ago. He text me one morning to say that he felt that our relationship was not heading anywhere and he needed to plan for his own future. (brief note : I am 8 years older and have a son from previous marriage and did not intent to remarry but he knew this and was find with it for the past years). After some back and forth text on that day, everything went silent. He deleted his FB and vanished from my life. I was heartbroken but I had to respect his decision and let go. Last night, I broke down and message him, I ask how was he and I heard from a friend he's well. He looked at the message almost immediately but didn't reply. I know I should not initiate any contact and now feel so useless and pathetic. But I still care a lot for him and would want him back. I'm so lost and in a mess. I can't move on and I'm crying everyday but there's nothing I can do. Please friends, do I stop trying to contact him? Is it a clear signal that it's over when he doesn't reply? Please pardon my english (which is not good) and thank you for your time in reading my post and I hope to hear from you.
springy Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 I guess he decided he wanted more after all this time. What are your ages? Sorry you are hurting.
Author clw Posted August 16, 2017 Author Posted August 16, 2017 Thanks I'm 42 and he's 34..yes i know
Maldives Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 Time will tell do u often break up? My ex had kids and it was always hard for me but in the end I stuck by her and she left about a yr ago now. Is it the kids he had an issue wth or the age? My ex actually has left all her kids now long story custody battle she moved up here from interstate and had to return her son but guess what she stayed because she was too depressed about going back home and then shortly after dumps me. I'm not sure the reasons but if he's talking future I can only guess it's something to do wth ur age or ur kid? When I was uncertain wth my ex we broke up quiet a few times but once she contacted me we'd always end up reconciling but I really struggled because of the kids and that part or having a future wth her didn't seem very enticing for me. Usually our breaks up stemmed from something else lik3 an argument but wen we were broken up if always be wandering about that struggling wth that. I guess only time will tell he may need to do some growing up it seems like he's got the grass is greener syndrome but it's not always the reality out there when ur dating. It's not easy meeting someone you connect wth and that ticks all the boxes might tick a few and not others. I think if it goes longer than a mtg then it really starts to hurt ur relationship that's what I believe and from personal experience.
Author clw Posted August 16, 2017 Author Posted August 16, 2017 Time will tell do u often break up? My ex had kids and it was always hard for me but in the end I stuck by her and she left about a yr ago now. Is it the kids he had an issue wth or the age? My ex actually has left all her kids now long story custody battle she moved up here from interstate and had to return her son but guess what she stayed because she was too depressed about going back home and then shortly after dumps me. I'm not sure the reasons but if he's talking future I can only guess it's something to do wth ur age or ur kid? When I was uncertain wth my ex we broke up quiet a few times but once she contacted me we'd always end up reconciling but I really struggled because of the kids and that part or having a future wth her didn't seem very enticing for me. Usually our breaks up stemmed from something else lik3 an argument but wen we were broken up if always be wandering about that struggling wth that. I guess only time will tell he may need to do some growing up it seems like he's got the grass is greener syndrome but it's not always the reality out there when ur dating. It's not easy meeting someone you connect wth and that ticks all the boxes might tick a few and not others. I think if it goes longer than a mtg then it really starts to hurt ur relationship that's what I believe and from personal experience. Hi goodguy05 Thanks for sharing, it was good reading about a situation somewhat similar to mine. Yes, we broke off a few times, due to I found out he was chatting with other girls, online flirting. Other than that, we are fine and he was caring and good to me. I agree too with the grass is greener syndrome, it seems he is always on the searching mode, I guess he doesn't know what he wants. It is now 3 weeks - my hopes are getting lesser. Thanks again and I wish you all the best 1
d0nnivain Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 6 years is a substantial relationship. Based on the fact that he seems to have dumped you via text I was expecting to hear that you two were in college or recent grads. The immaturity & cowardice of that act alone should have you outraged not begging for him to come back. You are not pathetic. You are heartbroken. It can make you feel pathetic. You are certainly not the only person to reach out or the only one to be rebuffed for your trouble. People use NC as both a shield & a sword. The dumpers hide behind it to allay their own feelings & so they don't have to see the emotional damage they caused. The next few months are not going to be fun. You will be sad & blue but you have to grieve the loss of the relationship. The most productive things you can do now are 1). have a good cry; 2). surround yourself with supportive people; 3). box up all the mementos; 4). keep busy; 5). consider rearranging parts of your living space to cut down on the mental images of him in your house; and 6). make some positive changes even if it's just getting a haircut. Hang in there. 3
Greenhawk84 Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 The immaturity & cowardice of that act alone should have you outraged not begging for him to come back. I was dumped via text too. Very hurtful to not have that face to face.
Rockdad Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 I was dumped via text too. Very hurtful to not have that face to face. I guess it's part of the modern dating /relationship world I doubt I will never understand.
Redhead14 Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 Texting a Break Up Message Technology has had unintended consequences -- it gave some people "easy outs". In the end, it just shows that they are resigned to their decision and don't want to have any more discussion about it PLAIN AND SIMPLE. It also shows you "who" they are . . . avoidant, selfish people and not really such a big loss. 1
elaine567 Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 Yes, we broke off a few times, due to I found out he was chatting with other girls, online flirting. Other than that, we are fine and he was caring and good to me. You were in no way "fine", if he was chatting and flirting with other girls - that was a huge red flag and one you were silly to ignore. He was actively looking for your replacement and you thought it "fine" Add the fact you did not want to remarry, where did you really think this was going to go? He text me one morning to say that he felt that our relationship was not heading anywhere and he needed to plan for his own futureHe was totally right, this relationship had nowhere to go and and he has now plucked up enough courage to dump you. Via text is not exactly great but some just don't want the hassle and drama of a breakup, or they do not want to be persuaded to change their mind, which can happen with face to face break ups. Too hard to look you in the eye and break up so they renege and carry on despite hating themselves for being so weak and they can then drag it out for a few more weeks/months/years... No-one can expect people in their 30s, to accept relationships that are going nowhere. I get the "been there, not going there again" mentality from divorcees but you cannot expect others to want that too. People grow up, they want different things and whilst at 28 he may have embraced the "never want to marry" concept, once time moves on, people change their views. He may now want the kids, the marriage, and the whole picket fence thing, not necessarily right now but in the future, and as that is clearly not going to happen with you, he has thus moved on. Age gap relationships are hard, and whilst it can be a difference in age that kills them off, it is often a difference in life stages that is the real killer. Grieve, heal and move on is my advice. Look after yourself well. 1
Author clw Posted August 17, 2017 Author Posted August 17, 2017 Thank you for your kind words. I'll push on 2
Author clw Posted August 23, 2017 Author Posted August 23, 2017 I message him this morning. I was overwhelmed by emotions and wrote a thank You/goodbye message . He read it and didn't reply. I followed up with a why won't he respond, didn't reply either. I'm lost and really sad. I keep feeling like I'm the one that let him down. I see no meaning in my life. I go to work and I come home and I don't want to speak with anyone, sometimes not even to my son. I feel so bad and see no way out.
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2017 Posted August 23, 2017 There is a way out: Stop messaging him. This good-bye closure message you wrote wasn't really for you. It also wasn't about closure. You hoped he'd read it & come running back. When that didn't work, you sent him the follow up "why aren't you responding to me?" That message is the worst. He's not responding because it's over & he knows not to engage with you because you will misinterpret that as a desire to reconcile. Your life does have purpose. When you doubt that look at your son. He needs you. You need to delete your EX from all your devices so you can't call / message him. Block him on all social media. Simply avoid temptation for your own sake. Do something nice for yourself. Exercise more. Get a new hairstyle. Purge all the reminders & mementos from your life / house. If you can't throw them out, at least box them up, seal the box tightly with a LOT of tape & bury it somewhere in the back of your deepest closet or in the attic. Rearrange your living space; it's particularly important to rearrange the furniture in your bedroom to sort of exorcise him from your sanctuary. Plan something fun for you & your son for the upcoming Labor Day weekend to take your mind off your troubles. Hang in there. 1
Author clw Posted August 25, 2017 Author Posted August 25, 2017 There is a way out: Stop messaging him. This good-bye closure message you wrote wasn't really for you. It also wasn't about closure. You hoped he'd read it & come running back. When that didn't work, you sent him the follow up "why aren't you responding to me?" That message is the worst. He's not responding because it's over & he knows not to engage with you because you will misinterpret that as a desire to reconcile. Your life does have purpose. When you doubt that look at your son. He needs you. You need to delete your EX from all your devices so you can't call / message him. Block him on all social media. Simply avoid temptation for your own sake. Do something nice for yourself. Exercise more. Get a new hairstyle. Purge all the reminders & mementos from your life / house. If you can't throw them out, at least box them up, seal the box tightly with a LOT of tape & bury it somewhere in the back of your deepest closet or in the attic. Rearrange your living space; it's particularly important to rearrange the furniture in your bedroom to sort of exorcise him from your sanctuary. Plan something fun for you & your son for the upcoming Labor Day weekend to take your mind off your troubles. Hang in there. Thank you d0nnivain for the comforting words and the clarity i need. Yes i need to start on the whole grieving/healing process, no one is keeping me from moving on but myself. I still cling on to every hope and i can't bare to delete/throw out anything - i just don't feel ready to cut all ties. Thank you once agin
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