Issue with eharmony match

[angel.eyes]

It's been several years before I jumped back on to eharmony and some things have changed with their system. When you have an interest in a person, do you send them a list of questions or just say hey, I like your profile and I'd like the opportunity to learn more about you type of e-mail?

 

A few women in their profile had stated not to send them questions or smiles. So, I am confused.

 

When I used eHarmony, I had both happen. Most guys went the list of questions route. Others skipped that and opted to email instead. There are pros and cons to both approaches. I personally was fine with either approach. Do what feels right to you.

[Robratory]

I've been conversing with this woman on eharmony for a couple of weeks.

 

In general, don't do that. If they don't want to meet in a public place with a few days of making contact, blow them off and keep looking because they're just playing games.

 

We've all been there. We contact someone in OLD, and then we hear "let's get to know each other." Long emails ensue, and then you're deemed good enough to talk on the phone, and then they want you to chat with them forever. Screw that. It's BS.

 

"Get to know each other first?" Nonsense. We're meeting at a coffee shop, not at a wedding chapel. You get to know more about a person within 20 minutes of talking to them than you learn after weeks and weeks of email.

 

My suggested approach is to contact the woman. If she replies, your reply to her reply should have an invitation to meet. If she balks, that's her problem. It's online dating, not online pen-palling.

[spiderowl]

I see no problem with emailing someone, just be alert to a possible scam. Don't click on links in emails unless you are absolutely sure what they are. Don't give out money. Work towards talking on the phone, texting and meeting, but some people like to take it slowly. I prefer to move slowly because you would be surprised how people can change in only a few messages. Someone who starts out nice can suddenly switch to being an opinionated bigot. It is worth knowing these things before agreeing to meet. Keep it reciprocal. If she's interested, she will keep in touch and will start to be more open to meeting.

[Popsicle]

I'd love to hear from some of the men and women on here who like to email/write for a while (longer than 2 weeks) before meeting. What is your rationale?

[alphamale]

I'd love to hear from some of the men and women on here who like to email/write for a while (longer than 2 weeks) before meeting. What is your rationale?

most people hook up pretty quickly if there is GENUINE mutual interest

[d0nnivain]

I was on eharmony about 10 years ago so my info is not current. Back then I was new to OLD & fairly reluctant. I needed 1-2 back & forth e-mails before I was willing to graduate to a phone call. But what I learned is that behavior annoys most people. I was shy & nervous but genuine. The majority of people who are reluctant to talk on the phone or meet actually have no interest in meeting; they just want a pen pal.

 

I don't recall eharmony having "fake" profiles. What I figured out was the "scam" part was that after somebody's subscription expired the system still sent their profiles to other newer members as matches. For about 6 months I got offers trying to lure me back at additional costs because I had new matches but I had to pay & log on to get them. So some poor person out there thinks I rejected him when I didn't respond. I didn't respond because I didn't know he messaged me.

 

So I think there is a real person on the other end of that email but I don't think that person is excited about meeting up with you so I wouldn't invest a lot of time.

[HarmonyDriven]

I'd love to hear from some of the men and women on here who like to email/write for a while (longer than 2 weeks) before meeting. What is your rationale?

 

 

When I first started OLD, I emailed/texted/talked on phone for awhile. My very first date via OLD, we emailed back/forth (once daily) for two weeks, talked on the phone once and then met the following weekend. Granted, we lived 3 hours apart.

 

Once I got used to OLD, I usually emailed/texted for a few days, talked on phone, scheduled to meet usually within a week or so, sometimes within a few days, dependent upon schedules.

 

I had no clue what to expect when I first started OLD, so had to get used to it. I have tried eHarmony, Match, Chemistry, OKC and POF......and met men on all of them. However, eHarmony was the most expensive and yielded the worst results. But, I am an optimist and will try eHarmony again soon.

[mortensorchid]

There are a few things wrong with this ...

 

It's strange to be talking to someone and have them say that they don't check their EHarmony profile a lot. Most paid websites will have their subscribers checking all the time because it's their time and dollar at work here, the free ones are less likely to have people checking their profiles.

 

I've done EHarmony twice and after the second time decided never again, and I have not returned to it. This particular website is an expensive way to talk to people, even somewhat with all those questionnaires and things they have you fill out. 90% of the time when you actually answer some of the questions, the other person finds fault with it and closes the match because they don't like a certain answer you gave, and that's ridiculous. People get frustrated and walk away from it. I only met two people with EHarmony - One was in Michigan. I wasn't looking to meet someone outside of my home state or my home city, it was just how the cards fell. We talked on the phone a few times. He was an okay guy, I have no reason to think otherwise about him, but one day I never heard from him again and that was that. The other I met face to face and I was actually proud of myself and him that we bothered to meet face to face with all the hassle it gives you to actually TALK to that person. And I never heard from him again after sending two text messages after the time of meeting.

 

If the person is serious about meeting that other person, if they have not even offered their phone number within 4/5 emails, then they are just using the website as a chat buddy system. I met someone once on a website (a free one) who said that he pretty much uses this site as a text buddy website. I knew then and there that this guy was not that serious about me, or anyone else he may meet from this website. And this woman is not serious about meeting you anytime soon. She's hiding something.

[jimbo]

It's certainly different than when I was last on several years ago. I had no issues receiving matches and communicating. Nowadays, it seems we chat two or three times via message. Then, when I suggest we talk on the phone or meet for drinks, they vanish. I was in message with three women in the last two weeks. Two never replied after I suggested that and the third wanted to call me.

 

I must be missing something.

[Snow_Queen]

It's certainly different than when I was last on several years ago. I had no issues receiving matches and communicating. Nowadays, it seems we chat two or three times via message. Then, when I suggest we talk on the phone or meet for drinks, they vanish. I was in message with three women in the last two weeks. Two never replied after I suggested that and the third wanted to call me.

 

I must be missing something.

 

No, you're not missing something.

 

As a woman who has recently signed up with eharmony as of two months ago, I had this exact experience with the men. We'd chat for a few days but they'd never request my number or give me their's. The moment I'd ask if I could give them mine...poof!

 

I was lucky to even meet one guy so far and he's not particularly interested in anything other than hanging out once a month or so. I just hang around because I've been lonely so it works for both of us.

Edited August 19, 2017 by Snow_Queen
Paragraphs

[jimbo]

No, you're not missing something.

 

As a woman who has recently signed up with eharmony as of two months ago, I had this exact experience with the men. We'd chat for a few days but they'd never request my number or give me their's. The moment I'd ask if I could give them mine...poof!

 

I was lucky to even meet one guy so far and he's not particularly interested in anything other than hanging out once a month or so. I just hang around because I've been lonely so it works for both of us.

 

Do you follow up with them or just leave it as is? On one hand, it makes me feel like I am running after them for a moment of their time. Which, if were respond back and forth within a few hours and then days after my question, WTF?

 

Makes me feel desperate if I shoot another message to them saying, just checking to see if you're still here or not.

 

I wonder if people stay in bad relationships and marriages so they DON'T have to deal with this dating pool again.

[Snow_Queen]

Do you follow up with them or just leave it as is? On one hand, it makes me feel like I am running after them for a moment of their time. Which, if were respond back and forth within a few hours and then days after my question, WTF?

 

Makes me feel desperate if I shoot another message to them saying, just checking to see if you're still here or not.

 

I wonder if people stay in bad relationships and marriages so they DON'T have to deal with this dating pool again.

 

I followed up on a few who then unmatched me. Most people are afraid to say "thanks but no thanks". After that, I just left it alone if they quit responding.

 

I'm a very logical, up front person so dating always baffled me. Still, we hope to find that one person who gets us and is tired of it all also. Sadly, in my experience, they ended up deserting the idea of a meaningful relationship to avoid pain that may or may not occur. I wish I knew what to tell you.

 

Lately, I've tried adopting a very nonchalant view of dating. This will sound ridiculous but I'm beginning to believe dating is not for people who have soft hearts or those who are empathetic. You kind of have to be emotionless to deal with dating.

[jimbo]

I followed up on a few who then unmatched me. Most people are afraid to say "thanks but no thanks". After that, I just left it alone if they quit responding.

 

I'm a very logical, up front person so dating always baffled me. Still, we hope to find that one person who gets us and is tired of it all also. Sadly, in my experience, they ended up deserting the idea of a meaningful relationship to avoid pain that may or may not occur. I wish I knew what to tell you.

 

Lately, I've tried adopting a very nonchalant view of dating. This will sound ridiculous but I'm beginning to believe dating is not for people who have soft hearts or those who are empathetic. You kind of have to be emotionless to deal with dating.

 

Yea, I feel you. Seems love and relationships come by as a commodity these days.

[salparadise]

Lately, I've tried adopting a very nonchalant view of dating. This will sound ridiculous but I'm beginning to believe dating is not for people who have soft hearts or those who are empathetic. You kind of have to be emotionless to deal with dating.

 

 

I can relate to how/why you're thinking that, but having the ability and desire for meaningful connection and attachment are necessary... the point of dating to begin with. The ability to meet someone new and go on a first date without investment in outcome is how you survive the process. Being open to possibility without being invested in outcome too early can be difficult for many, I think.

 

In my experience, people who have closed themselves off as a defense mechanism is the big problem with OLD. I think a significant portion of the single people overall have this issue to some degree. They've been hurt and live with pain, and the default solution is to vow to never allow anyone to get close enough to hurt them... which means they're choosing solitude over connection because it's less scary than taking the risk of becoming vulnerable.

 

It's sad. Its similar to inmates who've spent years decades in prison, and when released reoffend because being free is too scary.

[scubasteve]

use a fake email to email this girl. eharmomy has a lot of fakes on here. I ran across a crap ton of them. I would not be surprised they will tell you they are a model in London for a modeling seminar

[coolheadal]

It just didn't make sense. If we're messaging now, why switch to e-mail? If you are paying 40 bucks a month for eharmony, why would you not check your messages much? Yet again, her last reply was on the 12th. Lastly, she always replied around 1am - 3am ET. Just weird.

 

I knew there were fake profiles on OKCupid and Match. I didn't think eHarmony now. There seems to be no safe online dating places anymore..

 

Agreed and that is why I suggested talking. Yet, she replied she's not comfortable yet.

 

Fake profiles all over the net my friend even the disable vets for dating have them too. Mingle2 is another one, even on FB too. If the email has to many numbers or just look odd then she might be fake. She told you to email her instead right. She can't do phone calls because in time right. Then she's a fake! Did you ask her where in the country she was from?

[caveman621]

I'm not 100% sure on this, but if you have an "incognito" e-mail account I don't think there's any harm in e-mailing her. I have one "official" e-mail address and one "incognito" that I use for e-mailing for warrantees and website signups and such. The name isn't mine and the e-mail isn't close to anything with my name. So, if you're curious, I think it's fine to e-mail her. Just don't send her any money or gift cards!!!!

[stixx]

I've been conversing with this woman on eharmony for a couple of weeks. I asked if she would be open to talking on the phone, but she said in time it would make sense. She just messaged me and said she really doesn't check eharmony that much and wanted to chat via e-mail. She gave a weird e-mail address

 

I've been out of the game for a number of years. However, I didn't think fake profiles would be on eharmony. Does anyone think something is wrong here or is it just me? Most personal e-mails don't have an e-mail address with the word solutions in it.

 

I just thought it was weird. Plus, who subscribes to eharmony but doesn't check the messages that much? The last message was 3 days ago.

 

I posted why online dating thing is the worse...It seems very very time consuming and you wont/dont even know who is on the other side.

 

.. Nobody can interpret another persons personality with a week, a text, or a simple pic(if its even them). I am sorry. I cant see how it works in any manner or fashion but to have fun online.

 

Talk to gals/guys whenever your out and about. You can see the person and a fast chat in 20 minutes with the right talk can give you a basic feel of someone you want to just bring in your life and just do the simple things like holding hands.

 

Anything online seems as if it wont work to me. If it did for you I really love to hear from you and how this even worked.

[Miss Spider]

Don't waste time with people who need several days/weeks/months to meet in person and his problem will be eliminated. (Sorry people who need that long. There's someone out there for you, too) Needing weeks just to graduate to email is painfully slow.

 

I just went on a date with a man I had spent over a week exchanging essay-length messages with and I wasn't attracted to him. Find out what they're like in person asap

Edited August 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[SevenCity]

It's certainly different than when I was last on several years ago. I had no issues receiving matches and communicating. Nowadays, it seems we chat two or three times via message. Then, when I suggest we talk on the phone or meet for drinks, they vanish. I was in message with three women in the last two weeks. Two never replied after I suggested that and the third wanted to call me.

 

I must be missing something.

 

It's not uncommon. I think the reason is they found someone else they are interested in. I had a recent one who took two weeks to give me her fake google number and we texted for hours the first night, she reached out several times, then disappeared. She had me answer over 30 questions and said she vetted anyone she went out with and thought I was crazy to just meet people in person (I'm nuts!).

 

I had one a while ago who was back and forth but always too busy to get together. She message me over a month after not responding and asked if it was ok to text me. I said sure and she was too busy to get together again then vanished again.

 

Eharmony has been by far the biggest time waster with the least amount of results. I won't be renewing my subscription when it expires. Ive had more success on free sites.

 

Ps: this is why I multidate. It would be great if I could focus on one at a time but so many flake out you have to hedge your bets.