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Would you be upset with this?

Katrin29

By Katrin29
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Katrin29 New Member

Katrin29

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I've been with my boyfriend for a few years and I'm approaching my birthday. He told me my gift early and it's an expensive trip sky diving, which I've never showed any interest in, even though it's nice thought so I appreciate the thought of course, but because it's in another place I have to pay my own accommodation and spending for after. To top it off, because he bought me that he now has no money meaning I have to support him for a month. I've had to buy him food, general stuff, travel as he works in a different state as he spent all his money on my gift. I've tried telling him to return it but it's non refundable. He says he'll pay me back when he can but I can't help but feel like this big present I'm now paying for myself. Now on my birthday we can't do anything, I'm paying for everything and I've been landed in this even though I have my own stuff to pay. I talked to him about it but he isn't worried. Am I wrong in feeling like this?

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

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It's something he obviously wants to do.

He hasn't considered your feelings nor his financial position at all.

 

Has this happened in the past where he has spent a bunch of money on something and he has then relied upon your funds?

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shellybing Established Member

shellybing

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No, you are not wrong.

I would feel the same way too.

 

I would be upset, and not to mention feeling overwhelmed with a trip and new expenses.

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Katrin29 New Member

Katrin29

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I even feel awful in myself and even like a spoilt person because I wanted to have a nice birthday on the day and now I'm just stressed because of money.

shellybing Established Member

shellybing

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I have had 3 relationships like that in the last 3 years. I end up paying for everything and left in the dust to take care of all of the responsibilities. I hate it. I have honestly just given up on dating because of it.

 

If you keep it up, he will walk all over you and spend all your money leaving you in dust when he finds something prettier than you are.

 

We are all beautiful people here, but there is always someone who is prettier, taller, faster, whatever.

 

That is how it began for me 3 times, and it has ended 3 times in me complaining about money and being left in the dust to pick up my pieces and go on.

 

I am currently in debt almost 2k because of the last relationship, and I just cant even do it again. No effing way.

 

Anyway, good luck.

 

I would break up soon.

 

As another post mentioned - if he were giving any consideration to you, it would be for something you wanted that did not have to cost you anything.

 

You shouldnt have to pay for him either - your respobsibility lies with yourself.

 

I am on another thread called "Where am I going wrong?" You can read all about this same topic there - I just honestly think he is using you.

 

The people in the thread on my end have told me to toughen up and be more assertive.

 

Don't go if it stresses you out.

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Erik30 Established Member

Erik30

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Like already mentioned, you're not wrong. It's ridiculous of him to buy you a gift like that, and then expects you to pay for everything else. (Plus supporting him for a month?!) Seems more like a gift for himself anyway.

 

He obviously can't afford the trip, so he should've just bought you something "normal." I'm guessing he's bad with money in general? I would tell him to sell the tickets if he's not able to get a refund

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Lorenza Established Member

Lorenza

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So, not only did he get you something you're not particularly interested in, but you'll also have to spend money to be able to use the gift and now you need to support him for a month because he didn't think this through?

 

I'm sorry, but your boyfriend is financially irresponsible and not even thoughtful. A gift should enrich your life in some way, not make it more problematic. It's almost like he unintentionally gave you a trojan horse, lol

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JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

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I've been with my boyfriend for a few years and I'm approaching my birthday. He told me my gift early and it's an expensive trip sky diving, which I've never showed any interest in, even though it's nice thought so I appreciate the thought of course, but because it's in another place I have to pay my own accommodation and spending for after. To top it off, because he bought me that he now has no money meaning I have to support him for a month. I've had to buy him food, general stuff, travel as he works in a different state as he spent all his money on my gift. I've tried telling him to return it but it's non refundable. He says he'll pay me back when he can but I can't help but feel like this big present I'm now paying for myself. Now on my birthday we can't do anything, I'm paying for everything and I've been landed in this even though I have my own stuff to pay. I talked to him about it but he isn't worried. Am I wrong in feeling like this?

 

He sounds like a little bit of a bum, but I'd need all the details to have a real opinion.

 

Skydiving for 2 is what ... 500? That's putting him out a whole month?

 

Also, if he is paying $500 for the gift, and you are paying $100 a night for the hotel (say 2 nights), that's not terrible. And he says he is going to pay you back for getting his bills when he gets his next paycheck?

 

Anyway, it sounds like a mix of him being a little irresponsible and you reacting a little bit because you expected him to pay for the whole trip.

 

You've been together a few years, you should break down the details yourself.

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hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

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He sounds very selfish. I would be upset too.

 

If you choose to stay with him, I'd buy him a spa package for 2 for his bday and have him cover all the bills after that.

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anna121 Established Member

anna121

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Yes I would be upset. He sounds very foolish about money. A huge turn-off for me.

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Katrin29 New Member

Katrin29

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It's skydiving, which he's paid for, plus a week of sightseeing. I need to save for accommodation and spending for that.

 

Yes he's going to pay me back but after next month for what I've been paying for. Probably an overreaction my part and I do feel bad. Guess I was hoping for a stress free birthday

Edited by Katrin29
Bastile Established Member

Bastile

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So, he bought you a gift essentially with your own money, meanwhile he is living off of you.

 

That's called "mooching", love.

 

Re-assess your boundaries, imo.

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salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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It's skydiving, which he's paid for, plus a week of sightseeing. I need to save for accommodation and spending for that.

 

Yes he's going to pay me back but after next month for what I've been paying for. Probably an overreaction my part and I do feel bad. Guess I was hoping for a stress free birthday

 

I'm sorry it worked out this way. It's hard to have such mixed feelings. Are you living with him such that you have to cover his expenses because they're your expenses as well?

 

I swear, I'd be inclined to let him learn a lesson via natural consequences, letting the chips fall where they may... "boyfriend, it's a nice thought but I'm not interested in jumping out of an airplane. We should've discussed it first. The fact that it's not refundable is not my problem, so no I am not covering your expenses. Please let me know soon if I should plan on doing something else on my birthday with you, or if I should make other plans."

 

Don't be angry or emotional about it, just let him suffer the consequences and don't feel guilty about it. It's really not your problem.

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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It's obviously something he wants to do... Like the child who likes video games and buys you a video game so that you can play "together." No thank you.

 

That child doesn't have the theory of mind to realize that their interests, may not be your interests. And because it is your birthday, your gift should be something that you will enjoy...

 

I would not be very happy - with the gift, with the fact that he shows little consideration for your feelings, and the fact that he has poor judgment and manages his money so poorly.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Natural consequences are definitely needed here... Don't cover his expenses. He's a big boy. If he makes a decision and spends money on something so that he doesn't have the money to live, then he can find his own solution.

 

It's a good lesson for him to learn...

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kortz Established Member

kortz

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Lol that's pretty embarrassing for him! I'd certainly feel dumb for doing something like that...not sure how or why he thinks that's acceptable!

 

Yes you should be upset and you should have a frank conversation with him about why it was a dumb thing to do. Spontaneity and adventure are great but not at someone else's financial expense!!! :lmao: And don't feel guilty for doing it either!

JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

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It's skydiving, which he's paid for, plus a week of sightseeing. I need to save for accommodation and spending for that.

 

Yes he's going to pay me back but after next month for what I've been paying for. Probably an overreaction my part and I do feel bad. Guess I was hoping for a stress free birthday

 

For a guy that wouldn't be so weird. For example, my girlfriend could buy me a ticket to Hawaii ... and I would end up covering the hotel and most of the food and drink, because I usually offer to pay first.

 

She's pretty good in that she steps in fairly regularly and pays, but some of my past girlfriends would have had me foot the whole rest of the trip no problem.

 

Also, skydiving is something MOST people want to do. So, even though he was probably thinking of himself too, not necessarily 100%. And again, the financial responsibility and lack of solvency is something you've been aware of.

 

The way you color the details is going to affect the reaction you get here. ;)

 

Did he ask you to pay for the whole week of sightseeing, or do you assume you are going to have to pay for half or all?

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I would not accept the present. I would not go skydiving and I would not go sight seeing for a week. I'd give him his tickets back. It was a present for himself anyway.

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Bastile Established Member

Bastile

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The way you color the details is going to affect the reaction you get here. ;)

 

The reaction gotten is typically based off of deep inner projection.

 

And I'm surprised that others consider this any sort of acceptable thing.

 

If someone bought me a "gift", tried borrowing money off of me to pay for it, and had the expectation of eating my food, I'd look at them like they lost their damn mind :laugh:

 

But this all starts in the early stages. It's not something that suddenly gets thrust onto a person one day at random. The dynamics are set long before.

 

There's a place for mooches, it's called "netflix 'n' chill". Or in girl terms perhaps "fwb".

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anna121 Established Member

anna121

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Um, I really don't think skydiving is something "most" people would want to do. Come on.

 

And, FTR, I love the idea of doing it.

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JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

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The reaction gotten is typically based off of deep inner projection.

 

And I'm surprised that others consider this any sort of acceptable thing.

 

If someone bought me a "gift", tried borrowing money off of me to pay for it, and had the expectation of eating my food, I'd look at them like they lost their damn mind :laugh:

 

But this all starts in the early stages. It's not something that suddenly gets thrust onto a person one day at random. The dynamics are set long before.

 

There's a place for mooches, it's called "netflix 'n' chill". Or in girl terms perhaps "fwb".

 

I'm not supporting the boyfriend. There's just holes in the story.

 

Skydiving with a 'week of sightseeing' thrown in? That's weird. And did he ask her to foot the rest of the bill or did she assume she will have to? That makes a big difference.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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meaning I have to support him for a month. I've had to buy him food, general stuff, travel

 

No not rly. Only if you choose to enable this behavior

Edited by Cookiesandough
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JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

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Um, I really don't think skydiving is something "most" people would want to do. Come on.

 

And, FTR, I love the idea of doing it.

 

I would buy my girlfriend skydiving tickets for her birthday. She hasn't specifically said she wants to do it, but I know that she would.

 

Of course, I would never buy anything that I couldn't return.

 

Now buying her tickets to a basketball game. That would be bad. :lmao:

knabe Established Member

knabe

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Also, skydiving is something MOST people want to do.

 

Ummm....I highly doubt this. Fear of heights is one of the top phobias, along with fear of flying. So no.

 

And yeah, you're pretty much defending the boyfriend. Buying a present for someone who is then going to have to support you for a month because of the present is....immature at best, irresponsible at worst.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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OK it's time to cut the cord with this scrub.....yes I said it, he's a scrub, a sponge, a leech. This really takes the (birthday) cake. He is using you BF as an opportunity, not a want to spoil you for your B-day. You have created a monster out of your enabling his money problems. He's only with you because of your wallet. I bet money on it, when you completely cut off the money, he will go find another sugar momma. Open your gad damn eyes....he's a user.

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