Foreigner in U.S., questions about women

August 14, 2017

Hey, so I've lived in the US when I was a kid and then moved back to my native country. Now I'm going back to go to College and Uni, and I want to see if I could possibly find a girlfriend to have a long relationship with. The thing is, I have a feeling my imagination of the ideal woman (not perfect, just what I'd like) is not something that is very common in the US as it is in my home country.

I'm not the biggest partier but I'm basically the world champion of drinking (Not meaning to boast, but just for reference I've taken 9 shots of 65% homemade vodka and been able to drive well enough that the police didn't stop me) but I am very very easily turned off by a woman if she's too outgoing to places like that. It may seem hypocritical but you have to understand in my country gender roles are a very prominent thing and accepted by society. (Now you might be thinking why not get a girlfriend from your own country then? Because I'm going to be in the US for 11 years, so I'd like to have some company, even if after all that time the relationship fails)

So just to try and cut down on the word count, heres basically what I look for, in order of importance.

1) No previous sexual partners. I am an extremely jealous man when it comes to women. It's fine if they had a boyfriend as long as shes a virgin*.

2) Modesty**.

3) Willing to accept her role as the submissive***.

*Due to the fact that I wouldn't get over the fact she had a previous partner. In my country women only have sex after marrage, or at least when they are 100% sure they are getting married. Divorce is extremely rare and even in divorce cases it's nigh impossible for them to remarry anyone else.

** Modesty with other people, to be able to control herself and keep a steady head. I don't like overly assertive women.

***Submissive =/= subordinate. I imply that she would be willing to do things like overlook that I was wrong and not push the assertion she was right, to make food which I enjoy, etc (Very bad explanation, sorry). This doesn't mean I want her to sacrafice herself to me. I will be the one who pays for dinner, movies, entrance fees, all the time. I open the door, I give her my coat, etc.

I'm sure this will get a lot of bashing, but I'm sorry, I've lived in my country for 6 years and I've grown accustom to the traditions and way of life. I'm just curious if at least 10% of women fit into these 3 main points. I'm open to discussion. Thanks!

August 14, 2017

You want what you want & what you find attractive. I'm sure there is a woman out there who fits your desires. But I doubt you will find her on a college campus. In the US genders are equal & any woman in college is most likely there so she can gain an education, assert her independence & never have to depend on or submit to a man.

I suggest you look at a religious institution from "your country" here in the states.

August 14, 2017

Yeah that's basically how I remember it. I'm just hoping I meet with someone from "my country" (Sorry I don't want to give out the name) that has also recently moved to the US.

August 14, 2017

I'm sure this will get a lot of bashing, but I'm sorry, I've lived in my country for 6 years and I've grown accustom to the traditions and way of life. I'm just curious if at least 10% of women fit into these 3 main points. I'm open to discussion. Thanks!

So you're going to be engrossed in another country and culture, but instead of accepting that you might have to compromise familiarity or assimilate, you're just hoping your new culture will bend to your whims because you don't want to change. Sounds pretty unrealistic, if you ask me. I'm not saying you won't find a girl like this, but I'm saying it will probably be an uphill battle (especially considering the current political landscape on most college campuses) and you're not doing yourself many favors by saying "well, where I'm from, we do it like this." Well, you don't live there anymore. No one else who lives here is from there. Imagine if one these women went to your country and refused to adjust her attitude and said "well, in America, I expect a man to do X, Y, and Z for me." You'd laugh at her, because you aren't in America and her expectations are dubious in your country.

Do you get what I'm saying? It's your responsibility to adapt to a new culture, not the culture's responsibility to adapt to you. I think it's pretty arrogant to expect otherwise.

August 14, 2017

I'm just hoping I meet with someone from "my country" (Sorry I don't want to give out the name) that has also recently moved to the US.

The be clear about what you want: a girl with your cultural values who simply happens to live in the US but who is not westernized. That is very different from expecting an American woman to embrace your ideals which many of us will think are demeaning toward women & not something to aspire to.

August 14, 2017

Are you from SE Asia, Middle East? Muslim? Hindi?

Edited August 14, 2017 by simpleNfit

August 14, 2017

So you're going to be engrossed in another country and culture, but instead of accepting that you might have to compromise familiarity or assimilate, you're just hoping your new culture will bend to your whims because you don't want to change. Sounds pretty unrealistic, if you ask me. I'm not saying you won't find a girl like this, but I'm saying it will probably be an uphill battle (especially considering the current political landscape on most college campuses) and you're not doing yourself many favors by saying "well, where I'm from, we do it like this." Well, you don't live there anymore. No one else who lives here is from there. Imagine if one these women went to your country and refused to adjust her attitude and said "well, in America, I expect a man to do X, Y, and Z for me." You'd laugh at her, because you aren't in America and her expectations are dubious in your country.

Do you get what I'm saying? It's your responsibility to adapt to a new culture, not the culture's responsibility to adapt to you. I think it's pretty arrogant to expect otherwise.

Oh no I'm definitely going to act like an American. I completely understand your reasoning and I agree with you. It would be unreasonable for an Indian for example to come up to me and demand that I adopt her culture and traditions. I had every intention of changing (hopefully temporarily) to get some friends and hopefully a relationship (if you have any tips on getting new friends in community college? I don't have any friends in the US)

What I was going for is if I get a girlfriend who I truly have intentions of getting a long lasting relationship and marriage with I'd expect her to change and similarly with me, I have numerous bad habbits that my friends don't like but I'd be willing to work to change them for a relationship.

Final question, how many of you females here are virgins? just curious.

August 14, 2017

There are people here from all over the world. I'm quite sure there's someone here from your country. Will they be at the college you're attending or the city it's in? Who knows? But, with OLD and LDR anything is possible.

August 14, 2017

Caucasus region. Former Christian, now atheist.

August 14, 2017

I'm not from the US, but I'm guessing your odds are so low that should probably be placing your "companion" doll order soon. I hear they even have "personalities" nowadays.

Not meaning to boast, but just for reference I've taken 9 shots of 65% homemade vodka and been able to drive well enough that the police didn't stop me

This isn't something worth boasting about at all - it's absolutely disgusting that you would risk the lives of everyone else around you for a cheap thrill and a few shots. I'm from a traditional culture myself, and frankly I can't think of a single culture in the world where this sort of behavior is viewed as attractive in a man by traditional women.

1) No previous sexual partners. I am an extremely jealous man when it comes to women. It's fine if they had a boyfriend as long as shes a virgin*.

How are you imagining this would work? Okay, so you find a woman who is indeed a virgin and has a policy of no sex before marriage. Now what? Are you expecting her to break her principles just for you? Or are you willing to wait till marriage with her, too?

Not even going to touch the rest of your "requirements". Good luck, you'll need it!

August 14, 2017

Caucasus region. Former Christian, now atheist.

Georgia Tech might be a good bet. I'm not sure there are many virgins there, though.

August 14, 2017

Final question, how many of you females here are virgins? just curious.

I'm married & old enough to be your mother. Do the math.

That said the Q is rude & none of your business. Every so often there are threads on here about "the #". It always gets people hot & bothered on both sides. I'm a firm believer not to kiss & tell.

As much I want to try to respect your beliefs & what you want in a GF the hypocrisy of men who want pure virgins with traditional values to marry but are OK with having pre-marital sex with women they consider unworthy or unclean before the settle down is quite upsetting.

August 14, 2017

Caucasus region. Former Christian, now atheist.

Honestly, you ought to know that American, western women are much more liberal than those you are accustomed to. The only woman that sounds remotely like the type you are hoping for are either other conservative women of your background/faith or more conservative 'christian' women who wouldn't touch you with a 1-mile pole.

Does race matter? There are women from various, more conservative cultures having different ethnic backgrounds.

August 14, 2017

Georgia Tech might be a good bet. I'm not sure there are many virgins there, though.

:laugh:

August 14, 2017

I'm not from the US, but I'm guessing your odds are so low that should probably be placing your "companion" doll order soon. I hear they even have "personalities" nowadays.

This isn't something worth boasting about at all - it's absolutely disgusting that you would risk the lives of everyone else around you for a cheap thrill and a few shots. I'm from a traditional culture myself, and frankly I can't think of a single culture in the world where this sort of behavior is viewed as attractive in a man by traditional women.

How are you imagining this would work? Okay, so you find a woman who is indeed a virgin and has a policy of no sex before marriage. Now what? Are you expecting her to break her principles just for you? Or are you willing to wait till marriage with her, too?

Not even going to touch the rest of your "requirements". Good luck, you'll need it!

Eh, I meant no offense. I've lived there when I was a kid, I don't really have the clearest memory of how social norms are.

Where are you from?

P.S. You know I'm 17 right? Here you can drive at any age, if you drive like an adult the cops won't stop you. If they see you're driving like an amateur they will stop you, fine you, and revoke your dads license. I'm a very responsible driver, the point of that paragraph was to show that I'm not effected by alcohol. I've never had a hangover, maybe because I don't drink often, but I drink a lot when the occasion is big enough.

Yes of course I will wait until marriage to have sex, or at least until I'm certain I'm willing to devote my life to her. Why do people in the west see sex as this magical thing that is to be always wanted? There are many more things to do with girls than **** them.

Thats fine if you don't look, I'm not going to date you don't worry. Since this is anonymous I'm publicly showing my honest opinions for criticizing. I'd never open myself publicly like this, except to my closest friends.

August 14, 2017

I'm married & old enough to be your mother. Do the math.

That said the Q is rude & none of your business. Every so often there are threads on here about "the #". It always gets people hot & bothered on both sides. I'm a firm believer not to kiss & tell.

As much I want to try to respect your beliefs & what you want in a GF the hypocrisy of men who want pure virgins with traditional values to marry but are OK with having pre-marital sex with women they consider unworthy or unclean before the settle down is quite upsetting.

I'm a virgin, and I intend to remain until I'm certain I'm willing to devote myself to a woman. I don't want to leave the impression I've never had the opportunity, I have, but I chose not to take it because 1) I'd get shamed by everyone I know 2) It goes against my own principles. 3) It's irresponsible

August 14, 2017

As much I want to try to respect your beliefs & what you want in a GF the hypocrisy of men who want pure virgins with traditional values to marry but are OK with having pre-marital sex with women they consider unworthy or unclean before the settle down is quite upsetting.

There are unfortunately a few men like that in the country of my origin. It's usually pretty easy to suss them out and avoid them, though. More commonly, some of the men themselves abstain from intercourse before marriage, and those men tend to be preferred by women who believe in waiting for marriage. Also, alcoholism is a huge negative strike against a man there, much more so than in Western cultures. So I wouldn't say that the OP would have an easier time dating women from traditional/ conservative cultures either.

August 14, 2017

Georgia Tech might be a good bet. I'm not sure there are many virgins there, though.

Yeah that's fine with short-term relationships. I know I can find short term, but I'm looking for long term :/

August 14, 2017

Your odds of finding a virgin, subordinate, chaise woman in the US, who would ALSO be okay with an atheist is very very very slim.

While only a very small percentage of the population would have what you have deemed important traits, the majority of those women will be highly religious.

Most studies point to 3% of America women being virgin brides. So one in every 30 or so waits till marriage.

August 14, 2017

traindriver321

You are 17. Your views are going to change over time. What you want now & what you think your future holds is from the perspective of a child. I'm not picking on you. My views about sex & life when I was 17 were even more naïve then yours are.

Two things:

If you drink alcohol -- any alcohol -- don't get behind the wheel of a car. It's irresponsible & criminal. As "sober" as you think you were, you were legally drunk (BAC > 1.0). If you got in an accident & killed somebody it would be considered criminally negligent homicide. Also 9 shots of anything puts you in grave danger of alcohol poisoning. Your BAC was probably over 2.0 at that point.

Come to school, get settled in & make friends with all sorts of people. You won't be lonely & you will gain greater perspective on the world. You may come to learn that you are "right" & the cultural norms you have grown up with are the best lifestyle fits for you. You may grow more tolerant of people who believe differently then you do. A woman can be chaste & modest but still be intellectually & financially equal to a man & that should not diminish his power or masculinity at all.

August 14, 2017

traindriver321

You are 17. Your views are going to change over time. What you want now & what you think your future holds is from the perspective of a child. I'm not picking on you. My views about sex & life when I was 17 were even more naïve then yours are.

Two things:

If you drink alcohol -- any alcohol -- don't get behind the wheel of a car. It's irresponsible & criminal. As "sober" as you think you were, you were legally drunk (BAC > 1.0). If you got in an accident & killed somebody it would be considered criminally negligent homicide. Also 9 shots of anything puts you in grave danger of alcohol poisoning. Your BAC was probably over 2.0 at that point.

Come to school, get settled in & make friends with all sorts of people. You won't be lonely & you will gain greater perspective on the world. You may come to learn that you are "right" & the cultural norms you have grown up with are the best lifestyle fits for you. You may grow more tolerant of people who believe differently then you do. A woman can be chaste & modest but still be intellectually & financially equal to a man & that should not diminish his power or masculinity at all.

Not to meantion the legal drinking age is 21 here. Underage drinking happens, particularly on college campues, but some who is proud of getting very drunk might want to be away of the law and the consequences of breaking it.

August 14, 2017

What I was going for is if I get a girlfriend who I truly have intentions of getting a long lasting relationship and marriage with I'd expect her to change and similarly with me, I have numerous bad habbits that my friends don't like but I'd be willing to work to change them for a relationship.

Don't get ahead of yourself. If you rush into all this with all these expectations for the future and rigid standards, you're bound to come off forward and demanding to western women. That being said, every woman is different, if I were you I'd focus on finding one I liked and having fun with her before I'd start interrogating her about her sex life and willingness to adopt a particular lifestyle. It might work in your country, but I wouldn't hold your breath with it here.

Final question, how many of you females here are virgins? just curious.

So... this is the kind of thing I'm talking about...

August 14, 2017

Final question, how many of you females here are virgins? just curious.

wow. are you kidding me? what does this even have to do with your question/anything?

anyway, i get that some people have a list of their "ideal" type but you've got some ridgid requirements on that list. i agree with RecentChange and the other posters, your chances of finding a woman who's a virgin, who will be a "domestic housewife" who shares the same atheist values as you are slim to NONE.

maybe it would be more worth your time and energy to enjoy your time at school, make new friends and learn and try new things. if you meet a woman that you're interested in along the way, go ahead and see what happens.

August 14, 2017

traindriver321

You are 17. Your views are going to change over time. What you want now & what you think your future holds is from the perspective of a child. I'm not picking on you. My views about sex & life when I was 17 were even more naïve then yours are.

Two things:

If you drink alcohol -- any alcohol -- don't get behind the wheel of a car. It's irresponsible & criminal. As "sober" as you think you were, you were legally drunk (BAC > 1.0). If you got in an accident & killed somebody it would be considered criminally negligent homicide. Also 9 shots of anything puts you in grave danger of alcohol poisoning. Your BAC was probably over 2.0 at that point.

Come to school, get settled in & make friends with all sorts of people. You won't be lonely & you will gain greater perspective on the world. You may come to learn that you are "right" & the cultural norms you have grown up with are the best lifestyle fits for you. You may grow more tolerant of people who believe differently then you do. A woman can be chaste & modest but still be intellectually & financially equal to a man & that should not diminish his power or masculinity at all.

Maybe so, I may change.

Just a note on the part about drinking and driving. Alcohol has no effect on me, nobody has ever believed that I drank more than 2-3 shots, and thats only because of the smell from my breath. I don't know the cause but I have no earthly idea how I cannot get drunk.

I've been driving since I was 14, and I'm an overly cautious driver. I don't speed, I don't rush, always use signal lights, etc. I appreciate your concern but I assure you I drinking has zero effect on me, at least on my motor and cognitive skills at the moment. I'm going to drop drinking after I come to the US, and thats because of the health issues it could cause.

As I said previously, I'm fine with people living however they want and I'd be fine with being in a relationship with a woman and even sleeping with her if she knew I had no intention of holding a long lasting relationship.

Thank you for your advice mate.

August 14, 2017

wow. are you kidding me? what does this even have to do with your question/anything?

anyway, i get that some people have a list of their "ideal" type but you've got some ridgid requirements on that list. i agree with RecentChange and the other posters, your chances of finding a woman who's a virgin, who will be a "domestic housewife" who shares the same atheist values as you are slim to NONE.

maybe it would be more worth your time and energy to enjoy your time at school, make new friends and learn and try new things. if you meet a woman that you're interested in along the way, go ahead and see what happens.

I phrased the question wrong, and another answered the question anyway. It was about those who are virgins before marriage.

I don't care about their religious views, and I pretty much knew that I had almost no chance of getting a suitable partner that fit my ideals. I'm going to have to stick with short term relations.

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Foreigner in U.S., questions about women

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