New to OLD and having a hard time emotionally

[Gaeta]

Lacey, I was online dating from age 46 to 50 and met my boyfriend 2 months after celebrating my 50th birthday.

 

I came online with 0 dating experience as I had married my first boyfriend still a teen girl. I was 46 and as naive as a 14 year old.

 

I made all the possible mistakes and got tons of stories, good ones and not so good ones. Through it all I have learn a great deal about myself, what I wanted and what I didn't want. I have learn to read people, I've learn to not trust until trust is earned, and I have learn only the patient ones get to collect the fruits of online dating.

 

It's normal you feel the way you do, we all feel that way after our first online fail. Good news it will get better. The important is to learn what ever lesson there was to learn, get back on your saddle, and move to next. In a couple of weeks you won't even remember his name.

 

By the way, growing a thick skin isn't a bad things. People are afraid to do online because they're gonna hurt. I say 'hurting' isn't bad, it builds character, makes you stronger and wiser.

[Steve51]

I am 66 so you are a kid to me. I live in the largest planned retirement community in the world. There are over a 150,000 senior citizens living here. The widows outnumber the widowers 10 to 1. You are right about some guys wanting young and gorgeous looking women. Since there is fierce competition for the available men, the men get to be very picky about who they date. In fact, most do not want a relationship, just sex. Lots of horny old ladies here. Do not think old people do not have sex. There was a book written about this place and in it they stated that the STD rate is higher here than among the general population. We have swinger and wife swapping clubs. Happy hour is all day long and when you are close to death you want to have fun and don't care about what anyone thinks anymore. People have been arrested for having sex in public. Women will perform oral on man after man. More sex in your generation than in the current according to the studies recently released. With free porn, many men are living their sex lives online. No getting dressed, shaving or showering. Plus no rejection or having to talk.

 

My wife's best friend got divorced in her late thirties. I knew her longer than my wife did and she was a frequent guest at our house after her divorce and saw her and her ex every week before the divorce. She was complaining about exactly what you are talking about. She said that all the single men she met since her divorce 8 months ago were looking for younger women who look like Playboy centerfolds or were single for a reason. Long story short she moved in with us and joined our marriage for the next 30 years.

 

These poly triads are more common than most think, especially here where many wives have no libido or are disabled but want their husbands to have a good sex life, but not away from the house where she feels she has some control. We move away from our girlfriend 7 years ago and my wife has told me that if I die before her, she wants to live with a woman. Same for me.

[CryForNoOne]

I am 66 so you are a kid to me. I live in the largest planned retirement community in the world. There are over a 150,000 senior citizens living here. The widows outnumber the widowers 10 to 1. You are right about some guys wanting young and gorgeous looking women. Since there is fierce competition for the available men, the men get to be very picky about who they date. In fact, most do not want a relationship, just sex. Lots of horny old ladies here. Do not think old people do not have sex. There was a book written about this place and in it they stated that the STD rate is higher here than among the general population. We have swinger and wife swapping clubs. Happy hour is all day long and when you are close to death you want to have fun and don't care about what anyone thinks anymore. People have been arrested for having sex in public. Women will perform oral on man after man. More sex in your generation than in the current according to the studies recently released. With free porn, many men are living their sex lives online. No getting dressed, shaving or showering. Plus no rejection or having to talk.

 

My wife's best friend got divorced in her late thirties. I knew her longer than my wife did and she was a frequent guest at our house after her divorce and saw her and her ex every week before the divorce. She was complaining about exactly what you are talking about. She said that all the single men she met since her divorce 8 months ago were looking for younger women who look like Playboy centerfolds or were single for a reason. Long story short she moved in with us and joined our marriage for the next 30 years.

 

These poly triads are more common than most think, especially here where many wives have no libido or are disabled but want their husbands to have a good sex life, but not away from the house where she feels she has some control. We move away from our girlfriend 7 years ago and my wife has told me that if I die before her, she wants to live with a woman. Same for me.

 

Love it! If only people didn't need to be near death to finally let go of all their stupid hang ups...

[CptInsano]

I am 66 so you are a kid to me. I live in the largest planned retirement community in the world. There are over a 150,000 senior citizens living here. The widows outnumber the widowers 10 to 1. [...]

 

I'm "only" in my mid-40s, and if you are trying to point out that the ratio of men to women changes over time and will have an effect even before retirement age, then yes ... it definitely does. It may not just be OLD that has changed the dynamics.

[morrowrd]

That is ****ty - damn. On behalf of the "good men" out there, I'm sorry that happened to you. Just a heads up though, that IS a part of the culture of online dating. Disappearing after sex tends to be a big club, don't take it personal or be ashamed to admit you were burned. You were attracted and took his bait hook, line, and sinker. Make a mental note not to do it next time and erase him. He'll probably be back, instant messaging you begging for another chance, and the above story will repeat if you fall for it.

 

Keep trying. The lines are all similar so you'll have to be patient and play hard to get with the sex and physical part. Anyone interested in you will respect you, and easily prove themselves if their intentions are good.

[CryForNoOne]

I’ve gotta tell you, most guys don’t know their height... weight, blood pressure, blood sugar mostly because they don’t care. They want to get their foot in the door by any means necessary.

 

You mentioned in another thread that you are slightly older than me and starting to struggle with health issues. I'm 45 but more fit than most guys half my age. I know my exact height and weight at all times. I don't obsess about it. I just have a scale in my bathroom and weigh myself every morning while brushing my teeth. I drink a ton of beer and love fast food as much as the next guy, but the moment I top 182, I switch to lean protein meals and water until I'm back under 180.

 

How can you have the double standard of judging women for not taking care of themselves but not do the same???

[coolheadal]

A simple tape measure can revel so much about ones height.

 

5.10 Fit

180 lbs

Toned/Muscle - still working on that every day..

Excellent health

Single Male

No kids

 

I have what I've put down to attract the women but I get a lot of likes but to bad I don't know who on OKC is hitting like. I could like all women then I would know takes a lot. I don't do that. Suppose to let the women send me a message. On Mingle2 they can do both.

 

I had started to talk to strangers (women) in the stores I go too. I seem to do better with the banana stand. I guess because what I do with these banana would be very interesting. I make daily free non-ice cream. Double Chocolate Chip.

 

i got to try something... OLD just not like it was back 2011 OKC was better before the OEM sold it to Match.com now it's ah..

[Larryville]

How can you have the double standard of judging women for not taking care of themselves but not do the same???

 

CFNO: Unfortunately I have a long family history of heart disease that runs on both sides of my family. Oldest brother died, Father died, grandfather died with heart related issues.

Has nothing to do with taking care of myself. Before my attack was 180, felt great and was getting blood pressure and sugar under control. However was too late and I ignored the subtle signs that have nothing to do with how you eat, your weight, whether you drink or anything else. Now I'm down to 161 my lowest weight in 25 years. People say I look great but don't feel so hot these days.

 

I don't remember specifically judging women (point me to where I said that don't remember) however the thing is all of us judge, taking care of ones self is not all about weight. Mental and emotional health, how someone carries themselves. I did mention the OLD is a competition and how you market yourself makes the difference in whether or not you are getting attention or getting ignored.

We live in a swipe left mentality if you have a jacked up hairstyle, wearing sunglasses, bad teeth, drinking in your photo, ranting about the how all men are horrible and cheaters nobody wants to deal with that.

[Lacey49]

Hey thanks for all the replies. I'm glad nobody called me a dumb slut because that's how I feel. I had a weak moment and texted him. He said he had gotten back together with his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years, but yet he is still active on Match.

 

As far as the picture comments go. I see tons of women making fish faces or using blurry photos to look "not middle aged." I've picked pictures which actually look like me cause I don't want the guys to think I"m something I"m not.

 

Maybe the online thing isn't for me.

[Miss Spider]

Hey thanks for all the replies. I'm glad nobody called me a dumb slut because that's how I feel. I had a weak moment and texted him. He said he had gotten back together with his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years, but yet he is still active on Match.

 

As far as the picture comments go. I see tons of women making fish faces or using blurry photos to look "not middle aged." I've picked pictures which actually look like me cause I don't want the guys to think I"m something I"m not.

 

Maybe the online thing isn't for me.

 

 

That's just one dork. I hear there are lots of great guys on OLD. Many female users middle aged and older here have found their dream guys through OLD and now are in great relationships or married. Learn from the experience, stick around the boards and get ton of helpful advice, but don't give up just because of one doofus.

[HarmonyDriven]

I'm glad nobody called me a dumb slut because that's how I feel. I had a weak moment and texted him. He said he had gotten back together with his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years, but yet he is still active on Match.

Maybe the online thing isn't for me.

 

OP,

 

You are not dumb slut...and no need to feel that way. I am 49 and been there/done that and then some....learned so much.

 

Don't text this guy, don't call this guy......ever. I imagine the sex was really good or you would not still be thinking of him.....? Chalk it up as having great sex and leave it at that. Having sex too soon doesn't always end up with keeping the guy afterwards. But you know this. This experience alone should add a thick skin to your shell....so to speak.

 

The way YOU stop thinking about this guy is think about how poorly he treated you afterwards. You accept what you deserve. You deserve better, right? If you decide to think about him, strictly think about the great sex you had. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

OLD does work, with the right attitude. It worked for me before and I will be getting back into it soon. Funny thing, most men I talk to cannot stand the fish faced women photos. I think professional photos are great with a good OLD profile. You don't need a happy martini in your hand, just a genuine smile.

 

I have referred this website before on other posts and it has really helped me over the years to better understand men, dating, etc.... You might want to check it out.....Evan Marc Katz - Dating Coach.

 

If this guy is back with his ex-girlfriend and on Match, then you dodged a bullet, he did you a favor.....L O S E R all the way around....Well, a loser who was good in bed....

 

Good luck and don't give up!

Edited August 15, 2017 by HarmonyDriven

[mortensorchid]

Hon, you're lonely. He preyed on this fact when he met you. Like a lot of people in the OLD world can and do. Be careful with people.

 

As to how to get over it? Get out and do other things somehow, distract yourself with projects, interests, etc. that do not involve him. Guy was a bad man for doing what he did, we've all been there.

[bachdude]

Yep, he wasn't serious, OP. In fact, he's an a$$. He took what you gave him and not only abandoned common courtesy but insulted you. Nice guy.

 

Try not to waste too much of your precious time on energy thinking about this guy.

 

I think in the future realize that an invitation to dinner at a man's house is an invitation to have sex.

 

Sadly, the culture of hooking up has become a culture of feigning interest (i.e. deception) followed by using and discarding people.

 

There are many casualties.

 

We have fewer spiritual leaders than before. I was always taught "love people and use things" not "love things and use people".

 

Rant over.

 

I'm sorry you got hurt.

[Popsicle]

Women lie about age and weight.

 

I recently got off the dating site, but trust me, men lie about this too.

[Lacey49]

Yep, he wasn't serious, OP. In fact, he's an a$$. He took what you gave him and not only abandoned common courtesy but insulted you. Nice guy.

 

Try not to waste too much of your precious time on energy thinking about this guy.

 

I think in the future realize that an invitation to dinner at a man's house is an invitation to have sex.

 

Sadly, the culture of hooking up has become a culture of feigning interest (i.e. deception) followed by using and discarding people.

 

There are many casualties.

 

We have fewer spiritual leaders than before. I was always taught "love people and use things" not "love things and use people".

 

Rant over.

 

I'm sorry you got hurt.

 

 

Yes, looking back it totally was an invitation for sex. Disguised as a nice invitation for dinner and to see his newly renovated beach home. His son had been living with him for over a year and he'd mentioned his son had been "cramping his style" on our first date. His son moved out the day before he invited me over for dinner. Now I know how his style was cramped, he couldn't just have women over for sex I guess. Yes, lesson learned. I'm new to this. I thought things would be different now that we are older, but I guess not.

[kendahke]

I thought things would be different now that we are older, but I guess not.

 

 

The body may age, but the attitude sometimes doesn't.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Men lie about both age and height ALL the time. One dude said he was 39, I meet up with him and he looks like he is about 50. I decide to subtly say "so you are 39?". And he starts mumbling that men in his family "don't age well".

 

Many have listed their height as 5'10" (I am 5'8") and when I came wearing flats, they were shorter than me. Oh and men know exactly how tall they are. Especially the single ones that do OLD.

 

Yet more are still in relationships or looking for quick sex while deliberately misleading you.

 

I would say that 98% on there are just c*ap that you have to wade through if you are patient enough. I am not.