How do people feel about dating a virgin who is over 28 years old?

[CoolJoe]

Guy or girl -- is being say a 28 year old virgin a bad thing?

[Miss Spider]

My ideal guy would have had 1 or 2 monogamous long-term sex partners by 28 and maybe a drunken hook up or two. But all-in-all, number of sex partners is like #1943 on the list of things I care about in dating(except man***s though, cant do those)The main issue for me would be why he was still a virgin so late, not that he was. Like does he have some hang ups with sex? Qualities that make him an undesirable partner etc. If not, we're good to go.

Edited August 13, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[CptInsano]

Guy or girl -- is being say a 28 year old virgin a bad thing?

 

I once dated a virgin who was 26. The issue was not that she was a virgin, but why she was a virgin at that age.

[goldengirl11]

My! That was how old I was for my 'first time.' Sadly, my then boyfriend, who happened to be 15 years older than me, wasn't very sympathetic at all and felt very pressurised to sleep with him fairly quickly, otherwise he would've dumped me for sure (although he ended up cheating on me and dumping me anyway, which left me distraught). I can't believe it was 10 years ago, but can remember it vividly.

 

Btw, Partly why I was a virgin then was because I was brought up that sex shouldn't be before marriage, but I regret leaving it so long as it got quite scary! Although I probably wouldn't regret it if he'd have been a better partner to me though.

Edited August 13, 2017 by goldengirl11

[d0nnivain]

Why the person was still a virgin would be an issue for me. Also if the person led with that info I'd find it off putting. If the person has no intention of changing their status before marriage, that needs to be disclosed during an early date but maybe not the 1st date.

[littleblackheart]

It's neither a good or bad thing, it's just who you are but no matter how you slice it, most people are going to judge you for it one way or the other and assign their own values to that.

 

Don't worry about what other people think and just own it - you can give as much or as little information as you are comfortable with (depending on your audience) and the right person(s) will accept you as you are .

[CryForNoOne]

It's neither a good or bad thing, it's just who you are but no matter how you slice it, most people are going to judge you for it one way or the other and assign their own values to that.

 

Don't worry about what other people think and just own it - you can give as much or as little information as you are comfortable with (depending on your audience) and the right person(s) will accept you as you are .

Platitudes aside, that's simply not true. Unless it's a religious thing, in which case some people seek virgins/chastity, I think it's almost universally a bad thing. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 23, and it certainly had negative consequences for my first LTR. We might still be together if I didn't have so many insecurities and hang ups about it. I was a late bloomer so now all that is in the distant past. But knowing how I was, I'd pause before entering a relationship with someone who was a virgin at 28. Sex is now such an important part of intimacy for me that I'd really have to be crazy about them to be patient enough to deal with the inevitable hangups, insecurities, and just plain lack of experience they would have in regards to sex.

[littleblackheart]

Platitudes aside, that's simply not true. Unless it's a religious thing, in which case some people seek virgins/chastity, I think it's almost universally a bad thing. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 23, and it certainly had negative consequences for my first LTR. We might still be together if I didn't have so many insecurities and hang ups about it. I was a late bloomer so now all that is in the distant past. But knowing how I was, I'd pause before entering a relationship with someone who was a virgin at 28. Sex is now such an important part of intimacy for me that I'd really have to be crazy about them to be patient enough to deal with the inevitable hangups, insecurities, and just plain lack of experience they would have in regards to sex.

 

You have just assigned your own values to a fact.

 

There's no 'almost universal' reaction to it, sorry.

You chose to have an issue with it, but that's your personal hang-up that you are projecting onto the OP.

 

I lost my virginity at 24 and that was entirely my choice; that's how I view it as - not bad or good, a deliberate decision on my part. I don't judge others who have chosen another path. There are too many factors going into that, that's why you assess people on a case by case basis, not as a ready-made judgement.

[MJJean]

I personally wouldn't date or initiate a virgin. I prefer experienced partners who know their way around a woman's body and also know what they like themselves.

 

I wouldn't say being an older virgin is a bad thing. I'm sure many religious people who believe in saving sex for marriage would be happy to find a virgin mate.

[CryForNoOne]

You have just assigned your own values to a fact.

 

There's no 'almost universal' reaction to it, sorry.

You chose to have an issue with it, but that's your personal hang-up that you are projecting onto the OP.

 

I lost my virginity at 24 and that was entirely my choice; that's how I view it as - not bad or good, a deliberate decision on my part. I don't judge others who have chosen another path. There are too many factors going into that, that's why you assess people on a case by case basis, not as a ready-made judgement.

There is a difference between judging and being pragmatic. I am sensitive to someone who has been in that situation, having been there myself, but that is beside the point. I would not feel safe getting from point A to point B in a car with someone who has never driven before. Likewise, I'd be a fool to expect someone who is a virgin to be able to satisfy me sexually. Now just like the driving analogy, a lack of experience doesn't mean they can't eventually become a good driver, lover whatever. The point is, to just say it is a neutral event is BS. I'm not going to get into that whole debate about everything is a neutral event except for what we project onto it. That's a cop out. Otherwise, everyone would be fine dating anybody else and none of us would even be here, which is obviously not the case.

[littleblackheart]

There is a difference between judging and being pragmatic. I am sensitive to someone who has been in that situation, having been there myself, but that is beside the point. I would not feel safe getting from point A to point B in a car with someone who has never driven before. Likewise, I'd be a fool to expect someone who is a virgin to be able to satisfy me sexually. Now just like the driving analogy, a lack of experience doesn't mean they can't eventually become a good driver, lover whatever. The point is, to just say it is a neutral event is BS. I'm not going to get into that whole debate about everything is a neutral event except for what we project onto it. That's a cop out. Otherwise, everyone would be fine dating anybody else and none of us would even be here, which is obviously not the case.

 

It's not a neutral event; it's just a statement of fact this isn't good or bad in and of itself.

Assigning a value to it (good/bad) is on you.

 

OP, you will find people who will accept you for who you are, but you need to be ok with it first.

 

Ex 1: I'm 28 and still a virgin for this and that reason. I feel so bad and ashamed and useless - turn off

 

Ex 2: I'm 28 and still a virgin for this and that reason. I feel everyone should be like me, there are too many sluts in this world - turn-off.

 

Ex 3: I am a 28 yo virgin for this and that reason. Full stop. Let whoever you're talking to make their own mind up, don't do the thinking for them or assume the worst. The right people for you will get it.

[CryForNoOne]

It's not a neutral event; it's just a statement of fact this isn't good or bad in and of itself.

Assigning a value to it (good/bad) is on you.

 

OP, you will find people who will accept you for who you are, but you need to be ok with it first.

 

Ex 1: I'm 28 and still a virgin for this and that reason. I feel so bad and ashamed and useless - turn off

 

Ex 2: I'm 28 and still a virgin for this and that reason. I feel everyone should be like me, there are too many sluts in this world - turn-off.

 

Ex 3: I am a 28 yo virgin for this and that reason. Full stop. Let whoever you're talking to make their own mind up, don't do the thinking for them or assume the worst. The right people for you will get it.

 

Fair enough. I retract my comment that it is "almost universally bad". I will amend it to say, it is "almost universally not a good thing". Yes it may not be an issue for all, but unless you have a virgin fetish or religious reason, virginity at 28 is either a neutral or unattractive trait, but not a positive.

[Miss Spider]

I agree littleblackheart. Many people admire/feel honored to be the first. I wouldn't call it a fetish because it can be exclusive to that individual and how you feel about them. And yes, first times can be awkward, but not always, and several times later it can reach a point where it's insignificant. haha Lots of experience does not necessarily equal better in bed at all, from what i've heard. You get people who have barely had partners who are enthusiastic/curious/freaks in bed (ahem ) and you have selfish/boring/starfish lovers who sleep around a lot. lol.

Edited August 13, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[littleblackheart]

I agree littleblackheart. Many people admire/feel honored to be the first. I wouldn't call it a fetish because it can be exclusive to that individual and how you feel about them. And yes, first times can be awkward, but not always, and several times later it can reach a point where it's insignificant. haha Lots of experience does not necessarily equal better in bed at all, from what i've heard. You get people who have barely had partners who are enthusiastic/curious/freaks in bed (ahem ) and you have selfish/boring/starfish lovers who sleep around a lot. lol.

 

Exactly. There a pot for every lid and all that.

 

OP, just in case you were enquiring about a date rather than yourself:whether this troubles you or whether you're fine with it is your choice . Just be sure to base yourself on how you feel, not on the majority vote on your thread!

[Miss Spider]

Starfish for every sea ^.^

 

 

Op, I wouldn't worry about it. Even if you aren't religious, wouldn't be a huge issue

Edited August 13, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[No_Go]

I was about that age (27) when I had my first kiss and sex. It was mainly because I have barely left the lab where I used to do my research, I literally spend half a decade only sleeping out if it

 

First time was with much older guy, I was curious but not smitten, it happened very fast (under a week from meeting him), I made no fuss about it. I never had intimacy issues, I'm very comfortable with my body and have pretty damn high drive.

 

So no, being virgin at 28 is not something I'll be judgemental about, it is just how life is sometimes and fundamentally says not much about the person's personality and/or sex drive/abilities. You'll be fine:)