Jenny68 Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 I have been friends with this guy since we were 14. We dated for a short time in Highschool but never had sex. Later on in college I lost my v lol. Not to him. Anyways we dated other people and stayed really close friends. Recently we started talking and hanging out after having not seen each other in a while. He mentioned wanting to sleep with me. We hooked up almost had sex and then a week later we had sex twice. He said so I guess we're friends with benefits now? He told me he had strong feelings for me and had been in love with me when we're younger. The texting went on almost everyday and he wanted to do it again. He was kind of getting on my nerves because he's really clingy. He also has issues with depression... I met someone I started dating and didn't think it was weird because I wasn't official with my friend. I told this to my friend and he seemed okay with it. But after talking almost everyday he suddenly stopped. Is he mad I have a bf? Or did he lose Interest? I don't want to lose him as a friend. He even asked if that would happen and I said no of course not but still never heard from him since this convo. It's been over a week I'm a little upset about it?
CryForNoOne Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 He's in love with you. Of course he's mad. You're not losing a friend. You're discovering that this has been a case of unrequited love. You are either going to end up getting married or it will end badly never talking again. I've seen this play out many times including being personally involved. 8
basil67 Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 He most likely wanted to pursue some type of future with him. But now you've got a boyfriend, it's become clear to him that you're not interested. He needs to remove himself from your life to recover his heart. Yes, you have lost a friend. But he wasn't wanting to be 'just a friend' anyway. 4
Miss Spider Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 He probably caught feels so he cannot be your friend anymore
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 To be fair, if he wanted to be in relationship with you, he should have said that and not referred to you as simply a fwb. You did the right thing telling him you were seeing someone now, and he did the right thing by backing off because clearly you were more than just friends. Unless you want to be more than friends, the best thing you can do for him is just let him move on. 3
thefooloftheyear Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 He did the right thing... Not only did he extricate himself, he didn't act like a jerk...You lost a friend-who wanted to be more than a friend anyway......Just be a big girl and deal with it... TFY 1
coolheadal Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 I have been friends with this guy since we were 14. We dated for a short time in Highschool but never had sex. Later on in college I lost my v lol. Not to him. Anyways we dated other people and stayed really close friends. Recently we started talking and hanging out after having not seen each other in a while. He mentioned wanting to sleep with me. We hooked up almost had sex and then a week later we had sex twice. He said so I guess we're friends with benefits now? He told me he had strong feelings for me and had been in love with me when we're younger. The texting went on almost everyday and he wanted to do it again. He was kind of getting on my nerves because he's really clingy. He also has issues with depression... I met someone I started dating and didn't think it was weird because I wasn't official with my friend. I told this to my friend and he seemed okay with it. But after talking almost everyday he suddenly stopped. Is he mad I have a bf? Or did he lose Interest? I don't want to lose him as a friend. He even asked if that would happen and I said no of course not but still never heard from him since this convo. It's been over a week I'm a little upset about it? So Jenny, what I don't get is all this time you didn't seem he was love sick over you. Now you tell him you have a real BF and what is this guy suppose to do. He's stopped everything! That's what he's suppose to do. You want to cling onto his friendship. That's gone now and so is his love for you and more. You have broken his heart. Your selfish woman shame on you, really so mean to this guy. You do not play nice with men, the ones that really love you. But hey you can love whoever you want not into this childhood friend so he see that so he's gone off you. Your upset because you like the attention he gave you. So this new BF not doing the same for you well you slept for lust now you want delight, can't get it right!
Miss Spider Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 (edited) Oh I wanna add that since you got a BF he might not wanna get in between. I've never had a FWB, but I can't imagine staying on sidelines after a guy 'friend' I slept with got a gf as his "friend"(or having him keep me there), even if I didn't have feelings for him or we were childhood friends. Seems messy Edited August 13, 2017 by Cookiesandough
normal person Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 Yeah, I think he handled it appropriately given the circumstances. You both have to deal with it now, and I guess not speaking to each other is the best practice. Twice I've had platonic female friends that became something more, and in both instances, both friendships were ruined and we stopped talking. Feelings, other people, etc all get in the way. It's usually much messier than you think it's going to be, but it always sounds like a good idea at the time... 1
GemmaUK Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 From your post it's pretty obvious to me that your FWB was in love with you. Feelings aren't all about you OP. Your FWB had feelings for you - it was so very clear he did. He can't be your friend - it would be wrong of you to attempt to relegate him back to just friends. Please try to consider his feelings too in this. I had a FWB once in the past, we couldn't be friends after he proposed marriage to me (for me completely out of the blue) - I let that friendship go. It would have been mean of me to continue it. 1
Author Jenny68 Posted August 16, 2017 Author Posted August 16, 2017 So two weeks went by and I reached out to him through text. He told me he was very sorry for his absence and wished he had texted me sooner, but he had a friend who died recently... And I asked if he needed anything from me and he said what I need is sex, but that's the one thing I kniw I can't ask from you... I wouldn't want someone to do it out pity. So I said I know, I have a bf. And he said I know it's not something I would ask you but unfortunately that's what I really need right now. I decided to stop responding. My question is why he said this? It's extremely awkward because last month he was saying he was in love and crying over me and now he's acting differently. Is it because of the bf? I almost feel as though he may not be someone I can or should still talk to. Any take on this? I know he's going through a lot but why would he bring up sex or stating he knos it's the one thing he can't ask me... If we already had done that my friendship with him is just exhausting me.
stillafool Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 t It's been over a week I'm a little upset about it? Why? Most young men do not want to just be a friend with no sex especially after getting it. I imagine he is searching for a new FWB at this point because after all you are now in a relationship. It would be inappropriate to hang around with you now that you have another guy and disrespectful to your new bf. Would you be okay if your new bf were texting with his ex FWB every day?
Author Jenny68 Posted August 16, 2017 Author Posted August 16, 2017 Btw: thank you all for your responses above.
stillafool Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 So two weeks went by and I reached out to him through text. He told me he was very sorry for his absence and wished he had texted me sooner, but he had a friend who died recently... And I asked if he needed anything from me and he said what I need is sex, but that's the one thing I kniw I can't ask from you... I wouldn't want someone to do it out pity. So I said I know, I have a bf. And he said I know it's not something I would ask you but unfortunately that's what I really need right now. I decided to stop responding. My question is why he said this? It's extremely awkward because last month he was saying he was in love and crying over me and now he's acting differently. Is it because of the bf? I almost feel as though he may not be someone I can or should still talk to. Any take on this? I know he's going through a lot but why would he bring up sex or stating he knos it's the one thing he can't ask me... If we already had done that my friendship with him is just exhausting me. You two aren't really friends but were sex partners. Now that sex is off the table because you have a bf this dude does not want to be bothered. Why do you want the attention of this man when you are involved in a relationship? Don't you think that is disrespectful to your new bf?
olivetree Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 The part that matters most here is that you have a new bf. By continuing to talk to this other guy you are disrespecting your new relationship. Put yourself in your bf's shoes. You are also not doing your "friend" any favours by not giving him the space to get over you. 1
kendahke Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 (edited) I have been friends with this guy since we were 14. We dated for a short time in Highschool but never had sex. Later on in college I lost my v lol. Not to him. Anyways we dated other people and stayed really close friends. Recently we started talking and hanging out after having not seen each other in a while. He mentioned wanting to sleep with me. We hooked up almost had sex and then a week later we had sex twice. He said so I guess we're friends with benefits now? He told me he had strong feelings for me and had been in love with me when we're younger. The texting went on almost everyday and he wanted to do it again. He was kind of getting on my nerves because he's really clingy. He also has issues with depression... I met someone I started dating and didn't think it was weird because I wasn't official with my friend. I told this to my friend and he seemed okay with it. But after talking almost everyday he suddenly stopped. Is he mad I have a bf? Or did he lose Interest? I don't want to lose him as a friend. He even asked if that would happen and I said no of course not but still never heard from him since this convo. It's been over a week I'm a little upset about it? So two weeks went by and I reached out to him through text. He told me he was very sorry for his absence and wished he had texted me sooner, but he had a friend who died recently... And I asked if he needed anything from me and he said what I need is sex, but that's the one thing I kniw I can't ask from you... I wouldn't want someone to do it out pity. So I said I know, I have a bf. And he said I know it's not something I would ask you but unfortunately that's what I really need right now. I decided to stop responding. My question is why he said this? It's extremely awkward because last month he was saying he was in love and crying over me and now he's acting differently. Is it because of the bf? I almost feel as though he may not be someone I can or should still talk to. Any take on this? I know he's going through a lot but why would he bring up sex or stating he knos it's the one thing he can't ask me... If we already had done that �� my friendship with him is just exhausting me. I see no reason for you to be upset other than you expect for him to be your male girlfriend and he said "nah". Of course he doesn't want to be your friend--it reminds him that you don't want him; and besides, he's not obligated to be your male girlfriend. He brings up sex because that's an aspect of the relationship he wants to have and he's letting you know that there won't be any male girlfriend BS going down. I rather applaud him. You know exactly where he stands. You trying to keep this "friendship" is going to wreak havoc in your new relationship, so just let it go. The psychological moment has passed for this. Edited August 16, 2017 by kendahke
Author Jenny68 Posted September 16, 2017 Author Posted September 16, 2017 So I texted and confronted him on why he vanished for those few weeks he had a lot going on but he also was upset about my having a bf. We met up and talked it over and discussed that we both had feelings for each other. He actually confessed that he is in fact in love with me. He always texts a heart or "love you" and calls me Hun. I have feelings for him and we have slept together again recently. I slept with him when I was dating my bf but we have since broken up. So the two of us are in an awkward fwb we have feelings but where do we go from here. He says I'm more than a friend at this point etc. he calls now instead of texts most of time and talks for almost two hours. I feel odd though because we aren't in a relationship and don't where it's going right now... But you guys were right about him. As of right now he says he loves me over text or befire we hang up and I never said it back I usually just send a heart or say ok I'll ttyl. But two nights ago he said "love you Hun, good night" and I said "okay night, love you " I haven't heard from him since I knows its only two days but could it have freaked him out I said it back? Lol
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