mortensorchid Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I have been thinking about this recently as to how/why this seems to happen. Not just to me, I'm sure, but there are lots of others out there who it also happens to that I don't know about (save for those who post on forums like this). Why is someone NOT interested in another? Let's take an obvious yet generic example: You go out and meet someone (OLD or otherwise) in a bar, restaurant, coffee shop, etc. You meet, chat a bit, you have a pleasant evening and then ... That's it. You never hear from that person again. Done. I'm not talking about something that is obviously not a good sign that this person is not interested or that they're just there because they were bored or whatever else. I've been on internet dates where it's obvious that this person is not interested - they are arrogant and rude, they treat you badly, they are hostile towards you, etc. One guy many years ago I met was about an hour late, then when he decided to grace me with his presence at last showed up high. Someone like that you will never hear from again nor do you want to. What I am asking is say you have a good time with that person, you both seem to like each other, you both seem to be happy to be together, you both LIKE each other. How come the man never reaches out to that woman ever again? Or, if the man does do something passive like send a text message the next day and you text back and forth for another day or two that the man suddenly goes poof and you never bother to text her again?
Popsicle Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Lack of chemistry is a big one. Some people require more chemistry than others. 2
Gaeta Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Recently seperated and only looking to boost his ego with meeting women. The net is full of them. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I agree. Usually it's a genuinely nice person who just isn't feelin' it. A lack of chemistry. 4
ICarrotBoutYou Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Although it falls under the umbrella of chemistry, for your case, I think the issue is physical attraction. Chemistry between two people could be a connection through as you've described, talking, laughing and enjoying similar things. However, for men, physical attraction is very important. In fact, that's the first thing that makes the male brain say, "Yes, that's the girl I want to date." Physical/Sexual attraction also does not necessarily has to be a drop-dead gorgeous woman. It could be something like eye colour, hair colour or hairless skin. Something seemingly small and insignificant. People tend to nit-pick when you aren't close with the person. For instance, a guy who cannot stand women who have facial and body hair. If you shaved when you were dating and then ease up 5 years into the relationship, chances are, the guy would be more forgiving because there are other things he values more than being superficial about how much hair you have on your legs.
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Ya you can get along with someone famously but only see them as a friend....no sexual attraction. Just like you can have an instant attraction to someone just looking at them from across the room......the human mind is a complicated thing. I say pheromones play a huge role. I remember this guy I worked with. Just an average guy, nothing special except his essence was amazing. Even one of my female co-workers pointed it out. The dopamine was off the charts when being around him and we all felt it. Never felt anything like that before. It was crazy. 2
CptInsano Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 [...] What I am asking is say you have a good time with that person, you both seem to like each other, you both seem to be happy to be together, you both LIKE each other. How come the man never reaches out to that woman ever again? Or, if the man does do something passive like send a text message the next day and you text back and forth for another day or two that the man suddenly goes poof and you never bother to text her again? I think this has a lot to do with men being on their best behavior, their best game, or whatever you want to call it. They know they need to make a good impression on the first date for it to lead anywhere. But they may realize in the middle of the date that nothing more will come out of it, but they don't want to be confrontational, so they simply move along. Yet they know already that they will not call at that point. I don't think you can gauge interest at all until the second date. The first date is more of a verification that the other person is real, and not a whole lot more. 1
stillafool Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 What I am asking is say you have a good time with that person, you both seem to like each other, you both seem to be happy to be together, you both LIKE each other. How come the man never reaches out to that woman ever again? Or, if the man does do something passive like send a text message the next day and you text back and forth for another day or two that the man suddenly goes poof and you never bother to text her again? I think it's because these men have a lot of options. They can have fun in the moment with whomever they are with but because they also have so many other options they quickly get distracted and lose interest. You can thank the internet for that.
Robratory Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 These men are just polite enough not to act like jerks when they realize the girl they met is not the girl they want. I actually do send a note the next day. "It was nice meeting you, but I don't think we made a connection, so good luck to us both." Closure is important, even in cases like this. 3
Shining One Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 What I am asking is say you have a good time with that person, you both seem to like each other, you both seem to be happy to be together, you both LIKE each other. How come the man never reaches out to that woman ever again?In my case, it's usually because one of my other dates that week turned out to be a better match for any number of reasons.Or, if the man does do something passive like send a text message the next day and you text back and forth for another day or two that the man suddenly goes poof and you never bother to text her again?How is initiating communication passive? Is there some definition of passive that I'm not aware of? In any case, men sometimes keep communication going in order to keep a woman "warm". If other prospects don't work out, she's someone to fall back on.
OatsAndHall Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I think this has a lot to do with men being on their best behavior, their best game, or whatever you want to call it. They know they need to make a good impression on the first date for it to lead anywhere. But they may realize in the middle of the date that nothing more will come out of it, but they don't want to be confrontational, so they simply move along. Yet they know already that they will not call at that point. I don't think you can gauge interest at all until the second date. The first date is more of a verification that the other person is real, and not a whole lot more. This is spot on, for me at least. When I go out with a woman, I am always polite and try to hold a good conversation. However, there are times when I am chomping at the bit to get out of there within the first 15 minutes. Sometimes there's a serious red-flag, sometimes I realize that our personalities aren't going to mesh or sometimes (if it's an OLD/ or blind date) I'm just not physically attracted to them. But, more often than not, I will ask for a second date or accept one if they ask as I figure the first one can be awkward.
thefooloftheyear Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 People misread simple gestures of basic human decency to be something they think is something that its not...I don;t know if many women expect all men that they come into contact with to be jackoffs and/or just use them for sex if they aren't interested in a relationship He's not into you, but wasn't so direct to flat out tell you or ditch out on you,, and decided to go ahead and just go with it...Its not that unusual.. Truth is that you say that they liked you, but if they never contacted you, then you don't know...I've been just cordial or nice to women in my life for a variety of reasons only to find out later that they were disappointed that I didn't ask them out...Point is, don't read too much into it...They didn't follow through=no real interest....Period.. TFY 3
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