Shanex Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 When is it too soon to drop the L word? Is it ever ''too soon'' anyway? How long did it take you before you say it - in person to your now husband or wife or life partner? I only used this dreaded word carefully and without regrets as I was actually quite fond of some exes. Discuss. 1
littleblackheart Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I don't know if there's a rule for that. Why not say it when you mean it?
CptInsano Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I simply said it when I could no longer bear to not state the obvious. 6
RecentChange Posted August 14, 2017 Posted August 14, 2017 No rules. Personally I have said it quickly, I didn't hold back. On the same token though..... I have told only two men, because I have only felt it twice, and first one didn't nearly share the intensity of the second. Infatuation is one thing, but for me, the real deal? Quite a rarity
Gaeta Posted August 15, 2017 Posted August 15, 2017 To me love and infatuation are 2 very different things. I tell someone I love them when I want to spend the rest of my life with them. My ex-husband 7 months My latest ex 1 year My current boyfriend 5 months
ZayKayWill Posted August 15, 2017 Posted August 15, 2017 For my first serious girlfriend oddly enough I didn't say it until our parents broke us up...I was like you and was always pretty hesitant to use those words as well but once I knew, I knew. I can still remember the look on her face when I finally said it. She was shocked and couldn't say anything for like a minute if that tells you anything. For my most recent ex I said it pretty damn quick but granted I knew her for a while and always had a thing for her years before we got together...
fred123 Posted August 15, 2017 Posted August 15, 2017 To me love and infatuation are 2 very different things. I tell someone I love them when I want to spend the rest of my life with them. My ex-husband 7 months My latest ex 1 year My current boyfriend 5 months Does that mean ur more into this new guy than ur ex? Im just wondering if ur ex would feel like **** knowing he had to wait a year for u to say it knowing u ssid it at 7 monthw before
RecentChange Posted August 15, 2017 Posted August 15, 2017 To me love and infatuation are 2 very different things. I tell someone I love them when I want to spend the rest of my life with them. My ex-husband 7 months My latest ex 1 year My current boyfriend 5 months Funny, while I feel the same way.... I have known it quicker I guess. Took about 4 months with my first "love" but we were still teenagers (split up to go to different colleges). I cared for him, but I would call it more of a puppy love looking back. And it was even faster the second time I said it - I reciprocated when he said the L word after 2 short months. That was over 15 years ago, and we still say it every day.
preraph Posted August 15, 2017 Posted August 15, 2017 I'm uncomfortable tossing the word around in the context of anything less than entering a new phase of commitment. 1
Bastile Posted August 15, 2017 Posted August 15, 2017 I thought you meant the show about lesbians There is definitely a too soon on this subject. I remember saying this with a girlfriend whilst we were both on ecstacy during sex after about just one month. She initiated; I reciprocated, both of us in the moment. We both regretted it the next day. It was just an awkward development/escalation, too soon, and chemically induced. I think the time to say it is on a realization of the situation. After you both already know that you do, anyway. It's pretty obvious. I think that deeper connection takes time. A good 6 months or so at least (for me). It's more infatuation of her looks/vibe at first. But chipping away over time, a woman's sweet nature creeps it's way insidiously inside your poor little soul.
OpenBook Posted August 15, 2017 Posted August 15, 2017 I only used this dreaded word carefully Why do you dread using the word?
Bastile Posted August 15, 2017 Posted August 15, 2017 Why do you dread using the word? Because it can be a trap! Women change their moods a lot. Consider the example I gave above. It was a tricky moment, and I got pulled into her mood swing. I should have said something clever. I should have Han Soloed it... Instead, I jumped headfirst into tomfoolery. 2
Author Shanex Posted August 16, 2017 Author Posted August 16, 2017 I simply said it when I could no longer bear to not state the obvious. A very good one-liner as a response and I 100% agree. Why do you dread using the word? Bastille has replied for me bellow, before I could. Because it can be a trap! Women change their moods a lot. Consider the example I gave above. It was a tricky moment, and I got pulled into her mood swing. I should have said something clever. I should have Han Soloed it... Instead, I jumped headfirst into tomfoolery. Agreed. Thanks everyone for the thoughtful replies.
dichotomy Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 (edited) Sorry to be cynical... But the "word" is meaningless to me. In short - because it (love you) means different things to different people. I have had someone say it the first time we had sex after dating 4 weeks - and other say it while they were lying and cheating on me. Myself - I wanted/"felt" like saying it after I was with someone for 6 months (they were saying it all the time) but I did not say it until I though I understood how they loved. Love is as love does... and not as it says. Edited August 16, 2017 by dichotomy
Kellens Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 I think you should say it when you feel it. I usually don't like to be the first person to say it but I think I usually say it in the infatuation period because I feel so much and I just need to try to get it out in words. I've told 4 people that I loved them, which is the amount of boyfriends that I've had in my life, I'm 37. I don't recall the exact amount of time before I used "the L word" with each one of them, but I know it was pretty early. I told my current boyfriend that I loved him after a month even though I wasn't in love with him yet. I definitely loved him as a person but I think it was way too soon to say it. I probably genuinely felt it around the 4 month mark. I told him this later on and he said that I was a jerk He said that he knew he loved me after a month.. everyone is different. 1
No_Go Posted August 17, 2017 Posted August 17, 2017 I've said it three times, all too fast. Once at maybe a month. 2nd time on our 6th date (at maybe 2 weeks). 3rd time... At 6-7 weeks. All these were initiated by the guys. I don't think that they *really* meant it, and neither do I. It was more like a confirmation we're entering a committed relationship. I held it back few other times. One was particularly strong but I didn't say it because of the circumstances. If I've said it I'd have meant it 100%. Now....... that makes me think L word doesn't mean much, said or not said. Next time I'm hoping words&feelings to align.
Gaeta Posted August 17, 2017 Posted August 17, 2017 Does that mean ur more into this new guy than ur ex? Im just wondering if ur ex would feel like **** knowing he had to wait a year for u to say it knowing u ssid it at 7 monthw before It means nothing at all about my feelings. It just means those relationships evolved differently and I was a different woman each time. I was 17 when I met my ex-h, I was 35 when I met my last ex and I was 50 when I met my current boyfriend. As for the rest of your question I don't care about my exs and how bad they feel. How I handle my relationships after them isn't their business. How quickly my feelings evolve for another man isn't their business either. Fred: We are all unique individual. With 1 person you can feel it quickly and with another it can take a longer time, it does not mean the feelings are less intense. My bf told me he loved me at 5 months, if we break up and he tells the next girl at 2 months I don't give a heck. She is not me, their relationship is unique to them, it has nothing to do with me and the relationship we had together. 1
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