cometman32 Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Hello, Last year I did a heredity test with Ancestry.com and I was very pleased with my results. I'm Hispanic and I've always been obsessed with that that kind of stuff because hispanics tend to be mixed with a lot of different races so I was amazed with my results. I'm married now with a baby and now I want to test my wife and my new born son because I want to see what genes my son inherited from his mother and I since she's not Hispanic. When I went home yesterday and told me my wife what I wanted to do, I got a very unexpected reaction from her. She looked at the floor, her eyes got wide as if she saw a ghost and then she acted like I didn't say anything to her at all. She totally below me off. When she did that, a red flag went off in my head because I couldn't understand why she would be bothered by a heredity test if the whole point is to see what parts of the world you are from. I even woke up last night and wondered if my wife cheated on me and she was worried that the test was going to reveal that the child isn't mine even though that's not the purpose of the test. I haven't confronted her about it yet, but there was a really bad vibe this morning in my household. My wife was being unusually quiet with me. Do you guys think that I'm overreacting or do you think that my wife is worried that something might be revealed that she wants to keep hidden?
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I think you two need to talk more. She may think you were accusing her of cheating & doubting your child's parentage. Like you her reaction may have made me jump to conclusions & think the worst. All my life my parents told me I was a "pure bred", meaning everybody from my family was from the same place; my grandparents & great grandparents were all born in the same country. I know that is improbable but I really like my illusion & don't want some DNA test to confirm that 4-5-6 generations ago an immigrant was part of my lineage. 1
Author cometman32 Posted August 12, 2017 Author Posted August 12, 2017 I think you two need to talk more. She may think you were accusing her of cheating & doubting your child's parentage. Like you her reaction may have made me jump to conclusions & think the worst. All my life my parents told me I was a "pure bred", meaning everybody from my family was from the same place; my grandparents & great grandparents were all born in the same country. I know that is improbable but I really like my illusion & don't want some DNA test to confirm that 4-5-6 generations ago an immigrant was part of my lineage. I agree that there might be a lack of communication, but she knows that I've always been a huge fan of that stuff. I even got my sister to do it and we talked about our results.
SammySammy Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Some people don't like to be falsely accused. She may think you want the test because you distrust her and may be hurt or offended. Or she could have something to hide.
road Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Do the ancestry test AND a DNA paternity test based on your wife's response. 2
somanymistakes Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Hmm. She might just be freaking out because by you saying 'test both you and the baby' she thinks you're accusing her of cheating and that upsets her. It's possible there's some secret in her own family background she hasn't told you that she's afraid you'll be upset about (some people are very invested in trying to hide certain kinds of racial heritage) Slightly less likely, it's possible she's scared about doing an ancestry test because it MIGHT reveal things about her own past that she doesn't know. I know I was recently reading an article talking about some of these things coming out. Along with people finding out that their biological fathers weren't who they thought they were, there were people who discovered that one of their ancestors was accidentally swapped at birth in a hospital mixup, leading to all kinds of confusing differences between their genetic and cultural heritages. If she has a reason to doubt who her own father is, testing could be quite upsetting. And yes, there's also the possibility that she's afraid the baby isn't yours. I'm just pointing out that it isn't the ONLY possibility.
Author cometman32 Posted August 12, 2017 Author Posted August 12, 2017 Some people don't like to be falsely accused. She may think you want the test because you distrust her and may be hurt or offended. Or she could have something to hide. You're right that she might think that I'm falsely accusing her of something. The thing is that I've always been really into this stuff. I got my sister to do it and I tried to get my parents to do it, but they didn't think that it was worth the money. The point that I'm trying to make is that this is not some random thing that I just decided to do out of nowhere. Do you guys think that I should confront her about it?
SammySammy Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 You're right that she might think that I'm falsely accusing her of something. The thing is that I've always been really into this stuff. I got my sister to do it and I tried to get my parents to do it, but they didn't think that it was worth the money. The point that I'm trying to make is that this is not some random thing that I just decided to do out of nowhere. Do you guys think that I should confront her about it? Not confront. Talk to her to understand how she feels. There is no need to argue with her about it. Just make a sincere effort to listen and understand how she feels. Then have the ancestry test and a DNA test done like Road suggested. Her reaction is odd. This is why I think all children should be DNA tested at birth. 1
Gaeta Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I am not a cheater so if my SO suggested we do a DNA test for verify our cultural heritage it would not even cross my mind he's interested in checking his fatherhood at the same time. If she got white like a ghost it's because she is hiding something. Story: I offered my bf we both get tested just for fun of it. He had a big negative reaction, he is proud of who he is and he doesn't want any test to screw it up for him. 1
Author cometman32 Posted August 12, 2017 Author Posted August 12, 2017 She's African American and she told my mother that she has white Hispanic in her bloodline and I've always wondered if she said that to my mother to try to fit in because she's very dark skinned. It could also be that she's trying to hide something from me. My question to all of you is what do all of you think would be the best way to resolve my situation?
Author cometman32 Posted August 12, 2017 Author Posted August 12, 2017 Not confront. Talk to her to understand how she feels. There is no need to argue with her about it. Just make a sincere effort to listen and understand how she feels. Then have the ancestry test and a DNA test done like Road suggested. Her reaction is odd. This is why I think all children should be DNA tested at birth. Thanks for the advice 1
SammySammy Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 She's African American and she told my mother that she has white Hispanic in her bloodline and I've always wondered if she said that to my mother to try to fit in because she's very dark skinned. It could also be that she's trying to hide something from me. My question to all of you is what do all of you think would be the best way to resolve my situation? Well, being African American, she may not fully know what's in her bloodline. There are a lot of myths and legends around our heritage that may or may not be true. Uncomfortably so for some. There's a lot of painful history out there. I would still have the test done. After talking to her to understand how she feels.
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Do you guys think that I should confront her about it? My question to all of you is what do all of you think would be the best way to resolve my situation? Confront -- absolutely not. You go in there guns blazing & spoiling for a fight full of accusations & suspicion you will destroy your marriage Do pick a quiet time to talk. Remind her that you have always been fascinated by DNA & ancestry. Tell her that her reaction startled you. Apologize if you caught her off guard. Ask her to talk to you about why she seems so opposed to the test. 5
Whodatdog Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Her reaction is a bit unsettling. If she doesnt want her test done, then thats fine, but I think I would do your son's. There would be no reason not to. Have you thought what your reaction would be if you found out your son isnt yours biologically?
spiderowl Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I don't think having one's DNA added to a database is a minor thing. It is something for an individual to make a choice about, not have it imposed on them. You might be fascinated and interested but your wife might find it intimidating. She might not want to know where her ancestors came from. She might not feel confident that her very personal data would be kept secret from the police, government, or whoever. I don't think you should assume the worst about this at all. It is quite a big thing to spring on someone. I think she has the right to refuse without you assuming she is guilty of something. If you have doubts over your child's parentage, then that is different and you could get a court order to have your child tested. Do you doubt your wife that much?
LurkerXX Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 She may not feel the same way about genetic ancestry as you, the same fascination. There are after all some very ugly sides to genetic ancestry interest in many not so isolated places in the world. To here ancestery may be more about cultural ancestry...what we choose to pass down.
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