BoatingBabe Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Most of you know my story about the EA. Well, things started to progress, we actually did a few out of work things...lunch and movies(again, never got physical). Then today I found out his wife had been out of the country, so he had time to play....Before this gets any further, tonight I decided to email him and telll him our relationship at work will only be professional from now on. I have been getting comments from several people about the two of us..and frankly, this double life he portrays has just gotten me sick. I was straight forward and to the point in myemail....I just hope his ego accepts this and he really does stay away....If he doesn't, I will take it further...I'm just sick of his lies and his games. so wish me luck...
johan Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Good luck. What you said about his wife being out of the country is confusing to me. You thought she was in the country? So you felt ok going to the movies and stuff?
whichwayisup Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Most of you know my story about the EA. Well, things started to progress, we actually did a few out of work things...lunch and movies(again, never got physical). Then today I found out his wife had been out of the country, so he had time to play....Before this gets any further, tonight I decided to email him and telll him our relationship at work will only be professional from now on. I have been getting comments from several people about the two of us..and frankly, this double life he portrays has just gotten me sick. I was straight forward and to the point in myemail....I just hope his ego accepts this and he really does stay away....If he doesn't, I will take it further...I'm just sick of his lies and his games. so wish me luck... It's good you see this now, the more you get closer to him the more attached you will get. I know you probably hurt alot right now BB, so take it one day at a time. Surround yourself with friends and family. Pamper yourself and know that HE isn't worth your time and enery. His loss and his loss ONLY! Noone likes to be the office gossip and I'm sure that is getting to you as well. You are strong! Stronger than you think you are, so remember that when you have a low moment...Or just come on here and post away.
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 10, 2005 Author Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup It's good you see this now, the more you get closer to him the more attached you will get. I know you probably hurt alot right now BB, so take it one day at a time. Surround yourself with friends and family. Pamper yourself and know that HE isn't worth your time and enery. His loss and his loss ONLY! Noone likes to be the office gossip and I'm sure that is getting to you as well. You are strong! Stronger than you think you are, so remember that when you have a low moment...Or just come on here and post away. Thanks whichway, your post helps alot...I'm actually not hurting all that much in that I expected him to be a player a liar...I just didn't know what it was going to take to open my eyes up...and this did it. I guess I am having a low moment, but I am also just tired of the games and the lies...the lies he tries to make me believe about him being in a bad marriage. I am sooooooooooooo happy I was strong enough to not let it get physical...something inside always told me he was full of ****....I think this "breakup" will be harder on him than it is on me, because, HE is the one who never actually got his goal, he is the one who worked so hard to try to get me, and FAILED. His ego is shot. I can still hold my head up high knowing I never gave in....I just regret develolping a friendship with him...but it's not devestating..I can go to work knowing I didn't succumb to his charm, or should I say his lies. What hurts me now is the fact that God never sends me anyone good. That's the pain I feel...He is disposable, and has been disposed of. I pray he keeps away from me though.
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 10, 2005 Author Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by johan Good luck. What you said about his wife being out of the country is confusing to me. You thought she was in the country? So you felt ok going to the movies and stuff? No, he told me she moved out on him and they were separating...I came to find out, she was just on vacation and out of the country. Nice, huh?
joodee Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 That sucks that he lied to you like that. I'm glad you are ending it with him, stay strong. And please don't think that God won't send you anyone good, there's hope, now that you see what the MM is made of, now you have the choice to be open to receiving someone good, and you'll be able to weed out those that shows signs of being no good. There is a hidden blessing in all this. We have to keep faith in that. We just have to learn that we are worth more. Keep posting, let us know if the MM keeps bothering you.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Just play it careful around him. From your past posts, this guy sounds like a loose cannon, who can go dangerous at any second. Prepare for the onslaught of 'reconciliation' type stuff coming from him.
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 10, 2005 Author Posted August 10, 2005 Lucrezia...I am expecting this not to be easy...What sort of things should I expect from him? I will be firm this time and Im ready emotionally to be done with this. He's just unpredictable and unstable, so I'm just worried as to what his reaction would be. He hasn't read his email yet, which means I will go to work and he'll be his usual....I suppose I should just direct himto his email and be firm....and hope for the best...
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 It will range in severity, but at the very least you'll get stuff that vacillates between anger/threats and begging/pathetic. He may go icy cold and give you the silent treatment, followed by bombarding you with contact and perhaps gifts. He will in the same breath call you a tease/slut and his 'reason for happiness'. It is an emotional volcano, an upheaval. He has fought hard to catch your attention and keep it. From the stuff you have written about him, he doesn't exactly sound like the sort of guy who will just rationally say "Ok, I understand that this isn't working for you, and I want you to be happy." Don't think he'll just roll over and go away that easily. You gave him something to latch on to, as an alternative to his apparently unhappy marriage. When you leave, he will be left with nothing but the situation that he used to you alleviate himself of. He won't be happy left with that. It won't be easy for you. I worry for your safety. I worry that he will attempt to destroy your career, and anything else he can get his hands on to tear down. He may attempt to sabotage relationships with other men - he may smear your name in attempt to block men from wanting to pursue you. He will try block every happiness you have in an attempt to force you to be left with no options but him. Even if he does nothing, never underestimate what he could be doing that you don't know about. Best bet, prepare for the worst (even if it doesn't quite happen) and you'll be prepared for pretty much any reaction.
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 10, 2005 Author Posted August 10, 2005 Lucrezia, sounds like you know him well, I remember you had a similar situation and you're probably speaking from experience.
newbby Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 bb, just remember that whatever happens he has absolutely no right to give you a hard time. he also cares about his marriage or he would have gotten a divorce by now. he may go crazy but theres a line he probably wont cross. you can always get the law involved if it comes to it. good luck
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 11, 2005 Author Posted August 11, 2005 Well, he started out cursing like a sailor telling me NO, I am his friend and who cares what people think type stuff....then by his last email, he caved and said fine, I' don't need any friends there, I just need people to do as I say [at work]...and how he'll be busy and not have time to bull**** anyway... 4 emails from him started off mad and the last one was acceptance. I know he is hurt and now trying to protect himself by saying he doesn't care...but I get what I want, he can move on and focus on work, and I will be left alone....I am sure I will miss him for a few days...but I should be fine by next week. I do feel bad for hurting him, but if I let this continue, then I'd be the one crying...He says now he will just bury himself in his work , I guess that is how he'll forget about me....and I'm sure I'll do the same.
TUDOR Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 I would expect one or two more last ditch efforts for him to have his cake and eat it too. EA's are a like a drug for some people and kicking his addiction may not be so easy for him. Stand your ground and don't give in. Good for you though for seeing what it was and getting out when you did.
Owl Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 BB- Since you let things begin to progress between you, I'd pretty much bet money that he's going to be FAR harder to get rid of now that his appetite has been whetted. I stand by all that I've told you before...make the end VERY plain, out in the open, and unavoidable for him. If you leave him ANY loophole, he'll continue to worm his way in. Glad to hear you're finally putting an end to this once and for all...just make sure that it STAYS the end.
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 13, 2005 Author Posted August 13, 2005 Well, these two days were really weird, the first day, he not only ignored me but also my entire staff, he was sad all day and I did have to deal with him for a couple of business issues, but he was pretty much an ass to me too, totally business (which is what I asked, to keep it totally on a professional level). Fine. Today, total avoidance as well, my coworkers even noticed and asked why he is so sad ..... I kept my mouth shut. I'm not sure it's going to last, him staying away, but I can say that I didn't realize I'd miss him so much....I mean I know it's for the best to stay away, but damn, I didn't realize it was going to be so tough.... I hope this gets easier...EA's SUCK!
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 His passive aggressive behavior is having the exact effect that he could have hoped for. Just stay strong, and don't give in to it.
whichwayisup Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 He's acting like a big baby and sulking. Don't react to him at all. You've handled yourself very well and I commend you for that. Continue doing what you're doing and NEVER let him know how you feel, by seeing him acting like this. If he knows how hard it is for you, he may continue to 'act' that way around you on purpose. The stupid thing is, eventually he knows he'll have to suck it up and stop acting like such a brat at work. It won't take others long to pick on the negative energy and figure out what the problem is. Hang tough, and take care.
newbby Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 it sounds hard bb. i think he is playing games aswell though.
StillHurtin Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 Good for you for ending it. You are a very strong person. Don't let him bully you and don't feel badly for him. If he sees that you feel badly for him he will feed on that and think he has some control over you. He is acting like a big baby right now. It must be hard to work w/ him when this is happening. I learned the hard way never to get involved w/ someone you work w/. GL!!!
johan Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 My opinion: this isn't over. He knows all he has to do is dump his wife and he can have BoatingBabe. That has already been made clear. He'll read her body language and know she misses him and actually wants him. There are still cards to be played and that's because BoatingBabe's heart is still in the game.
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 14, 2005 Author Posted August 14, 2005 Johan, I don't think he will dump his wife. This all happened within the past year, not enough for him to give up his marriage. I don't think he was looking for an EA either, it just developed.....I think it may take him a while to get over this, and he'll put on different acts at work in the process..but I think leaving his wife was never his intention. I do think that this ending has shed light on his real feelings for me though, judging from his reaction, this was not just a little work friendship, which is what he'd like to believe and what he'd like me to believe. He said he'll bury himself in his work now...and that is how he'll deal with this....and probably how I will as well.
westernxer Posted August 14, 2005 Posted August 14, 2005 Originally posted by BoatingBabe Johan, I don't think he will dump his wife. This all happened within the past year, not enough for him to give up his marriage. I don't think he was looking for an EA either, it just developed.....I think it may take him a while to get over this, and he'll put on different acts at work in the process..but I think leaving his wife was never his intention. I do think that this ending has shed light on his real feelings for me though, judging from his reaction, this was not just a little work friendship, which is what he'd like to believe and what he'd like me to believe. He said he'll bury himself in his work now...and that is how he'll deal with this....and probably how I will as well. Time will tell, but it sounds like the door is still open...
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 16, 2005 Author Posted August 16, 2005 MM called me a few times,work related, again ...Funny how in the past he NEVER called me about work stuff...now, the past 3 days of us in NC, he has all these work problems I need to look into for him.....He IS burying himself in work though now and taking it more seriously, people notice he's not himself. I want to try to go ONE day in real NC with him...but he' snot making it possible. True, he stopped coming around like usual and we've made no friendly conversation....but so far, real NC hasn't happened.
Owl Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 What have I told you, BB? He's simply looking for any excuse he can to weasel his way back in. And the ONLY way you're going to get NC is to get ANGRY with him. Tell him to go away in no uncertain terms. Threaten to tell his wife if he doesn't leave you alone...or threaten to tell HR since it's interfering with your work. If you leave him ANY possible doubt that you're not 150% sure that you want to end what's been going on, he'll latch on to that glimmer of hope. Break it off HARD...and that will be the only way for this to truly end. As always...it's up to you to do.
Author BoatingBabe Posted August 17, 2005 Author Posted August 17, 2005 Owl, you may be right, the first 2 days he was angry...now his anger is subsiding and he's getting brave again...Today, he was in my office about a "complaint" he had...I played it cool and had a colleague address it,...he didn't like it, so he came back later to give me an "update" about the situation. Yes, I'll say they were all real legitimate incidents, but I still think he is using any excuse to keep contact with me so I don't forget about him. He's not about to give up his hold on me it seems, even when I flat out tell him to stay away. He IS playing within my rules for now though....not sure how long that will last though..
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