Veev Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I've been dating my boyfriend for almost five months now.I'm 24 and this is my first relationship,he is 22 and has previously had one serious relationship and multiple sexual partners. From the beginning we made it clear that we both wanted a long term relationship. We've met each others families and friends and we both have free reign over each other's phones. I do believe we love each other a great deal and we're still building trust. I do understand that glancing or looking at attractive people is normal, but I'm starting to be concerned at how often and obviously he is doing it in front of me and other people we're with. I'm not over confident but I know I'm attractive. My bf's friends will often tell him that he's "punching above his weight", and truthfully I think so too. My biggest insecurity is that I've always been quite petite, I've always wanted to be curvier and I know he likes that as well.He does compliment me, but he has told me that I'm "always covered" or that I should know "there are more attractive people out there". These are the things that concern me and that we've discussed: -He has a habit of shoulder hugging me after checking someone out (really annoying) -When we go out he never keeps his eyes on me while talking anymore, he's always looking behind me or beside me, eating out, in the car, in the cinema etc. -He turns his head or entire body to the person he's checking out -When he knows I've seen him do it he'll tell me to check them out too, followed by a "what are they wearing" or "she's a slut" comment -Every now and again he locks eyes with girls until I have to turn around and look at what he's looking at (I really hate this, because the girl will look at me and it makes me feel like an idiot).This is always followed up with a really bad excuse. -He tells me which of his female friends he finds most attractive (which I never do), but he has an issue when I talk about attractive male celebrities -He goes through my Facebook friends list (always my attractive friends) and when I talk about them he makes comments along the lines of "the one with the big tits...I was looking through her Facebook page" After discussing these concerns he apologised, acknowledged that he knew he was doing it and that he would try to stop making it so obvious.Last night was the first time he'd properly met my younger sister (18) who is not too keen on him. I asked him to not be so obvious because she's the no nonsense type, would notice it, and report it back to the family.Annoyed that I was mentioning it again (2nd time) he agreed he wouldn't. Thirty minutes into dinner he turns around to check out the blonde behind us, my sister sitting right beside him following his eyes too.Later that night I also managed to get him checking out my sister. What works me up even more is that he is really strict on the way I behave in front of his siblings, but he can behave however he wants in front of mine. I have been told that I have a tendency to overreact, but I'm starting to find this behaviour disrespectful and I'm having doubts about how serious he really is.
GemmaUK Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 This isn't going to get any better and he is already showing you a controlling side - huge red flag - let alone checking all these other women out. I'd dump him right now if I were you.
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Yes, his behavior is very disrespectful. I can't imagine dating someone who behaves this way. First date that he behaved this way with me would be our last date together. 5
mikeylo Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Complete disrespect. It won't get better on its own. Imagine having a young teenage daughter and having this guy ogling other women or worse , her friends , right in front of her ! 1
Sara1989 Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Ew no, he was checking out your sister as well? You be crazy to stay with a man like this, not normal behaviour.
elaine567 Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 He is an @ss and he will eventually ruin your self esteem. Get away from him ASAP, this is not how good men behave. As you say he has punched above his weight, so he should make you feel like a million dollars and that other women pale into insignificance. He is deliberately taking you down a peg all the time instead. I guess he doesn't really like women that much, he treats them like objects and he has absolutely zero respect for you.
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 You aren't complaining about an occasional glance. What he's doing is skeevy. If he's this rude a mere 5 months in -- during the honeymoon phase -- his lecherousness will get worse not better. At 22, he's not grown up enough to have a "real relationship" with. Either accept that he won't make eye contact & will always visibly lust after other women or break up with him.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I would not date a punk like this. Seriously. Get rid of him and find someone respectful and mature. This boyfriend of yours is a waste of your time.
Lorenza Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 He's just a young horndog who has no business being a relationship. Obviously he hasn't got his fill of f***ing around and his hunger is showing. I think sooner or later he's gonna cheat or leave you to pursue other girls. I'd recommend finding a guy a couple of years older than you, like 26-28. 1
kalika Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 He's an absolutely disgusting pig. Checking out other women in front of you and then calling them sluts?! Talking about your friend's "tits"?!? Checking out your sister?!?!? Seriously - do I really need to go on? I really hope your next post is that you dumped him, blocked him, and completely wiped him out of your life. 2
1fish2fish Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 The side hug thing is so condescending to me. He's a complete jerk!
JuneJulySeptember Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 (edited) I'm not over confident but I know I'm attractive. My bf's friends will often tell him that he's "punching above his weight", and truthfully I think so too. You really should never mention that someone you care about is 'punching above their weight' by dating you. Others here would disagree, but it's pretty obvious to me why you shouldn't. He also must have some good friends, they all tell him his girlfriend is too good looking for him. I wish I had those friends... He might not have respect for you, but IMO, you don't really have respect for him either. Edited August 12, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember
kendahke Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I've been dating my boyfriend for almost five months now.I'm 24 and this is my first relationship,he is 22 and has previously had one serious relationship and multiple sexual partners. From the beginning we made it clear that we both wanted a long term relationship. We've met each others families and friends and we both have free reign over each other's phones. I do believe we love each other a great deal and we're still building trust. I do understand that glancing or looking at attractive people is normal, but I'm starting to be concerned at how often and obviously he is doing it in front of me and other people we're with. I'm not over confident but I know I'm attractive. My bf's friends will often tell him that he's "punching above his weight", and truthfully I think so too. My biggest insecurity is that I've always been quite petite, I've always wanted to be curvier and I know he likes that as well.He does compliment me, but he has told me that I'm "always covered" or that I should know "there are more attractive people out there". These are the things that concern me and that we've discussed: -He has a habit of shoulder hugging me after checking someone out (really annoying) -When we go out he never keeps his eyes on me while talking anymore, he's always looking behind me or beside me, eating out, in the car, in the cinema etc. -He turns his head or entire body to the person he's checking out -When he knows I've seen him do it he'll tell me to check them out too, followed by a "what are they wearing" or "she's a slut" comment -Every now and again he locks eyes with girls until I have to turn around and look at what he's looking at (I really hate this, because the girl will look at me and it makes me feel like an idiot).This is always followed up with a really bad excuse. -He tells me which of his female friends he finds most attractive (which I never do), but he has an issue when I talk about attractive male celebrities -He goes through my Facebook friends list (always my attractive friends) and when I talk about them he makes comments along the lines of "the one with the big tits...I was looking through her Facebook page" After discussing these concerns he apologised, acknowledged that he knew he was doing it and that he would try to stop making it so obvious.Last night was the first time he'd properly met my younger sister (18) who is not too keen on him. I asked him to not be so obvious because she's the no nonsense type, would notice it, and report it back to the family.Annoyed that I was mentioning it again (2nd time) he agreed he wouldn't. Thirty minutes into dinner he turns around to check out the blonde behind us, my sister sitting right beside him following his eyes too.Later that night I also managed to get him checking out my sister. What works me up even more is that he is really strict on the way I behave in front of his siblings, but he can behave however he wants in front of mine. I have been told that I have a tendency to overreact, but I'm starting to find this behaviour disrespectful and I'm having doubts about how serious he really is. Yet, there you sit with him when he does this. Sticking around being the silent irate is just telling him that while you'll pout and have the sad, you're not going to apply serious consequences. In fact, you've outsourced that heavy lift to your sister and family, as if what they say is going to make him change how he chooses to act. This is your unpleasant heavy lift. Here is your priority list for addressing it if you're not the one driving: 1. Get Uber or Lyft on your cell phone. 2. The next time he does this, you get up--IN THAT MOMENT--and you leave to "go to the bathroom". 3. Block his number. If you can't do that, put his ringtone on silent and "do not disturb" mode. 4. While in the bathroom, you call Uber/Lyft. 5. You go outside, wait on your ride, get in it and leave him there. 6. You consider yourself broken up because he doesn't have the requisite self discipline or respect for your esteem to curb himself. 7. You don't take him back just because he's whining and promising he'll change. He won't. He'll lull you into another stupor and go back to being what he can't help being: himself. Here is your priority list for addressing it if you are driving: 1. The next time he does this, you get up--IN THAT MOMENT--and you leave to "go to the bathroom". 2. Block his number. If you can't do that, put his ringtone on silent and "do not disturb" mode. 3. Go outside, get in your car and leave. 4. You consider yourself broken up because he doesn't have the requisite self discipline or respect for your esteem to curb himself. 5. You don't take him back just because he's whining and promising he'll change. He won't. He'll lull you into another stupor and go back to being what he can't help being: himself. Staying with him when you know he does this is you saying you're fine with how he acts. He doesn't fear you because you're still there. You haven't broken up with him. You've taught him that you'll get over it, so he doesn't have to sweat you having the sads. 1
PogoStick Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 He's just a young, immature man. Take this relationship for what it's worth. Ride it out for a bit and learn from it, but it won't last. There's nothing wrong with that. You need the experience, and he's not ready to settle down permanently.
Robratory Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 -When he knows I've seen him do it he'll tell me to check them out too, followed by a "what are they wearing" or "she's a slut" comment -He tells me which of his female friends he finds most attractive (which I never do), but he has an issue when I talk about attractive male celebrities -He goes through my Facebook friends list (always my attractive friends) and when I talk about them he makes comments along the lines of "the one with the big tits...I was looking through her Facebook page" What works me up even more is that he is really strict on the way I behave in front of his siblings, but he can behave however he wants in front of mine. Aw, man... these are huge red flags. This is not just disrespectful to you. It's seems that he doesn't respect women in general. You should have nixed that kind of language the very first time you heard it. Why do women put up with crap like this? Dump him. Dump him and don't be nice about it. "You know what? You're a disrespectful jerk, and I'm not seeing you any more." 1
preraph Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 So he shoulder hugs you when he's oggling a woman. I guess when he cheats with one, he'll figure a big hug will throw you off the scent. What a jerk.
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