Lobouspo Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 A new love interest for fear of jinxing it? When do you tell close family or friends about someone your dating? The worse part is when you break up and have to explain to everyone you're not together when they ask for this person...
Echo74 Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 If it was really love or even someone who has potential (I've been dating for a while) then yes my family would know.
Gaeta Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 After so many deceptions I started waiting 3 months to talk about it. If they'd ask me if I am seeing someone I'd say yes but they'd hear about him after his probation period. 4
diddilybop Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 (edited) when i was single, i'd tell my closest friends that if i was going on a date with a guy and if he was someone i was seeing consistently/really into him. with family, i'd only tell them about the guy if we were officially a "couple". i don't really believe in "jinxing" it by talking about it with people. breakups happen and while they hurt and having to talk about it will hurt too, it's just an inevitable thing. however, i used to do this thing where i wouldn't add a contact name to the guy i was seeing in my cellphone until i knew for sure that he was seeing me exclusively/after a probation period. silly, i know Edited August 12, 2017 by diddilybop
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 After so many deceptions I started waiting 3 months to talk about it. If they'd ask me if I am seeing someone I'd say yes but they'd hear about him after his probation period. I definitely have a probationary period before making the announcement official. If asked, I wouldn't keep it from anyone in my family, but wouldn't make anything of it until I am reasonably certain the person is worth further consideration. I'm dating now and my family is unaware, but preliminary meetings need not be shared. 2
mortensorchid Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I think 3 months in is a good time to introduce them to friends / family. If you introduce them too quickly something not good happens, I notice. I think about when I was in high school, my family was crazy when I brought the guy inside to meet someone but I realized a few things - I was the oldest child, I was a girl not a boy so there are/were double standards at work with it, they assume we were going to have sex if left alone for a few minutes, etc. This was not true of course, this was just starting out into the world. I only realized this later on. Today? I no longer live with my family of course. They ask sometimes if I am with someone but I don't bring it up to them unless I feel that it's of note. But friends can act badly as well if you introduce them to the person, or the person in question does not like them so then they end it the next day or ghost. I introduced someone far too quickly to a friend group many years ago, and two women friends I had HATED him and chewed me out over it (via email I would like to add). I ended the relationship with both of them over it. I wonder how they feel today about it, but I digress... So wait a bit. And be careful. Best of luck.
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I never thought that much about it. When I wasn't living near my parents I didn't introduce anybody to them because it was a p.i.t.a. to arrange & then it became a thing, which I always hated. I preferred more organic & casual. My parents belonged to a club where they always went on Fridays so when I was ready to introduce them to someone I just brought him for dinner. It was very casual & easy Most times I was with a friend when I met a new person so there was no need to do introductions but my friends are quite social so it was easy to just bring the new person to a group gathering. While the core has been the same for 40+ years, SO's have filtered in an out over the years. Do wait some period before introductions but take the pressure off yourself Just because they meet doesn't mean you have to marry.
CptInsano Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I'm not afraid to introduce to somebody to my uncles and aunts, and my brother can be quite a charmer, and I've always gotten along with his gfs, too. But both my brother and I hid our gfs from my mother until it could no longer be avoided. (She thought we were gay for a while, because we never brought anybody home.) Meeting my mom usually resulted in the first big relationship crisis. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 (edited) mmm not really. I'm not superstitious so I don't believe in 'jinxing' things. Secondly, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. No shame in it for me. But I think I'd not introduce the person formally (like take to a family event) until it's semi-serious. If I incidentally ran into family or friends when out with someone, oh well. But I've know ppl who bring anyone theyre seeing to meet family and don't bat an eye Edited August 12, 2017 by Cookiesandough
act00 Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I totally get what you're saying. I can't say that I have this feeling of jinxing with potential relationships, when it comes to discussing with close friends and family, but I have felt this "connection" where when you talk about other things, out loud, you jinx it. It's silly, and I can relate. You know it's silly. Be okay with talking to your close friends/family. They're the ones who are going to help you if things don't work out. You don't have to embellish a lot, and it's normal to try to downplay to others, even though inside you have all these feelings. It helps to have an outsider bring you back down to earth as well, if you're falling too fast, too soon with someone. They ground you. The downside is that if things don't work out, you'll have to discuss it, but good friends will be there to help you through it. I like having someone to talk to about what's going on, etc., but be careful here too, because they're going to tire of you going on endlessly about this guy and what is he thinking, and what should you do, ad nauseum, so the reality is, hopefully you have other interests and topics you can talk about, including what their concerns are, etc. Bottom line, I can totally relate to feeling like you might jinx it.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 I don't believe in jinxing things but most of my relationships don't last. It's painful to tell people about the break up...almost makes it much more real. If I am the only person that knows, I can brush it off and be over it in few days. Also, the more I talk about someone, the more I think of them. I prefer not to waste too much time on thinking about someone in the initial dating stages. 1
Bastile Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 I am in quite a big way (sans the "jinx" part though). As soon as I do, or I introduce them to someone new, the women in my family start meddling. They try to escalate the relationship in various undesirable ways overstepping boundaries, they keep on my back about it, or they keep talking about that person long after they are out of my life. So, I still get asked about a girl for whom I've completely forgotten about. It's bizarre, and not reflective of my life in any sort of way. I've had to learn to take it with a big pinch of salt. I just keep the two things separate most of the time for an easy life.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 13, 2017 Posted August 13, 2017 Also, telling my family and introducing them to my family is a different thing alltogether. For me to introduce someone to my parents, I would need to be at a stage where I think I may marry that person. At least a year or so. Only one boyfriend has ever met my parents. I have introduced quite a few to my brother though. He usually dislikes them and he tends to be spot on. 1
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