Echo74 Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 (edited) So I jumped in and put myself on Match last night and I received several messages. Do you generally respond to ALL messages even to the one's you're not interested in? (I even got one from a "Daily" smoker when my profile listed "NO WAY" on smoking.) I feel like it would be rude not to respond but not sure what I should say without sounding negative. Another question! I just noticed that there's a bunch of guys that are listed as "You're interested". I have no idea why most of them would even be in that list because I have not clicked on anything that would put them in that category. Am I not understanding something here? Edited August 11, 2017 by Echo74
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 This is a damned if you do, damned if you don't dilemma. If you do, you'll get accused of leading someone one and/or have to deal with more messages and eventually having to actually say you're not interested which makes some people very hostile. If you don't, you run the risk of being called rude and unapproachable/thinking you're better than everyone else. Of course there are also normal people on OLD, but there are the crazies who won't be happy with you regardless of how you handle it!
Bastile Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 No... and I'm a man. Expect more filtering as a woman. And you are complaining about getting smokers? I even got gay guys OLD is a circus. I struggled to take it seriously. Loads of overly thirsty guys, so much so that they want to have sex with me too apparently. When I made a female profile, because I couldn't figure out how to view my proper profile as a woman would, I immediately got a handful of messages without obviously a profile or picture. I logged back into it a week later, and a couple of them had turned stalker.... Think you need to take OLD slow as a woman. Read up on things, and be extra careful. It'll shake the naivety/innocence out of you. 2
Author Echo74 Posted August 11, 2017 Author Posted August 11, 2017 This is a damned if you do, damned if you don't dilemma. If you do, you'll get accused of leading someone one and/or have to deal with more messages and eventually having to actually say you're not interested which makes some people very hostile. If you don't, you run the risk of being called rude and unapproachable/thinking you're better than everyone else. Of course there are also normal people on OLD, but there are the crazies who won't be happy with you regardless of how you handle it! Ugh, that's what I'm afraid of. No... and I'm a man. Expect more filtering as a woman. And you are complaining about getting smokers? I even got gay guys OLD is a circus. I struggled to take it seriously. Loads of overly thirsty guys, so much so that they want to have sex with me too apparently. When I made a female profile, because I couldn't figure out how to view my proper profile as a woman would, I immediately got a handful of messages without obviously a profile or picture. I logged back into it a week later, and a couple of them had turned stalker.... Think you need to take OLD slow as a woman. Read up on things, and be extra careful. It'll shake the naivety/innocence out of you. Lol! Yes, I feel like such a naive girl with this online dating thing. What makes me even more nervous is that one of my friends has had a guy demeaning her because she didn't want to go on a second date!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Yes and No. If I am not interested and the message is terse, I do not answer. If the message is actually asking me a question and I am not interested, I will quickly respond and wish the person luck. Of course I respond to the messages from profiles that I feel have potential. 1
normal person Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 So I jumped in and put myself on Match last night and I received several messages. Do you generally respond to ALL messages even to the one's you're not interested in? (I even got one from a "Daily" smoker when my profile listed "NO WAY" on smoking.) I feel like it would be rude not to respond but not sure what I should say without sounding negative. If you respond to everything you'll need a secretary to manage all your communications. If you have no interest in someone, and they put no thought into the message, it's perfectly normal to ignore them. If they write a nice, well thought out, sensible message, and you have big heart, you can always just say "thanks for your great message, but I'm taking a break from this/looking to date someone more local, etc" It's easy to disqualify someone for circumstantial reasons rather than personal ones. Another question! I just noticed that there's a bunch of guys that are listed as "You're interested". I have no idea why most of them would even be in that list because I have not clicked on anything that would put them in that category. Am I not understanding something here? They probably meet your "looking for" criteria. Welcome to the jungle. Best of luck.
diddilybop Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 when i was on tinder, i'd only respond to the messages that had some substance to them or if i was interested. if a guy just merely said, "hey" or even worse, "hey cutie", they would get no response. if they get angry with you for not responding, that's their problem. you don't owe these guys anything. plus, do you really want to go out with a guy who gets irrationally angry? 1
kendahke Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 if a guy just merely said, "hey" or even worse, "hey cutie", they would get no response. For me, they go on block immediately 2
knabe Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Don't feel obligated to respond to every message. Yeah, some socially awkward entitled dude will go on a forum and rant about what a "flake" or "princess" you are....but no, you do NOT owe a stranger a message just because he "carefully crafted" a message to you, a stranger. People need thicker skins. 1
coolheadal Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 The polite way is to answer them otherwise kinda rude not too. If they're rude to you with nude pictures (more on the women side) Men, I never see anything like that from women, I don't want to see that anyway.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Responding to every messages is a rookie mistake. I certainly tried it thinking it was only the 'polite' thing to do early on in my OLD experience. I quickly realized when my inbox was inundated with messages daily, it's virtually impossible to respond to every message even to just say "Thanks but I don't think we're a good match". Like anything to do with online, OLD can be a time sucker if you're not careful. It behooves you to be discerning and to filter according to your wants and needs and not waste time unnecessarily. Some men will see even a rejection email as an opening to continue chatting. Now you've created another issue to deal with. Feelings need to be checked at the door while navigating online otherwise you'll never make it out alive. Rejection by radio silence alone is pretty much the norm and even expected. Good luck. 1
Usename12 Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 If you respond to every message, you will soon be on that other thread about how OLD makes you feel bad. 1
Author Echo74 Posted August 11, 2017 Author Posted August 11, 2017 Responding to every messages is a rookie mistake. I certainly tried it thinking it was only the 'polite' thing to do early on in my OLD experience. I quickly realized when my inbox was inundated with messages daily, it's virtually impossible to respond to every message even to just say "Thanks but I don't think we're a good match". Like anything to do with online, OLD can be a time sucker if you're not careful. It behooves you to be discerning and to filter according to your wants and needs and not waste time unnecessarily. Some men will see even a rejection email as an opening to continue chatting. Now you've created another issue to deal with. Feelings need to be checked at the door while navigating online otherwise you'll never make it out alive. Rejection by radio silence alone is pretty much the norm and even expected. Good luck. Okay this sounds like something I might want to follow. I've received a few "winks" as well but that doesn't cut it for me if someone doesn't make more of an effort do message me a few well thought out sentences. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Okay this sounds like something I might want to follow. I've received a few "winks" as well but that doesn't cut it for me if someone doesn't make more of an effort do message me a few well thought out sentences. Amen. Personally, I have found those alerts to be absolutely useless. I swear dating sites add them just to keep members busy and active and in a constant state of hope. Especially if you need to purchase a membership to view or access those people. Don't be fooled by all that white noise. Actions speak volumes, even on OLD.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Don't feel obligated to respond to every message. Yeah, some socially awkward entitled dude will go on a forum and rant about what a "flake" or "princess" you are....but no, you do NOT owe a stranger a message just because he "carefully crafted" a message to you, a stranger. People need thicker skins. Many of these "carefully crafted" messages are just a copy/paste of what he sent to another person 5 minutes prior....
Popsicle Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 I only respond to those who I am interested in and have written. It doesn't matter how short their message is either, as long as it's respectful. (just how I am) I don't even look at winks, likes, meet me's or favorites. 1
SevenCity Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Okay this sounds like something I might want to follow. I've received a few "winks" as well but that doesn't cut it for me if someone doesn't make more of an effort do message me a few well thought out sentences. A few reasons guys do this: 1) You have sent out so many messages with no response you are tired of it. 2) You really have nothing to say but are curious if they like you (which can spark your interest). 3) There is nothing in their profile that elicits good questions / comments. I used to send out personal messages and found that my response rate has nothing to do with content.
Miss Spider Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 I found it's useful to use the swipey thing. Match guys you find interesting and attractive. Then usually they will send a "yo we matched" type thing *Only do this when you're bored and have dulled your humanity enough to look at dating like a meat market. 1
Popsicle Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 I found it's useful to use the swipey thing. Match guys you find interesting and attractive. Then usually they will send a "yo we matched" type thing *Only do this when you're bored and have dulled your humanity enough to look at dating like a meat market. I don't use Tinder (I need more info than Tinder provides) but on the dating site I'm on, I just look at their profile. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 I don't use Tinder (I need more info than Tinder provides) but on the dating site I'm on, I just look at their profile. So you don't use the swipe/match feature on the sites like POF or Okcupid? Not sure if paid ones have it. You just look at their profile and press like?
Popsicle Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 So you don't use the swipe/match feature on the sites like POF or Okcupid? Not sure if paid ones have it. You just look at their profile and press like? They do have the swipe/match feature but I don't use it. I just look at profiles based on a search I do. I never click like. If I like him, I write to him, if I don't I do nothing. But I still get messages from the ones I just looked at. As a side note, I've been thinking of getting off the dating site. A respected therapist who has a talk show that I listen to said to not use dating sites to find someone and I think I might agree. 1
Author Echo74 Posted August 11, 2017 Author Posted August 11, 2017 I noticed that my email states that I don't have a "Primary" photo but I did upload one last night. Why does my profile not show the photo that I uploaded unless a you go into the picture section?
Miss Spider Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Depends on the site you're using. Look for a button that says something like "make main/primary pic"
Author Echo74 Posted August 11, 2017 Author Posted August 11, 2017 Depends on the site you're using. Look for a button that says something like "make main/primary pic" On Match...I don't see anything which states that. It's in the #1 position because I only have one so far and plan to add a couple more in the next few days.
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