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Visiting Ex of 8 Years Hometown, Sent Invite for Dinner - No Response?

NewFlame

By NewFlame
in Second Chances

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NewFlame New Member

NewFlame

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I'm visiting the town where my ex lived. We broke it off almost 8 years ago and it was a really, really awful breakup (he kept all of my things from me and I had to take him to court to get them back - he decided to give me money instead… we were so immature) and we never got to live the potential were supposed to have and I guess that's why he still lingers. We were only 21 then when all of that happened (we met when we were 18) and we’re about to turn 30! However, I've been able to move on and do good for myself. Out of sight out of mind.

 

The last time I saw him was about 4 years ago was when I was also in town and visited him out of the blue (I got a voicemail about 2 months before from a private number saying he was IN MY HOMETOWN and he wanted to see me.) He reminded me that I wasted 4 years not seeing him and that if I wanted to be alone forever and if I was willing to work this out. It was very angry and aggressive that I walked away so scared and we never communicated since then.

 

But this visit is making me think of him a lot to the point that I had actually sent a gift (message in a bottle) asking if he'd like to have dinner. I believe that we are so much more mature now that we can handle being in front of each other. I got the message from the company I ordered it from that it's been delivered but he hasn't responded so far. The message says "Dear X, I'm in town for a few days and wanted to see if you'd like to have dinner Saturday night. It would be nice to see again. Hope to hear from you." This time I thought of not visiting him and invited him for dinner via a gift instead to not create such a reaction. What should I do? I'm only in town for 3 days. We haven’t spoken to each other ever since we last saw each other; I had changed my number and made no attempts to communicate. I didn't realize how much I miss him, but I'm also not sure I would feel this way if I didn't have to be in the town where he lives.

 

I also have to bring up that based off mutual friends he hasn't been in a serious relationship (or any, for that matter) since our breakup...

healing light Established Member

healing light

Posted
Posted
It was very angry and aggressive that I walked away so scared and we never communicated since then

 

I believe that we are so much more mature now that we can handle being in front of each other

 

Your last statement may very well be true for you, but if you haven't spoken to him since your last encounter, you have no idea if it holds any salt with him. You would be surprised at some people's ability to hold grudges. And even if not, he may not want to go down memory lane. Don't be surprised if you don't hear from him given the last time you saw each other and the contentious court battle. And guard your heart even if you do. While you effectively don't know each other any more, you do know from the past that he has the potential to be aggressive.

SpecialJ Established Member

SpecialJ

Posted
Posted

No response either means he's still thinking about it, or it means no, he doesn't want to talk to you. There's nothing else for you to do -- in fact, it sounds like you already went above and beyond to communicate you want to see him. You have to respect whatever decision he makes. 4 years is a long time, still single or not.

 

Also, did you leave him your new contract information in the message?

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

It really sounds as though this is best left in the past. Why do you want to try to see someone who were too scared to communicate with before?

 

He might not be dating anyone seriously, but that also doesn't mean he's totally single either. Perhaps he's seeing someone now, or trying to.

 

If he doesn't respond, take it as a "no." And honestly, it seems like that would be the best response.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

You went to a lot of trouble to contact him in an elaborate & costly way. The method was probably off putting.

 

You can try a follow up text but conventional wisdom says that no response is a negative response. So be the mature person you claim to have become & move on.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

Stop poking the angry bear.

He doesn't sound interested.

 

I am not sure why you want to revisit this.

I guess he was the really hurt one here, and most in that situation do not appreciate being "jolly" with exes who show up wanting to be friends and bearing gifts every 4 years...

  • Like 1
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NewFlame New Member

NewFlame

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Posted

I would argue to say that I was the one who was really hurt by our breakup. I literally remember completely losing myself after and the things I said to him, oh my gosh, I cringe thinking about it. I was always the one who showed the most investment in the relationship so I was more passionate. It took such a long, long time to build the person I am today. That breakup was so devastating to me, and I know he was devastated too, only I was more expressive about the whole thing. I didn't date for a long time either! This is the guy that told me if he meant that much to me I'd wait a decade for him...:rolleyes:

 

At least I know that I did what I could on my end to reconnect. Do I miss the old times? Yes. Am I curious to see how he is now? Absolutely. But no, I won't go to his house (I'm staying at a friend and he is BLOCKS away.) I don't really know him anymore nor would I want him to lose respect for me. My note has my phone number if he ever wants to reach out.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted

You sent a message in a bottle and he didn't contact you.. sounds like he is not single or he just doesn't need FWB sex that bad..

 

Either way he didn't respond so the only answer available is that he isn;t interested.

springy Established Member

springy

Posted
Posted

I don't think you mentioned how long ago he received your message. He is either still thinking it over, or is not interested. When it comes down to it, if no response is given that tells you all you need to know. You gave it a try though!

Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

Posted
Posted
I would argue to say that I was the one who was really hurt by our breakup. I literally remember completely losing myself after and the things I said to him, oh my gosh, I cringe thinking about it. I was always the one who showed the most investment in the relationship so I was more passionate. It took such a long, long time to build the person I am today. That breakup was so devastating to me, and I know he was devastated too, only I was more expressive about the whole thing. I didn't date for a long time either! This is the guy that told me if he meant that much to me I'd wait a decade for him...:rolleyes:

 

At least I know that I did what I could on my end to reconnect. Do I miss the old times? Yes. Am I curious to see how he is now? Absolutely. But no, I won't go to his house (I'm staying at a friend and he is BLOCKS away.) I don't really know him anymore nor would I want him to lose respect for me. My note has my phone number if he ever wants to reach out.

 

Seriously, what is your intent? Do you want to get back with him or just restart old times or maybe just redeem your self? Its very rare men just want to see where she is at in her life and reminisce the old days.

stixx Established Member

stixx

Posted
Posted
I'm visiting the town where my ex lived. We broke it off almost 8 years ago and it was a really, really awful breakup (he kept all of my things from me and I had to take him to court to get them back - he decided to give me money instead… we were so immature) and we never got to live the potential were supposed to have and I guess that's why he still lingers. We were only 21 then when all of that happened (we met when we were 18) and we’re about to turn 30! However, I've been able to move on and do good for myself. Out of sight out of mind.

 

The last time I saw him was about 4 years ago was when I was also in town and visited him out of the blue (I got a voicemail about 2 months before from a private number saying he was IN MY HOMETOWN and he wanted to see me.) He reminded me that I wasted 4 years not seeing him and that if I wanted to be alone forever and if I was willing to work this out. It was very angry and aggressive that I walked away so scared and we never communicated since then.

 

But this visit is making me think of him a lot to the point that I had actually sent a gift (message in a bottle) asking if he'd like to have dinner. I believe that we are so much more mature now that we can handle being in front of each other. I got the message from the company I ordered it from that it's been delivered but he hasn't responded so far. The message says "Dear X, I'm in town for a few days and wanted to see if you'd like to have dinner Saturday night. It would be nice to see again. Hope to hear from you." This time I thought of not visiting him and invited him for dinner via a gift instead to not create such a reaction. What should I do? I'm only in town for 3 days. We haven’t spoken to each other ever since we last saw each other; I had changed my number and made no attempts to communicate. I didn't realize how much I miss him, but I'm also not sure I would feel this way if I didn't have to be in the town where he lives.

 

I also have to bring up that based off mutual friends he hasn't been in a serious relationship (or any, for that matter) since our breakup...

 

I already posted about an old flame that dumped me and I seen not 8. but 20 years later. Go read the post.

 

To keep it short....She gave me her number blah-blah....I tossed it. It was a bad deal to me. The gal meant a lot to me and was drama, plus she had a kid and was working at Burger King... Baggage and a loser, and she became an addict...more baggage.

 

Though stranger things can happen and give it a try. I generally let it go despite the fact that my ex just left and we made plans to watch the subway series together next Monday and have dinner. This is rare in a relationship. I was friends with her from the start. I was dating before and so was she. Her guy did not care, but I went through 2 women because they gave me yap and thought I was cheating. I was not cheating - she was a good friend.

 

I told both the gals they cannot choose my friends and to get out of my life. They did. I ended up with my ex. After a decade it didnt ruin our friendship as it was mutual....We just was not couple material overall.

 

We still hang, and though I am now single any gal that I may meet will have to deal with it. Period. Case closed.

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