Author Cam1 Posted August 24, 2017 Author Posted August 24, 2017 Today was my birthday. Wasn't the greatest day, but I'm doing okay and holding my own. At about 4:30, my phone went off. He texted me quote: "Hey. So I know you may not want to hear from me, and I wouldn't blame you if that's the case...but I just wanted to to say happy birthday. I hope you are doing well, and I hope this ends up being your best year yet! You are a very kind and caring person and you deserve everything good that comes your way." Followed by another text a couple mins of typing later that simply said "So happy birthday! lol!" with little emojis. I'm partly angry and partly sad. Why would you text someone happy birthday weeks after dumping them? To assuage your own guilt and make yourself feel like a good person? He knows me well. He knew that would hurt me in all the right places. Is it feelers? I didn't respond.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 First, happy belated birthday!! Second, no , I don't think it's feelers. And I don't think he was intentionally trying to hurt you. You were part of each other's lives for a year, so I honestly think he was trying to be kind with the birthday greeting. Unless he is a truly malicious person, I would just assume he would have felt more guilty not acknowledging your birthday at all. I know you are hurt, and I understand why you didn't want to hear from him. But for what it's worth, I don't see ill intent there. Perhaps it's time you block him, at least for a little while, so you aren't similarly triggered in the future.
Author Cam1 Posted August 24, 2017 Author Posted August 24, 2017 And I don't think he was intentionally trying to hurt you. You were part of each other's lives for a year, so I honestly think he was trying to be kind with the birthday greeting. He dumped me. 2 weeks ago. Why would any man or woman possibly think it would be kind to contact the person you just dumped, for a happy birthday? Like somehow it's not going to hurt them?
stillafool Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 Today was my birthday. Wasn't the greatest day, but I'm doing okay and holding my own. At about 4:30, my phone went off. He texted me quote: "Hey. So I know you may not want to hear from me, and I wouldn't blame you if that's the case...but I just wanted to to say happy birthday. I hope you are doing well, and I hope this ends up being your best year yet! You are a very kind and caring person and you deserve everything good that comes your way." Followed by another text a couple mins of typing later that simply said "So happy birthday! lol!" with little emojis. I'm partly angry and partly sad. Why would you text someone happy birthday weeks after dumping them? To assuage your own guilt and make yourself feel like a good person? He knows me well. He knew that would hurt me in all the right places. Is it feelers? I didn't respond. I think it would have hurt you more if you hadn't heard from him on your birthday. You would be saying he didn't even remember that it was your birthday.
Zahara Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 He dumped me. 2 weeks ago. Why would any man or woman possibly think it would be kind to contact the person you just dumped, for a happy birthday? Like somehow it's not going to hurt them? He's a dumper. He's emotionally detached and therefore isn't experiencing the pain that you are feeling therefore believes a birthday wish isn't harmful when in actual fact it is painful to the dumpee who is going through a different set of emotions. In some sense, he's also hoping his reaching out helps alleviates the bad feelings between you two. It is now your responsibility to protect yourself. You should tell him that you desire complete NC in order to heal and move on. Then delete his number, better yet, block him. This way he doesn't derail you when he chooses to pop up again at a later date. 1
Author Cam1 Posted August 24, 2017 Author Posted August 24, 2017 He's a dumper. He's emotionally detached and therefore isn't experiencing the pain that you are feeling therefore believes a birthday wish isn't harmful when in actual fact it is painful to the dumpee who is going through a different set of emotions. In some sense, he's also hoping his reaching out helps alleviates the bad feelings between you two. It is now your responsibility to protect yourself. You should tell him that you desire complete NC in order to heal and move on. Then delete his number, better yet, block him. This way he doesn't derail you when he chooses to pop up again at a later date. I don't want to block him, but i've also had some decision within myself that unless he begs for forgiveness and wants to change things, that the last thing he will ever hear from me will be what I said to him at the end of the dumping phone call when he ended it: "I love you, goodbye." Some part of me hopes he will change his mind, soon, or he already would have, and come back. And i'm quickly realizing that's never going to be the case. He's never regretting it or coming back. I don't want to delete him on social media--instead, I want the best revenge of all: A well lived life. I'm treating facebook as my own PR campaign now, like a brand--I post rarely, and only for really good, or big, positive things. I changed to a new profile pic the other day that's seriously the best photo taken of me in my life.
Zahara Posted August 24, 2017 Posted August 24, 2017 (edited) I don't want to delete him on social media--instead, I want the best revenge of all: A well lived life. I'm treating facebook as my own PR campaign now, like a brand--I post rarely, and only for really good, or big, positive things. I changed to a new profile pic the other day that's seriously the best photo taken of me in my life. The best revenge is living well. It isn't living well with the intent of selling an attractive image of yourself in hopes it creates a reaction. That's still keeping the focus on him. It's a facade. The step forward to living well is fully focusing on yourself. This time should be used for healing and self-reflection. Looking internally, finding peace and calm. Protecting yourself from triggers and anxiety prone situations. It should be used for self-preservation with the desire of moving forward. A PR campaign for him to see is just external fluff. He doesn't need to be witness to your life well lived. Edited August 24, 2017 by Zahara 3
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