I dated the perfect girl for me - at the worst moment possible

[twa]

In the beginning of the summer I met an incredible girl that had everything I could wish for: easy going, we share the same taste of music, are both passionate about sports and on top of that she's absolutely gorgeous. In the course of a few weeks we texted A LOT had an incredible first date, spent a day on a music festival and she eventually invited me to her place to watch a movie.

 

That's where I ****ed up. I was under a lot of pressure during that time moving into a new appartement, having a demanding job and some issues within my family, so I wasn't quite focused so when things got heated and we ended up in bed I just couldn't stay hard. She was cool about it, we had a smoke, spent the night cuddling and I spent the next day with her as well.

 

Things wre still looking good, lots of texting throughout the week and we set up another date for the weekend. We had dinner, had some drinks, went on a ridiculous taxi ride to find a store selling ice cream in the middle of the night and ended up at her place again. We ate our ice cream and fell asleep on her couch as the sun was rising. The next day we were both dead tired so we slept a few hours in her bed and eventually had sex again. This time, no issues staying hard whatsoever ... but we were both so into it I came pretty quickly. We joked around some more, but I knew something was off when I kissed her goodbye when I left in the evening.

 

We didn't see each other for two weeks as we were both busy, but kept texting ... however she wasn't as engaging and initiative as she used to be the weeks before. When I asked her to meet again, she declined but suggested we meet the week after. After that: radio silence. To days before the date I asked her when we'd meet - nothing. On the day of the date she texted she was just busy and couldn't make it. I gave her some space but after two weeks of almost no contact I asked her what's going on. She said things just went too fast and she quickly loses interest if there's too much contact. I just said I understood and that was it.

 

We saw each other again last week at the pub we originally met, but didn't speak to each other as I was leaving that moment.

 

I went from having her resting her head in my lap asking me "Do you believe in destiny?" with heart shaped eyes to being irrelevant to her in just a matter of days. It's so frustrating because we both showed so much interest and attraction in the beginning and things were looking great ... until it was suddenly over.

 

I don't want to give her up just yet, but I really don't know how and when I should pursue her again. I texted her recently and she did reply quickly every time but nothing came out of it. We'll probably see each other again soon at the pub we both frequent but we're both with friends usually so it might be difficult to talk to her alone.

 

I know I should probably forget about her, but things very going so well and I guess you miss all the shots you don't take. I probably killed most of her attraction to me with my performance in bed but that's something I can't change anymore. How can I connect with her again without pressuring her or being needy?

[smackie9]

It could have been many things, but the message is loud and clear...she's done with you. There's no fixing that. And she is right, things did go too fast because it didn't give her enough time to really get to know you...she realized her mistake and saw that she wasn't that into you, but was into the attention she was getting. It's quite possible you were a rebound. So those were not true feelings coming from her.

[twa]

It could have been many things, but the message is loud and clear...she's done with you. There's no fixing that. And she is right, things did go too fast because it didn't give her enough time to really get to know you...she realized her mistake and saw that she wasn't that into you, but was into the attention she was getting. It's quite possible you were a rebound. So those were not true feelings coming from her.

 

Yeah I thought about being a rebound as well. She once mentioned her ex - who was a also in martial arts and had a beard just like me ... so quite some similarities :-|

[Robratory]

I know I should probably forget about her, but things very going so well and I guess you miss all the shots you don't take.

 

Yes, but you took your shot. And it was like when the ball hits the hoop, and you think it's going to go in, but at the last minute, it tips the other way and doesn't go in.

 

You took your shot, so now learn from it. We get better with time, hopefully.

[kendahke]

I wouldn't.

 

If she was truly interested, she'd have contacted you by now.

 

This one is out past the Oort cloud now.

[kazen]

Just want to say I empathized. It happens to the best of us. The penis does not want to cooperate sometimes. Anyways good luck.

[rightondude]

yeah I feel for you man, I was in a very similar situation that I posted about recently. I dunno how old you are, but just a word of advice (I'm about to get a tad bit graphic so anyone with virgin ears please click away) ... just remember, if the peen won't work the mouth can make up for it a lot of times! Also if this gets in your head don't be afraid to visit the doc for a sample or two of the blues. later, keep your head up and good luck!

[CoolJoe]

Ouch, this story hit me right in the feels. Sorry, bro. We all been there, but I know that doesn't make it any easier. Humans are fickle. We ask a potential partner one minute "Do you believe in soulmates?" and the next we're hopping onto the nearest train. It's inexplicable but there's nothing you can really do. I find in times like this it's good to refocus on yourself and pick up a new hobby, or explore an old hobby you lost touch with. Meet up with old friends. Try to make new friends. Go to old favorite spots. Explore new ones. Hit the gym. Work out.

 

Stay busy and eventually the pain fades. On the bright side, it happened so fast that you likely won't be hung up on it too long. Last summer I was dating a girl that I thought ripped my heart out, but it took me 2 months or so to get over it and right now I barely even think of her.

 

When a girl moves on, it's over. So best move on, too.

 

Only thing I would do is if she contacts you for any reason in the future, assume she wants to meet up. Cut the chit chat and just say "Hey, it's great to hear from you again. Unfortunately I'm in the middle of something but I'd love to catch up over dinner and a bottle of wine. Let me know when you're available."

[HarmonyDriven]

When a girl moves on, it's over. So best move on, too.

 

Only thing I would do is if she contacts you for any reason in the future, assume she wants to meet up. Cut the chit chat and just say "Hey, it's great to hear from you again. Unfortunately I'm in the middle of something but I'd love to catch up over dinner and a bottle of wine. Let me know when you're available."

 

OP.....this ^^^^^ Agreed.

 

Sounds like it was too fast and fizzled out.....literally. I love the part about the ridiculous taxi ride searching for a ice cream store.....priceless!...look at it like this - you had a wonderful time with a gorgeous woman....I bet many men would love to be in your shoes....

[healing light]

With all of that said, the plain truth is, she really just wasn't all that into you. If a girl is really into you, she will show more understanding when things like this happen.

 

Agreed. If she nixed you after two times, seems kind of shallow to me since you're still getting into the groove with your partner and were probably nervous. There are women out there that will give you more of a chance. Try not to beat yourself up too much over this one.

[twa]

Thanks for the encouraging words!

 

Yes, but you took your shot. And it was like when the ball hits the hoop, and you think it's going to go in, but at the last minute, it tips the other way and doesn't go in.

 

That's exactly how it feels like ... except I had it in my hands to get the ball in. It's so hard to just forget about her because think I had the shot at something great and blew it myself.

 

If she was truly interested, she'd have contacted you by now.

 

Well she suggested the last date after all. I know she's got many guys lined up that want to be with her so I think it was easier for her to let go of me, than try again.

 

Just want to say I empathized. It happens to the best of us. The penis does not want to cooperate sometimes. Anyways good luck.

 

It sucks, I've never had any issues in this department ... except for the one girl I really have the butterflies for.

 

Ouch, this story hit me right in the feels. Sorry, bro. We all been there, but I know that doesn't make it any easier. Humans are fickle. We ask a potential partner one minute "Do you believe in soulmates?" and the next we're hopping onto the nearest train. It's inexplicable but there's nothing you can really do. I find in times like this it's good to refocus on yourself and pick up a new hobby, or explore an old hobby you lost touch with. Meet up with old friends. Try to make new friends. Go to old favorite spots. Explore new ones. Hit the gym. Work out.

 

I do all those things, but she's still the first thing in my head before I go to sleep and when I wake up in the morning.

 

Stay busy and eventually the pain fades. On the bright side, it happened so fast that you likely won't be hung up on it too long. Last summer I was dating a girl that I thought ripped my heart out, but it took me 2 months or so to get over it and right now I barely even think of her.

 

I sure hope so. I was a mess two weeks after she broke it off. I'm okay now mostly but there's still bad days.

 

I usually advise men that if you want a woman to be really into you, nothing is more important than what you do in the bedroom. You do a girl right and you will never be able to get rid of her. That is pretty much a guarantee. You had your chance to really get her hooked on you and you kinda blew it. It happens.

 

That's the point, I got her hooked already but couldn't capitalize on it.

 

Sounds like it was too fast and fizzled out.....literally. I love the part about the ridiculous taxi ride searching for a ice cream store.....priceless!...look at it like this - you had a wonderful time with a gorgeous woman....I bet many men would love to be in your shoes....

 

Everything went just like in a movie, it's kind of ridiculous. We met at our favourite pub ... an hour before I was just chatting with my friends about some day we'll just find someone where everything just right from the beginning (mind you I was happy being single before and not looking for someone). She recognized a girl friend of mine, sat at our table and we immediately hit it off. The funniest thing is when I went for a walk the other day after all of this I came across a street that had her last name in it (which is kind of unusual, so not very probable to come across). I just laughed like if it was some sort of joke the universe is playing on me.