JohnM Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Hello good people. Me and my girlfriend have been together a few years, are settled and own a house together. We discussed pretty early on we are both not the sort of people who agree with the traditional wedding idea that quite a lot of people take upon themselves. I can see why they do, just not our preference. We would rather put the money to better use or even go on a great trip together with it any costs people incur. Just being together and happy is fine by us. I hadn't really thought of it until now, but engagement rings... how many people just don't do them? My girlfriend doesn't wear rings and hardly any other jewellery in general apart from earrings and maybe a necklace every now and then. I would imagine we could discuss the wedding rings option afterwards as to what we do there. But I can't really discuss the engagement ring or not beforehand if I am to ask her in anything approaching a romantic set up! If I were to play it out in my head and how I imagine she would respond I would guess she wouldn't be too fussed on one. So for those that decided against getting an engagement ring, did you do anything in it's place or not? and also anyone else feel free to chime in. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 (edited) Ohh...tricky situation because if you ask her she'll be onto you Personally, I don't wear rings either, and the whole idea of lavish wedding ceremony or engagement ring seems like such a waste. My mom's engagement ring I know had to be very costly, but she's into fine jewelry and all that. If your gf is not, she may not care. Also if your gf is cool with not having a wedding and taking a trip instead(which sounds awesome), then she's probably not too traditional in that regard, so she may not care if there is a fancy proposal. You still could, though. Like google creative romantic proposals without a ring. Perhaps just a "will you marry me" in bed at 4 AM would make her life Edited August 10, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
d0nnivain Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 You don't need the ring to propose but even the most untraditional free spirit can suddenly being very conventional when it comes to weddings. Propose however you want but explain that you didn't get the e-ring because she doesn't wear rings & you had discussed putting the money to better use but do assure her that if she wants a ring you would be happy to take her to the jewelry store so she can pick out what she wants. 2
Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Yes, another reason why sometimes it's good to propose without a ring...she may want to pick one for herself! So you can ask her to marry you, then you guys can go pick the ring (or string ,or not) together which a lot of couples do 6
somanymistakes Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Chiming in to agree that you can do a lovely romantic surprise without the ring and offer to get one together if she wants one. You can still do a reveal without having the ring involved - a lovely cake decorated with 'will you marry me' still shows that you put thought and planning into it rather than just pulling the question out of nowhere. 1
preraph Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 A whole lot of people who don't plan on a big public wedding, which I agree with you is a waste of money for most people, just buy a simple gold band for each other instead. Nothing wrong with that. You've been together a long time so I think you should just ask her what she thinks about it and see if no wedding is still okay with her and whether she wants to go on a little trip sometime in the next couple of years and also get wedding bands or whether her heart wants a diamond. Honestly, with the price of gold these days, the gold is worth way more than the diamonds. You might talk to her if she wants a diamond about how she'd feel about a used ring, but you know her best. This might insult some women. Also, you might ask around your family in case there's an old wedding diamond laying around you could have reset from a first marriage or a deceased relative or something.
diddilybop Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 yeah, there are no "have tos" in getting an engagement ring or planning a big and fancy wedding ceremony. do what feels right and celebrates your love for each other. it makes it more genuine and special. i do like the idea of making the proposal itself romantic (sans a ring). i bet she'd appreciate it too! 1
anduina Posted August 10, 2017 Posted August 10, 2017 Maybe propose to her with a cute candy ring and then ask her how important an engagement ring is to her and if it's important, that it would be a relief to you if she would pick the one she loves?
preraph Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 I have some interest in rocks and stones and there's places online you can buy just the setting and then you can buy diamonds to fit it. You have to match the mm of the stone to the mm of the setting and get a local corner jeweler to set it for you. But that isn't too expensive. I myself already have a diamond I've worn my whole life, so if it were me I'd rather have a flat gold band with diamonds set into it flat-like, and since gold is so high, it might be cheaper that way, use less gold. Just have the talk. She might just want you both to have gold bands rather than she has a band or diamond and you have nothing. That's how I'd be. I'd want the man to have a band for sure.
spiderowl Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 We were poor so I did not have an engagement ring, but I would have liked one. If you plan on proposing, may I suggest that you use a fake ring with a definite financial arrangement for her to choose the ring of her choice after the proposal? I think it would be awful to have to have the ring a partner chose rather than something the wearer can choose.
Author JohnM Posted August 11, 2017 Author Posted August 11, 2017 Ohh...tricky situation because if you ask her she'll be onto you Personally, I don't wear rings either, and the whole idea of lavish wedding ceremony or engagement ring seems like such a waste. Also if your gf is cool with not having a wedding and taking a trip instead(which sounds awesome), then she's probably not too traditional Ha, exactly! We certainly are not all about the traditions just for the hell of it. I think i'll save up a small pot of money until early next year and then can choose what happens with it together. Propose however you want but explain that you didn't get the e-ring because she doesn't wear rings & you had discussed putting the money to better use but do assure her that if she wants a ring you would be happy to take her to the jewelry store so she can pick out what she wants. I was thinking this on the way in to work just now actually, I'm pretty set on no e-ring now as even if I decided to get one, buying one afterwards when she could pick would be preferable anyway. Chiming in to agree that you can do a lovely romantic surprise without the ring and offer to get one together if she wants one. You can still do a reveal without having the ring involved - a lovely cake decorated with 'will you marry me' still shows that you put thought and planning into it rather than just pulling the question out of nowhere. Yup, time to get the thinking hat on. I think we are planning to head to Canada on holiday next year. So perhaps I can look at an interesting work in for something over there. The idea of being away together and proposing without anyone we know, knowing about it just together has always appealed to me. 2
beatcuff Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Just have the talk.OP read this again and again. why are you guessing? the biggest failure of marriage is the lack of communication (or the misinterpretation). just ask HER what she wants/desires/expects. get on the same page. BTW i asked mine without a ring: even thou i knew the answer. we then went together to a jewelry store, i gave the price max and she chose the ring --- after all SHE would be the one wearing it 'forever'. and even my ego is not that big to assume i could pick the 'perfect' ring. 1
Author JohnM Posted August 11, 2017 Author Posted August 11, 2017 OP read this again and again. why are you guessing? the biggest failure of marriage is the lack of communication (or the misinterpretation). just ask HER what she wants/desires/expects. get on the same page. Because although we discuss almost all aspects of life there are some things which are nice to be a surprise and this is one I feel should be. 3
preraph Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 In general, does she LIKE surprises? Or does she like to plan things?
knabe Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 I wouldn't worry about needing a ring to propose. If she wants one, you can always go together and look at them. In fact, that might be part of the evening. Nice dinner or something, you propose, and then go to Jared's lol A ring, IMO, should not be a requirement. I question the maturity of a girl who MUST have a ring in order to get engaged. 1
Simple Logic Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 Hello good people. Me and my girlfriend have been together a few years, are settled and own a house together. We discussed pretty early on we are both not the sort of people who agree with the traditional wedding idea that quite a lot of people take upon themselves. I can see why they do, just not our preference. We would rather put the money to better use or even go on a great trip together with it any costs people incur. Just being together and happy is fine by us. I hadn't really thought of it until now, but engagement rings... how many people just don't do them? My girlfriend doesn't wear rings and hardly any other jewellery in general apart from earrings and maybe a necklace every now and then. I would imagine we could discuss the wedding rings option afterwards as to what we do there. But I can't really discuss the engagement ring or not beforehand if I am to ask her in anything approaching a romantic set up! If I were to play it out in my head and how I imagine she would respond I would guess she wouldn't be too fussed on one. So for those that decided against getting an engagement ring, did you do anything in it's place or not? a ring? and also anyone else feel free to chime in. How many romantic proposal stories can you share where a guy proposed marriage without ring?
somanymistakes Posted August 12, 2017 Posted August 12, 2017 How many romantic proposal stories can you share where a guy proposed marriage without ring? I've heard tons of romantic proposal stories where I have no idea if there was a ring involved or not because that wasn't the centerpiece of the proposal. Some of them were such showstoppers that I wouldn't recommend them (paying to take over the screens at a baseball game to broadcast WILL YOU MARRY ME and turn all the cameras onto your girlfriend is embarrassing public pressure and can make someone feel very uncomfortable) 1
Author JohnM Posted August 14, 2017 Author Posted August 14, 2017 How many romantic proposal stories can you share where a guy proposed marriage without ring? Asking someone to share their life with you is in itself romantic, to me the ring adds nothing. To think it is an essential to being romantic is a sad state of affairs. I'm merely looking at creative ways of doing so since most articles online are centred around using one so the literature is not as prevalent.
Author JohnM Posted August 15, 2017 Author Posted August 15, 2017 As an update to this last night we were in passing discussing a same sex friend's marriage so I managed to ask what they were doing for rings and given we were all for the wedding costs being used on a trip if she was fussed about rings, she said she wouldn't want the costs of new ones so would prefer to pick out a nice vintage on instead. So with the train of thought I'll ask I'll offer after proposal if she would also like a vintage engagement ring or not. Looked up a few local and within drive distance so that I could make time afterwards to have a day of browsing if that's what she wanted. Most seem pretty reasonable in price range, the first saving payment I put away this month would be enough for the mid priced ones I've seen already.
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