Married

[Star45]

So me and my husband have been having a few problems they started not long after we first married but have been at a it's worse for the last 9 months. We have had job loss, house move money worries and also problems having a baby. During arguments my husband has many times told me he wishes he was never with me even before our marriage he used to say it, when I question it later on he admits that at the time he meant it. He's always moaned at me for spending time with friends if I was out longer than a couple of hours, male or female. On more than a few occasions he's tried to stop me going out with certain friends or rings me all the time when I am out. At the beginning of the year he told me that he no longer loved me but wanted to try and make it work so we stopped together. I started chatting to a guy i know and it turned out he was attracted to me. Mine and my husbands sex life started to get very poor, I feels like he has to make effort to sleep with me and there is no passion what so ever I even have to ask him to kiss me. So as you guessed I started sleeping with the guy I knew. At first it was just sex because I was missing that kind of connection. The sex was amazing..... and still is. It is now 7 months down the line and I'm in love with him, I still get the butterflies when he holds, is near to me and kisses me. I don't just want him, I need him. I have never felt like I do about him with anyone else. I cannot explain it but it's just different with him. He's never pressured me to leave my husband but I do know given the chance he would be there for me. Over the last 9 months my husband has been pushing me away because of stress and I think when he told me he didn't love me was when my barrier went up and kept my distance. My husband has now turned round to me and told me he's fallen back in love with me and knows he needs to make changes and has started to try and show me more affection, but I really don't think I want to be with him. That love I felt for him a year ago has gone. I have so many what ifs what if it's a mistake walking away, what if I can never have a family because I've left it too long, what if it destroys him. I've been on the other side and it hurts so much. There are many things just little things that he has said that makes me feel like we need to try and get along and like each other rather than it just be a natural connection. Things like maybe if we have a baby it will rekindle what we had, the kind of love that makes your heart jump doesn't exist, you never feel the same love for someone as you did when you first met, if he's saying them things surly he isn't truly in love with me?.....I just need advice my head is a mess and I do not know what to do

[Gaeta]

You should never have gotten married. Now is too late and his turn around won't last. It's time you divorce.

 

No a baby will not put things back together, a baby is a huge test for a couple it's nothing to bring 2 people together. If you are not already tight having a baby will kill you and you'll end up a single mom. You're smarter than that I hope.

[GorillaTheater]

Getting a divorce would be a really, really good plan. Having a baby at this point would be the opposite of that.

 

 

Time to call this one done.

[RecentChange]

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

A baby will not “fix” anything, but rather make everything much WORSE.

 

Please pleas please do not consider bringing an innocent life into this mess. PLEASE.

 

A baby is the ultimate test of a relationship.

 

Think you argue now? Wait until you are sleep deprived, stressed and anxious from caring for a new life.

 

Think you have known money problems? Wait until you have all of the responsibility and cost of another human life.

 

Think you don’t get enough affection now? Wait until the baby takes up so much attention that neither of you have time for each other.

 

Having a baby in this situation is the absolute worse choice I can think of.

 

Please, get on birth control. Don’t have a baby to “fix” things, EVER.

 

Have a baby with a man you love as much as life itself, and because you want nothing more in life than to be a mother to your child, and a loving wife to a husband who loves you back.

[Shockey]

It sounds like whatever you once had with your husband (which doesn't seem much like a two-way loving relationship) is long since dead and it's time to move on. If he's always been like this then it's crazy you ever married him in the first place!

 

You can have all the what ifs about each way it could all play out for you but you've basically already made your decision but need to action it. Divorcing is clearly the sensible option here. It isn't fair on you to have to put up with what sounds like a not great husband but it also isn't fair on him with what you've done (although I do sympathise with how you've said he is) nor if you drag out what appears to be something you clearly don't want and neither of you deserve.

 

And for the love of all that is holy do not have a baby with him! I think the others have done a fine job covering just how much of a bad idea that would be.

 

You clearly seem to want your other man and he's making you feel great so what exactly is holding you back from doing the right thing ending your marriage? You get to have him the right way if you do and if your feelings for him are that strong then hopefully you'll be able to make a go of things and be happy together.