sandylee1 Posted August 15, 2017 Posted August 15, 2017 Don't deal with flaky undecided men. It's not an attractive quality at all. 2
Author Lynnesmith9898 Posted August 16, 2017 Author Posted August 16, 2017 Update: Well, it turns out he decided to cut the other girl out of his life because he didn't want to lose me. He told her that they would no longer be talking or in each other's lives. Part of me wants to feel relieved that he felt I was more important, but another part of me feels sad because he's still not sure he wants a relationship with me. He wants us to start slow and see where things go. I've decided to give myself a couple days to think about this. I'm not sure that this will make me happy in the end. I don't understand though. If he had feelings for Jane romantically and only sees friendship with me, why keep me in his life over her? He keeps saying he doesn't want to lose me but he's also not saying he wants to be with me. Aren't feelings just cut and dry - you either have them or don't? UPDATE (after UPDATE): I talked to him today, and guess what? He changed this mind. He's going back to her. He lied to me - he never ever told her that they would stop talking or leave each other's lives. He's a lying scumbag. I tried to walk out of his life on Tuesday night and he cried and wouldn't let me. Only to make me feel crappy all week, then make me think he was choosing me, lied (again), and is going to hop back into bed with her. And the kicker in all this - she has no idea about why he left her in the first place to come back to my bed. Part of me wants to tell her, but she sounds like she doesn't care and is willing to be a doormat. I'm so upset. I was played. Plain and simple. How could someone do this to me who loved me for so long? The lying is what kills me. Now it's starting all over again after like a breakup.
stillafool Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 It sounds to me like the other girl isn't sure she wants to be with him and that is why he was going to stay with you but then he finally convinced her that he was through with you and really wants her. The point is why did you let him decide whether to be with you instead of cutting him off, blocking all contact from him once he told you he wanted to be with her? I hope this time you will block him for your own good and prepare to move on without him. 1
lovely81 Posted August 16, 2017 Posted August 16, 2017 I hope you get out, too. Life is too short for this kind of stuff. It must be so hard, having been with him for so long. In my experience, being with someone who is not sure of you (which remains after many reunions/second chances) is far worse than being alone. If he came to you and said, "I want you a hundred percent. I'm blocking this girl from my phone. I will never talk to her or see her again. I want to make you happy and start our life together," well, that may be some thing. But he's not even close to doing that now. Focus on you.
Author Lynnesmith9898 Posted August 17, 2017 Author Posted August 17, 2017 Thanks for the responses. He's out of my life now. I've deleted and blocked him on social media and on my phone. I'm so hurt by the lies and being strung along. We dated for years and this is how he treats me. If he wanted to be with someone else, he could have been honest. But he lied to me - of all people. We were together for years and best friends. This kind of hurt will take time. It's just too bad the other girl didn't know he was hooking up with me when he initially dumped her. I doubt she'd be with him. But instead she's non the wiser and gets him in the end. Not fair they move forward and I have to pick up the pieces of heartache.
amaysngrace Posted August 17, 2017 Posted August 17, 2017 He's going to treat her poorly too, you know that right? In fact he already has. I'm sorry you're heartbroken but there is something worse than wasting seven years of your life loving a loser....wasting seven years and one day.... hang in there xo
sandylee1 Posted August 17, 2017 Posted August 17, 2017 My word, he's still playing at this nonsense. This man is as useful as a chocolate teapot. For love of everything good, do not ever let him back into your life. Something inside me doesn't think this is the last you'll hear from him. How pathetic is he.
Author Lynnesmith9898 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Posted August 18, 2017 Thanks for everyone's comments and words to help me begin moving forward. As hard as this may be for me (and it will take awhile), I do not plan on ever speaking or seeing him ever again. I'm hoping that my harsh, mean words that I said to him the last time we spoke (and final time we spoke) will make him never try to contact me again. The lies and leading me on (at the the same time as another girl that allegedly meant nothing to him) only to prevent me from walking away so he could do the walking away is something that I just won't be able to get over. Sure I can forgive (I think I will have to to be able to move on) and forget, but I could never EVER trust him again. I'd always wonder if he was telling the truth. And I think THAT is the saddest part. That a man I once loved for so long lied to me over and over. It's like he changed into this different person when we had originally broken up last year. I don't even know this person anymore and I don't think I will ever want to. Good luck to this girl. She has no idea that he originally dumped her for me (and we were hooking up). She has no idea he was unsure of her too. But one day she will find out.
Author Lynnesmith9898 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Posted August 18, 2017 My word, he's still playing at this nonsense. This man is as useful as a chocolate teapot. For love of everything good, do not ever let him back into your life. Something inside me doesn't think this is the last you'll hear from him. How pathetic is he. I hope that my harsh words and mean things I said during our last conversation will keep him away. I am going to make sure I become strong enough from this so that if he ever does, I will be able to say get lost.
Author Lynnesmith9898 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Posted August 18, 2017 He's going to treat her poorly too, you know that right? In fact he already has. I'm sorry you're heartbroken but there is something worse than wasting seven years of your life loving a loser....wasting seven years and one day.... hang in there xo I know that. Maybe she doesn't know the truth about me or how he lied to her too, but one day she will see his true character. If he's confused and doesn't even know how to be on how own, it will sure to be this girl's problem. 1
trustyourself Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 Sounds like I was dating the female version of your ex. I'm sorry this happened. I felt the same way and gave her many chances. She lied all the time. I always gave her the benefit of the doubt, but it was a mistake. The funny thing is, she would always bring up our lack of trust during a breakup. Yeah, you are the reason for our lack of trust! Infuriating. Mine was a two year ordeal. I still miss her and it still hurts a lot. But the person who you fell in love with, is not the person you are dealing with now. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. Stay strong.
amaysngrace Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 I know that. Maybe she doesn't know the truth about me or how he lied to her too, but one day she will see his true character. If he's confused and doesn't even know how to be on how own, it will sure to be this girl's problem. You don't really want to wish bad things for anyone and it's a shame for her and all but you can't control her letting him into her life. You can only control allowing him to be a part of yours.
Author Lynnesmith9898 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Posted August 18, 2017 Sounds like I was dating the female version of your ex. I'm sorry this happened. I felt the same way and gave her many chances. She lied all the time. I always gave her the benefit of the doubt, but it was a mistake. The funny thing is, she would always bring up our lack of trust during a breakup. Yeah, you are the reason for our lack of trust! Infuriating. Mine was a two year ordeal. I still miss her and it still hurts a lot. But the person who you fell in love with, is not the person you are dealing with now. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. Stay strong. Thanks for the response. I find my days start out hard, get better in the afternoon, and then get worse being alone at night. When will this pain start to get better?
Author Lynnesmith9898 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Posted August 18, 2017 You don't really want to wish bad things for anyone and it's a shame for her and all but you can't control her letting him into her life. You can only control allowing him to be a part of yours. I know I don't want to wish anything bad on anyone. But it just makes me angry that she doesn't know about all his lies and she will be with him. While I know about all the lies and I'm alone.
Frostedflake Posted August 18, 2017 Posted August 18, 2017 Distance isn't how you fix things. I can understand a cool down period but "breaking up" is not the same as a "cool down." Cool down means you're still together but giving a brief separation to be logical and not emotional with your arguments. How are you suppose to do a heart-to-heart in a breakup where generally people strive to make the other jealous, post ridiculous passive aggressive quotes, etc? You don't. If I leave, I meant to and stick by it. Anything beyond that is a mind game and not worth revisiting.
SpecialJ Posted August 19, 2017 Posted August 19, 2017 I know I don't want to wish anything bad on anyone. But it just makes me angry that she doesn't know about all his lies and she will be with him. While I know about all the lies and I'm alone. You have every right to feel angry about that, and feeling angry is even one of the steps towards healing. However, you know that she will be with him and eventually find out his true nature, which means she will eventually also end up feeling how you are now -- and by then you will be long over it. So you can actually feel sorry for her too, in the sense that you will be able to move on sooner than she will and have less of your time wasted by him than she will, as she has not started the inevitable process yet. No need to dwell on you being alone now while she isn't... hopefully there is some freeing thought in that, and in knowing that he won't be your problem again!
Author Lynnesmith9898 Posted August 20, 2017 Author Posted August 20, 2017 You have every right to feel angry about that, and feeling angry is even one of the steps towards healing. However, you know that she will be with him and eventually find out his true nature, which means she will eventually also end up feeling how you are now -- and by then you will be long over it. So you can actually feel sorry for her too, in the sense that you will be able to move on sooner than she will and have less of your time wasted by him than she will, as she has not started the inevitable process yet. No need to dwell on you being alone now while she isn't... hopefully there is some freeing thought in that, and in knowing that he won't be your problem again! Thank you. I was with my friends last night and we talked about this situation. They think that actually by him being a complete selfish jerk is for the best thing to actually get him out of my life for good. I think they are right. They are worried he's going to come back into my life at some point. However, I am going to focus on me and be the stronger person that I know I can be out of this situation. I will be strong enough so that if he does come back I won't let him. And on the note of the girl - I've got to stop focusing on her and how she's with him. At the end of the day, she probably has no idea about me or that he and I were involved when he dropped her before. She will one day find out the truth about him because a leopard doesn't change it's spots. Who he is now (and if he could have ever treated me that badly), is who he will be with someone else. 1
Author Lynnesmith9898 Posted August 28, 2017 Author Posted August 28, 2017 Hi there. Proud to report it's been two weeks of NC. I'm feeling a bit better each day. I don't miss him as much and get angry more about the lies. I guess hating him is easier. I pray he doesn't come back but friends are worried he will. It's time to focus on me. I deserve better and someone who truly loved me would never treat me like this.
Recommended Posts