candy candy candy Posted August 9, 2005 Posted August 9, 2005 what i need help with is this: my fiance and i have been together now for seven years and he is being persistant about getting married now or real soon anyways. i have issues with s.e.x. right now maybe menopause related and or thyroid related and maybe related to issues in the past where he was angry with me and said hurtful things, i just dont know what my problem with it is. my fiance is a self employed loan officer and has opened his own company a year or so ago. i have issues with insecurity and some jealousy. i just found out he hired on two women and i did not even know about it i found on via his email when i was doing some work for him. he hired on three differenet guys at different times and had no problem telling me about them but did not yet mention these two women. i feel hurt and betrayed and yes jealous too. jealous not that they look better or are smarter, etc, jealous that he may have to spend time with one of them and have things in common with them, laugh with them and enjoy their company...that is the kind of jealousy i am talking about. for this..i feel so angry at myself for being this way instead of being supportive. i think to myself better to leave this relationship now and get it over with and quit interferring with his life and ruining his life in other ways too that may come up. my deliema: i have grand kids here and i have my kids here too though all are grown up. special concern of mine is my four year grand son whom i am very close with and he with me. when i think of leaving here and going back to my home state about 1400 miles away, i think of my grand son vince and i feel ever more trapped here cause the thought of leaving him behind breaks my heart too much. i think if it were not for him i would of left long ago just to give my fiance the freedom he needs and deserves and to be free to find someone more compatiable with him...that hurts alot to think about that but the alternative is worse, staying and trying to deal with these things like him hiring women, him wanting to travel, the s.e.x. issues, etc.. i am just so literally torn! my heart is broken in a million little pieces at this moment because i so much cant bear the pain of leaving my little grand son nor the pain of trying to deal with him wanting to hire these women.. or other issues we have above. i know i need some help but i dont know what to do there either..i just struggle each day with this constant ambilivence in my heart....
NYCmitch25 Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 really hard to follow this, can you give us a summary?
guest Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Your fiancee wants to marry you You are not ready He hired two women You think he may develop feelings for one (or both) Is this because you have not said yes to marriage right away? Sex is an issue with you for various reasons Does he understand this -- have you discussed this with him? Have you seen a doctor about menopause and your physical and emotional feelings about sex? If you have discussed this with him, how does he feel about it? Has he shown any concern for you and your health or has he said "do it or else"? You feel that if you break up with him you have to leave town thereby leaving your children/grandchildren. Have you considered staying in town but moving to your own place and being independent? Honestly it sounds like you are making more out a situation than you need to -- maybe its the hormones, or maybe there is just a lot more to it than you can tell us here. Get to a doctor and find out what is going on with your body and your emotions. Then talk with your financee and get some outside counseling if you need help to sort this stuff out.
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