Ex acting so weird, what is going through her mind.

[Jlew6778]

Me and my ex haven't talked in about 15 days, the break up was really bad on both of us, she cried when she broke up with me. I acted terrible during the breakup and said some really bad stuff and did some messed up things.I was also very clingy and cried a **** ton(Yeah I totally regret that now, I basically begged for her back) I texted her two days ago, apologizing for how I acted and hoping she doing well. She quickly replied with "Thank you" and then about 7 hours later she said "I just want to say I really appreciate that, and I'm sorry the way things ended, and how bad things got" I waited about 8 hours to text back, and simply said "It's all good, it is what it is" and she hasn't replied, it's been about 2 days. But about 4 hours ago she texted me again, saying "Hey I know it's a stretch but do you think you can give me a couple smokes, i'm real bad right now and don't want to go to the store, if not it's okay" I replied 2 hours later with "I'm trying to quit, started last week sorry. Good luck though"

What do you think her motive is? It seems quite clear she's trying to get into contact with me over a stupid reason, she has a million people she could get a smoke from so why me? Seems like she doesn't want to hurt her self image either for making up a stupid excuse. pretty pathetic really.

 

I posted this on other sitess but got very little response, so I thought I'd post on here, any insight would be awesome thanks guys!

[ExpatInItaly]

We need more context to begin to guess her motives.

 

How long were you together, and why did you break up?

 

What sort of "messed up" things did you do and say during the breakup?

[Jlew6778]

We need more context to begin to guess her motives.

 

How long were you together, and why did you break up?

 

What sort of "messed up" things did you do and say during the breakup?

 

 

We were together for 8 months. Lived together for about 2.

She said she wanted to be alone, and do things on her own.

I said some pretty ****ed up **** like go kill yourself or your a slut etc...basically told her I hope karma bites her in the ass for wasting my time.

[ExpatInItaly]

Good heavens. You need to get control over your mouth.

 

You two need to stay away from each other. You're clearly not good together and she already lost interest after 8 months. This one wasn't mean to last. She can get her own cigarettes.

[Been]

Funny how someone wants to be alone all of the sudden when they are living together with someone.

She's just trying to keep the door open with you so she's finding any excuse to contact you.

I'd just cut it off and remind her how she wished to be lone.

If you take her back when she reaches out you have to ask yourself 2 questions:why all the sudden the change of heart and do you want to date someone who most likely will end up breaking up again with you for some bogus reason?

[Jlew6778]

Funny how someone wants to be alone all of the sudden when they are living together with someone.

She's just trying to keep the door open with you so she's finding any excuse to contact you.

I'd just cut it off and remind her how she wished to be lone.

If you take her back when she reaches out you have to ask yourself 2 questions:why all the sudden the change of heart and do you want to date someone who most likely will end up breaking up again with you for some bogus reason?

 

Thanks for the advice, I think the stem of the problem was me and how I changed throughout the relationship, which was for the worst, I used NC as a time of self reflection and healing and feel like I'm better than I was before, I've showed this off on social media to present to her "Hey, I've changed and am doing better for myself"

I will likely debate if it's worth my time to reconcile or not.

I do miss her but a part of me tells me to just let her go and learn from it.

Anyways I appreciate the insight!

[Jlew6778]

Good heavens. You need to get control over your mouth.

 

You two need to stay away from each other. You're clearly not good together and she already lost interest after 8 months. This one wasn't mean to last. She can get her own cigarettes.

 

 

As much as I invite insight and advice I don't think what you're saying falls in line with what I'm trying to achieve.

yes people fight in relationships, it was never an everyday occurrence.

I look at the fights at a different point of view - which is high emotions.

People usually don't tend to fight when they've lost interest or don't care anymore. If they didn't fight I'd more afraid that they really don't care and are dead-set on moving on and getting past this.

A break-up is a good time for self reflection and making yourself a better person, and if the time does come around where an ex does want to reconcile then you can show your self in a better light and re-try with your new and improved self. I also look at it this way - we broke up in the heat of the moment, a huge fight which escalated to the breakup, regrets and mistakes are most likely pondering her mind if what she said is what she really meant, if she's contacting me over "Ciggarettes" I'm sure that's not the case.

Anyways I will keep what you said in mind, thank you.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I have been down the break-up road myself. A few times. I get what you're saying because this is not my first rodeo.

 

What I'm saying is that if you broke up in the heat of the moment and now you're both playing games (her with the cigarettes, you showing off on social media), you both need to learn to communicate much more maturely. Honestly, you're lucky she's even still talking to you after the "go kill yourself" bit. Why not just ask her to talk about what happened, and see if she would like to have a coffee or lunch with you?

 

You're also not entirely correct saying people don't fight if they've lost interest. I can speak from experience on that. People sometimes lose interest and fight because they otherwise don't know how to end a relationship they don't want to be in. Picking and engaging in fights can act as a way out, for the dumper. It can also function as a projection of their frustration at wanting out but not really having the stones to come out and say it.

 

Anyway, I digress. Open, direct and non-confrontational communication is important if you want a shot at putting this back together

[Jlew6778]

OP, I have been down the break-up road myself. A few times. I get what you're saying because this is not my first rodeo.

 

What I'm saying is that if you broke up in the heat of the moment and now you're both playing games (her with the cigarettes, you showing off on social media), you both need to learn to communicate much more maturely. Honestly, you're lucky she's even still talking to you after the "go kill yourself" bit. Why not just ask her to talk about what happened, and see if she would like to have a coffee or lunch with you?

 

You're also not entirely correct saying people don't fight if they've lost interest. I can speak from experience on that. People sometimes lose interest and fight because they otherwise don't know how to end a relationship they don't want to be in. Picking and engaging in fights can act as a way out, for the dumper. It can also function as a projection of their frustration at wanting out but not really having the stones to come out and say it.

 

Anyway, I digress. Open, direct and non-confrontational communication is important if you want a shot at putting this back together

 

 

I think I'm gonna take your advice, I was going to ignore her but then I thought "Well ignoring would be still playing the game"

I texted her and said "Hey, how do you feel about grabbing a cup of coffee and catching up?"

I'd rather not play games and just get this over with now, she is the type to play games and we did it throughout the relationship so I'm hoping this is just the same concept.Thanks for your point of view.

If she does decline then I'm done and there's nothing left for me to salvage, if she does agree I will keep it friendly and see how we are talking wise and emotional wise, if all goes to plan I want to work into things slowly and work harder this time to make sure it doesn't happen again.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thanks for the advice, I think the stem of the problem was me and how I changed throughout the relationship, which was for the worst, I used NC as a time of self reflection and healing and feel like I'm better than I was before, I've showed this off on social media to present to her "Hey, I've changed and am doing better for myself"

I will likely debate if it's worth my time to reconcile or not.

I do miss her but a part of me tells me to just let her go and learn from it.

Anyways I appreciate the insight!

 

With all due respect, don't do this. It is so transparent and shows enormous weakness on your part. I am seeing this play out first-hand in my own life (not directed toward me, but a friend of mine has been doing this for months to try to win back his affair partner) and it comes off as so pathetically transparent. Just become a better person for yourself, not to try to win someone back. In fact, you should unfriend her and make your accounts private if you're not going to be together.

 

As far as why she'd ask you for cigarettes....very odd. Are you next door neighbors?? Obviously a ploy to keep you in her orbit, I'd say.

[Jlew6778]

Ok so I texted her, I don't very much regret it, she showed some emotion which is a good sign that she still gives a **** and she gave a pretty matched text back.

 

Me:Look I don't want to keep going back and forth with this and playing games. You obviously had a motive for the cigarettes. I'd rather meet up for coffee and have a nice talk. If you don't want to then it's cool I'm not gonna stress over it. I hope this makes things clearer. I'm just trying to be the bigger person.

 

Her:The bigger person? Whats that supposed to mean lol i had no motive when asking for a couple cigs. I was legitimately out of them and I don't know anyone else who smokes what I smoke. Don't read into things looking for signs that aren't there. I apologize, have a nice day.

 

Me:I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you. I just thought it was weird to ask me for cigarettes. All I want to do is make the situation better which is why I sent the text of me apologising

 

Her:No response, I must've pissed her off.

 

What's your take on the situation? I'm gonna quit contact until she contacts me, which seems likely.

[dumbass2]

The other poster suggested " non confrontational " communication and you did the opposite. You never say that you're being the bigger person and you don't accuse someone of manipulation which is what you did with bringing up the cigarette. Just let it go for now because this kind of interaction will only make it worse.

[Jlew6778]

The other poster suggested " non confrontational " communication and you did the opposite. You never say that you're being the bigger person and you don't accuse someone of manipulation which is what you did with bringing up the cigarette. Just let it go for now because this kind of interaction will only make it worse.

 

Yeah I messed it up and attacked her, I should've just left the question on the table and waited for the reply. I don't think I am actually ready to talk to her, I'll give it more time.