Jolene Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Anyone ever read the book Reviving Ophelia??? It's no wonder that adolescent (and even adult) women suffer so much from eating disorders. It's the smart ones who actually figure out that unless they get that greay matter between their ears to work, they risk relying on a man to survive. But then, having a career thay pays requires sacrifice, and how do you make that all balance? We need to be wives, lovers, mothers, sisters, aunts, employees, bankers, and on top of all that we are pressured by everyday external forces to be Supermodel S*xxxxxy!!!!! In our adolescence, we try it on for size...the easy way out, that is! Maybe if I just slather on the sultry, it will get me a good man (rare one these days, sorry) that will afford me the luxury of having a family without all the extra pressure. (Gee! My looks appear to be more important than my career by today's standards, and so I had best try this angle first, right?). Hence, the young scantily clothed. Face it women....you were once one of them, so let them have their day in the sun! How many older wives' husbands did you steal a glance from? And how your ego was fed daily and encouraged you to continue the quest for a great man who would see your best redeeming qualities....well, they must be your best qualities, right? We are reminded everywhere we go with magazines, tv, commercials. Eventually, though, there comes a time when you decide whether or not you are going to compromise your health physically and emotionally. And yet there are perfectly good women out there who play that game, have a lot of different men in their lives (all from the same breed...the shallow kind), and they wonder why they are in their thirties and still not married or have any children. Or worse, are single mothers. It is the worst thing for a beautiful woman who subliminally puts THAT MUCH emphasis on her own looks, because it is THAT MUCH harder for her to grow old and be comfortable in her own skin. I speak from experience. You got some great advice, though. As long as you are doing the best you can to be the best you can, you will respect yourself, and so will your man! And don't be too hard on him, as he is human, he is a man, and he also has been conditioned by society; one that is in my opinion still very much a "man's world". But he is devoted to you. Also, thank your lucky stars he still has some radar....it means his libido is healthy and as long as you are the one he loves, you will be the only receiver of his manliness. We love our men, and their randiness is actually an attribute we love .... especially when it is directed at us. So don't say anything and what I do is I enjoy the outing and go and wander around looking at everything and buying things for the home or taking interest in anything but his wandering eyes, if any. It works like a charm, because then they are like "hey! what's she doing, and what's she looking at or buying and how can I be a part of it?" Men have huge egos, for the most part. That is why our environment is slathered with s*xual undertones everywhere we look. It feeds the weakspirited in us all. While I understand it, I still think fair is fair and for every poster of a woman wearing nifty lingerie (and that's sugar coating it), I would like to see a poster of a young, s*xy man wearing same. That'll be the day, though. Women would never spearhead such an evil conspiracy against men. Besides, it would probably bring out the latent homo in all of the men out there eventually, since the big argument is that they are so "visual"...just kidding! Women are visual, too. Society has just taught women to stifle themselves, but perhaps it's all going to balance out....who knows.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Jolene ones who actually figure out that unless they get that greay matter between their ears to work, they risk relying on a man to survive. But then, having a career thay pays requires sacrifice, and how do you make that all balance? We need to be wives, lovers, mothers, sisters, aunts, employees, bankers, And the point of these statements are ?? You just mentioned what people do .. Not just women .. We also have a lot of the same stresses.. woment don't own stress or sacrifice from a career or balancing being a father, a husband ,a brother, uncle, employee, banker
Jolene Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 The point is that after all that (and yes, we share these particular kinds of stresses today), women are pressured tremendously to be something that men aren't.....keep reading now..... SUPERMODEL SEXY!!!!!! In the legal industry we have a saying..."can I dumb it down for you?"..... Women are encouraged to be mindless and shallow. Is it less competition for a lot of men on the career front? I don't know. What I do know is that it is nearly impossible to balance all the current pressure of work and family and also be beautiful. Before you say it isn't that hard, walk a day in the shoes of a woman and find out what it takes to be THAT GOOD!!!! Women's work is still women's work and women are also the more natural caregivers and still take maternity leave before their partners sacrifice their careers. Why bother having a career when it is just going to be botched by absences of one year increments? Some people justify it by deciding not to have children. It's a tough choice for a woman to make. When it comes to balancing life inside of the nuclear family, your looks are the first thing to go!!!! Personally I am lucky and have been gifted with natural good looks...still at the age of 35 men stare at me and I get the summertime cat calls while walking home from work wearing office clothes. But it still bothers me to feel the pressure and see the undertones of women being valued for their s*xuality everywhere I go. It's sooooo immature. Especially when I know that at the end of the day a good man wants a woman to bring something to the table other than a sl*tty look....like, how about a good paying job. We all need to de-emphasize looks a little more as we grow up. Some people just never do grow up. Unless, of course, your husband is willing to babysit while you go to the gym. But let's get our priorities straight here, shall we. So twisted and immature is this society in some ways.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Jolene SUPERMODEL SEXY!!!!!! Come on... bring yourself back to reality Women are encouraged to be mindless and shallow. How does it feel on your soapbox ? I don't believe this statement .. Where are you coming from ? the 1950's
Jolene Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 And if you stand in front of any convenience store/magazine rack, it's the undeniable truth that women are demoralized with the message that they are valued because of their sexuality, not their career potential. A spade is a spade, that's all. If it weren't in demand, it wouldn't be selling. Women/girls are still buying into the message that they are walking semon receptacles at the end of the day. Fortunately, we eventually snap out of it when we realize nobody is worth that much demoralization, pain and suffering for the sake of looking THAT GOOD!!!! It's good old fashioned maturity. Did I mention....hot chicks are sooooo great! The undisputed truth in all of this.
Toni_no12002 Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 it is true that women feel they have to be like those supermodels!or people on tv.i feel i have to compete with them if my boyfriend says he likes britney spears like he has i feel that im not good enough for him and need to look like that to get his attention. britney spears does get attention i dont im just normal what does that say to you?you have to look like a supermodel to look sexy!men say thats not true so why do they time and time again drool over the likes of them???
loony Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Dean3922 Women at least have avenues to help in their appearance department. They can apply make-up and they have body enhancements to improve their figure. An ugly man has no such props. If he is overweight and balding he is really looked down on in our society. Look at all the reality shows that poke fun of geeky men. Sorry to correct you, but men still can make up with self-confidence and intelligence because women are less forgiving about looks than men are.
Jolene Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Because society has never suggested that they be more civilized than that. To me, that is just draconian. Ancient, neanderthal, and uncivilized. But hey! Why not? Maybe it's about time we give up this fight, and join them in their drooling so we can all be "visual" or "just made that way". Maybe it's just time for women to stop stifling themselves and bloody well go with the flow!!!! The men won't mind, and the women won't feel the need to spare their feelings anymore when they indulge themselves without the guilt of having disrespected their men. This argument is a moot point. Women just need to lighten up and worry less about what their men value as sexy attributes and worry more about their financial portfolios and their children. Really.
Stash Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 In the legal industry we have a saying..."can I dumb it down for you?"..... Preferably not, thank you. That particular profession has already been dumbed down to staggering enough levels.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Jolene And if you stand in front of any convenience store/magazine rack, it's the undeniable truth that women are demoralized with the message that they are valued because of their sexuality, not their career potential. Demoralized is the wrong word. Woman are on magazine racks and store fronts because that is what sells... It comes down to money. Woman do the majority of the purchasing and therefore they are the target of Advertising as well as the advertisers are able to tap into their insecurities to sell the product. But men are also on the covers of magazines as well ... But we don't fall into the insecurity trap that an advertiser can tap into.
freebird Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 I want to know what other woman do, when they catch their husbands/boyfriends looking at other woman? Or when they make comments about beautiful women? Do you just try to ignore it or put it out of your mind? I have mild obsessive compulsive disorder, so I have a tendency to dwell on it and play the scenario over and over in my mind. I've tried to tell myself to let it go, but it doesn't work. If anyone has any advice that has maybe worked for you, I would greatly appreciate it!! That sentence popped out at me. You HAVE to let it go!! I'm not married, but have been in long term relationships equivalent to some marriages these days - and you know what - it's normal for men to look at women- even ogle them. I just would tell my husband "hey, it's okay to look, just don't ogle or drool - that just looks like a nasty old man" I think if men do not look at women, I'd kinda worry!! Besides, all those girls are - are a passing piece of scenery - just like a beautiful tree or waterfall - he MARRIED YOU! If he knows that he can look without being chastized for it- he will probably stop looking eventually cuz he knows he can without you being mad at him. It's like the candy theory - you can long for a bag of M & M's eat the whole thing - but you get sick of it eventually. One last thought - you know I even kinda stare at these girls - not cuz I enjoy looking at women obviously, but the sheer shock of what they wear these days - it's actually astonishing how jeans cut that low look - this one girl had jeans so low the crack of her butt was showing - nasty!
crazy_grl Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Toni_no12002 it is true that women feel they have to be like those supermodels!or people on tv.i feel i have to compete with them if my boyfriend says he likes britney spears like he has i feel that im not good enough for him and need to look like that to get his attention. britney spears does get attention i dont im just normal what does that say to you?you have to look like a supermodel to look sexy!men say thats not true so why do they time and time again drool over the likes of them??? Have you seen Britney Spears without the make-up? Better yet, have you heard her speak? I bet she's got nothing on you. Women don't have to feel bad because the models and movie stars all look so good. Stop looking at them and holding them up as the ideal and find a guy who does the same.
loony Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by freebird One last thought - you know I even kinda stare at these girls - not cuz I enjoy looking at women obviously, but the sheer shock of what they wear these days - it's actually astonishing how jeans cut that low look - this one girl had jeans so low the crack of her butt was showing - nasty! Um, I think I will sound like little pervert now but I once saw this woman on the street who had a really big cleavage. Just for your information, I'm not lesbian and as far as I remember the woman wasn't even very good-looking (hard to tell, because I think I was just staring at her cleavage ), anyway, I felt the urge to put my finger into this crack between her breasts and pull at her dress and let it snap back. It was kind of hypnotizing. Does this make sense? I think even if you're not interested in those girls you just have to look automatically, your eyes get drawn to it magically because it's unusual, like a car accident. Not that all guys just stare at the girls out of curiosity or puzzled fascination, I'm sure that some do enjoy what they see.
westernxer Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Jolene This argument is a moot point. Women just need to lighten up and worry less about what their men value as sexy attributes and worry more about their financial portfolios and their children. Really. Women who raise kids usually don't have time for financial portfolios. Besides, most women like when men look at them, and vice-versa. This pre-dates commercial exploitation, or whatever you want to call it. Funnier yet... The original complaint was aimed at young, hot chicks stealing somebody's thunder. Now it's society's fault for promoting mindless fantasy catering to biological impulse. I'll stick to chicks who aren't so uptight about this, thank you very much.
Jolene Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 But men are also on the covers of magazines as well ... But we don't fall into the insecurity trap that an advertiser can tap into. Interesting. I wonder why girls get sucked in but guys don't.... Do you think it boils down to who is in charge of the mass production of media at large. Do you think it could possibly be a bunch of yes, yes, I think I got it Sherlock, a bunch of old boys from the OLD BOYS CLUB!!! It's time for them to mooooooove over and give some balance back to our lives. Forgive me, but do you think women would be more self-assured and confident and NOT buy into the trap if they weren't constantly being reminded that they are substandard if they aren't trying to look a certain way and conform to what society is idolizing? How many really hot chicks will you find in affluent Universities...be honest. Just curious. By hot, I mean what all of our husbands and boyfriend are drooling over half clothed in the mall.
loony Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl Have you seen Britney Spears without the make-up? Better yet, have you heard her speak? I bet she's got nothing on you. Women don't have to feel bad because the models and movie stars all look so good. Stop looking at them and holding them up as the ideal and find a guy who does the same. Crazy_grl is right about this. Who wants to date a guy anyway who drools over Britney Spears? I think I like the guys who drool over Natalie Portman -- now, that would be a problem, dang.
Jolene Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Women who raise kids usually don't have time for financial portfolios. Horsecrap. What planet are you from? I have a child and a great job. I guess I am in that mutant category when I woke up one day and realized my bellybutton wasn't getting me a raise in the office. Oh, I am also a hot chick, doubly mutatious. Intimidating, even......
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Jolene Horsecrap. What planet are you from? He did use the word usually.. And I have to agree with him..
Jolene Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Well, I think the point was just that women should care a whole lot less about this topic and they will find that their change in attitude is worth volumes of happiness in the end. Men do it because they can! How do you expect a man not to look when a girl/woman is flaunting her stuff. I think it is less the fault of the man walking down the street and more the fault of the girl scantily clothed strutting her stuff on it and literally begging for attention. That's all.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Jolene What a surprise! Come on Jolene your coming off as a feminist from the 1960's.. Women don't deal with the same issues today as they did years ago.. You just haven't adapted yet
Jolene Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 I beg to differ. Women are not role playing like they did in the 50s and 60s, and yet somehow they are even more objectified and less respected. Brining home the bacon was never such a demoralizing thing. I dunno, I thought it was helping the nuclear family maintain a happy lifestyle. But maybe it's a threat. Hence the pushy sexual undertones in all the media reminding us that we are what we are in the end. But truly, I think only the immature people actually buy into it. Eventually, we grow up. Right?
westernxer Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by Jolene I think it is less the fault of the man walking down the street and more the fault of the girl scantily clothed strutting her stuff on it and literally begging for attention. That's all. Why do you resent these women for wanting to look good? And what's wrong with sexual attraction? This is what pertuates the human race. Be intelligent all you want, but remember that man is animal. That's what makes it so fun, a balance between the two. You'll be much happier once you admit this to yourself. It's like setting yourself free... I'll keep your seat warm here in the animal kingdom.
Outcast Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Maybe if I just slather on the sultry Love that! originally posted by JoleneWomen are encouraged to be mindless and shallow. Replies Fly How does it feel on your soapbox ? I don't believe this statement .. Where are you coming from ? the 1950's Women don't deal with the same issues today as they did years ago.. You just haven't adapted yet It would be nice to think that times have changed but you're deluding yourself. Things have moved - a tiny bit - towards progressive but they're still far from being there. But men are also on the covers of magazines as well ... But we don't fall into the insecurity trap that an advertiser can tap into. Actually, the number of male anorexics has been rising pretty swiftly. Not to mention pec and butt implants, waxing, etc. Oh yes, they are starting to get sucked in, too. The fashion industry just wasn't trying hard enough to get the men involved before. And what's wrong with sexual attraction? This is what pertuates the human race. The point is not whether or not sexual attraction is wrong but what makes someone attractive. In some countries, big women with lots of room (and spare fat) to nourish babies is attractive. In short, natural beauty. Here, it's all fake fako fakeroonie painted, airbrushed, and chopped up by physicians to meet a standard which a tiny amount of humans can attain without aid. Get the difference?
Jolene Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Why do you resent these women for wanting to look good? And what's wrong with sexual attraction? This is what pertuates the human race. Ummm...I just think there's a difference between sexy and slutty. There's a difference. Of course a guy is going to look at someone who is eliciting herself this way, and yes I do resent the free show especially if the girl is not that pretty, but really really slutty. From time to time, I will share with him when I see a girl who I think is beautiful or attractive. This way, he sees what I find sexy, which is not slutty. Why does it matter?.....because it kinda gets confusing and complicated (a little creepy even) when you think to yourself that you will have a child with this man, and there's a 50/50 chance it will be a little girl. It's just a bit creepy to think that a sleazy fifteen year old is a turn on.
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