Slowlydrifting Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 I met a guy online about 2 years ago. I had the best summer of my life with him. We were exclusive for 5 months. I fell for him hard. A little background is I am divorced with a few kids. Great relationship with my ex. This guy has an ex wife and a few kids as well in a different state. He is not really planted anywhere as his lifestyle takes him all over the place at anytime. My viewpoint with my future is I don't have any plans to commingle families with anyone. At all. I am able to keep my family life and my love life completely separate and I'd like to keep it that way to eliminate any issues that could arise. So back to this guy. I care about him more than I think I was ready for. He is handsome, kind and extremely adventurous. I am drawn to him like a moth to a flame. We get along amazingly well. Not once had a spat about anything. I have issues stemming from previous relationships where I automatically assume the worst when I don't get a decent amount of attention. Bad bad bad. I "broke up" with this amazing guy when we had to go long distance for 2 months and I honestly didn't know how to handle it. I messed up. Big time. In my favor for the last two years he did continue to reach out to me even though I never replied. I am a first class @$$hole. Yes, I know. I get it. For anyone who has had stars align and you just know something is "right", maybe you'll understand but I finally responded to him and we have been hanging out and in constant contact for the last month. He is coming into his "busy" season with work, which of course means more time apart. I don't want to mess this up again. I've been given a second chance and want to do the right thing this time instead of just disappearing. After I stopped talking to him I got really depressed and started gaining weight. Now from the moment I have been talking to him I have lost 19 lbs and it's all because I am happy. I am frightened beyond belief that I am going to fall into the same pattern and take the cowards way out when dealing with him being away. I dealt with being at the bottom of the totem pole my entire marriage hence the reason I am divorced and I almost have a ridiculous need to be put first. I know it's not realistic and I am working through these feelings because honestly it's not reality. I have responsibility myself that I can't put anyone else before either so I can't expect it in return. This really is just a talk session I guess, but anyone ever deal with something similar? It's like a second chance/LDR/ dating situation and have it work out? lol I figured here would be the best place to post it. I need to just chill out and let things go as they may.
preraph Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 You know you have to put yourself first and not let anyone override that. Yourself and your kids. It's up to you to filter these guys and if they show bad behavior, call them on it or get out of it. Just don't wait until it snowballs into some real big deal but call them on it as little things happen that cross your boundary. Good luck. 1
Author Slowlydrifting Posted August 8, 2017 Author Posted August 8, 2017 100% he isn't pushing any boundaries whatsoever. If anything it would be me, yet again. If anything I am just bummed out on what could have been the last two years of not for my stupidity. 1
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 I completely understand how you feel, honestly I have felt the same way with my current guy, and it all really stems back from my own issues I realize that, what helps me stay grounded is try to trust in our connection and what we have, and I try to really judge him by his actions, does he keep his word? Is he being consistent? Is he being responsible, towards you? Also you should try to communicate your fears to him, I know how hard it is for me to do, but when I do he honestly makes all those fears go away, and it feels much better if he knows your fears and can work harder on areas that he can easily put more effort into, you know? The fact that he didn't let you go even when you ghosted him for a while is a good judge that he is genuinely into you, and I expect a man who is a father who is going after a single mother also would try to be more serious in general, with little people involved eventually? (I also have two kids). Your post really has resonated with me though, I completely understand how you feel, I also get so anxious and all in my head but the good thing is just to let him know that you do, if he's a good man, he'll understand and he will try to reassure you so you don't ever need to wonder or worry, and if he doesn't you just try to reassure him that you will be patient with him and understanding that he will surely make mistakes, but so will you. Communication is key, I learned today, sometimes you think they heard you, but maybe they didn't! Make him your best friend, then he'll always look out for you, I tell my guy that I called dibs on him being my best friend forever! 1
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 100% he isn't pushing any boundaries whatsoever. If anything it would be me, yet again. If anything I am just bummed out on what could have been the last two years of not for my stupidity. Also wanted to add that you should be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, you are doing the best you can and if you're not, you're at least learning. We all come with baggage and our own issues, I'm sure he's got his own demons to fight too. You're fine! 1
Author Slowlydrifting Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 Also wanted to add that you should be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, you are doing the best you can and if you're not, you're at least learning. We all come with baggage and our own issues, I'm sure he's got his own demons to fight too. You're fine! It's funny because I'm answering your thread from experience and I appreciate the insight based on yours It's all a learning curve and so far so good over here. I hope the same for you!
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 It's funny because I'm answering your thread from experience and I appreciate the insight based on yours It's all a learning curve and so far so good over here. I hope the same for you! I really did feel like our personalities and stories were really alike and that's what pulled me to your thread cause I was interested and I wanted to help you like you helped me! I was going to send you a private message but wasn't even sure how to! Those guys of ours are lucky or what!?
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