katie949 Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 So I posted a question about the same guy a few weeks ago, but this is a different question. He and I met up once, after not seeing each other for about 3 years. We'd met once at university, spent one evening together just talking, and he tried to ask me out, but I had a boyfriend back then. We met for what I thought would just be careers advice (that's what I'd emailed him about), but he turned it into a date, asking me to meet him on Friday night for drinks and dinner. We spent the night together. Afterwards, he told me that'd he be in touch with me the coming week, and that we'd go for dinner.....We did meet that next week. He always replies to my messages when he sees them - he has a very hectic job and the schedule is very demanding, the hours are long and there's a lot of paper work. So, the thing is, when we parted, he told me that he'd be in touch with me, and he's always very flirty....But I think that I might have been quite cold with him the last time we met, because I had asked him to look at my CV and I only asked career related questions....This was because, I was wary of him, after we'd slept together. Maybe he sensed this, and he is wary of inviting me to dinner in the evening again....But the thing is, I do like him and I wish he'd ask me out again. Should I make it clear that I want to date, and I'm not just using him for careers advice? How direct should I be?
rightondude Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 tell him you want to sleep with him again and I think he'll get the picture.
act00 Posted August 9, 2017 Posted August 9, 2017 Why don't you extend an invitation? Ask if he'd like to meet up for drinks sometime this week, and you can even apologize for the excessive work talk last time and promise, "No shop talk." See where that goes. Were you wary of him because you think he just wanted to bed you and move on? Has his demeanor changed? No longer acting interested? But you think you caused it, so maybe he thinks you're using him. I don't know. At this point you really have nothing to lose. If you think it was you that created the situation, you make a move this time. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2017 Posted August 9, 2017 I met a cute guy at a networking function. He was actually in the market for my professional services. During our conversation I thought I was flirting my tail off. When I had to leave I handed him my business card & said that I'd be happy to help solve his problem but I'd be happier if he called me for non-professional reasons. He did call & set up a date. During that date he confessed that he never would have called me for a date if I hadn't said that because he thought I was "out of his league." (I hate that phrase / concept). Anyway, my point is men aren't mind readers. Sometime you have to proverbially hit them over the head with a 2x4. So yes, I think you need to make the next move. 3
Author katie949 Posted August 9, 2017 Author Posted August 9, 2017 Why don't you extend an invitation? Ask if he'd like to meet up for drinks sometime this week, and you can even apologize for the excessive work talk last time and promise, "No shop talk." See where that goes. Were you wary of him because you think he just wanted to bed you and move on? Has his demeanor changed? No longer acting interested? But you think you caused it, so maybe he thinks you're using him. I don't know. At this point you really have nothing to lose. If you think it was you that created the situation, you make a move this time. Yes, I was wary because I worried that he just wanted a quick lay, and then would lose interest....Yet the day after we slept together, he took me out for lunch and told me he'd be in touch with me, so we could go out the next week. It was at that juncture that I asked for work advice, and I'd emailed him for work advice too....So, yes, I think he thought I only wanted to use him for help with careers related things.
Author katie949 Posted August 9, 2017 Author Posted August 9, 2017 I met a cute guy at a networking function. He was actually in the market for my professional services. During our conversation I thought I was flirting my tail off. When I had to leave I handed him my business card & said that I'd be happy to help solve his problem but I'd be happier if he called me for non-professional reasons. He did call & set up a date. During that date he confessed that he never would have called me for a date if I hadn't said that because he thought I was "out of his league." (I hate that phrase / concept). Anyway, my point is men aren't mind readers. Sometime you have to proverbially hit them over the head with a 2x4. So yes, I think you need to make the next move. Haha, definitely - I did just message him, asking for a coffee/drink (with no work talk, I promised I wouldn't ask him to read a cover letter!). He replied with a venue and a time - he's got a free afternoon, since a court case he's working on has cleared (he's a lawyer).
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