Should I even try with this guy?

[swim808]

I met this guy at this volunteering thing I do twice every week. I would consider us “work friends” although he has been there longer than I have so is better friends with a lot of other people there than he is with me. Still, we get along pretty well and have had a handful of really fun and nice interactions. We have similar interests and the same sense of humor.

 

For a while I felt like I caught him looking at me from across the room and once he even said if I wasn’t going to be back at school (I go out of state) he would want to go to this state fair thing with me. So I thought maybe he was interested in me, but then this past week he kept walking past me and not stopping to talk at all even though he could have. Even just yesterday he stayed like two hours after his shift was over to talk to some of his other friends that volunteer with us, but when I took a break and went into the back, he stayed for like two more minutes then said he had to go and left before I could talk to him.

 

I’m kind of confused because we did talk for a bit at the beginning of my shift and he seemed completely normal, and every time get a chance to talk alone he seems into it. We laugh and joke around a lot. So I guess I’m just kind of wondering why he seems to enjoy talking to me but will never come say hey on his breaks like he does with his other friends? It’s almost like he seems interested when we’re alone, but if we’re in a public space at all where any of our coworkers could see, he seems like he’s avoiding me.

 

He did stop by for a brief chat yesterday, and told me there’s going to be this event for volunteers on Wednesday night. He didn’t specifically ask me if I’m gonna be there, but this is the third time he’s brought it up to me so I’m guessing he kind of hopes to see me there. We both finish a volunteer shift at 3:00 but the event doesn’t start until 8:00. He was telling me he doesn’t know what he’s going to do in between because he lives too far away to go home. I figure this is my chance. Should I ask him if he wants to hang out while we wait? Or should I just casually state that I don’t know what I’m gonna do either during that time and see if he suggests that we do something? I’m normally find with taking initiative and asking the guy out but I feel like if he was interested he would talk to me more and probably would’ve already asked me out. I don’t want to get rejected and embarrassed at this place because I’ll be back to volunteer more during my breaks from school.

 

And of course there’s also the fact that I’m leaving soon. Should I just forget about it completely? He just seems really cool and we have a lot in common. Of course I don't expect us to randomly start dating and do a LDR or anything while I'm at school but I do graduate in a year and will likely be moving back to the area then. It would be nice to have a friend or possible romantic interest. Should I try or is it not worth it?

[smackie9]

Save your self some trouble and don't bother....there are plenty of guys to date at uni.

[Versacehottie]

Life is short. Yes I would ask him to hang out in the in-between time of the volunteer shift and the evening event. Have an experience, fling or summer dating with this guy. You never know where things might lead and what future will hold. He seems a little timid and shy so if you really want to meet up I think don't be subtle, just ask. Lower your expectations of what will happen after that night and after the summer. Good luck

[d0nnivain]

Him mentioning the volunteer event is his way of lobbing a soft ball at you to see if you have any interest. If you show up, he thinks you might be interested. If you don't he'd probably stop asking.

 

 

By all means offer to spend time with him between the end of shift & the event for the volunteers. Even if you don't want to date him, give the poor guy a break & save him from boredom.

 

 

We're talking about a few hours here. It might be fun. It's not a lifetime commitment & if you don't want a BF back home while you are off at uni, keep things casual. Then you can see what happens when you are home on break or when you graduate.

[lurker74]

Sounds like he's really into you...I know, Smackie won't believe that, but he's doing the showing little interest thing so that you don't bolt and so that you will be into him (the whole, pretend you don't need her thing). There's a chance that he's really good at what he does (since you're here asking if you should ask him to hang out) but more likely he just doesn't realize what he's doing and is actually lacking in confidence.

 

So in this instance, if you are into him and want a little fun before you go away, ask what he's doing between the volunteering and the event and if you can tag along. If he says he has no plans, come up with something.

 

Lots of women here say it's a waste if the female is the pursuer but some of the nicest guys are shy. That doesn't mean he'll stay that way.

 

Of course, the other possibilities are that he doesn't want to get in trouble for fraternizing with volunteers or that he is not into you. But I bet my first guess is right.

[swim808]

So weirdly enough, I actually ran into him today while I was out shopping. I saw my opportunity, so I brought up the event on Wednesday again and asked him if he was still planning on going.

 

Here's kind of how the conversation went:

 

Me: Hey are you still planning on going to that event tomorrow night?

Him: Yeah!

Me: I'm debating. I wanna go but there's just a weird amount of time between when my shift is over and when it starts. I feel like if I go home I won't feel like driving back later.

Him: Well, you could always just stay around here. That's what I'm doing.

Me (beginning to get super obvious): Yeah I thought about it, I just don't know what I'm gonna do around here that whole time.

Him: Or you could just see if Ashley (my neighbor who I drive with sometimes) is going and she could always pick you up and bring you back so you don't even have to drive.

Me: Yeah, I don't know.

Him: I don't know, I'm probably gonna end up just staying here and talking to people for a while. Or maybe I'll go walk around the mall or something.

Me: Yeah, maybe I'll go to the store.

Him: Yeah.

Me: Well, if you end up finding something exciting to do, let me know.

 

Then he just kind of nodded and the topic got changed by my friend who I was at the store with who walked up at that moment. I'm kicking myself now for not just asking him to hang out.

 

I don't know. I feel like if he wanted to hang out, he would've suggested I tag along on whatever he did. I'm afraid of asking him and having him say yes just because he doesn't know what else to say, especially since I haven't left him much room to make an excuse since I know he's doing nothing. Then I'd feel like it's just a pity thing and I'd be super uncomfortable. I guess that's why I was trying to get him to invite me. Do you still think he might be interested and just nervous like me? He's pretty talkative so I wouldn't describe him as shy, but he also strikes me as the type of guy who is probably pretty oblivious when it comes to girls. Should I bring it up again tomorrow at the beginning/end of our shift together and just straight up ask him if he wants to hang out? Or should I assume that if he wants to he'll ask me?

[Sara1989]

Eurgh seriously dont bother. If you were not going see him again I say take the risk and ask him out but in your situation...nope. You made yourself super clear and he still did not want take the opening.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think you were being clear at all.

 

Clear would have been you saying, "If I stay do you want to go to the food court & hang out with me or go see a movie while we wait?"

 

You were beating around the bush. If this guy likes you but he's not Mister Suave, he really didn't know how to take what you were saying. He was trying but fumbled. Most young guys can't pull the smooth line out of thin air when the pressure is on. They are fallible humans, not screen writers for Rom-Coms.