Coup La-La Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 I have been dating a woman who doesn't speak a lot of English for almost a year now. She has told me "Te amo" which is the highest form of I love you in Spanish many times, but in recent months has been less forthcoming with affection. While talking last night she said "The truth is 'te quiero no te amo'". In Spanish "te quiero" still means I love you, but it's not as strong as "te amo". After that she went on a rant about how she feels like I pressure her to say "te amo" and how she doesn't love herself all the time, and how my opinion of her is probably higher that the opinion she has of herself. Should I continue to date her? Does this sound like a temporary bout of depression, or like I'm setting myself up for a loveless life? extra info: She was the first to say "te amo" I know for a fact that she's not seeing anyone else.
SammySammy Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 I hate being pressured to say "I love you". One of my FWBs does it all the time and I refuse to say it. She's relentless. Trying several different methods and techniques to get me to say it. I show her love in many ways, but she wants me to SAY IT and it's so irritating. Don't do that. Let it happen naturally. Secondly, it seems that she has low self-esteem. I'm thinking showing her that she's loved and appreciated will help her to raise her self-esteem more than mere words anyway. Love is something we do. People saying it can lie. But, showing love ... that's real to me. 1
Author Coup La-La Posted August 8, 2017 Author Posted August 8, 2017 Is this a LDR? Yes, she lives far away and we see each other about once a month
Author Coup La-La Posted August 8, 2017 Author Posted August 8, 2017 I hate being pressured to say "I love you". One of my FWBs does it all the time and I refuse to say it. She's relentless. Trying several different methods and techniques to get me to say it. I show her love in many ways, but she wants me to SAY IT and it's so irritating. Don't do that. Let it happen naturally. She's not my FWB though, she's my girlfriend. And I don't completely understand how I can be the one to apply pressure, when she is the one who said it first. Although, I have to admit in the year we have been together I never had an clue that she has self esteem problems. I've dated women with low self esteem before and she is completely different than all of them.
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 I think she is basically saying "I love you but I'm not in love with you"
SammySammy Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 She's not my FWB though, she's my girlfriend. And I don't completely understand how I can be the one to apply pressure, when she is the one who said it first. Although, I have to admit in the year we have been together I never had an clue that she has self esteem problems. I've dated women with low self esteem before and she is completely different than all of them. Girlfriend ... FWB ... that's irrelevant. The point is she feels pressured to say something she doesn't feel is appropriate at the time. Why? Are you pressuring her and, if so, wouldn't it be a good idea to back off? Actions speak louder than words to me. Either you love each other or you don't.
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 While talking last night she said "The truth is 'te quiero no te amo'". In Spanish "te quiero" still means I love you, but it's not as strong as "te amo". She told you what is the matter. The truth is she *likes you a lot* but is not *in love* with you. 1
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 Girlfriend ... FWB ... that's irrelevant. The point is she feels pressured to say something she doesn't feel is appropriate at the time. Why? Are you pressuring her and, if so, wouldn't it be a good idea to back off? Actions speak louder than words to me. Either you love each other or you don't. For someone that has never said *I love you* I would follow your advice BUT in this case here, she did tell him ILY at first but lately she stopped and with that has been less affectionate. The solution is to back off for sure but, her problem isn't one of having difficulties to express love, she did already at some point. I think her feelings have changed. You know those early ILY aren't worth much. 1
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