howtomove Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 well I'm under a new name but from York uk. in 2013 after I was in a 13 year relationship and had kids with the woman she left me for another guy. I then rebounded for about a year n a half then I met someone who liked me for who I was and I even wait around a year to sleep with her. we were together as in seeing each other for a year n a half and now she says she doesn't have feelings for me. it was a toxic relationship but I cant help feeling how I feel about her and now I have to start the no contact thing all again and getting over someone else again is difficult maybe more difficult then my long term relationship. need some advice on how to deal with the feelings and starting again 2
mousse Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 I'm sorry about what you're going through. It must be very difficult :/ I went through 3 very hard break ups (I was the dumpee each time) in my life during a short time period and I always managed to heal. Each time : - I went complete NC (block them from social media, stop talking to them altogether. Put the pictures and gifts in a box. When I'm ready, delete their phone numbers and block their email from my mailbox) - I analyzed the break up in details to understand why it had happened. Usually, after I understood 'why' and after enough time has passed, it helped me forgive the person and move on. - I faced the break up head on and didn't avoid the issues That's my method each time. It's very, very hard when a break up happens, but I find that if you really press on, you eventually get over it. Something else I've noticed is that you end up becoming a better version of you through the process. After each break up, I got a new job/school opportunity, and met a man who was better than the previous one. There are other things to do to heal, but I think that complete NC, analyzing the break up and facing things head on were the main things for me each time. Best of luck to you, Mousse 2
Author howtomove Posted August 8, 2017 Author Posted August 8, 2017 thanks for your kind words! to be honest there was no trust in the relationship in the end from both of us. but red flags came up which I noticed. at the beginning I trusted her full heartedly and we always were on and off but I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and I felt like I committed but didn't think she did fully. over the last two days ive phoned her and told her I loved her and she says there is nothing there now so now its no contact. its the feelings again of wanting her that I cant get rid of and also it was only a few weeks back that she told me she loved me and it was her begging me. like I say it was a toxic relationship and I know its better off over but I cant stop thinking of her. this break up business gets harder I feel the older we get. well its NC now and having to learn to be on my own again as I have her there to relied on for so much.
Maldives Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 I know how u feel it's been almost a yr from my recent breakup we were together 6 yrs and they always become more challenging this is my 5th heartbreak and just wen I thought it couldn't get worse it does. We work together and a few mths ago I had to watch her and a work colleague getting together thankfully he left and went overseas. I'm taking a break a long one from being in relationships it sux because I yearn companionship but lost a hell of a lot of trust in them. Healing just takes time as u know for me it normally takes 3 yrs if it was done I truly loved but everyone's different. I recently started therapy and I've realised I've got a long way to go only scratching the surface. So much baggage from the passed been cheated on etc etc. I saw her last night walking on her own exercising and I felt sorry for her not a good sign is it. I still feel sorry and care for someone who hurt me really bad. I understand how our relationship unravelled and to be honest if wanted to leave a no. Of times like u she chased and chased and said I was her soulmate all these words never leave u. Should of seen them as red flags possibly? One thing i grasp at is that how can someone who loved u just switch off and lose feelings and leave . Me even if I'm not happy if I really love someone I stay and try and work it out. That part in baffled at I've had my therapist explain it to me how they slowly lose feelings yes I have as well but I hang in there maybe at my own expense i guess. Anyway unfortunately there's no other solution accept time but I would recommend therapy and find a good one because it's also all about u process this breakup that counts unravelling the damage it done. Whilst I've healed in the passed I still had baggage like trust issues I was carrying wth me which sabotaged the new relationship. Make sure you take care of the residue baggage
Author howtomove Posted August 9, 2017 Author Posted August 9, 2017 sorry for the late reply my head has been a shed so to say. its weird but I am worried what other people are thinking as well oh he must be bad etc which I aint. but also I feel let down and embarrassed that I let it go on for so long and I should of kicked her into touch ages ago. now I have feelings and yeah all messed up now.
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