guest569 Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 I finally deleted all the emails we had exchanged, hundreds of them. I used to get bored and sad and dwell on them from time to time. Not very often. I also discarded and shredded contents from a box of stuff including a Valentine's card and other gifts he had given me. I was strong and had deleted our texts almost instantly after I broke it off. But the rest just lingered. Reading through the emails one last time today.. it was amazing how happy and positive and in love we started out. In the end, none of it matters. I can't even look back on any of it as happy, distant memories because there is still a truckload of pain and anger and his behaviour after that beautiful time was so hurtful. It was satisfying deleting all of those emails, as though clearing some baggage. Although I seldom read them, they were just there in the background and refreshing my painful memories every so often. When I got home today I opened the box, ripped up everything and chucked it all in the bin. All I have left now are some digital photos which I can't really be bothered dealing with at the moment. I never look at them anyway. But I might delete them too eventually. I hope I am making progress. It has been a very tough and long process for me. I've been on a few types of anti-depressants, seen several psychologists, searched desperately for answers and support. I am still a complete and utter wreck and feel so sad most of the time. I feel as though the fact that I finally deleted the emails and threw out the gifts means that I value the relationship a lot less than I used to. I no longer treasure him, the relationship, the once beautiful memories. I am ready to let go of all that. And I did so with ease. Maybe this physical purging of the memories will help, as I have tried so hard to process my thoughts and emotions and get through it without much success. I'm really clutching at straws at this point and still feel a bit hopeless. I still love and miss him but I know it was the right thing to end it. I would have still been going through a lot of pain if I had stayed. He would never have changed. The kind, positive, caring man that I first met was gone forever and our relationship could not go back from that toxic, drama filled hell.
Maldives Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 It's been a yr for me too yes it's normal to still feel. I have good and bad days. Worse we work together which makes it even more difficult to heal. I deleted all her photos off fb over th3 last 6 mths slowly all gone now weirdly she still has a few of mine which confuses me on her fb. Everyone's different but I know it takes me a good 2 to 3 yrs to be I'll say healed u never forget 3m but to be indifferent at least 1
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