No sense of finality, No chance to grieve.

[Benji1991]

Hi guys, Me and my ex gf have been going through a cycle of breaking up then breaking NC after 1-2 weeks for a while now. because we both struggle to let go.

 

its gotten to the point where when we say "ok its over now" it means nothing...and so theres no grief or finality to it...which is a problem because how am I supposed to heal?

 

what do you guys reccomend I do in order to feel like its over once and for all?

[PegNosePete]

I recommend you just DON'T break NC.

 

There is only one person who can break this cycle and it is YOU.

[basil67]

I agree with Pete. YOU need to make it final for yourself. When you are decisive, the rest will follow.

[Benji1991]

I see what your saying, but there is no grief now, the sobbing like a baby which usually accompanies the "break up talk" isnt there.

 

So I feel like texting her one more time to say "ok its really over now, goodbye"

[PegNosePete]

Yeah, but if you text her then you're secretly hoping she'll reply "No! Don't say that! Let's give it one more try"

 

The best sign that it truly is over, is to NOT text her. Ever.

[basil67]

I see what your saying, but there is no grief now, the sobbing like a baby which usually accompanies the "break up talk" isnt there.

 

So I feel like texting her one more time to say "ok its really over now, goodbye"

 

I didn't cry at all when I left my ex-h.....not all relationships end with feelings of grief, despair or sadness. Sometimes breakups give a feeling of relief. Or sometimes they give not much feeling at all if there's nothing left to say.

 

I'm guessing that the latter is what you're experiencing. It's totally normal - now you just have to stop thinking about it and move on.

[mrs rubble]

I didn't cry at all when I left my ex-h.....not all relationships end with feelings of grief, despair or sadness. Sometimes breakups give a feeling of relief. Or sometimes they give not much feeling at all if there's nothing left to say.

 

I'm guessing that the latter is what you're experiencing. It's totally normal - now you just have to stop thinking about it and move on.

 

I didn't grieve until about 3 months after I split up with my ex-husband. I was relieved and felt free in the beginning. It took 3 months for the reality of having to deal with splitting assets and childcare that hit me, and that I was alone and may stay alone for sometime. It wasn't about missing him though!!

[MarvelFan1]

I didn't grieve until about 3 months after I split up with my ex-husband. I was relieved and felt free in the beginning. It took 3 months for the reality of having to deal with splitting assets and childcare that hit me, and that I was alone and may stay alone for sometime. It wasn't about missing him though!!

When I split with my Ex, I was happy and euphoric, and three weeks later, reality set in and the hard part began, the loneliness, crying and upset.

 

NC really is the only way to go, Benji. Any message, no matter how you justify it, is you just looking for a response, too soothe your lonely pangs, I know, I've been there. You have to just stay NC and ride the rivers of emotions, otherwise you'll never break this cycle.