Lobouspo Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 So I've made two prior threads about this woman I've been seeing. We are scheduled for our 4th date this week. Met on dating site less than a month ago. I really like her. Shes smart, attractive, has good morals, good job, no baggage. The qualities in a woman that have always seemed to elude me over the years. We go out once a week (she works 12 hour weekend shifts. I work standard weekday shifts, so our schedules don't really mesh). As noted in a prior thread, she is still active on dating site. From a physical standpoint, we've taken it slow. Held hands last week at movie and that's it. I have no problem taking things slowly. I've gotten physical too soon in past relationships and it really clouded my judgement. My question is at what point is it reasonable to bring up where is this thing between us going? I don't wanna scare her off, but I don't want to continue to invest emotionally just to get burned. I'm trying to pull back a little. When I saw she was still active on dating site, I joined Match, and I'm already chatting up a couple of other attractive women and have tentative plans to meet. The thing is, I just don't want to multi-date, but I feel I have to at least try, because if I put all my eggs in one basket with this one woman I like, I'll just get hurt even more if things fade out with her. What should I do? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.
SammySammy Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 She hasn't committed. Hasn't chosen you. Realistically, you have no eggs in your basket. So, you have no choice but to search for other eggs. 2
Miss Spider Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 I think the exclusivity discussion is more about where you guys are at than an actual timeframe. You usually know when it's time ... and when you have to ask it's usually not time... If she's still regularly on the site she's still looking/not sold on you IMO.
Author Lobouspo Posted August 8, 2017 Author Posted August 8, 2017 She hasn't committed. Hasn't chosen you. Realistically, you have no eggs in your basket. So, you have no choice but to search for other eggs. But it's not like she's ghosting me. She told me shes looking forward to seeing me Wednesday. The last week or so we've talked for nearly at least an hour if not more every day. I just don't know if I should keep going, try to dial it up, or pull back a notch
basil67 Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 I wouldn't have any discussion before you find out if there's chemistry between you. At the very least, you will want to have had passionate kissing which leaves you wanting more. 2
SammySammy Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 But it's not like she's ghosting me. She told me shes looking forward to seeing me Wednesday. The last week or so we've talked for nearly at least an hour if not more every day. I just don't know if I should keep going, try to dial it up, or pull back a notch That means nothing. She still hasn't chosen you. It's like a game of tag. Until she tags you and makes you IT, you're not IT. You're still in the dating game. You still have to run around. She could be in the vicinity, thinking about it, might see you Wednesday ... doesn't matter. Until she tags you, makes you IT, and takes you out of the dating game, then you're still in the game. 3
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 What are YOUR expectations? You work week daily shift and decide to date a woman working around the clock on weekends, why do you think this might be viable? What do you expect this to lead to? Before having any type of discussion about *what is this* you need to have a resemblance of relationship. You need to escalate this to 2 dates a week and then 3. If it's impossible because of your schedule than why waste your time? I would not want a man that I see ONCE a week to talk to me about *where is this going*. It's obvious, it's not going anywhere. 3
Author Lobouspo Posted August 8, 2017 Author Posted August 8, 2017 What are YOUR expectations? You work week daily shift and decide to date a woman working around the clock on weekends, why do you think this might be viable? What do you expect this to lead to? Before having any type of discussion about *what is this* you need to have a resemblance of relationship. You need to escalate this to 2 dates a week and then 3. If it's impossible because of your schedule than why waste your time? I would not want a man that I see ONCE a week to talk to me about *where is this going*. It's obvious, it's not going anywhere. My expectations are that I would like for this to develop into something serious eventually. I guess the bottom line is we have been talking for almost a month and been on 3 dates. We've been talking alot on the phone, but realistically you don't know someone that well after such a short period of time. The conflicting schedules don't bother me. People that like one another make time to see each other. I guess my question is at what point do you expect to say, hey let's dial this up and see where it goes? I mean 3 dates is too soon to expect someone to get off a dating site correct?
Miss Spider Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 (edited) Everyone's different so no one can say if it's too soon or not. I mean some guys have asked after a 1st date. But you admittedly don't know her well, are dating at snails pace, are not anywhere near the "relationship" territory. You should focus on growing closer so she wants to stop looking ,,, Edited August 8, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2
kendahke Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 So I've made two prior threads about this woman I've been seeing. We are scheduled for our 4th date this week. Met on dating site less than a month ago. I really like her. Shes smart, attractive, has good morals, good job, no baggage. The qualities in a woman that have always seemed to elude me over the years. We go out once a week (she works 12 hour weekend shifts. I work standard weekday shifts, so our schedules don't really mesh). As noted in a prior thread, she is still active on dating site. From a physical standpoint, we've taken it slow. Held hands last week at movie and that's it. I have no problem taking things slowly. I've gotten physical too soon in past relationships and it really clouded my judgement. My question is at what point is it reasonable to bring up where is this thing between us going? I don't wanna scare her off, but I don't want to continue to invest emotionally just to get burned. I'm trying to pull back a little. When I saw she was still active on dating site, I joined Match, and I'm already chatting up a couple of other attractive women and have tentative plans to meet. The thing is, I just don't want to multi-date, but I feel I have to at least try, because if I put all my eggs in one basket with this one woman I like, I'll just get hurt even more if things fade out with her. What should I do? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. Hold your nose and multi-date. How much in-person time have you two spent with one another so far? Saying you've got a 4th date after a month doesn't mean much when you two have schedules that conflict, so the time you've actually spent in each other' presence (and not through texting or on the phone because that's having a relationship in your head) determines what kinds of expectations you two can have with one another. She certainly doesn't view you seriously enough to suspend her account, so take that into consideration as you hold your nose. 3
Coup La-La Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 After 4 dates, have you at least kissed her with your mouth open?
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 My expectations are that I would like for this to develop into something serious eventually. I guess the bottom line is we have been talking for almost a month and been on 3 dates. We've been talking alot on the phone, but realistically you don't know someone that well after such a short period of time. The conflicting schedules don't bother me. People that like one another make time to see each other. I guess my question is at what point do you expect to say, hey let's dial this up and see where it goes? I mean 3 dates is too soon to expect someone to get off a dating site correct? All the talking doesn't count. What count is your face to face time and you know that because you recognize you don't know her that well. Your conflicting schedule may not bother you BUT it does not allow you to properly get to know her, right? Again, you need to escalate this to 2 dates a week. I have had the exclusivity talk around 4 or 5 dates. I have never dated a man only once week. It's not enough for me to develop an interest toward him. 2
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 She certainly doesn't view you seriously enough to suspend her account, so take that into consideration as you hold your nose. She might not remove her profile until he does first or ask for exclusivity. It's usually the position of most women online.
Author Lobouspo Posted August 8, 2017 Author Posted August 8, 2017 Hold your nose and multi-date. How much in-person time have you two spent with one another so far? Saying you've got a 4th date after a month doesn't mean much when you two have schedules that conflict, so the time you've actually spent in each other' presence (and not through texting or on the phone because that's having a relationship in your head) determines what kinds of expectations you two can have with one another. She certainly doesn't view you seriously enough to suspend her account, so take that into consideration as you hold your nose. The most time we've spent is about 6 hours when we went to an amusement park last week. I understand we need to spend more time than one day a week for this thing to be something more. This stuff usually progresses naturally in prior relationships ive had. I mean she's still on dating site but we talk everyday, so she's interested to some degree. Do I just tell her I want to see her more often? Tell her I want something serious eventually? Do I just need to be more patient and go with the flow? I definitely don't want to be too needy or smothering
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 The most time we've spent is about 6 hours when we went to an amusement park last week. I understand we need to spend more time than one day a week for this thing to be something more. This stuff usually progresses naturally in prior relationships ive had. I mean she's still on dating site but we talk everyday, so she's interested to some degree. Do I just tell her I want to see her more often? Tell her I want something serious eventually? Do I just need to be more patient and go with the flow? I definitely don't want to be too needy or smothering Invite her out on more dates and things will progress THAT WAY. You don't progress a relationship over texting.
kendahke Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 The most time we've spent is about 6 hours when we went to an amusement park last week. I understand we need to spend more time than one day a week for this thing to be something more. This stuff usually progresses naturally in prior relationships ive had. I mean she's still on dating site but we talk everyday, so she's interested to some degree. Do I just tell her I want to see her more often? Tell her I want something serious eventually? Do I just need to be more patient and go with the flow? I definitely don't want to be too needy or smothering I think that depends upon how badly you want/need this relationship with this woman. Once 6 months goes by, is her work schedule going to be OK with you? Are you going to be good with seeing her in a limited fashion because neither of you can manage the time to do more? You have to figure out if you're ok with the amount you're seeing one another now, or lack thereof, because this is the time when you're both on your "good behavior". Once "your representatives" have been dismissed and the "real you" comes to the fore, along with all the idiosyncrasies, quirks and moods that comes with each person, is the infrequency of time spent together going to enough for you to be satisfied in this relationship? That's the question you need to answer. IMO, I'd tell her what your intentions are--what you're aiming for with a romantic partner and see if she's of the same mind. She may be willing to try to get her schedule adjusted or you may be willing to adjust yours to make this work better. If you need to see her more often for you to feel satisfied in a relationship, then you need to tell her because she wont' be able to read your mind on this. She may be going along with the idea that you're fine with how things are, never knowing that you want more of her time. Of course, her wanting more time with you includes closing that dating profile.. outside of doing that, she's still chumming the waters.
rightondude Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 My question is at what point is it reasonable to bring up where is this thing between us going? I don't believe that time is now. It hasn't gone anywhere yet until you grab her azz, pull her close, and kiss her deeply. In my opinion.
fred123 Posted August 8, 2017 Posted August 8, 2017 Maybe ask her " hey am i allowed to see you more than once a week?" Thats what i did
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