evilkoala Posted August 7, 2017 Posted August 7, 2017 Hi. I'm new to the forum. My girlfriend and I are going out since May so it's only been like 2 and a half months since we started dating. But here is a problem. I'm not a US citizen and my passport was expiring so I had to visit my home country to get a new passport and a new visa only after 4 weeks into our relationship. We still talked every day on the phone and we tried to make this long distance thing work. However, recently I started to feel something unusual and I felt as if she is not really feeling the same feeling as I do. Now that I will be back and see her in 3 days, I started to get worried and I asked her what she is feeling. She says she is unsure and doesn't know what to expect when I go back. I told her that I want to make it work but her feedback was still very vague. As a woman, it is really hard to find another woman who is genuine and I don't want to lose her. I guess I will find out soon enough but I'm really worried what do you guys think?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 7, 2017 Posted August 7, 2017 Hi. I'm new to the forum. My girlfriend and I are going out since May so it's only been like 2 and a half months since we started dating. But here is a problem. I'm not a US citizen and my passport was expiring so I had to visit my home country to get a new passport and a new visa only after 4 weeks into our relationship. We still talked every day on the phone and we tried to make this long distance thing work. However, recently I started to feel something unusual and I felt as if she is not really feeling the same feeling as I do. Now that I will be back and see her in 3 days, I started to get worried and I asked her what she is feeling. She says she is unsure and doesn't know what to expect when I go back. I told her that I want to make it work but her feedback was still very vague. As a woman, it is really hard to find another woman who is genuine and I don't want to lose her. I guess I will find out soon enough but I'm really worried what do you guys think? Are you from Australia? Anyway, she is probably realizing how complicated it will be to date someone from another country and reconsidering the people she could date locally.
Author evilkoala Posted August 7, 2017 Author Posted August 7, 2017 Are you from Australia? Anyway, she is probably realizing how complicated it will be to date someone from another country and reconsidering the people she could date locally. I am! But this was a temporary event and I'm going back in a couple of days and will stay in the US for a longer time... I may be just paranoid about something that will just turn out to be fine but I'm just really worried that I might lose her. She seems unsure of what to expect when I come back but never said anything like she wants to end the relationship. Or am I just too hopeful?
Steve51 Posted August 7, 2017 Posted August 7, 2017 My wife is bisexual and had a steady girlfriend for most of our 40 year marriage. She even lived with us full time for 7 years and then off and on after she married. In our time bisexuality was not recognized by even the Lesbian/gay community. My wife was labeled as a lesbian by all despite her being married to me. They said she was in the closet Due to that she did not know that her best friend since childhood and the person of her sexual attraction, was also bi. Both were afraid of telling the other because at the time being non hetero had very dire consequences. My wife had a few girls join us for threesomes and we ran into a lot of them who were sexually confused. My wife is not attracted to genders, just the person. That person could be male or female. There are a lot of girls like that. My ex fiancee cheated on me looking for for more out of sex than she got. She only found that after many boyfriends, one who impregnated her, and a husband she was married to for 20 years. She is now married to a woman and considers herself to be a lesbian. I can certainly understand your new girlfriend's confusion. I have seen it for myself. I slept with to males when I was exploring my sexuality but after I was with my first woman, never thought of a guy again.
Author evilkoala Posted August 7, 2017 Author Posted August 7, 2017 My wife is bisexual and had a steady girlfriend for most of our 40 year marriage. She even lived with us full time for 7 years and then off and on after she married. In our time bisexuality was not recognized by even the Lesbian/gay community. My wife was labeled as a lesbian by all despite her being married to me. They said she was in the closet Due to that she did not know that her best friend since childhood and the person of her sexual attraction, was also bi. Both were afraid of telling the other because at the time being non hetero had very dire consequences. My wife had a few girls join us for threesomes and we ran into a lot of them who were sexually confused. My wife is not attracted to genders, just the person. That person could be male or female. There are a lot of girls like that. My ex fiancee cheated on me looking for for more out of sex than she got. She only found that after many boyfriends, one who impregnated her, and a husband she was married to for 20 years. She is now married to a woman and considers herself to be a lesbian. I can certainly understand your new girlfriend's confusion. I have seen it for myself. I slept with to males when I was exploring my sexuality but after I was with my first woman, never thought of a guy again. Sorry. I don't think I understand what you are trying to say. If you are trying to tell me that she may now is into a guy, I doubt it.
Sara1989 Posted August 7, 2017 Posted August 7, 2017 My wife is bisexual and had a steady girlfriend for most of our 40 year marriage. She even lived with us full time for 7 years and then off and on after she married. In our time bisexuality was not recognized by even the Lesbian/gay community. My wife was labeled as a lesbian by all despite her being married to me. They said she was in the closet Due to that she did not know that her best friend since childhood and the person of her sexual attraction, was also bi. Both were afraid of telling the other because at the time being non hetero had very dire consequences. My wife had a few girls join us for threesomes and we ran into a lot of them who were sexually confused. My wife is not attracted to genders, just the person. That person could be male or female. There are a lot of girls like that. My ex fiancee cheated on me looking for for more out of sex than she got. She only found that after many boyfriends, one who impregnated her, and a husband she was married to for 20 years. She is now married to a woman and considers herself to be a lesbian. I can certainly understand your new girlfriend's confusion. I have seen it for myself. I slept with to males when I was exploring my sexuality but after I was with my first woman, never thought of a guy again. This has nothing to do with helping the OP. OP, i think all you can do is go back...go on dates and hopefully start up things again. Pretty obvs shes only having doubts because of the distance.
Miss Spider Posted August 7, 2017 Posted August 7, 2017 (edited) Hate to say it, but it's really easy to mask lack of interest long distance... don't have to see each other often, phone calls and text can be fun on the side which is the only maintenance they sometimes need. SSo if one party loses interest the rship due to the distance, which can often happen, especially since your rship was so young when you parted, it can be hard to tell... If you feel like she has doubts about continuing the relationship upon your return, it be best to keep pressure on off of her and start basically anew. Mirror her investment. Pressure is the worst thing you can do when someone is unsure Edited August 7, 2017 by Cookiesandough 4
Bastile Posted August 7, 2017 Posted August 7, 2017 I think everyone needs to stop being mean to Steve, for a start! Regarding "LDR's/long-game" whatever. If you are about to reconnect in 3 days, things should be reaching a crescendo in terms of excitement, tension, etc. Instead, what you have from her is "meh". Don't address it directly. I know you sort of already have, but don't do it again. Wait until you get there, and get her out instead.
Author evilkoala Posted August 7, 2017 Author Posted August 7, 2017 Hate to say it, but it's really easy to mask lack of interest long distance... don't have to see each other often, phone calls and text can be fun on the side which is the only maintenance they sometimes need. SSo if one party loses interest the rship due to the distance, which can often happen, especially since your rship was so young when you parted, it can be hard to tell... If you feel like she has doubts about continuing the relationship upon your return, it be best to keep pressure on off of her and start basically anew. Mirror her investment. Pressure is the worst thing you can do when someone is unsure Thanks for the advice! I agree that I shouldn't give her any more pressure. As others said, I will probably start as if I just met her and start things slow. 1
Author evilkoala Posted August 7, 2017 Author Posted August 7, 2017 I think everyone needs to stop being mean to Steve, for a start! Regarding "LDR's/long-game" whatever. If you are about to reconnect in 3 days, things should be reaching a crescendo in terms of excitement, tension, etc. Instead, what you have from her is "meh". Don't address it directly. I know you sort of already have, but don't do it again. Wait until you get there, and get her out instead. Thank you. I guess I should keep it simple and act as if nothing happened until I get there and start working things out once I see her again right?
Bastile Posted August 7, 2017 Posted August 7, 2017 (edited) Thank you. I guess I should keep it simple and act as if nothing happened until I get there and start working things out once I see her again right? I'm just going off of being in the same situation a couple of times (living around London, going out with migrants, it's something you have to adapt to). I would expect a certain escalation in the conversation up at that point. If you get weird behaviour from her, avoid any serious, leaden, dull relationship discussion like the plague. It's a turn-off, and I wouldn't be interested in it. She'll even turn herself off with that crap. Don't get dragged into nonsense. Wouldn't be looking to work anything out. I'd be looking to get her out and have my way with her. Things work themselves out. So I agree. I think keeping it simple is best. Edited August 7, 2017 by Bastile
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